@doesntmatter1911 It's interesting how you say I look better than before... on vid you're actually right. In person, though, my face doesn't look quite as "full" as it does here, and I am usually pale and tired-looking. So in real life I don't look as good as I used to.
oh man...i'm going through a rough fucking time with depression too...it's just not even fair. i feel for you. psych hospitals are awful. it's been long time since i had to be 5150'd but I had to drink charcoal and it was hideous. I can relate so much to you, especially being the same age and in similar situations ed-wise...you can message me whenever to commiserate <3it'll get better <3
Ok Your first video wouldn't post more and I can't put an internet address here and the poem is too long to post so if you are interested you can find it on facebook. Look for steve joseph or email me at jackaskhim21@aim.com. sigh.
...together to form one whole where you can see yourself an actually realise what's going on. It's one of the crazier aspects of the ED. And it's one of the harder ones to overcome. Anyways, er. I don't do Youtube comments very well and I apologise. Again, I love you<3
Hospital visits=never fun. And oh GOD those damned tubes...just no (I really hope this was in this video...I'm getting the videos all mashed in one.) Anyways, yeah. We discussed the tubes and how horrible and annoying they are. And it's interesting what you were told about the spike in blood sugar in relation to starvation.
Also, yes. The sort of separation between the part of you that sees YOU and then the part of you that sees the changes and clothing size drops...and how they don't come 1/2
For me it got to a point where I was just so sick of the sickness and preoccupation with food and size and so on that it was an all or nothing shot the depression sucks I know... and you think that letting go of your control is going to make you more depressed or anxious so you won't take that step... and quite frankly it will but for a very brief period of time because you will come to find that you have a different type of control one that empowers you to live instead of die... good luck :)
@Chesneywormbot The thing is, I'm more sick of being pseudo-well, but suffering on the inside, than I am about just pursuing my ED, wherever it takes me. The ED gets tiresome at times, but once I remember the necessity of doing it, or if I break any of ED's "rules", I realize afresh how much more this all means for me than just losing weight, and I know I must continue on the path I'm on right now.
This is probably going to seem like an oversimplification of a larger issue but know that I have been in your place and I have found that trying to live a normal lifestyle is huge because it acts as a distraction and prohibits the negative behaviors and thoughts. It is getting over the antisocial hump the disease causes... getting back into work and doing things with friends and finding a partner who cares about you enough to make you care for yourself is a huge leap into recovery...
I wonder with your not feeling smaller if it's "actual" weight vs water weight. This happens to be sometimes. Anyway, good to see an update!
guitarlovenjc 1 year ago
@doesntmatter1911 It's interesting how you say I look better than before... on vid you're actually right. In person, though, my face doesn't look quite as "full" as it does here, and I am usually pale and tired-looking. So in real life I don't look as good as I used to.
shrinerspark 1 year ago
oh man...i'm going through a rough fucking time with depression too...it's just not even fair. i feel for you. psych hospitals are awful. it's been long time since i had to be 5150'd but I had to drink charcoal and it was hideous. I can relate so much to you, especially being the same age and in similar situations ed-wise...you can message me whenever to commiserate <3it'll get better <3
jenneyefer86 1 year ago
@Neesha86 No, my nose didn't bleed.
They tried to make me drink it once in 2006, but I didn't drink it... I just pretended to.
shrinerspark 1 year ago
Ok Your first video wouldn't post more and I can't put an internet address here and the poem is too long to post so if you are interested you can find it on facebook. Look for steve joseph or email me at jackaskhim21@aim.com. sigh.
jackaskhim21 1 year ago
...together to form one whole where you can see yourself an actually realise what's going on. It's one of the crazier aspects of the ED. And it's one of the harder ones to overcome. Anyways, er. I don't do Youtube comments very well and I apologise. Again, I love you<3
aeternamx 1 year ago
Hospital visits=never fun. And oh GOD those damned tubes...just no (I really hope this was in this video...I'm getting the videos all mashed in one.) Anyways, yeah. We discussed the tubes and how horrible and annoying they are. And it's interesting what you were told about the spike in blood sugar in relation to starvation.
Also, yes. The sort of separation between the part of you that sees YOU and then the part of you that sees the changes and clothing size drops...and how they don't come 1/2
aeternamx 1 year ago
For me it got to a point where I was just so sick of the sickness and preoccupation with food and size and so on that it was an all or nothing shot the depression sucks I know... and you think that letting go of your control is going to make you more depressed or anxious so you won't take that step... and quite frankly it will but for a very brief period of time because you will come to find that you have a different type of control one that empowers you to live instead of die... good luck :)
Chesneywormbot 1 year ago
@Chesneywormbot The thing is, I'm more sick of being pseudo-well, but suffering on the inside, than I am about just pursuing my ED, wherever it takes me. The ED gets tiresome at times, but once I remember the necessity of doing it, or if I break any of ED's "rules", I realize afresh how much more this all means for me than just losing weight, and I know I must continue on the path I'm on right now.
shrinerspark 1 year ago
This is probably going to seem like an oversimplification of a larger issue but know that I have been in your place and I have found that trying to live a normal lifestyle is huge because it acts as a distraction and prohibits the negative behaviors and thoughts. It is getting over the antisocial hump the disease causes... getting back into work and doing things with friends and finding a partner who cares about you enough to make you care for yourself is a huge leap into recovery...
Chesneywormbot 1 year ago