The Chronicles of Chris-chan: An Ode to Julie

[TheSanguineOne]

Chris Chan stresses the amount of time, money, and gas needed to drive across his state. Look, Chris Chan, I've driven across Virginia, and it took me 4.5 hours and 1/2 tank of gas. You can do it, Mr. Chan! :D

[JET2295]

Is he shitting his pants around 8:00?

[NyxFTW]

What, drawn, and talk of peace! I hate the word,

As I hate hell, all Chandlers, and thee:

Have at thee, coward!

[epiclulz66]

Also "I can't say I'd die without you" Kind of undoing your Romeo and Juliette comparison Chris :/

[epiclulz66]

Christiano and Juliet? Is Chris saying he want to kill both of them?

Also Wherefore means why, not where.

[joethetimelord]

Holy shit, was that a fart?

[Cornwiggle]

I love the "Your eyes remind me of junk food" line.

You know that's why he likes her, deep down.

[TheDazro]

@Cornwiggle For a second I thought you meant he wants to fucking eat her lol.

[weds9994]

lol shat himself

[weds9994]

LOL MOLVANlA

[MikeTysonisaspider]

JJJUUUULLLYYYYYYYY

JULLLLLAYYYYYYY

JULLLLLAY

[Kamikitsune0]

.... "Where for art thou Juliette" in Shakespeare talk means "Why are you a Juliette?"  In Romeo and Juliette it was meant to mean "Why are you a Montague" or "Why are you a member of our enemies"... Chris is an idiot.

[AgentStark427]

@Kamikitsune0 only if its wherefor not where for. Its the combination of the words that make it why.

[Kamikitsune0]

@AgentStark427 yes, I agree...but we both know that Chris was directly referring to Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliette scene wherein it is Wherefor and trying to be suave. Sorry if the 'spelling as it sounds' through you off.

[AgentStark427]

@Kamikitsune0 Its alright. Im just a grammar nazi. HEIL TEACHER!!!

[SatAMJunkie]

@Kamikitsune0 No. Deep inside Chris knew Julie was a trolling 13 year old.

[smile221]

The fact that he makes a big deal about "willing to spend the gas and food money and driving a less-than-a-day-trip" shows how little he values her and how impressive he thinks such a simple task should be. What a fucking compliment.

[DrDeso1]

@smile221 you do realize that julie is a lie and he is homicidal, right?

[RyanDemaree]

damn...why does he upload this shit?

Hes gotta know hes makin a fool of himself

hes autistic not retarded..

[ZeroCutProductions]

This guy inspired me to get a girlfriend. I did.

[telathys]

"In the bushes from the distance"

He left out "with my binoculars watching you undress".

[trollope4lyf2k8]

he's thirty this year, FUCK

[BlueFalcon86]

Chris Chan saved my relationship. When my girlfriend threatened to leave me I politely stated that single women are exactly what Chris goes for. She wanted to know who he was, so I showed her this video.

She has since cooked my every meal and makes love to me daily thanking me for showing her the error of her ways.

[RandomCommenterful]

@BlueFalcon86 She didn't have anything to worry about. Chris is too lazy to go anywhere. The farthest he's gone was from virginia to Ohio.

[SomeBlokeLol]

I had the best reaction when he shat himself at 8:00. 'O FACE' accompanied with "AHHHHHH HAAAAAAA"

[SomeBlokeLol]

This is both fake and creepy. He believes that his "ex girlfriend" has died or some shit and he then goes on to this. Such a fake. Such a bad person. Autism be damned, he'd at least have some moral fiber and human decency to understand how strange this seems

[Micki779]

"We have a good number of things in common Julie"

Like a penis.

[TigerPimp666]

PROTIP:

"JULLLAAAY" is an ancient meme. Only faggots comment on Chris related videos with any variant of "JULLAAAAAAAY". Even bigger faggots are people who think it's funny to PM and/or e-mail Chris with "JULLLAAAAAAAAAY." The biggest faggots are those who think it's funny to call Chris's house and scream "JULAAAAAAAAAAAAAY".

[RandomCommenterful]

@TigerPimp666 Copy and pasted from the CWCiki, I see.

[BD1899]

Not going to lie. If Romeo was an autistic 30 year old manchild who was both homophobic and racist, I'd probably would have paid more attention to the play in school.

[FullMetalSatomi]

So...did Julie really exist? Or does she exist, but just like...she felt bad for him, and didn't want to be mean to him, and just he DECIDED that she was going to be his girlfriend?

[tmanuel44]

@FullMetalSatomi Julie is (was) a prepubescent 13 year old boy who Chris believed was an attractive 19 year old female. The things gullible ole Chris did for/to him/her are mind blowing.

[FullMetalSatomi]

@tmanuel44 LOL WOW. Thanks for clearing that up for me. :P I figured it couldn't be real.

[TheDocGoblin]

@tmanuel44 shoving the medalion up his shitter or driving to ohio were probably the most mind blowing

[TheDocGoblin]

actually scratch that the sex tape is by far the most mind blowing

[sikokilla1234]

"I love you with all my heart:

Because ya know there are just SO many other body parts you can love with

[SilverWingedSeraph]

I'd like someone to strike him with a lute on a spring day. Right across his fat fucking head. Jesus Christ.

[PelvicUnicorns]

Poor guy...he needs to go to a mental institution. I mean, for everything he's done over the years :\

[albee1000]

Oh, for crying out ---!!!

"I love you Julie, I love you with my heart."

What else are you going to love her with, your sphincter?

9:14

JULIET, the FEMALE ROLE, was the one who was calling out to ROMEO THE MALE, you sharting moron!

[SJDraco]

"I love you Julie, I love you with my heart."

As apposed to what, his ass?

[JohnMooreification]

Harley Quinn's really let herself go...

[JohnMooreification]

Harley Quinn's really let herself go...

[albee1000]

Sounds like Chris really had to let something out.

[Jordon878]

Wow, Chris man you are 30 years old you don't need your mother permission to go anywhere. And also man what is it about $30 bucks in gas i would assum for you to go to Julie(which i doubt she his even real) but man grow yourself some balls and take a chance.

[vihannes3]

@Jordon878 "Julie" was a 13-year-old boy. Fact.

[Jordon878]

Who else thinks the picture he held up was his mother.

[rabidrabbitshuggers]

Leave the poetry to Will Shakespeare, fat ass.

[Saaaataan]

2:00 - 3:30 the best ever. Repeated this like 15 times, so fuckin hilarious

[Saaaataan]

Chocolate Strawberry eyes? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

[columbusmozart]

Oh, it's even better with the captions on!

[Ben1987X]

o sanity o sanity where are they sanity?

[Edfan10]

JULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA­AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA­AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA­AAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY­YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY­YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY­YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY­YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY­YYYYYYYYY!!

[Udany147]

I wonder how dirty his crapped briefs were after this.

[guudlawd]

Bet he was sporting a crooked duck during this video

[Lydok]

DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS at 8:00

[nekad2000]

@Lydok I believe you're right. He closes his eyes, reminiscent of the farting preacher, and the sound of him crapping his briefs can be heard at exactly 8:00. Good catch.

[papermario2006]

@Lydok Good thing youtube doesn't support smell-o-vision, or most of Chris' videos would be completely unwatchable.

[kapsi]

What is that rattling sound through the video?

[sirpico123]

totally bonkers! trolls send chris a picture of a buffed girl and a 13yr old kid gives it a voice....chris without question accept it

[mrslash11]

Shakespeare was a brilliant writer. He created many phrases and words that we use today. Chris shit all over a brilliant man in just minutes.

[AMIIZix]

lollllllllll chris i love u so much

nobody entartains me like u xDDD

[Joeydizzle90]

Shakespeare must be rolling in his grave.

[TAXEXEMPTION]

my du-my heart yearns for you very much.

[TheTastyPineapple]

" after the fire " what?

[BunrakukenIII]

Webster's definition of blind, unreasoning optimism: The belief that Christian Weston Chandler might still be an epic troll.

[McImoi]

Is it wrong for me to feel bad, does that make me a horrible person. :U

[Beritvonbrun]

Whos this guy? Chris Charts?

[darkshade2k7]

What makes me Laugh most is how much the guy that voices him in Sonichu: The animated series sounds like the real Chris-Chan

[jadeflowersforever]

Chris-chan is my inspiration to do well in school, play sports, do extracurricular activities, eat healthfully, and be sociable. Because I'll be damned if I'm going to be alone, depressed and have the health of a 70 year old at age thirty like him.

[Erahoshigakinara]

Good god that fart sounded so fucking nasty... I feel so bad for his mother for having to do his underwear....

[ecuasxaz]

Chris has his tard-face on something major in this video....

[Lakaior]

7:44 he looks so fucking retarded

[BootyFister]

THAT IS THE MOST RETARDED MEDAL I HAVE EVER SEEN.

[PvtRichardCranium]

A solitary tear fell down my cheek...

...and then he farted

[444Tazer]

So, he cheated on a 13 year old boy with a troll pretending to be Vanessa Huggens. Nice.

[RandomCommenterful]

@444Tazer That was Ivy he "cheated" on. Not Julie.

[Athils]

How many times does he fart in this? WTF was he thinking?

[PAVN]

"The only thing that separates us, in distance, is North Virginia"

Poetry.

[LordAzanko]

ahhh the heart of a poet HAHHAHAHHAHA

[MahBoi22]

He doesn't even try to hide the fact he's shitting himself whilst trying to tell a romantic poem to his "sweetheart"... How is this dude single????

[lesterclaypool1]

@MahBoi22

I shit myself on my first date with the wife but unlike chrischan I don't have assburger and therefore knew enough to blame it on the dog.

[freakincampers]

I wonder if like Romeo, he will kill himself?

[NighttimeSymphony]

Soft... what fail from yonder basement breaks?

Tis a fart!

And Chris chan is the source!

[ReggaeMetalFox]

@NighttimeSymphony I lol'd hard

[grandmasterreggaex]

@NighttimeSymphony LOL

[815Sox]

So the power of god can influence even the most paranoid of souls... so I think..... FART

[815Sox]

Wow, he is willing to travel across an entire state with directions... what a romantic

[ReggaeMetalFox]

IN NORTH VIRGINIA BORN AND RAISED

IN MY BASEMENT IS WHERE I SPENT MOST OF MY DAYS

CHILLIN' OUT MAXIN' RELAXIN' ALL COOL

AND SHITTIN' MY PANTS ALL OVER YOUTUBE

[MrMeAndMyVideos]

@ReggaeMetalFox And couple of trolls they be up to no good

started hatin me in my nabourhood



[mobiangurls]

@ReggaeMetalFox

WHEN A COUPLE OF TROLLS

WHO WERE UP TO NO GOOD

STARTED HATIN' ON THE COMMENTS

MY FATHER FOUND OUT AND HE GOT MAD

HE SAID:

"GET AWAY FROM THAT INTERNET I'M CUTTING IT DOWN"

[Yallniggasbetrollin]

@ReggaeMetalFox

WHEN A COUPLE OF TROLLS WHO WERE UP TO NO GOOD

STARTED MAKING TROUBLE ON MY 'NET HOOD

I HAD ONE LITTLE SHITE AND MY PANTS GOT SCARED

AND THOUGHT 'I BETTAR NOT SIT DOWN ON THIS CHAIR'

[ReggaeMetalFox]

@Yallniggasbetrollin lmfao yeah!

[Yallniggasbetrollin]

@ReggaeMetalFox

BLUESPIKE, HE MADE ME MAD.

DRINKING CUM AND FANTA FROM A DIRTY GLASS

IS THIS WHAT LIVIN' IN RUCKERSVILLE IS LIKE?

HMMMMM I GUESS THIS AL'RIGHT

[DoctorBeardface]

@ReggaeMetalFox

WHEN A COUPLE OF TROLLS, THEY WERE UP TO NO GOOD

STARTED SPREADING SLANDERS ON MY INTERNET

I GOT A FEW PHONECALLS AND MY MOM GOT SCARED

SHE SAID : You git your gutter ass back in the gutter and shut up!

[thgodofwar]

@ReggaeMetalFox WHEN A COUPLE OF GUYS THAT WERE UP TO NO GOOD, STARTED TROLLING ME IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD I MADE ONE LITTLE VIDEO AND MY DAD GOT SCARED AND SAID: "GET OFF THAT INTERNET, I'M CUTTING IT DOWN!"

[MrGrunge1991]

@ReggaeMetalFox ha ha ha why you have to choose that show

[lovemeordie83]

I want lyrics!!!

[thebigtarget1]

The best part is Julie was a 13 year old boy using a falsetto.

[mrnintendo88]

JULAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!

[Athils]

He even has a little ritual to "prove" that he's telling the truth. If you even need to think of something like that, chances are people won't trust you anyway.

[GoblinsnHobbits]

JULLLAY

[Cartoonguy11]

He just completely ruined the moment with that fart.

[videogamenostalgia]

There never was a tale of more woe...

than that of JULAAAAAYet and her Christiano...

[mybruisedarm]

00:54

But wait! Hes only true and honest when hes wearing his huge metal necklace! 0.0

[ChainsawTam]

Every night I try to break in my new vibrator.

Then I make the mistake of watching chris-chan.

I'm never going to use my vibrator as long as I enjoy comedy.

[Kitsunefan9]

I gave this exact speech to my girlfriend , I got laid 300 times that night. Thanks Chris

[PrancingCornmuffins]

JULAY. THE 14 YEAR OLD BOY.

[schimon1]

I want this played at my funeral as the music. You know, like funeral music.

[HomoCyborgZombie]

Can he kill himself in the end, like in Romeo and Juliette?

[Slashbash]

@HomoCyborgZombie Where's the fun in that?

[HomoCyborgZombie]

@Slashbash None, it's more accurate to the play of Romeo and Juliet though.

[Slashbash]

@HomoCyborgZombie Yup, according to the CWCKI.

[mobiangurls]

chocolates are women....thats nice

[TehLeek]

"When my mother's less paranoid...."

AREN'T YOU THIRTY?!

[sexhaie]

"the sun is in the east.... and julie is the sun...."

HONOR ROLL MY ASS!!!

[LordAzanko]

ahhh he has the heart of a poet.....LMAO

[Carnage1235]

"Long distance love dedication....... *Looks off screen for about 10 seconds*........ Beautiful wimminz, beautiful wimminz......."

"So muuccccchh".

[Sneep29]

How long would this guy last at Gamestop? That's such an awesome idea.

[bealtespip123]

He has the soul of a poet.....

[trufuknplaya]

"though i know not shakespeare, and yet i know enough to at least get it by"

beautiful, that was beautiful chris chan. you are an artist

[CTR4004]

So...you shit yourself nearly 5 times and studder poetry on camera for 10 minutes...thanks for that

[kainjob112]

This manchild does not know true love. He just wants some china..dearly...

[kainjob112]

This manchild does not know true love. He just wants some china..dearly...

[Aerozyphyr]

as a poet who excels in romantic poetry,this makes me so very ill.D:

[videogamenostalgia]

'Brown on the outside, but inside a sweet lovely woman' I got that- hidden racism...

[MisterAlexUk]

The universe is a wonderful thing.

Magnificent, improbable coincidences which miraculously provided such precise conditions that life can be sustained somehow allowed this abomination to survive.

[tmizzart]

This guy makes me wanna go be a better person.

[JoesGuy]

@tmizzart

You don't have to be better, you'll never be the worst now.

[ComradeHood]

Profound.

[lonestarw0lf]

i seen turds with more charm,i hope you never escape your bomb shelter

[mrslash11]

He's butchering shakespear.

[batheinbutter]

AHAHAHAHAHAHA "theres a strawberry within- that is your soul."

[MahBoi22]

8:00...I bet that melted her heart.

[DragonLS]

So this fat fuck fell in love with a 13 year old boy (Who is Julie).

Someone call the party vans.

[RichoRosai]

I love you so much that'd I'd be willing to spend the amount that is needed for the gas and the food the travel the less-than-a-day trip... to you.

Wow, that's some moving devotion.

[nucleardeath07]

Your eyes are like chocolate covered strawberries, and guess what? Your soul is also a strawberry! DEH DERP

[videogamenostalgia]

The Romeo & Juliet comparison is actually kinda valid. Chris and Julie's family don't want them to be together (With her brother Max hating Chris, and Bob n' Barb not thinking she's real) and their romance encounters some difficulties (in that she's not fucking real) and is ultimately undone by a heinous act (Shoving the medallion up his butt)

[ILIKECEREALX]

Because nothing is romantic like innapropriate flatulance.

[ritanak]

@TheCoolMexcian shut up kyle b.

[mordredt02]

"Your eyes are like chocolate covered strawberries. How? Well, they're brown like chocolate...and the strawberries...well what do you want? I just compared our relationship to two suicidal teenagers. Clearly I suck at similes."

[JG48]

Shit just got real! He took off his medal!

[KittyKunFuWonders]

strawberrys are women?

[HaggisMcCrablice]

@KittyKunFuWonders -- Well, the clitoris, sort of...William Randolph Hearst called his mistress' "rosebud", which makes CITIZEN KANE all the more interesting, I think....

Funniest...take on Shakespeare...ever. Watch this together with 1940's "Romeo in Rhythm" for an interesting juxtaposition on The Bard.

[mrslash11]

I'm honestly curious. Is that a roll of toilet paper on the back of the medallian? Is the necklace really that hard on his neck that he has to get a roll of toilet paper that he probably used on his shit covered body to protect his next from that extremely light chain from weighing down his neck?

[DukeNukem2020]

@mrslash11 I'm curious as well.....It seems like nobody knows why he uses a roll of TP on the back of his necklace.

[Hariuka]

@mrslash11 this is a man who can barely lift two soda crates, and a chair..... obviously he needs something to comfort the hump he calls a neck.

[HatsuneMikuVocaloid2]

Christian is about as romantic as these fruit loops I'm eating.

[faggotbrain]

Watching for posterity.

7:58 - leads into a fart, possibly a turd. How the fuck did I miss that first time round?

[DukeNukem2020]

@faggotbrain It sounded wet, whatever it was.

[DanMazzAIP]

Pannnnddddddaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!!!



[DanMazzAIP]

Pannnnddddddaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa­aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!!!

[Kamikitsune0]

"your eyes are like chocolate covered strawberries...their brown on the outside and the sweetness inside that will love me no matter what..that is the strawberry...it's your soul" O_O OMFG He's going to eat Julay.

[ujustgotpwned2008]

For never was a story of more lol,

than this of Christian and his lovely troll.

[TAXEXEMPTION]

did anyone else notice the huge chain or locking mechanism around his medallion? as if anyone would(steal it) fucking wear that besides him.

[Luellan]

I don't think he knows where his penis is.... Considering he actually has one... That's why he clutches his chest. Hahahahahahahahaha! Did he just murder William Shakespere's timeless classic?

[CKO92]

@Luellan Murdered it and buried its corpse in a shallow grave.

[6mokachino9]

julie is a 13 year old who he paid for sex.

Why are you clutching your chest so much, Chris? Are you having a fucking heart attack, because i seriously wouldn't doubt it. And seriously, dude, you'd