GAY Relationships [Settling vs. Choice] (Loft XVA 16)

[AveolarD]

why are you telling your X's business? this why Gay relationships do not work.

[1911beauty]

@AveolarD right right!!! he is givin all the bizzzness. I would be mad at him for all that!

[Mgarner73]

WHY keep it going? He moved on and it seems that ur stuck. I was with the same man monagamous for 10 yrs. There ws no cheating and we made it work bt for so many gay men now its about sex. we ended it because of the difficulties when the economy in ca collapsed. we held on bt it took its toll bieng gay is jst not about the sex. its who u share ur life with

If

[marquisewiley]

I agree with you

[Mokolatee]

Yes i agree with some of what you said, the problem is not same sex it just having common sense.

[Clemburke1111]

Isnt here a segment of the population black, white, straight gay, bi,,that settle in not so healthy relationships? I guess I am a bit smarter,,never been isn one.

[trans4ma]

I agree with a lot of what you said, but I doubt these problems are more intense w/ the same sex. I grew up around a lot of people who were just not compatible. I believe "synastry" is important in making a relationship last.

[ChickenJMI]

I like his videos and hes outgoing personality is great. I believe that gay relationships hardly endures for no longer then 3-4 years because I men no matter what your sexual preferences will always fave the affinity with looking and wanting other men or women just because just because of looks which is our is one of our senses we highly depend on first n always. Some goes to the extreme with actually fantasizing being with another person which often lead to cheating.

[okloverboy]

I love it a lot.

too through @ "played with" though lol

[gabsylv]

Do not get involved with folks who are insecure. Relationships should give you strength and provide support, not hassle. If the relationship is strong, conflicts arise but they don't get out of hand. But if you are in physical fights that's not acceptable

[jaquaw]

he is profane for telling you about their personal business, and you should try and change the subject on something else

[BlaqHQ]

Look...you said the ex's lover is un-employed, broke, doesn't have nothing and obviously doesn't want anything and worse he's violent...Your ex can do bad all by himself...lol

Throw his behind out and get a new luv

you are allowing yourself to be conditioned to someone else stupidity

[zonerboi22]

sounds all too complicated to me. choose someone fun and simple to be with. go out for ice-cream and talk. I felt so much frustration coming from you...past is past..we'd love to see you smile :-)

[ts19180]

This is true Xem speak!

Family...Never Settle

[Decaw]

In my opinion Men are visual and they go in for what they want too quickly , Yeah ! truth is most guys want to "play" more than they want to pursue , mmm I think im just going to post a video response lol

[NorthernStar2187]

Great video!

[BiFootballDude]

this dude has an interesting accent

[Bety3ny]

I didn't even notice the accent before you mentioned it and it is very true.

[supremeconsul]

My heart sink when you speak about this, because in terms of being alone I feel the same way. And in my past relationship which was my first, I felt like i allowed myself to be preyed upon as the fresh meat, simply because I was tired of being alone. Coming to terms of being gay to myself, and then living with that realization for a few years, I was tired of depriving myself of a mate and companionship because of fear of the lifestyle, and I envied the relationship of others.

[supremeconsul]

By the way.....mind if I ask what is the name of that track you ran. I like the song,

[XemVanAdams]

If you watch this particular video AGAIN, I make it clear that my Ex was very Jealous, Insecure and Posessive. Those are the reasons WHY I left. In this video, My FOCUS is upon the Negative energy that My Ex's Current Beau brings to the relationship, and HOW the energy chips away at their present state; NOT including ALL of the Lies that were told in the very BEGINNING. I have long proposed the question to myself as to why I stayed for so long. I was In Love and thought that meant, 'Work it Out'

[lennysvibe]

I believe you are asking the wrong question.

The question should of first been proposed to yourself. When you were in love with your ex. What did it take for you to exit. Maybe if you would of told this story we would of got some insight into what it takes to break up with a person. but your passive aggressive commentary bro just befuddled me.

[manofcolor]

DigableDude, I don't think Xem was being elitist in this video. He also pointed a lot of the guy's dysfunctional behaviour and his lack of station in life for his age. It is the whole package that counts and not one little detail (Detail, detail, detail - The Crying Game). It seems that this guy lacks some ambition and he is a destructive angry type that is not fit for the relationship. Xem seemed more focus about how his EX has decided to settled with someone so lacking!!

Good Video, Xem.

[lennysvibe]

Xem is a great speaker but if you read between the lines it's very effident that Xem is bias in this retelling. Xem was definitely being an elitist and he stepped over his boundaries in this case cause i'm sure his ex didnt tell him those stories to be placed on blast on the internet. Couples fight and economic and social standing does not always gaurantee happiness. Xem and his ex seemed to have alot in common however they couldnt make it work. I'd need to hear directly from the ex.

[DigableDude]

While I'm in agreement with of the points you've made, I have to take exception with your depiction of your ex's new lover. How does NOT having a degree or othet material things contribute to their dysfunction? I have friends who own condos and BMWs , yet they fight about dumb shyt. Your intentions are noble but u comr across as elitist.

[LBloggie]

oooooooooooooh u wrong fah dat lol

[2Intrakit]

I'm not sure that he was saying that the material things are the cause of their disfunction. I took it to be: his ex is putting a lot of himself into the relationship and on top of that, he is supporting the new guy. So in a way, that adds to the stress and tension on the relationship...at least from the ex's point of view. Anybody can argue over dumb shyt, but money and sex always make it worse, in my opinion

[mjk0386]

This is sooooo true! I need help though because I feel like my "relationships" is holding me back from doing the things it truly want to do. I may IM or text you like the end of the video said because I'm such a lost. I believe that I settled toooo soon and don't know how to exit. I'm going to post a video response to you and I'm asking YOU the question. Please comment!

[mmcgee70]

Its Truley Amazing to watch you grow and develop into the person you always dreamed of being. Thanks for sharing. MM

[tim2469]

interesting topic , but to be honest , i think you answered your own question... "its all of the above"...and how to resolve this stuff, those two gentilmen , have to remember the love first...and why they love this person...and when they loved this person....see most forget the romance...of bieng in a relationship...

[BfitBblessed]

The first 3 months are very important, but the thing that kills me is how much bliss the first 3 months are. No arguing, incredible support, wonderful affection, but 5 months into the relationship, insecurities start arising. Now a great relationship has developed and it feels terrible with the thought of ending it. But even with 2 testasterone levels going on, 2 men have to be 2 adults and talk, not swing on each other. I draw the line with disrespect in any form. Great vid sexy.

[NLT624]

This subject has been on my mind for the last 2 months. It's been there for 2 months because that's when I stopped dating the dude who I was dating.

We spent the 5 months arguing and trying to "work things out" never realizing what was happening. It hit me that I was settling and not happy with our situation.

It hurt both of us to end the situation, but it was for the best. I couldn't waste anymore time arguing and trying to change myself.

Thanks for the video and I love the blog!

[mjk0386]

I love your comment! That's how I feel right now and don't know how to exit.

[thruthealcove]

Damn dude, you sound so much like me, it ain't even funny!!! LOL But you really brought up some very key points about settling in relationships! And nowadays, loneliness seems to be the driving force of people living a life of never ending hook-ups!!! Then you got the ones that still try to prove to themselves they're still a man just because they're gay!!! We need to get over ourselves!!! Excellent vid dude!!!

[TonyFresh001]

the relationship, you must always go with what your gut is telling you. If the relationship has turned from a nurturing to abusive, then it is time to walk away while you still have your self respect and self esteem. Your gut never lies to you about anything, because it is the voice of GOD within you. I think that your ex's lover doesn't respect himself because he has no job and is reliant upoun him for basic necessities and this has ultimately led to jealousy. His lover needs to get his own

[TonyFresh001]

As far as your ex boyfriend is concerned, what you see him going thru is karma. What goes around comes around. But I know for me, any type of violence, or me paying all of the bills and you have no ambition or drive to better yourself are DEAL BREAKERS. I think that people in general, straight and LGBT settle for far less than what they deserve. The litmus test is always are there more good times than bad, if there is a rough patch, are you both working to make things better. No matter the

[RandolfeWicker]

Gay relationships are more difficult. Straight people know who is going to "be on top" when they go to bed. We have to work all that out. Positively or negatively, we don't end up with an unwanted pregnancy after a one-night stand. Young people are too desperate to create relationships. Your relationship with another person grows over time--either closer or you drift apart. Too many gays looking for love get lost in promiscuity. Be serious but not too serious! :-) Good luck!

[RandolfeWicker]

I 'have relationshiips' -even take in friends to live with me rent free because I need people to share my life. Relationships require more compromise than sacrifice. In gay life, we write our own marital contracts. With my first lover of 8 yrs., we had an arrangement of going to the baths & 'sharing' a night out--doing whatever with whomever--but meeting to go home together & not exchanging phone numbers, etc. Physical freedom with emotional romantic monogamy ! Continued..

[RandolfeWicker]

Five stars! Thanks for raising important questions intelligently! I'm 70 years old & have had two major relationships in life-one for eight years and the second for eighteen. First ended in divorce. The second ended when my lifemate was taken from me by AIDS. A few quick thoughts--I've had 'combatative relationships'. Someone only fights with you because they care. I don't consider a relationship to be real until you've been together for at least one year or more...continued..

[debruceter]

hmm when one of my relationships ended some of my friends said i am just affraid of comitment. after a few months i got into another which was so bad .. but i stuck in there 4 all the wrong reasons because i dident want ppl thinkin i was affraid to be commited 2 some1. interesstin point with the testosterome thing

[CourtyJoanne7]

ok im on my friends account, but after a while dont u feel like u just want to be with somebody, rather its a series relationship or just dating with friends with benefits. cause i feel like i crave for the contact since i never been with another guy before and just came out.

[shaunsag]

Great video I am going to do a vid response!!!

[dafilla]

Being a man that has been with his partner for almost 14 years (36 years old), it takes two people to come together work thru the issues, what cause us to begin the "slow" proccess of suicide; because we have deemed ourselves not worthy of the goodness that God has planned for us.

[dafilla]

Myself; have been thru hell in back however it was due to insecurities, past hurts and lack of communication.

We (same gender loving) are very selfish and want it now and fail to realize we come with issues and it is only you can determine how much okay for you,

[dafilla]

we are quick to move on because he did call you, love you the way you want and have not taken the TIME to learn each other.We are no different than our "straight" counterparts we all have problems and yes with two dick, so evaluate that, but do you want to work thru them. Finally, because he is fine and sexy does not mean he's for you. Time, HONESTY and patience.

[tybailey1]

this is real good info...

[focus699]

I conclude that gay men can't be with just one guy because of high sexual hormones.When your with a lover you really like, here comes someone who either looks better or your courious about and have to have it. Thats when the games begin....you begin to settle for bullcrap!

[BKTonyStark]

they like the person , they speed up coutship. I have met guys who after first dates have professed love for me . I honestly think that, they have had so many negative encounters that when a good one comes theres a need t hold on to this person . It was liek that with an ex of mines. We met and he never left.

[hslovett02]

This is a topic that is beginning to become taboo. My ex and I can talk about almost anything and everything. Lots of people can not understand or even accept that ex's communicate. But, I think that some men do settle. I have matured that I will not settle. I always have three golden rules before I even give out my number. 1.Your own car- I will not always pick you up. 2. Your own place-you are not always sleeping over my place(I need my space). A job- I'm not taking care of a anyone.

[hottesthotboi]

Don't you think it is a bit shallow to require a car. I'm doing just fine without one. And it's better for the environment to commute.

[hslovett02]

NO or Maybe! I'm only saying so because I'm not always going to pick you up and drive you around. That will, (I think)allow more strain on the relationship. If you can get around and not have to totally rely on the other person for transportation, then it is not a problem but when it causes a strain then it becomes a problem. I hope this clarified things up. I think that if you had a car you response would have been different, I was not trying to disrespect you but as you have commented from

[hslovett02]

personal experiences, I was also. This situation has caused a very drastic strain on my pass relationships and has allowed me to be very vonerable and I promise myself that it will never happen again. My hurt and pain can never be as yours and vice-versa, so i handle my situations differently and so should you. I respect your opinions and I ask the same.

[tybailey1]

this is funny,but true!!!!good advice

[BKTonyStark]

It seems that the young man that your ex is dating is unhappy with himself and the current state of his life. I feel that there are standards that no matter how you feel about this person that you dont allow to be overlooked. Jealosy is a disease that takes over the conscience without the person noticing . I think that alot of gay men spend so much time unhappy when comming into who they are that when they do get into situations with other dudes, they speed the courtship up because

[tybailey1]

WoW!!i was agreein and gettin all into it and u cut if off @ because..lol!

[ludakid07]

I think it is harder for gay relationship to grow, because you have 2 manly type of guys that are gonna try to dominate one over the other most of the time. And it becomes hard but there are also times when it can work, and seems to work for the better. So it's kinda a 50/50 for me.

[SiennaFreckle]

I actually read about this on your blog before you posted this video. You bring up very interesting points and really give me something to think about. . .