Psychopathic Narcissists: Cold Empathy, Uncanny Valley

[kellycat2552]

. Thanks to the Baby Boom generation of ME ME ME. Drugs, gays lifestyle and abuse has now become all too available. The majority of people who just want a family, job and peaceful existance, are pulled into worlds of depravity by the media and culture. Religion, family life and being good is laughed at.  The baby boomers got what they wanted, and now they have to live with the results:unemployement, death, and sadness. how unfortunate for those who never knew the difference.

[organysntracey1]

In my opinion N's may only have "conditional" empathy when it suits their purposes.

[organysntracey1]

By keeping the victim in a highly emotional state, thereby limiting the victims rational thinking, this allows the N to control reality. Having NO empathy allows them to paralyze their victim, which allows the N to "predict" and even "control" the outcomes of their victims life/thinking. By using probablility (accusations, etc) they eventually "hit" on a reaction that may make the N appear empathic, whereas they really just got lucky.

[bluestmarble]

LMAO! So true! One that I briefly dated would kiss my hand, but it was like it was "fake", cold - something about it wasn't right. Meanwhile he would ask me what kind of man I was looking for - but it wasn't like he was asking out of curiosity... he had that direct look, like he was probing for information. Freaky!

[Wivanunu]

So, for short peroids of time they act as though they care (very short periods of time)...then they are cold and heartless for the rest of the time.

What do people do when they are married to a person like this and there are children involved? How does one protect their children? How does one survive...escape?

It's sad to marry someone that pretended to be someone else...and then changed very quickly after marriage.

[organysntracey1]

@Wivanunu It's been an absolute nightmare. My N husband (soon to be ex) is described completely and exactly in most of Mr Vaknin's book and vids here. Ater 11 years I had a total physical, and emotional breakdown. I had to send my kids away to protect them from his psychological tyranny. My kids are still trying to heal, and all I'm trying to do is get as far away from my N as soon as possible.

[Wivanunu]

@organysntracey1 But, as soon as you divorce him will he get the kids just as much as you? Has he been clinically diagnosed and even if he has....can he still get the kids?

Is your entire family clueless as to what you are going through? My family doesn't get it. I get comments like, "forgive and forget." I want to forgive but it doesn't stop...it goes on and on and on!!! I've been married for over 16 years and I am where you are at...I don't know what to do.

[organysntracey1]

@Wivanunu My kids were from my first marriage to another, far less threatening parasitic narcissist, aka "artist") and although he was never much help, eventually, I was able to get one to university (and for her to live there) and the youngest to his fathers. They're young adults now, so my only goal is to keep them gone until I move.

I don't have any family left except my children - doesn't that make for the perfect situation I'm in now? And boy, does he exploit that one!

[organysntracey1]

@Wivanunu contd...

As far as the "forgive and forget" part - get him out or figure a way to get away first. That has been the only way I've been able to start getting some grip on my sanity. We still have a house together, so he's here once a week for a couple hours (yard work and to torture me) and that's even become too much for me. Just in those couple hours he manages to do and say the creepiest things, and because I see what he's doing now, it triggers me; away is the only way.

[Wivanunu]

@organysntracey1 I want him out...he has to go....but I need to protect my kids. His family is just like he is....2 other narcissistic siblings...2 narcissistic parents and when I was engaged to my husband they were awesome actors and actresses...then within months after the marriage......they all revealed themselves. It was and still is a horror movie. I was no longer has narcissitic supply...he only wanted to impress his parents...even thought they abused me.

[ElasticGiraffe]

Excellent psychosocial commentary.

[organysntracey1]

@MACSMovies Mine has and I suspect will once I'm gone (the reason I need to move far away). I've been told he's the most "dangerous" kind of abuser, from what I've read, and several times by a victims abuse counselor- he's obsessive/compulsive (bordering on hording) among other things.

[expiri1]

maybe empathy is a disadvantage today,anyway goodness helps me feel very nice,when I do a favor for someone,without return service.whenever anyone abused me,revenge wasn't even necessary!Perhaps I see you guys becoming psychopaths,and I don't care because I do all in my options,to stay human.thats my power around my own environment.i feel pity for everyone who's like that...native or acquired.

[chrhadden]

If only we could explain the golden rule to them! Doesn't seem all that hard to grasp, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

[ElasticGiraffe]

@chrhadden It has nothing to do with an inability to "grasp" the reciprocity maxim. We simply don't live our lives by abstract normative principles. We are cognitively amoral, obsessively rational, and self-serving. Narcissists see others only as means to our own ends--we lack the reinforcement of authentic empathy--so to tell one of us, "Love others as you love yourself," is like telling a neurotypical (to borrow an Aspie term) person, "Love coffee tables as you love yourself." In a word, how?

[jongib369]

@ElasticGiraffe Are you a Narcissist? If so, Id like to have a quick chat with you. I just have a few questions id like to ask...if not though thats fine

[ElasticGiraffe]

@jongib369 Yes, I am. o.O

[wilson2rent]

I have bought your book 3 times.Once by email wish I had ordered the CD of the 8 books. I am glad Band N has it on sale. $33

[samvaknin]

@wilson2rent Write to me personally (send me a message) and I will tell you what you can do about it.

[preluki]

My brother has NPD because my parents treated him like the sun shined out his ass

[Wivanunu]

@preluki Awesome quote!! So true!! And of course your brother is sooooo entitled to everything because he's "special!" But, there must come a time when the sun stops shining out of his rear end....then what happens to him....where will he get his supply?

[1221solstice2012]

More understanding of my "attraction" to these robotic people, so charming they appear, so in tune to my and others motivations, feelings, etc., as long as it's useful to them. I think I find it too hard to believe that they actually cannot love, that I want to make them love me, that I'm that "special" or something. Thank you for not referring to unscientific and cruel animal studies and concentrating on human psychology as that is what we're dealing with.

[HEIBAOSHEN]

The Narcissistic period is also measured by the decline in art of all types. Emotional intelligence and abstract thinking has decreased in quality so much I am unable to take part in modern music movies and such, with out severely insulting my own intelligence. It seems obvious as one gets older you attach to your "day, or period" of emotional expression. Today it is completely devoid though. As a song I just listened to states "drowning in cynical" encapsulates how I only see humor everywhere.

[melvinbrand]

Darn, after listening to this, I realized I'm not quite as psycho as I had imagined myself to be. Too much empathy going on. I had rather romanticized myself as the perfect madman, but alas, I fear I'm a simple neurotic after all. Well, I will attempt to accept this demotion with some grace. :)

[Customer5566]

Sam this is good i like it yet its true. empathy is socialised and later it is self-taught. makes me think of "cold reading". This video really needs mention of studies and maybe clarity on the social theories that inform you. Financial institutions dubbed "too big to fail" shows overconfidence. Claiming ridiculous expenses for yourself as a British MP "because it was normal" shows dislocation. Living well beyond the means is a delusion. 

[rhoadess]

So, by definition, if a person has empathy s/he is a human, and if a person has no empathy s/he is not human. Can someone have more empathy than others? Are all narcissist and psychopaths completely devoid of empathy? Are there ways to teach children who may become psychopathic or narcissistic empathy? It seems from samvaknin's closing statement, that there are ways to teach normal people how to lack empathy.

[RiverFyre]

@rhoadess - it's called conditioning, in the Pavolian sense using Skinner tactics- skewed punishment and reward system - it can be done but it CAN be reversed within the 'normal' mindset. I just find it interesting how Sam, a self confessed psychopath (see i Psychopath film) is here 'educating us'. Have to admit although he hits the nail on the head on many fronts I distrust his agenda for doing it.

[Customer5566]

@RiverFyre whats a '...'normal' mindset...' ? besides, its more complicated than a mindset vs a mindset. I also understand the suspiciousness with which you approach this man.. he tells you in this video the distrust-repulsion reactions are automatic.

[RiverFyre]

@Customer5566 - the use of inverted commas should have shown I was heuristically speaking of 'non psychopathic mindsets' I wasn't being strictly literal. however In the real context of 'normal', we can attain normative behaviours given to us via moral protocol, belief paradigms that either rise within the individual via their altrustic values and impulses or through societal conditioning but its not exclusive, normatives can operate in the extreme opposite end of the spectrum to.

[puluc8]

@rhoadess Poor parenting is one of the causes of these disorders. It will take more than teaching a child empathy to stop the child from developing narcissism or psychopathy. Remember, in the end it's up to the child if it wants to be empathic, or not and some would say that empathy is a disadvantage.

[TheKillyjoy]

This is uncanny, Exactly. That's it.

[r29]

conscious is the last evolution trait and thus the lest complete. Maybe its better not to have empathy

[slonamu]

Very grim view of the world. Unfortunately - true...