Best of Conservapedia 1

[awreslr2]

Notinmyname2050 mentioned your video on his Facebook post today. Expect some added views! This is so good but I had forgotten I had seen this when it came out last April. Gave it another thumbs up and favorited it just for laughs.

[roberek2006]

I do not know who is more stupid... this person who has written it or this who believe it..:D By the way, great video series. I almost fell from my chair..:D However I cannot believe how someone could figure out sth like that..:) Sometimes creationists amaze me with their lack of basic knowledge..:) Take care mate..:)

[ONESPECIES]

If they wanna be silly, why don't they go all the way? Simply God did it would suffice. Volcano Grilled Squirrels do not travel far.

[FrostbittenWolf]

Okay i swear the only stock audio i hear more often than this song is the Wilhelm Scream. What is the fucking title though?

[steveb0503]

You gotta wonder - does the issue of the G-forces necessarily involved even occur to these people?

[JCLeSinge]

@steveb0503: Obviously not. Nor indeed does the splatter-radius on landing, or the "burnt to a frikkin' crisp and blasted into ashes long before the squirrel achieves flight" factor.

Seriously, do they think that lemmings jump off cliffs in recollection of some divinely-inspired urge to fling themselves into volcanoes and so travel the globe? Obviously, God protected the squirrels from the lava. And the splatting.

[proofandevidence]

lol!

[JamesEzSecretChannel]

lol, that's hilarious, great premise for animations

[SwineNahNah]

After seeing all 5 (so far) videos on Conservapedia, I got a suspicion, that their God isn't Yahweh, it's Bacchus. One can't write something like THAT while sober.

In vino veritas. 8D

[JCLeSinge]

@SwineNahNah: We know Jesus like a drinkie; wedding at Cana, anyone? Only a drunk Messiah could think using his powers to make booze was a neat idea.

[PyreOfFate]

Damn. Requiem for a Dream was the best fucking most movie ever. The Fountain was good too. 

[MrJurekGG]

Yes. Piece of cake.

With the help of god, nothing is impossible.

[Dream0Asylum]

@MrJurekGG

[With the help of god, nothing is impossible.]

Just let us know when all the impossible begins, I'd hate to miss it.

[MrJurekGG]

@Dream0Asylum

The impossible never begins when you have God on your side.

[SwineNahNah]

@MrJurekGG

Which leaves unanswered a question, why that lazy bastard only "helps" (by commanding or demanding a sacrifice usually), but almost never does work himself (Noa saving animals, the apostles spreading the word about Jesus etc.).

[MrJurekGG]

@SwineNahNah

He doesn't want to create the brainless 'robots'. He loves us so much, He allows us to help him in creating the peace and justice on earth. He wants us to be equal to him in spreading love and wisdom of God..

[SwineNahNah]

@MrJurekGG

Mmm, OK, however that seems to bee very exotic kind of love, at least as "nice" as BDSM, actually more like guro.

[Arikiel]

Ya... they should have just stuck with "a wizard did it".

[OsteologicalsRock]

"We have arrived at our destination, thank you for flying with us on Krakatoa Airlines."

[danihc]

awesome

[Kpiozero]

ignoring the absurdity of animals using volcanos to travel great distance, wouldn't the lava, ash, etc. kill them all, and of course wouldn't that cause a genral spread of animals causing certain animals to exist everwhere. and of course this completly ignores gravity. So most likely everyone would die due to gravity. But the smoke and plumes of stuff certainally wouldn't help anyone.

[jimthepleb]

@TLSlayer1 why the fuck do you care? Why is anyone duty bound to respond to a leading question?

[jimthepleb]

'creation scientists tend to win the debates'....no rly srsly??? wtf.

[HappyCabbie]

@TLSlayer1 How about it is none of your business

[SamWiseGingy]

This is easy enough to test. Let's use kittens.

[mercatormac]

@SamWiseGingy Don't tell PETA though.

[JCLeSinge]

@SamWiseGingy: Cool. Some kind of kitten-launching mortar device should be easy enough construct. By determining the maximum range on a back-yard scale, we can extrapolate the relative forces required to propel a kitten across the Atlantic. There's one problem though, involving the kinetic force required both for the kitten's ascent and inherent in it's landing. And that force is...

"GRAVITY!!!!! YOU FUCKING MORONS! GRAVITY! GRAVITY!!!!!"

[pchtermino1]

I thought this was a scientology myth.

[lo2enge]

Forbidden

You don't have permission to access /Post-Diluvian_Diasporas on this server.

Additionally, a 404 Not Found error was encountered while trying to use an ErrorDocument to handle the request.

[FedMoos]

And somewhere W.C. Fields is still saying "I told ya so..."

[MrBizak]

omfg... did it seriously leave that on the wiki... for everyone to see? Does it even have sysops?

[Crickett2814]

But chattiestspike, you forgot the the Mount Ararat transportation service. Yes you see, these animals were driven in limousines by anthropomorphic lava all around the world. . . . . . . . . . . Stop laughing. It's what happened.

[AngryWomble]

What.......thefuck??

[CraniumOnEmpty]

Wow, they got the Krakatau problem completely backward. The problem is whether the life was completely sterilized and was brought in via ocean or bird droppings, or if it survived and regrew after. That or both. If they are referring to the black rats, then they were believed to be introduced by Handl. If they wanted to use that, then the argument would be that the volcano was a magnet that brought the life or something afterward. In closing, the squirrel should be flying toward the volcano.

[tipoomaster]

Oh Conservapedia, always good for some yucks.

[groovyengineer]

I think further tests are needed

[centoguzzi]

Riiiiiight, volcanoes. 

[pineconesaresmallnow]

[Biblical citation needed] To that I say damn right there is! hahahah

[Bear5177]

Are you shitting me? The folks at conservapedia couldn't possibly be that stupid.

[ScreamingTc]

You've got to be freakin' kidding me...

[geodgereturns]

So squirrels are Thetans?

[Puchicas9]

Conservapedia must be a site run by Poes. Why would Christians make themselves look so stupid?

[refuckulate420]

@Puchicas9

No it just represents the very stupid fundimentalists of Christianity.

[Puchicas9]

@refuckulate420 Oh, I realize you're probably right. It's just that Conservapedia is SOOOO stupid that one would think that even fundies would be embarrassed by it. The idea of volcanoes shooting squirrels thousands of miles, and the squirrels surviving to eat and breed, is just so outrageously insane that even Bible thumpers should blush at it. On the other hand, there are people who take the mythical asteroid Nibiru seriously...

[refuckulate420]

@Puchicas9

Yea it's almost poe like. It's sad because they really are that dumb, they don't understand embarrassment infact most of them are extremely narcissistic. People like this are detrimental and dangerous to society.

[longname25]

Hahahaha. Sometimes I have difficulty understanding haw anybody can actually believe that. Thanks for the video.

[Pylo01]

Where is the music from?

[RahzZalinto]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAH­AHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[GeneralMontague]

THE STUPID IS BURNING MY BRAIN!!!!!!

[fearB4]

i find it funny that my WebofTrust firefox addon has Conservapedia as an unsafe site to enter.

:)

[Toudiyama]

@fearB4 not so weird considering that Shockofgod appears to be one of the main contributors and he has been found to be Phishing

[Martymer81]

Now this I want to see on Mythbusters!

[AGrandt]

@Martymer81 "Today we are going to test the myth that squirrels and other small mammals can survive being thrown half way around the world by an exploding volcano"

[Martymer81]

@AGrandt Exactly. Just picture Buster in a squirrel suit :)

[DeathsPictures]

Of course! That's exactly what happened in Pompeii! The volcano erupted and instead of killing everyone, it blasted them away to safety.

Wait, what?

[Cyrathil]

@DeathsPictures "The volcano erupted and instead of killing everyone, it blasted them away to safety."

No, because the people weren't safely at the mouth of the volcano. If they were, they'd have been fine.

[DeathsPictures]

@Cyrathil You're probably right, but I think you missed my intended joke.

[mahdatonta]

Best laugh of the week. Thanks!

[AnonaThetan]

I see flying squirrel now where is moose?

[jussts]

LOL, nice. Could've used a hilarious squirrel scream though.

[dataliv]

I AM NOT TROLLING, I AM BOXY YOU SEE!!

[4G3NTanon]

I thought volcanoes only had to do with $cientology :)

[Meatbag211]

Volcano is my favorite mode of transportation.

[lampyman101]

Conservapedia's 'commandment' number 1 is as follows.....uh hummm

'Everything you post must be true and verifiable'

.

[Sabohaque]

I always get 403'd when I try to go there. I think it's because I live in Germany. I'm not patriotic enough.

[BlizBob]

ICBS

Inter Continental Ballistic Squirrel.

Also by happentanse it can be read as "I see bullshit". How apropiate...

[Gaawachan]

Is it any wonder that you get guys like Nephilim thinking that Noah's Flood caused the craters on the moon? >_>

[lampyman101]

I think Conservapedia is blocked outside the US.....too many foreign socialist commie pinkos correcting them I guess. Nough said

[TheCaptainLulz]

Theyre in lala land these right wing nut jobs. Lala land and tinky winky is chasing them with his purse of doom.

[smaakjeks]

Is CP down right now, or am I really IP banned? I can't get in using "hidemyass" either.

[AGrandt]

I get an error when trying to access Conservapedia.

[LtHavoc1983]

@AGrandt Ye get the same "Forbidden" error

[lampyman101]

@AGrandt It seems to be blocked outside the US. Try going through a US Proxy

[AGrandt]

@lampyman101 Of course, these nutters think the U.S. IS the entire world, which may be why they don't think others need to laugh at them.

[truckcompany]

I'm surprised it doesn't say anything about Ice sheets that covered the earth in the ice age after noahs ark. Thats how my brother explains it. The animals walked across on the ice.

Do people know why this is impossible?

[Gekkibi]

Who needs 4chan when we have conservapedia..?

You should make a video about /atheism on conservapedia.

[sfg911]

Why volcanoes? Why not swallows?? I've heard they could transport coconuts. Small animals should be a cinch.

[Corin91]

@sfg911

African or European swallows?

[sfg911]

@Corin91 HELLOOOOOOO!!! There was only one type of ultra-genetic swallow right after the flood. Super evolution hadn't kicked in yet. They could lift a small elephant

[SeltsamerAttraktor]

@sfg911 So what's the airspeed velocity of a squirrel laden swallow then?

[sfg911]

@SeltsamerAttraktor Well, today's swallow can beat its wings 43 times every second. But that's after 4,000 years of super de-evolution. Noahs swallows could flap their wings 3,000,0000 times every second taking them only 1.2 seconds to transport a squirrel 6000 miles.

[SeltsamerAttraktor]

@sfg911 Yeah makes perfect sense. All hail the supersonic biblical power swallow ... LOL

[AmsterdamHeavy]

@SeltsamerAttraktor African or European ?

[pilgrimpater]

Ah, at last, now i understand.

That explains the Lesser Spotted Singed Arse Grey Squirrel of the Appalachians.

[Darkfirebrand]

Visiting CP more than 3 times a day should put you on some irrational cleansing hitlist, Dawkins picks you off from a chopper with a sniper rifle or something...

[no1saphead]

Maybe the just explains Flying Squirrels .

[DeeDemonwitch]

@TheElMoIsEviL I concur

[mrx0066600]

I swear Conservapedia is run by non-stop morons or trolls...

Seriously Conservapedia is the landmark of human stupidity and warping reality to suit their own way of thinking...

So fucking sad...

[gaglamesh731]

I think 5 year-olds are better at science than these people.

[CappitranoBellephant]

LOL are you serious? Did they say that?

[TETSUno1]

@CappitranoBellephant

I'm getting a 403 error on the entire CP site... but a quick look around the net shows that they aren't even alone in the volcano belief. It's apparently something the wackier YEC's actually discuss amongst themselves quite seriously.

[HappyCabbie]

@TLSlayer1 Because I am subscribed to this channel.

[teavea10]

Where's the squirrel's mate? Shouldn't they be launched two by two?

[meleder]

Please tell me this is a joke

[HappyCabbie]

@TLSlayer1 I usually don't discuss my religious views if that is ok.

[TheFallibleFiend]

It's staggering. Andrew Schlafly is exempla non gratia that schooling does not equate to education and, tragically, that even Ivy League universities are capable of producing people who are utterly stupid. Refer, for example, to the "Lenski Affair."

[WashingMachine0]

Conservapedia is the number 1 best comedy website of all time.

[CuriousMoth]

There's no way it's a legit site though.

[sakar181]

@CuriousMoth

Sadly it is.  The guy behind it is fucking nuts.

[CuriousMoth]

@sakar181 Literally?

[sakar181]

@CuriousMoth

Yea, the site's legit and [IMHO] the guy that runs it is a nutbag. Check out rationalwiki for some of the backstory on the insanity that is andy schlafley (or however you spell it). And for shiggles, check out conservapedia's page on poe's law. It's simultaneously hilarious and depressing that people like this exist. Another place to get some insight into his mind is the talk pages for the atheism and evolution articles.

[jimthepleb]

@sakar181 bah we eurofags cant get it, i wanna see that poe's law page desperately.

[sakar181]

@jimthepleb

A few bits:

'Poe’s Law is an attempt at effective liberal internet satire ...'

'Generally speaking, leading evolutionists generally no longer debate creation scientists because creation scientists tend to win the debates'

'Poe's law is primarily directed toward conservative Christianity which is well supported by evidence (see: Christian apologetics ). In short, like many liberal satires, it is merely an attempt to gloss over inconvenient evidence and their own illogical thinking. '

[HappyCabbie]

Christians actually believe this shit?

[c0mm1rex]

@HappyCabbie I think you forgot 'They aren't real Christians' /sarcasm

[hevyAccel]

This looks like a job for Super-Squirrel! Now if he could just spin the earth back in time he could have got the rest of his forest friends to sabotage that boat for revenge for having to run from all the hungry critters on that boat for a year.

[Cyrathil]

@TLSlayer1 Nobody is fit to be president, but some are less fit than others.

[Cyrathil]

It's an old claim, but it ages like a fine wine: except instead of a richer taste, it's a more complex feeling of sadness and hilariousness.

So did God create little capsules for the Squirrel? Or did Squirrels lose their heat-resistant fur in the crash-landing? Maybe if God had made the squirrels less twitchy, they'd still have it?

[HulkSmashPunyHumans]

And Earl says "Why golly gee Merle I hears dem big ole volcanees shot dem little critters a far fetch back in great granpappy's days."

And Merle says "How you reckon?"

And Earl says "Why I saw it on dat dere Conservapedia Merle! Sure as sweet baby Jesus in the manager it's the only place in that hell-fire damnation called the internet to find the truth by some true Republican Christians!"

Merle mumbles something to himself and then goes back to rocking in his chair as he clutches a shotgun.

[chattiestspike2]

@ZeFriedrichNietzsche they be srs

[snarf66]

@chattiestspike2 they be stoopid

[jimthepleb]

@chattiestspike2 o rly?

[BassAceReturns]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA­HAHAHAHAHAHAHA



[Curtis006]

"[Biblical Citation Needed]"

Oh, wow.

[chattiestspike2]

@Curtis006 but "recreation" is criticized for having no biblical backing.

[lampyman101]

@Curtis006 They have the answers in genesis site as the sole citation.....It's no wander they don't want anyone from outside the US to see this

[kenandkids]

Oh wow. Instant headache due to facepalm... some warning next-time please.

Oh wait, I see the warning now. The title said conservaepedia...

[Curtis006]

Conservapedia's gotta be a troll website. It just has to be.

[Nilsy1975]

That's just fucking retarded, how stupid are those people... Oh wait, they think Sarah Palin is fit to be president!

[ultrapirtle]

Its unbelievable that human beings would be willing to claim to think this is true, simply to defend their bronze age book.

[Waitingforthebigboom]

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. That is all I have to respond to that assertion.

[caerwynentllc]

so, small furry animals are actually biblical noahkian body thetans? Woah! Suddenly, the OT makes sense!