Worlds Greatest Insults! Jokes

[DRIV3R24]

"I'll waste no time reading them"

1. He won't hesitate to start reading the comments.

2. He won't bother to read the comments at all.

[IL0vePptarts]

go slower so i can understand and memorize what u say :P

[blackdragonroxy]

"If you really wanna know about mistakes, you should ask your parents." I am so using that on this one obsessive cunt I know.

[teedome3284]

you a perfect example of retroactive birth control

[336874]

LOL. I HAD a perfect evening... this wasn't it

[TheNakalikasocca]

Can't hear half the things u say

[anthonyvallejo123]

thats gay

[firefoxbb123]

Wasn't the first one said by Winston Churchill? :P

[DudeGuyPerson64]

ummm, I'll bet your father spent the first few years of his life throwing rocks at the.... Slorg? what do you actually say?

[soopahsexychicka2]

@DudeGuyPerson64 stork

[DudeGuyPerson64]

@soopahsexychicka2 thanks

[CCCP307]

SUBSCRIBED

[GamingRevolutionz]

Here's my fav that I made up

Person 1: HEY, what you looking at bitch?

Me: Dunno, retards names are usually hard to pronounce mother fucker.

or if they say:

Hey!

then you say:

STRAW!

it leaves them in wonder and you can just walk off...

[IceColdHQH]

lmfao STAY WITH ME, i want to be alone

[HeatherLeo13]

You should act, FANTASTIC! :)

[jomore725]

how do you keep helen keller busy?

give her a basketball and tell her to read.

XDDD

[FearMySol]

Heres also a good one

what does a dildo and spam have in commen: There both meat substitues

[hunkallgood73]

Good jokes but bad delivery & timing

[jollyjosh951]

man, i'm only ten seconds into this video and i can already tell your so fucking full of yourself

[hioeo]

To:kkk, how many white people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, theyre so lazy, they'd rather sail all the way to africa and make black people do it

[PCVideoGameplays]

saaaaa

[iheartresidentevil11]

" even cilit wouldn't bang you" :)

[warriorsfan12331]

you're not just a dick, You're a small one

[SharpnelBoy]

The smartest thing you have ever done is realizing how stupid you actually are.

If sex was a golf course, I would make you my first hole in one.

If guns kill people, I can blame misspelled words on my pencil.

All you ever do is eat, sleep, and have sex. I can do all three at the same time.

If his nuts were any bigger, they could be used in construction.

How to tell how dumb you are: Hit your head against a concrete wall as hard as you can, then try solving trig problems.

Always love you.

[sofiamore]

ahahhaha that is funny stuff i like it

[FireMarioYoshi1442]

Why do showerheads have 11 wholes? Co'z jews only have 10 finger's.

Your mum is so fat she went out in highheel's and then kame back in slippers.

your mum is so harry when she gave you a hug you had carpet burn.

why not go back to your home on whore island

Sorry I never heard you. I can only hear that loud dress.

It's so hard to keep up with you. your belly is in the way

You cosed the titanic by how fat you are. But sadly you survived!

[StopHatinBr0]

here's a good one: Where you born on the highway? That is where most accidents happen... :D

[MistahFAY324]

@StopHatinBr0 What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? No one laughs at your jokes.

[CaJeffO]

@MistahFAY324 - While people are here stroking their ego's with "Perfect insults" your country, Sovereignty and Freedom is being ripped from under your feet.

GOOGLE = CAJeffO America is Hacked and Hijacked

.... Ignore this at your own peril.

[MistahFAY324]

@CaJeffO Cool story bro.

[soopahsexychicka2]

@MistahFAY324 you should tell it at shindigs

[jellicology]

@CaJeffO is this asshole is brown, muslim or just anti-west, then i apologize for some of the retards we have. we all arent like this hater. im sorry. CajeffO ur mother should have choked u with ur own umbilical cord!!!

[CaJeffO]

@jellicology - I like to hurt people like you punk. If pain is all that you understand? Then I am the right guy to teach you new manners your goon mama couldn't teach you. Now you can be a pussy hiding behind the facade of YouTube. That's one thing. It makes you a pussy. But if you ever wanna be a man about it? My favorite way to punish punks is arm locks. It makes you scream like a little girl & I get a close up when the bones crack. Total joy to hear a punk cry. Wehh mommy!

[pamnickris]

@jellicology DOES IT HURT BEING RETARDED!!!! Cause thats what u are. LOSER!!!!!

[2345678910e]

wtf u better read this

[2345678910e]

dude u gay jk

[SmileyySwaqq917]

Watched 1,000 Times ;P

Favorite;

Forget How We Met

Drink Poisen

Wonderful Evening

Ahaa ^^-Who Cares Though :)

[i88zg5]

i can't last a sec to see this

[Franheartstwin]

@123abht I KNOW RIGHT!!

[funnydummyful]

hi

[MsChouvalova]

are you....the guy that does stiffler's mom from american pie? :P

[yugiohkid66]

@MsChouvalova Paul Finch? Or However You Spell It...

[AlgisKemezys]

your good.

[datboi3474]

Suck a fat big black dick you ol' take it up the bum hole faggot smile at the end can't tell joke for your life tried too hard Justin beiber lookin lame ass don't got no jokes look white boy

[youngbloody567]

lol his kickass smile at the end of the video... total lulz

[1122bonerway]

This is ????????

[chickita2013]

Girl: Do u see anything different?

Guy: What am I looking at?

Girl: My skin! I got a tan!

Guy: O really? I just thought you got attacked by orange markers

[FearMySol]

LMFAO

[PrisonBreak108]

Guy: suck my dick homo!

me: you just asked me to suck your balls so your homo and even if i wanted to i cant because small things are chocking hazards

[22son24]

@PrisonBreak108 The guy told you to suck said "dick" not balls.

[misslaughalot62]

@thunderstorm848 haha yeah, 'special friends' :)

[misslaughalot62]

hahahaha 1:03

[prestoncantrell]

dude your epic! if we went to school together we would definetley be friends xD

[legocreationmaster]

Your so fat that when you went shopping for water beds, they didn't have one for you so they took a big blanket and put it over the pacific ocean!

[macjbr13]

Woman: Does my make up look ok?

Guy: yea yea...just kidding it looks like a crayola rape your face!

[MrJackass137]

women r like tornadoes, they both come(cum) rly loud and when they leave they take your house with them

[PPPPWNAGE]

0:41 LMFAO

[razsel288]

lol funny

[deadguynumbr6]

in the part where he says "the best part of you ran down ur mother's leg" was also in a stephen king book

[misskittycat7]

im going to stab u and fuck the whole i made

[zmarsella]

Say to a fat guy....

Hey you should be in sports....

Your round enough to be the ball!

[42dellduckyninja]

stay with me i want to be alone

[1999RandomDude]

good one here  her tits were so big u could land a plane on them

[drnogood59]

Examples:

Your mom is like the village bicycle, everyone has had a ride on her.

I remember the day you were born, your mother screamed, "NO PUSH HIM IN! IN!"

You're like a cross between AIDs and herpes....you come and go. When you come you only cause severe iritation and leave others with painful memories.

[madhatterz64]

lololol

[MRVIDZ99]

you shouldve gone slower

[vega3410]

You weren't dropped; you were clearly thrown at a wall

lol

[songokukingdomhearts]

your mom's so bald that when took a shower she got brainwashed.

Your mom's so fat she used cheats for the wii fit.

[LoLMasta09]

I like the Noah one! haha ima say that to my sister! She deserves it!

[ThePaperblur]

lolololol

[Phillthebodyguard]

/watch?v=9HmkXPeJOQg really funny wedgie at school

[amyybabexX]

@capps4242 then you say so did your moms abortion ;)

[SADFACE1000]

kind of lame

[jkobe14]

@SADFACE1000 no u

[SADFACE1000]

@jkobe14 great comeback....

[PsAsianGamer]

Lol I had a great evening but this wasn't it

[MetalBuffalos]

(while on x-box/ps3).....(some kids cursing at u)

you- only reason why your cursing is because your moms not there, and the only reason your moms not there is because shes sitting right next to me playing x-box with me

kid- ............. :(

[djbandy5]

stay with me I want to be alone!!lol

[hhu15]

lol thts pretty good

[TheHobbyist023]

I came here from "Hitler" 0_o

[bakonfreek]

the only reason I don't slap the shit outta you? shit splatters!

[ted7234889]

my favourite come back is if someone says you have no balls you say you just cant see them because your sisters head blocking the view

[mpc1209]

How about "You're clearly that attractive, you get laid multiple times per day. If your incompetence and common sense couldn't work out that that was sarcasm, I meant you're a grotesque tramp who fucks animals for bus fare and nobody with common sense or a will for good hygiene would even touch you with a barge pole" :) lol

[enrager1234]

Hay can u send me a PM of eatch one?

[AmericanSakura]

You better that sex than anyone, all you need is a partner ;D

[mattboy88]

i know 2: you're so ugly, you're mother gave birth to you while on a toilet, but it was too late for kleenex..

or this one: may the whole of africa mount your mother..

[oSoultaker]

Where do you get all that jokes....because i can´t understand many of the jokes you speak too fast and I can´t follow you....

[benzinn94]

Transcribing the audio is funny.

[carey5314]

From my days in secondary school:

Arsehole with really bad achne: John you look like a monkey

me: Yeah well you look like a pizza

[lilc54401]

this is the funniest shit ive eva heard in my life! (:

[pooponme94]

DUDE YOU RUINED THOSE SO BAD YOUR GAY!!!!!

[alijaafary]

guy1- tries to throw paper in bin and misses

guy2- fail

guy1- yur face is a fail

guy2- yur dad's condom is a fail

guy1- yur mom's abortion is a fail

[DempseyTheBoss]

@alijaafary me - your joke is a fail

[samyomen123]

@DempseyTheBoss me - your reply is a fail.

[hankm133]

@DempseyTheBoss i agree

[O0oADAMoKIDo0O]

ur not funny



[stardude3396]

@O0oADAMoKIDo0O hahaha your mom wasnt that funny either when i licked her asshole the other day

[slamballproductions]

Ive had a wonderful evening but this wasn't it haha funny man

[ZekeNLutherfan1995]

hah i read the comments and all of them were funny.! the video was too funny though...:D

[halieccboo]

@number1iAM :D!

[halieccboo]

smells like somebody had an abortion. on no wait thats the shitter door to the tuna boat between your legs where semen go to die!

[LAFFProductions2]

if i had a face like yours,i would sue my parents.

everybody has a right to be ugly,but you abused your privilege!

[MegaDoodlz]

worlds best comeback:

your mother

[kie2002]

Dude 1:Shutup

Dude 2: Make me!

Dude 1: When I mak shit I flush It as Well ;)

[rockman862]

You kinda look like me!

[Theaoifejay]

This guy is a legend !

[capps4242]

heres an example-

my friend garrett was in a book store and was moving all the bibles to the non-fiction area.(no joke!)

worker- Get out, (kicks him out)

worker- Kid, you failed!

garrett- no, you failed!

worker-your mom failed!

garrett- Well so did your Dad's Condom!

[1999RandomDude]

hahahahahahahaha

[huyhuyhuytae]

heres a good one

ur listening a old song like the 80's

a guy comes and says : ur song is old and lame

u say : ur mom is old why do u still listen to her

[decilepsy1]

you are the shitstain on the underwear of soceity; eminem

[SuperbMac1]

here is a good home made 1 : you must be gay u suck so much dick only piss comes out ur mouth

[TheNoobyProductionz]

Person: make me!

You: i would but i dont have the recipie

[bloxxparadox]

Hvae you been drinking? Oh, wait, thats just you.

[Progamer7474]

Here is mine:

Your full of so much shit you painted the bathroom brown....with your ass

[kattt33]

I have the feeling you like to talk a lot?

[stephaniiesweetiie]

Lol, Got to admit this is soo funny I am going to watch it again :)

x

[csilovergirl1]

here's one; when you were born, god admitted even he makes mistakes.

[the123lameguy]

heres a comback

hey your mom is like a hardware store, 10 cents per screw

[MrDeviledEggs]

@mike4driver That's what she said.

[dmg78542]

hey r u the same guy who made that smae vido of the ps3 ight kool vid dude

[JoeTheOmega]

hahaha she got her good looks from her father...it was a classic sergury

[ToaGuy]

These are all stupid... lol :D

[dalt779]

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

You're just mad 'cause your mom has a bigger dick than you.

You should wear a condom on your head because if you're gonna act like a dick you you might as well dress like one !

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

one of my favorites FUCK OFF DICK.

[bloxxparadox]

@dalt779 that 1st insult was good

[Supermatt1999]

@dalt779 i love these send me a friend request!  thx bye

[xXAngelsWingzXx]

Hahaha I know these from the app I had on my phone xD

[strawberriyum16]

@mike4driver OMG tht was a good 1 lol

[chikilan11]

only brave behind the pc. 

[HipHopStarPlayer]

Why didn't your mom just swallow?

[TheCrazystickman101]

guy;you suck!

you;cool but i know what you suck

[SeverDownloads]

I THINK HE KINDA QUTE <3 FOR EVA

[Hawtgamer40]

Answer with a yes or no:

Are you gay?

After they reply you say:

Does your mom know you're gay?

[rootbeer9000]

New relevant joke I made: What shakes more than Michael J Fox? A. JAPAN

[spartain003]

ahhhahhahahha to funny good job

[DanielLoveMetallica]

A guy said to me "You suck"

i replied "yes and your mom swollows"

"i know i was there" ^_^

a woman asked me "what time is it?"

i replied "WTF are you doing out of the kitchen bitch?"

a Justin Beiber fan girl said " i wanna marry him when i am older"

i replied "i didnt know you were a lesbienn"

A Fucktard said to me "Metal's Shit"

i replied "so is your dads condoms"

[vtrfslayer]

@DanielLoveMetallica hahahahaha that was hillarious

[DanielLoveMetallica]

@vtrfslayer Thank you ^_^

[marioking3000]

well weve made one thing clear you have no life

[jollibeegood]

Heres a dollar go buy a condom and go fuck youreself

[911hotpocket]

hey my friend made this one up,

Bad guy says "are you gay"

my friend says "depends do u want to suck my dick"

[jollibeegood]

Your like a broken toilet at Tanksgiving. You useless and full of shit

[Yourmum360]

if someone calles you a virgin or gay just say im not a virgin go and ask your girlfriend

[YoshiISBEAST99]

if i wanted my cumback i would wipe it of ur mamas lip

[stix471]

epic.



[semedekidd]

wanna see real yo momma jokes go to "s.e.m.e. new yo momma"

[adrianboulos]

wow, that sucked. ur face looks like it caught on fire and someone poked it out with a fork

[PersianChiick]

HAHAHAHAHAH I ALMOST PISSED MY PANTS LOL

[Monthral1]

well a napkin only goes on one lap then gets thrown away so......

[gunmaster4]

100,000,000 Sperm and THAT'S the one that got through! :)

Good?

Thumbs up? lol

[SPETSNAZLLAMA]

this is my insult Fuck YOU Dumbfuck im gonna fucking kill you ya dumbass motha fucka!!

[crazychick7676]

@SPETSNAZLLAMA That was in no way funny at all and I think you should go rethink your life now.

[SPETSNAZLLAMA]

this is my insult Fuck YOU Dumbfuck im gonna fucking kill you ya dumbas motha fucka!!

[killergambler101]

Dude ur so funny

[pancakeface7220]

pause it at 1:47

[AISmagic2008]

@pancakeface7220 ok... what am i looking for?

[MyXaviour]

@pancakeface7220 nice

[CoDBeast132]

good and funny but needs subtitles

can't hear so well

[pnutbutterjellytime8]

your retarded....take that bakc thats is an insult to retarded people,sorry urkel

[Mrisaiahturner1]

Heres one: Id hit you but shit splatters everywhere

[Mrisaiahturner1]

I'd hit you bit shit splatters

[4284842848]

1.) Go kill yourself. Why? So you can go fuck yourself. 2.) I'd kill you, but you already have a dead ugly face. 3.) Your skin is brown but your dick is Chinese. 4.) My farts describe you, it smells, no one wants to be around it, and you can't see the beauty in it.

[Ashaakhan]

YOU GOT MAD SKILLS MAN! Your mad, and you got the skill of a rat. Yeah, my insult isn't good. But yours are AWESOME!

[Livieroseandlilmeatb]

Your hot

[ollieroks]

IF I WAS YOU ID KILL MYSELF

[BrettsMusic2009]

where did u get these

[wyatttron11]

i got one youll never me the man yo momma was

[torterra165]

i got a good one

 YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE WAS AN APOLOGY FROM THE CONDOM FACTORY

:D

[evergreen26ify]

this is so cool eric

[justinbieberlove5547]

i got a good one:what are u going to do for a face when the monkey ask for it's ass back

[DMoneyFresh1]

Some of these are too long but most of them are good

[jaopbeantown]

Kid says same your mother burn you say: what did i say about making fun of your grandmother