Added: 7 months ago
From: NonStampCollector
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  • Brilliant

  • I was taught this story in kindergarten and I always thought it was a fairy tale. At no point did I ever take this seriously and until I started surfing the web in my early 20's I never met anyone who actually took it literally.

  • lol AWESOME!

  • LOL , Shows you how truly ridiculous this fairy tale really is!

    Great video, well done.

  • These 2 videos perfectly sum up why it is so fucking insane to take a literal reading of the bible. Well. Done. Sir!

  • @FatGuyWithAKatana Sounds like somebody's a lunatic redneck who thinks anyone with dark skin must be allied with terrorists. Bravo for displaying to the world your level of ignorance, mixed with conspiracy-theory paranoia about imaginary "facts".

    And no, i am a Canadian Resident, so i did not.

  • @limegreensquid yeah yeah yeah, i can't even find what i said 7 months ago but i was probably trolling.

  • Increased mutation wouldn't speed up evolution anyways. Mathematically, adaptation is only possible when u<1/L where u is the mutation rate and L is the length of the genome (that affects fitness) (see Evolutionary Dynamics by Martin Nowak), this is obviously an approximation but still makes my point.

  • "The Doctor" stored all the food and larger animals in the TARDIS as a favor to"god". Took him a couple of 'forever's' to get rid of the smell though.

  • @dondude69 The Tardis is a sentient being that can change forms. Just by it existing, it disproves any hope of a god.

  • 2:44 i make that same face when my boss ask me a stupid question.

  • This is AMAZINGLY BRILLIANT!!!!! :)

    Well done!

  • Don't forget that after the flood, Noah' descendants must quickly diversify into caucazoid, mongloid, negroid, etc races, and develop/redevelop languages of multiple cultures. What a job!

  • I wonder how in the world it never occurred to anyone that Noah wasn't the only guy on earth with a boat. Was everyone who owned a boat just and less sinful? Even the Chinese who worshiped pagan other gods?

  • @Naked4Jesus So true

  • Where is Cuba, lol.

  • God can summon enough water to cover the entire planet but can't make animals again. All powerful my ass =D

  • why do all cultures talk about a flood? apparently a flood happened. I don't know exactly what happened but we don't know about stone henge, the pyramids, or the megalithic monuments around the world that our most powerful cranes can't move. there are plenty of mysteries out in the open but this gets questioned on what you think is possible with your understanding of the world? lol silly atheists, thinking they know whats possible and what's not. I enjoyed the comedy.

  • @rvt0777 You're an idiot. We know how Stonehenge and the Great Pyramids were created. Most of the flood stories derived from one flood story, the Sumerian one. Just like Adam and Eve was a derivative of the Sumerian, Order of The Snake story.

  • @rvt0777 "I don't know" =/= God

    P.S. wow you just got fucking canned by NonStampCollector lol

  • @rvt0777 Oy, if every culture talked about a flood, then NOAH AND HIS FAMILY WEREN'T THE ONLY ONES WHO SURVIVED IT!

  • @rvt0777 What monuments that cranes cant move?

  • @rvt0777 Theists are the ones claiming to know answer's without proof, Atheists need solid proof, untill the proof is present , we simply say 'we don't know'. Ever heard of the term 'singularity'

  • @rvt0777 you are an imbecile.

  • @rvt0777 either god failed to give you a brain, or you fail to develop your brain. Pick your choice.

  • @rvt0777

    I'm not an expert on the matter, but I'd think it would be far more likely that the reason all these cultures have a flood story is because they used to be one culture, and that the flood in question was a local flood.

  • @TheVofR

    Consider Ancient Canaan & Athens were neighbors. Greek philosophers had famously speculated about a periodic flood to explain lack of previous civilizations.

    Similar to what we ask about the universe today.

    As with ID, religion hijacked with thought blocking harm & drivel.

    When Christian mobs burned down the library at Alexandria, Most other Human knowledge/history was lost,. motive was to make bible lies seem real;

    IMO the Yahweh cult is the Worst crime in History.

  • @TheVofR especially considering most myths were local floods. But I think a better explanation is that most civilizations developed where flood waters from rivers provided better soil, hence many flood stories.

  • @rvt0777 A worldwide flood is impossible. We know this. End. Of.

    And it may have escaped your notice but Stonehenge and the Pyramids are made of stones we can easily life.

    I don't know how you could fit all the research needed for that comment into your busy schedule

  • Obviously god created an extradimensional pocket inside the Ark's cargo room to make room for all the species and then put them into a state of suspended animation after leading them inside the ship by taking direct control over their motoric functions. See? All we need is to put in some godly scifi and suddenly it all made sense.

  • @eddiminus

    You mean the ark was bigger on the inside? OMG it was the tardis!

  • NSC, This has to be one of your best yet. To the next person who says "I believe that the Bible is true", I shall scoff, "Noah's Ark!!!!"

  • OLD EARTH THEORY

  • Got here from Facebook, another idiot, just can't stand to let people believe what they want, tsk tsk.

  • @HydraWolf1 You cannot force someone to not believe something.

  • @HydraWolf1 When the people that believe what they want start to indoctrinate children and force their beliefs upon others, then we are at liberty to intervene.

  • @HydraWolf1 - it seems that you are.

  • oh were bringing clean animals for food? good idea- no no, to slash their throats and burn their carcasses when were on dry land. oh, of course

  • "woah-woah-woah, hold on. that to me sounds like some kind of theory"

    rofl

  • The numbers alone show christianity is wrong.

  • I'm not exactly an atheist but I loved this vid...it was hilarious and true and smart xD <3 perfect combo of qualities

  • you guys sound like the cast of Flight of the Conchords.

  • @maxdecphoenix Close, he's australian, they're new zealanders. Kind of like how canadians sound a bit like americans I suppose. Although there are a few australians on the show.

  • @narco73 ??? when did i say they ARE anything? Also, spare the presumptuous lecture. Anyone that even knows of flight of the conchords, by default, would be well versed in their nationality as It's only, i don't know, the foundation of the show... I made my comment because at times, to me, they sounded exactly like Jemaine or Bret. gtfo.

  • @maxdecphoenix Wow. Over react much? I wasn't lecturing you, just thought you might be interested. Apparently not. Peace.

  • I nearly died laughing at this vid. You're a funny funny guy NSC

    Me gusta

  • so what was the point of NOAH"S ARK again? someone answer please.

  • Win

  • Great work!

  • ha

  • Every word of the bible is true, and we know the bible is true because the bible says the bible is true, and if you remember from the beginning of this sentence every word of the bible is true.

    Now are you following me or are you some kind of mindless zealot?

  • @423FGFDFHFHV Took me a sec to detect the sarcasm. I love you.

  • 6:04 A RABBIT IS NOT A RODENT, GOD IS REAL

  • @necropedophilia Whatever floats your boat bro.

  • One of my biggest facepalms was arguing with someone who believed that evolution was a myth, but believed in microevolution.

  • @ltntlocust This is the case with a large majority of Christians. Apparently since micro-evolution doesn't directly contradict the Bible, they're allowed to accept it.

  • @ltntlocust omg(ironic?) i know. i just got into and argument like that. and the reason for believing in microevolution N not evolution was they don't believe it could happen over time. i think i lost that argument because i was so dumbfounded i didn't know how to respond

  • LOL to this day I find it so funny that creationists actually believe this bullshit LOL

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  • Ha. Noah thinks hyenas are a type of dog. They're actually in the Feliformia suborder; more closely related to cats than dogs. They just look similar to dogs due to convergent evolution. Another example of that would be thylacines, which looked liked dogs, but were actually marsupials.

  • @unfinite I did not know that. Very interesting.

  • "I've already given this shit some thought" lol that's a bit meta.

  • SAVE THE HOOKWORMS!!!

  • the bible is the word of GOD.unfortunately god of the bible is a retarded god

  • that would have taken fucking ages to make!

  • @azmanabdula thats why they 'let' noah be 900 in the bible lol

  • @zebraman60 LMFAO

    how come the first animals in, didnt starve?

    but i was talking about NSC and the video : P

    it would have taken some time!

  • @azmanabdula simple: the ark is a fairy tale. duh!

  • @zebraman60 of course, cant we at least assume it did happen for the sake of my argument, : P

  • Brilliant!  Your best yet, NSC!

  • this is great! :)

  • this i great well done..;)

  • Absolute masterpiece, one of my favourite videos on youtube - Well Done mate!

  • 5:31, my favorite part.

  • "Where is Cuba?"

  • Does everybody know that Noah put all the animals in suspended-animation!

  • I'm a Christian here, and this is absolutely hysterical. Gross misunderstanding of ancient texts, but awesome nonetheless. 

  • @mart2224

    Ok, what do the ancient texts actually say then? Apparently we are all unenlightened, because that's pretty much how it looked to me as well when I read it.

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  • @mart2224 Depends on the type of information you'd be extrapolating from it. If you mean to discern scientific information from something not meant for that, who's error would that be? Yours, or the author's?

  • @narutofan9999

    In other words, a text written by people that had not even a fraction of the understanding of nature we have today available to them isn't a reliable source of information.

  • @narutofan9999 Youtube is making it difficult to respond directly to your quotes, apologies.

  • @mart2224 The Bible is retarded.

  • @AidanVaroloWhite7 Only if you are. The Bible is like number theory. It's not the actual numbers, it's the patterns. There are far-reaching conclusions to be made with patterns and modern scientific data. The two are not mutually exclusive, and to say they are is ignorant, illogical, and against the morals of modern atheism.

  • Makes more sense that it simply was a retelling of the Epic of Gilgamesh but credit to YHWH to impress his people.

  • this is one of the funniest satires i've freaking seen

  • Classic,brilliant,well done.( Which is how the dead pigs were cooked during the flood).Wait, isn't there something about Jewish pork rules? Excellent entertainment.

  • This video started my day.  Part one ended yesterday. Superb.

  • OMG! There's a croco-duck calendar on Noah's wall! Yay Kirk Cameron!

  • Great work! Thanks for doing all of this hard work! I salute you!

  • 5:32 ROFL

  • Very nice work! Love the "Python-esque" listing of animals.

  • No,thanks Neil DeGrasse Tyson!

  • Well according to the NIV Job 39:9-12, unicorns really exist LMAO. Yet another line of shit from the bible. No wonder medieval Christians believed in dragons.

  • This is hilarious until you realise that a great deal of the population actually believes in things like this.

  • i kno

  • I hate Noah for taking mosquitoes.

  • @gregrutz

    As much as Bible is bullshit, mosquitoes occupy a rather important position in an ecosystem.

  • I like how when he put on the professors hat he did an Aronra impersonation.

  • Love it

  • 7:55 - 7:58 was a good lead up, but I was disappointed by the default atheist response "lets make fun of the Old Testament". The more you pay out the concept of God, the less likely those who believe in "him" will listen to you. Instead of pandering to atheist, try to educate! It also doesn't help me as an atheist to expand my mind if all I get from like minded people is "Lets make fun of the silly theist" I'll continue to study on my own if that's all I get from people.

    But it was amusing.

  • awesome video! i love it when science prevails by poking HUGE HOLES in the "logic" of the bible.

  • Um, a little fact checking with the whole "unicorn" thing.

    Numbers 23:22 talks about an ox.

    Job 39:[19-25] talks about a horse.

    Isaiah 34 mentions lambs, goats, rams, oxen, bulls, jackals, ostriches, and snakes.

    Psalms 22 - lions, dogs, oxen

    Psalms 29 - oxen

    Psalms 92 - oxen

    No mention of any "unicorns" or even anything remotely describing a unicorn. What were you trying to get across with these verses?

  • @Override9636 Depends which version/translation you read. Generally I use the KJV until I get criticised for not using a more updated version, so then I use the NIV until I get criticised for not using a more traditional and established translation.

  • @NonStampCollector Haha usually NKJV makes everyone happy. Are there any translations that do point to "unicorns" because this seemed to be a bit of a stretch.

  • @Override9636 I did make a few minor errors re unicorn references that I mentioned in the description box, eg ch 23 instead of 22.

    But scan through the KJV. It's basically the Jurassic Park of unicorns.

  • @NonStampCollector

    Have you ever considered doing animations for The Book of Mormon or Qu'ran? 

  • @NonStampCollector Ya, now that I looked into it, it looks like the translators for NKJV were like "oh wait, unicorns aren't real? Um um oxen have horns! Change it to oxen!"

  • @NonStampCollector I found 6 references to "unicorn" in the KJV: Num 23:22 & 24:8, Job 39:9 & 39:10, Psa 29:6 & 92:10.

    Strong's has all 6 listed as H7214 (רם רים ראים ראם) defined as "From H7213; a wild bull (from its conspicuousness): - unicorn."

    Strong's H7213: ראם "A primitive root; to rise: - be lifted up."

    Hope that helps someone.

  • @recompile Tricky software, I missed the plural "unicorns" in Deu 33:17, Psa 22:21, and Isa 34:7

    Same Strong's number though!

  • @NonStampCollector

    I found this in an article on the Huffingon Post's website, called "God's Wife, Asherah, May Have Been Edited Out Of The Bible Says Theologian":

    (dated 3/22/11)

    "Inscriptions on pottery found in the Sinai desert also show Yahweh and Asherah were worshipped as a pair, and a passage in the Book of Kings mentions the goddess as being housed in the temple of Yahweh. "

  • @SinnFein4ever Finally, we have an explanation why He has a penis.  And probably also why He was such a psychotic lunatic for so much of the Old Testament. Women have a way of driving you nuts.

  • @ChipArgyle

    So tell us...

    Have you come out of the closet yet?

  • @SinnFein4ever Sorry - you lost me on that one. Explain?

  • @NonStampCollector Google this "unicorns kjv bible" click on the first link.

  • @narutofortevile Great link. It's that kind of logic that would have people arguing that long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there really WAS a Sith Lord called Vader.

    "Just because there isn't a Darth Vader now doesn't mean that there never WAS one. And we have here a text that says there was one, therefore, there was one. End of argument. LALA LA LA LA LA LAA L AL LA AL A AAAA I CAN'T HEAR YOU LA LA LA LA LA"

  • @NonStampCollector I didn't know you were such a prick? I posted the link because i was wondering what a unicorn was and it's a 1 horned beast lol. Because people usually think of them as 1 horned magical animals.

  • @narutofortevile You posted an article on "Answers In Genesis", the very website which I point out, in the video, is full of utter shit. These people attempt to sound like they understand science, yet will swear blind that a snake talked and caused a woman made of a rib to curse humanity forever by eating fruit from a magical tree.

    So I have little patience for their making up justifications for biblical references to an animal that only lives in fairytales and the bible (same thing). Sorry.

  • @NonStampCollector so where did every thing come from? did energy or whatever explode and create life? can I blow up a bus and get a caddilac?

  • @rvt0777 so where did every thing come from? did god just pop into existence and create life?

  • @rvt0777

    You realize a single explosion is nothing like the process of evolution, right? Evolution is an ongoing process of very small mutations/changes over a very long period of time. It's not a one step explosion, I couldn't count the number of steps it took to get humans. And at each step the force of natural selection is there, like quality control, making sure only the good changes are kept.

  • @rvt0777 No you'd get a blown up bus

  • @NonStampCollector so an explosion happened and created life? It's all clear to me now. I can blow up a bus and get a sports car.

  • @rvt0777 Yep, thats exactly how it works, you seemed to have grasped it with your incredibly broad intellect. Please be on that bus when it blows.

  • @rvt0777 Ah, I see you're well versed in what the big-bang theory is all about. You must have read up widely on it to come to that summary, because yes - that's exactly what it means. Yeah! An explosion happened and created life! All the academic journals can stop publishing now, because you've just summarised decades of findings in the field and pretty much put a lid on it. Well done, you are now the greatest scientist who ever lived.

  • @NonStampCollector finish him [insert NSC reply] excellent *clap*clap*clap*clap*

  • @NonStampCollector Jumping Jesus on a pogostick, NonStamp... the poor creationist bastard closed his channel.

  • @NonStampCollector LOL better said than I ever could

  • @NonStampCollector think he be trolling, because nobody is that arrogant, not even a catholic

  • @NonStampCollector

    It's amazing how stupid you can make any account of what happened sound if you make it sound like events that occurred at different times occurred at the same time.

  • @rvt0777 See NonStamp's video "Special Investigation - Evolution"

  • @rvt0777 you dont know anything from the sounds of it, you actually think blowing up a bus will result in a sports car?

  • @rvt0777 You don't understand the big bang theory from the looks of it, try to look up the definition of the big bang theory before you post something as idiotic as this.

  • @rvt0777 a bronzeage people of goatherders write a storybook, and the more ignorant people on the earth starts to believe it is a holy book desciribing reality.

    It's all clear to me now...

  • @rvt0777 So what was your interpretation based on the discovery of cosmic microwave background radiation, and its relativity to thermal radiation from a black body?

  • @NonStampCollector Even as an atheist you seem to be a prick.

  • @Override9636

    Well, except that Catholics don't use the King James version.

    But most of it is the same, so I guess that it will do.

    By the way, I just watched your new vidio.

    Awesome, as always.

    You know, I wonder if God would still be such a prick if he still had a wife.

    Did you know that in the old versions, it actually mentions her?

    Apparently her name was Asherah.

  • @SinnFein4ever Thanks :D I'm not Catholic, but I've always preferred NKJV. The only mentions of Asherah are in Jeremiah (7:18 is a good example) where they are denouncing the worship of the "queen of heaven." Asherah can be derived from the Babylonian goddess Ashtoreth (or Astarte) who was the wife of Baal, not the Hebrew god (Yahweh).

  • @Override9636

    Wait...

    Why does it say that my post was to "Override9636"?

    And why does your reply say that you are "Override9636"?

    (I presume that I'm still talking to NonStampCollector)

  • @Override9636 Try the King James Version, for example, under Deuteronomy 33:17, "His glory is like the firstling of his bullock, and his horns are like the horns of unicorns: with them he shall push the people together to the ends of the earth: and they are the ten thousands of Ephraim, and they are the thousands of Manasseh."

  • @Override9636 True, unicorns aren't mentioned in the sections you stated, But are mentioned in..

    Job 39:9-12 (Nutshell - it reads "do not take unicorn, they aren't going to help you plow a field and will expect you to pamper it")

    Deuteronomy 33:17

    It depends which translation @NonStampCollector has stated.

    NIV also changes things to gender neutral to keep it all P.C. so it's not surprising that they change unicorn to oxen. (if of course it's what you're reading from)

  • @ClassicL88 Yep, NKJV and NIV changed the "unicorns" to "oxen"

  • A classic, for all time.

    Thank you !!!!

    ;p)

  • Anyone else notice the crocoduck in the background calendar? A common creationist argument is that if these creatures really evolved why wouldn't we see fronkeys and crocoducks? This is a clever animation.

  • @KnightHsilgne

    It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a crocodile and a duck mixed... bred for its skills in magic.

  • These are great. It's like the characters of the Big Bang Theory sitcom have come to Noah's ark, lol

  • where's cuba? LOL!

  • Neil DeGrasse Tyson sent me here, but i would have been happy with Sam Harris doing it as well! Also this video owns.

  • 2 words. FEV virus. too bad god didn't think of that.

  • Whenever you bring up the impossible logisitics of Noah's Ark to people who believe it's true, they inevitably have to invoke god using his magical omnipotence. If god could use magic, why did he bother wuith an ark; why didn't he just transport the animals into the future?

  • @jimbrown257

    Because he very badly wanted to rework the geological evidence of a worldwide flood and genetic evidence of a population bottleneck in every species.

  • Meh. Clever but for some reason I'm annoyed.

  • Absolutely brilliant

  • "I don't want to start on the slipperly slope toward a meaningless, worthless atheistic life of only believing in things that make sense."

    I laughed pretty hard.

  • The most depressing thing about this video is the fact that the religious are just going to behave in exactly the same way the characters did here and ignore all of that evidence so they can keep believing.

  • @BlueVane Yep. It wouldn't be "faith" if it made a bit of sense. The fact that it *doesn't* make sense gives such people a sense of relief. It saves so much energy that would otherwise have to be spent thinking.

  • ha! loved the cat/atheist joke

  • Question: When they landed on mount sinei (which we can't find) how de all the marsupials get to Australia? Did they have GPS? How did the cross the water? Not to mention the rather long walk for a pinguin to antarctica, how did the manage to get out of the desert?

    Fantastic video!

  • @neuromatiker wrong mountain, dude. it was arrarat. sinai is in egypt btw. but still a valid question

  • @CareFreeWherever Sorry, I was a bit drunk when I wrote that :)

  • amazing, simply brilliant.

  • love it

  • The funniest part of this silly video is that Noah has an Irish accent.....as if!!!!!!

  • @johhny3rubs Australian. :)