hey i just wanted to pipe in as another non-binary-gendered transitioning person. :) so far i am welcoming every change with the exception of not being able to sing. though i do appreciate male-range songs a lot more now. it is scary not being able to do something that you have always done. or even not being able to match the pitch you can hear in your head with your voice. i imagine over time this becomes more comfortable and we will find our ranges and just alter songs to make them work.
@videokidsam Hey wanted to let you know that since i made this video I am again able to match the pitch in my head with me voice - yay for being able to join in with others singing again! So it definitely becomes more comfortable with time.
Hey Kyle. An intriguing video. I sometimes worry about regretting changes or down the line wishing I had left things the way they were 'before'...which is why I am on a low dose for now. I do like the subtle changes so far, and it sounds like you do too. I am curious what you miss about your body, or why you feel like you're "screwing yourself over" even while you are enjoying your new body/gender experience. I agree that feeling a "will to live" is a good sign. Losing that is a scary thing.
@bbbbakey For me, the 'loss' anxiety centers around social stuff, how I relate to women, dykes, etc. Though watching my body change is weird if I think about it too much, I am generally welcome to the physical stuff. I often wish I could stay me but be a man--I mean, I can internally, but being seen as a man feels foreign and sometimes overwhelming. But maybe it will be fine. Changing into having a 'trans body' that is physically different is also kind of scary and intense at times.
@bbbbakey I actually miss my boobs a fair amount. In a lot of ways I am relieved to have had top surgery, and in other ways I (quite literally) feel like I have lost part of myself. And although I am super happy with the way my voice has changed and feel much more comfortable speaking, I miss my singing voice. Actually, I think that's pretty much it in terms of physical changes. Figures that the things I'd be unsure about are the things I can't undo! :-\
@Kylandris20 I get it. Were you connected to them very much pre-surgery? I think it's normal--even for those who abhor their boobs--to experience a feeling of loss or intense bodily change post-surgery. I am trying to steel myself for this at the moment. Also anesthesia can do wacky things to your emotions weeks and months after going under. Regarding unhappiness as male, I have wondered this too. Whether I'm read as male or female, outsiders will never get the whole picture, the whole story.
@bbbbakey in terms of screwing myself over - I'm worried that I'll be just as unhappy with being perceived as male as I was with being perceived as female, and that I'll experience discrimination and health risks due to transition without actually feeling more comfortable.
hey i just wanted to pipe in as another non-binary-gendered transitioning person. :) so far i am welcoming every change with the exception of not being able to sing. though i do appreciate male-range songs a lot more now. it is scary not being able to do something that you have always done. or even not being able to match the pitch you can hear in your head with your voice. i imagine over time this becomes more comfortable and we will find our ranges and just alter songs to make them work.
videokidsam 1 year ago
@videokidsam Hey wanted to let you know that since i made this video I am again able to match the pitch in my head with me voice - yay for being able to join in with others singing again! So it definitely becomes more comfortable with time.
Kylandris20 1 year ago
@Kylandris20 yay! that is great to hear! definitely looking forward to that. :)
videokidsam 1 year ago
Hey Kyle. An intriguing video. I sometimes worry about regretting changes or down the line wishing I had left things the way they were 'before'...which is why I am on a low dose for now. I do like the subtle changes so far, and it sounds like you do too. I am curious what you miss about your body, or why you feel like you're "screwing yourself over" even while you are enjoying your new body/gender experience. I agree that feeling a "will to live" is a good sign. Losing that is a scary thing.
bbbbakey 1 year ago
@bbbbakey For me, the 'loss' anxiety centers around social stuff, how I relate to women, dykes, etc. Though watching my body change is weird if I think about it too much, I am generally welcome to the physical stuff. I often wish I could stay me but be a man--I mean, I can internally, but being seen as a man feels foreign and sometimes overwhelming. But maybe it will be fine. Changing into having a 'trans body' that is physically different is also kind of scary and intense at times.
bbbbakey 1 year ago
@bbbbakey I actually miss my boobs a fair amount. In a lot of ways I am relieved to have had top surgery, and in other ways I (quite literally) feel like I have lost part of myself. And although I am super happy with the way my voice has changed and feel much more comfortable speaking, I miss my singing voice. Actually, I think that's pretty much it in terms of physical changes. Figures that the things I'd be unsure about are the things I can't undo! :-\
Kylandris20 1 year ago
@Kylandris20 I get it. Were you connected to them very much pre-surgery? I think it's normal--even for those who abhor their boobs--to experience a feeling of loss or intense bodily change post-surgery. I am trying to steel myself for this at the moment. Also anesthesia can do wacky things to your emotions weeks and months after going under. Regarding unhappiness as male, I have wondered this too. Whether I'm read as male or female, outsiders will never get the whole picture, the whole story.
bbbbakey 1 year ago
@bbbbakey in terms of screwing myself over - I'm worried that I'll be just as unhappy with being perceived as male as I was with being perceived as female, and that I'll experience discrimination and health risks due to transition without actually feeling more comfortable.
Kylandris20 1 year ago