American Dream Declared Dead As Final Believer Gives Up

[rammice]

Wait a minute... dumb question but are Brook and Andrea the same person?

[rli421]

This piece is sad because it is true.

[SeventhSun]

The title should be: "American Dream Declared Dead As Final Believer Wakes Up"

[Kikabom]

"...but then i was like, eh, why bother..."

[how50]

i love Andrea Bennett

[TheThh]

looks staged

[Phatxam]

Wasn't the second guy the same guy who found a head in his whopper?

[nostalgic247]

when did The Onion start making real news?

[industrialsun]

Andrea Bennett. Dark-haired woman who comes across as resolutely indifferent and detached but not quite a self-absorbed bitch. That shit is sexy as hell. I would bang her any day of the week.

[Wypych7272]

2:45

guy in black: i'd fuck that

guy with back turned: meh

[Pentdad]

the American dream died in 2007, when the rich got bailed out by the poor.

[bio1slave]

More attack satellites XD

[amak206]

where can I get come attack satellites?

[InterventionII]

This is Onion News Network, now with more attack sattelites than any other networks.

lolwut?

[ArtypNk]

My dream is to be marooned on a small tropical uninhabited island with Brooke and Andrea for long enough time for them to agree to a threesome with me.

[MasoudAPFDC]

"Group of guys talking at party solve Mideast crisis"

[yourvidisbad101]

Ah yes, because it's easier to be lazy than it is to be happy.

[videogamemaniac83]

There was a SIXTEEN MINUTE AD before my video..... Re. Fucking. Diculous.

[selowe2011]

I still believe. The world is only sitting on my head, it hasn't cracked the skull yet.

[14cheetah14]

"Fire has lived side by side with MAN! Can it be trusted?! ... Frenemy"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOL Best part of this clip

[hellgurl71]

The American dream isn't dead, it'll be back as a zombie!

[jchabonbon]

Fire: Mans ultimate enemy

[egentile30]

kinda hungry i guess



[RedneckDeerhunter252]

They call it the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.

[EBlaxalove]

@RedneckDeerhunter252 i was going to dislike your comment then i saw your name

[RedneckDeerhunter252]

@EBlaxalove What does my name have to do with anything. To judge someone because of his name is ignorant.

[writersblock91289]

@RedneckDeerhunter252 damn commi

[Max17766]

@writersblock91289 Ah, you poor bastard. Still believing in something that's so obviously false.

[writersblock91289]

@Max17766 what am i believing that's false? i know the onion is fake. i called redneck a commi. communism is fake?

[elieobeid123]

@RedneckDeerhunter252 can you please put your source : George Carlin

[RedneckDeerhunter252]

@elieobeid123 Anyone that doesn't know who says that is sleeping.

[mashmiles]

@RedneckDeerhunter252 Quote by George Carlin. Guess you forgot to cite him. Don't worry, I've got your back :)

[CrapTurret94]

@RedneckDeerhunter252 George Carlin.

[Wutwut1n1]

The mayor is the same lady from the place with the tire behind the Kroger

[gredangeo]

Some of these hosts like Andrea or Brooke, should really be on other news. That way when people see those, they're going to believe these ones better! :)

[AnduinX]

That fire story sounds hilariously awesome.

[kennytan93]

@AnduinX

they really need to follow up on some of their extras tagged on at the end of each videos... :/

[SteveMcJagger]

dusty rhodes aint dead lol

[Mossgate97]

No way fire can't be trusted!

[EuchridEucrow1]

Tuffy: "I hate to ruin this for America but what you gonna do?"

[HanSoloStarcraft]

lol @ the fire segment



[pat5168]

What are you guys talking about? Brooke Alvarez is a lot hotter than Andrea Bennet. IF THOSE ARE THERE REAL NAMES

(Definitely aren't.)

[amirul264]

omg finally they came to realization that fire is always backfiring us!

[NickyAmerica]

@tatorsal

It's not "Corporate Americas" fault, Whatever the fuck that means, It's idiotic politicians fighting like children.

"Blame the coprorations" works in communism.

Why not go to Cuba and see how fucked up they are?

[NitsuaNaed]

@tatorsal dont mean you gotta take it out on the onion just cuz this video relates to your ass haha. were all fucked, get used to it!

[braineater316]

@NickyAmerica The politicians are bought and paid for by the corporations wise guy.

[NickyAmerica]

@braineater316

And unions, Don't forget that, Mindless liberal.

[braineater316]

@NickyAmerica Mindless Liberal? lol Only way I could match that ignorant arrogance is to call you an evil nazi but I'm not that quick to judge arrogant windbags such as yourself.

[bran147012]

Hmm Andrea Bennett looks really fucking ugly to me i guess beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder

[Grinkie]

@bran147012 its in her eyes, they seem kinda lazy. i agree with you.

[IcyScythe]

@bran147012 I dont find her cute either. She's got a skeletor face. Reminds me of Adams family tbh

[BiffWebster100]

Tap 1. Brooke is dirty!

[EuchridEucrow1]

I'm not convinced the American dream is really dead. I think this guy can still fill his cellar with barley corn if he really works at it.

[gredangeo]

"It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it." So true -screaming up at us. :)

[gredangeo]

HA!!!!! "gay and Dutch in America" lololol!! :D

[alBoorack]

Wait..."Attack satellites" ?

[BhoyWonder1991]

fire? .... gravity... mans ultimate frenemy

[danerogil]

The American dream is dead? Guess they woke up.

[MrTyWebb1]

Garnier Fructis makes your hair fall out

[barf245]

@MrTyWebb1 false but if it does i would be happy, go go baldness, save money on shampoo.

[zoroarkissueregion]

is this a joke.....

[danerogil]

@zoroarkissueregion No, this is serious shit. Fucking dumbass.

[BlissfullAwareness]

Fucking so true.....

[mattyfromcali]

Everyone is fat.

[celestina742]

LOVE ONN:)

THEIR NEWS PRODUCES RELIABLE ANALYSIS THAT CAN ACTUALLY PREDICT OUTCOMES V/ CLOSE TO REALITY.

I'M UP FOR 24/7 ONION N/NETWORK..BEATS FOX NEWS ANY DAY!!!

[locolalo1364]

LOL The Onion is a heaven for conspiragays and Eurocunts, since it's the only place where their beliefs are real.

[HalaDM]

@locolalo1364 Yes, because trashtalking the rest of the world is the best way to show it how awesome you are. Do it the American way.

[angrydead]

On a general level this is funny. Intellectually this is heartbreaking becouse it's true.

[Porkytool5]

american dream is dead

[thecapone45]

Omg, I wanna see that Fire special!

[shagingmaster35]

are these guys being sarcastic about this andrea bennett? cus shes like a 5

[Sanvorae]

Did anyone see the caption 1:33 "Group of guys talking at party solve Mideast crisis" xD

[Play671]

What is the American dream? I am Portuguese, but this concept that many Americans speak, I don't see meaning.

[pretzelzetzel]

@Play671 Don't worry about it. America may soon be following the Portuguese dream - defaulting on a massive external debt and dragging their neighbours and allies down into the shit abyss with them.

[Play671]

@pretzelzetzel Portugal dream? I am from portugal but i never hear talk about a Portugal dream. O_o

American dream is a work with out machines right? How your country whant efficiency, if they want after all labor and not machines? Whatever, we are in this planet to make progress and not to go to year 1950 for example or 1550. Well this is just a example about that dream. I never hear that but is my guilt. I look allways to the others country and not to my ^_^

[Wisprsinthedrk]

@Play671 The American dream is the ideal that, in America, one can strive for a better living and accomplishing their goals and be at least moderately successful. It doesn't mean that everyone will be rich, but it implies that everyone has the oppertunity and high ideals. That's really the best way I can describe it. If you are not fluent in the English language and need rephrasing just ask.

[ExSaint1379]

This is ironically too true to be funny.

[norestkev]

That was filmed at my place

[hongyiyao]

i believed it for a second..... T.T

[LunarDesk]

ok 1. I want to fuck Brooke Alvarez senseless!

2. charlie sheen just walked by

3. i've been to that tavern

4. there is no such thing as an american dream.

5. im a pyro

[Dinyctis]

Hell yes. Andrea Bennett!

[fusskonig]

I like to touch myself.

[Oli3TB76]

'not really, kinda hungry I guess'

[The11colek]

hahaha

the land of boundless oppurtunity, well had to join the real world again sometime

[EvilsOfFeminism]

I'm a big fan of the blonde, but hey, whatever floats your news boat.

[blindthrall]

I always imagined the American dream would be run over by a canary yellow H3, then put out of its misery by a .50 AE round to the back of the head.

[iraems]

The ultimate frenemy loooool

[LeadGuardian]

I would fuck the shit out of Andrea Bennett. Fuckin hot!!

[alg289]

heart andrea bennett and the mayor

[butch1dyke]

Andrea is awesome, her natural face is one of absolute contempt for everything and everyone who isn't Andrea, there is no acting required

[rock3tcat]

Andrea Bennet is an extremely hot piece of professional looking ass. :D

[chaosstarr]

@rock3tcat she looks like a transvestite

[ThePokemasterMatt]

@rock3tcat Not compared to Brooke Alvarez

[SurrealMarksman]

Onion really shows the stupidity of most news stories. If regular news had women like Andrea Bennet whom are subtly incredibly WTF kind of hot I would probably get drawn to it like a neanaderthal.

[TENNSUMITSUMA]

@SurrealMarksman

what

[cedarpose]

HA HA he got distracted watching Eraser

[EyequeenCasskulla]

Thumbs up if you noticed the old guy checkin the news lady out during 2:39-2:41

[Yout00ber1]

how can I take a news company that calls itself 'the onion' seriously?

[MisterBelvedere]

@Yout00ber1 great question. you should ask that question to as many people as you can and report back here.

[BGBailen]

The dream was always just a dream. We never wanted to accept the real responsibility of making it a reality.

[acdavis630]

lolololololololololololoololol­olollolololololololo



[ImNotMarina]

Andrea Bennett looks like a cartoon.

[SoCalFtGuy]

that's actually a pretty good greenscreen.

[landth78]

LOVE this

[getupviolet]

YAYYYYYYYYYY ANDREA BENNETT AGAIN YAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1­1

[TheExileElite]

i had to kill sixteen people to make my fortune. it was hard work but i just kept at it and now i hate poor people. if you stupid lazy poor people would just start killing people you might be able to make a better life for yourself but no your to lazy! well duty calls, gotta go kill more people. groovy

[AshyenMagnerus]

@turtzilla90 ... WHAT.

[rmr355]

you can skip this add in 3... 2....1 SKIP!!!!!!!

[nazirights01]

@DontTouchMyVicodin dude i just had to say i fucking love the screenname

[seani0]

The fake ad was better than the entire video.

[nadaa246]

great stuff

[thomasfk09]

hahahahahaha hot dog vendor = guy who found a human head in his Whopper

[w9j15g]

WTF is the American dream anyway?

I dreamed I got on the school bus and then suddenly realized I was naked. Is that it?

[joe67saint]

I'd love to see cuisine atmosphere at Tuffy's 

[hrhitter620]

@911FalseFlagTerror01 u kno this is fake right?

[dynozark]

I was gonna make him a plaque, but then I thought "eh, why bother?" lol

[freereg29]

these guys have the best job ever

[kurumais]

not bad

[skeezerzz]

i love the mayor

[xenjackal]

Did you feel anything when the American dream died? Nah, not really, kinda hungry i guess.

[Ratama]

great! now how about the rest of it?

[Raklryja]

dafuq? Bennett was an anchor. Why is she a reporter now?

[IKEELYOUNOW]

@Raklryja lol

[kuunami]

Brooke Alvarez = SUPER MILF!!!

[scottyrobot]

there is no Pennington, Il! Lies! ALL LIES!!!

[Miyuuko]

What's up with the Onion lately, I am not feeling these new videos

[tomcornhole]

wow, i live really close to where this happened, makes you wonder

[snowballeffect]

was that the same dude 4 times?

[wicketts16]

LOL, OMG you have to watch 30 seconds of advertisements before some videos oh no the worlds going to end. Seriously shut the hell up.

[Rawrzellers]

Gay and dutch in America?

[lrcdert2010]

People only know the country Turkey because turkey is a major food for a major American holiday.

[TheNewMoon333]

rofl fires ultimate frenemy 

[Bjrec]

Thumbs up for skipping the Advertisement as soon as fucking possible.

FUCK ADS ON YOUTUBE!

This is YOUtube not THIRD PARTY tube!!!

[ra2yuri4]

@Bjrec y u mad bro? post your rants on your blog, not an onion vid.

[MrWalkthrough89]

@Bjrec IF YOU DONT WANT ADS GET FIREFOX PLUGIN "AD BLOCK PLUS"

[Jessedeloatch]

@Bjrec no its a BUSINESS 

[chris978820]

@Bjrec Thumbs up for keeping the ads on youtube so youtube stays free. because without ads youtube will have to charge people money since youtube uses the ads for their money. thumbs up for that

[mitchk666]

eh why bother

[HippyCalliach]

HAHAHAHA :) irony I LIKE THIS :)

[kazyBarbarian]

What

[UPRC]

I sure hope we see that report on fire. Andrea Bennett is awesome, easily the most convincing of The Onion's crew, along with the former In The Know gang.

[KALfilms]

LOL Frenemy! 

[intergalactichaiku]

a fire killed my father and raped my mother :(

[Rajaat99]

I tried to start a business. I agree, that American dream is dead and the government has killed it.

[AGuidoR42636]

Lol...wtf?????

[magicringgirl]

hahaha Frenemy!!!

[jewbinson]

frenemy hahaha

[geckofootpictures]

Bennetts are awesome! I should know, it's my last name. Also, this comment is pointless. :D

[jarvisel]

I'm going to open up a franchise too. Except instead of bars, it's going to be daughters who wear a lot of makeup and blow dudes on an E! reality show. And I will be their momager.

[rob6van1dam9]

Gota say, the end promo saved it

[MrHogslice]

Sitting in my boxers at my computer playing World of Warcraft. My welfare check should be in the bank early next week.Its the burger shops fault I am so fat, the tobacco companies fault I cant breath, the bankers fault I'm so broke and the schools fault I di'nt learn anything. they owe me. I am living the American dream.

[yourfakeplasticlove]

@MrHogslice  Im in customer service...you've officially mentioned 90% of the people i talk to everyday!!!! i hate my job *LOL*

[KojachBaumherr]

@MrHogslice oh you republicans, your wit is 2nd only to your economic beliefs

[shindoutube]

@MrHogslice i want your life!

[NwZ2]

@MrHogslice Its also your fault that you don't know anything about politics too. Sux. :D

[bethanyisinsane]

@MrHogslice get off your ass and go do something then. the ONLY one who is at fault here is you. YOU gave up on YOUR dreams, clearly.