@nohero23 Or, take it to a pet shop and demand your money back because the salesman told you that it was a parrot. Stick to that story despite all arguments for reason. Even if they don't take the mouse, you'll have some wonderful material for a comedy sketch.
The only risk is that you might end up with a parrot.
i had a mouse for ages that irritated me no end, used a glue trap and put it down by the bin one evening and an hour later it was there squealing - i thought i would have trouble killing one but it had been so annoying me i found it surprisingly easy to do.
That's what Hyde Park is for. It's much closer and looks enough like countryside for mouse transplant purposes. Just take it out to a suitable lush portion and elease it there. Just don't release it near Speaker's corner, that would not be nice.
Look, does the mouse pay tax? room and board? tv license? If not, consider calling up your accountant and have them pour through your finances with your lawyer.
Determine how much the mouse owes you in back-fees. If the mouse refuses to pay up, I'm sure the courts would find judgement in your favour-and a bailiff might come around to evict the bastard. Too much trouble? Have a friend or family member visit with their cat-he could stay until the mouse is found, cat goes home, no more mouse. XD
I had a pet rat that I was fed up with, the pet shop didn't want it back so I "kindly" released it in the countryside. But since it was a bright white rat, I guess it was dead before morning, caught by some owl...
Now see what you do is as follows: capture the mouse in a non-lethal trap, Find that one guy... you know the one with the thing who you really don't like all that much but are friends with anyway, Get him to invite you over, Release the mouse in his house and now it's his problem.
My girlfriend would love to have your mouse, unfortunatly we live about 2 hours away, which will make the trip a little longer than your 3 hour round trip
Poison. They eat it, go back behind the wainscoting to their nest and die there.
I caught a mouse in my flat last year (and I will boast about this one: it was with my bare hands). It was about 3am, too late to take it to a park, so i poked some holes in the lid of a large jar and put it in there. It was dead the next morning.
@Nickonar Since Carbon-dioxide is heavier than air it settled at the bottom of the jar. Since mice are not known for their outstanding hight, it doesn't take much for the CO2 to replace the air at breathing hight for the mouse. It suffocated. You could have put it in a zip-lock bag and placed that bag in a tub full of water. The effect would be the same, but you could have had an underwater mouse for a short period of time.
the mouse owns you now. there's only 2 viable solutions. the first is to remove all the food from your house for a month. the second is to burn everything and start again. you strike me as the burn everything type.
The advantage of a live trap is that if you handle it properly, you never have come into contact with the mouse. Mice have fleas. Fleas from a dead mouse are looking for a new host.
Bait the trap with just a dab of peanut butter. Once the mouse is captured, carry the trap with the live mouse inside it a block or more away from your home and release it.
In an urban setting, that's all the distance from your home you need to give it ample opportunity to find someone else to mooch off of.
There are parks in London, release the mouse there. It can gorge on rubbish and nest in a sleeping tramp's beard(and conveniently keep it clean of crumbs and other debris, except for poo).
I live in the countryside, mice are small enough to stamp on, if it comes to rats and bigger then pitchforks, golf clubs, air rifles and dogs are used :) I love my job!
Trap the mouse, don't drive three hours away, but three blocks away, and release it. Just pick a place with lots of either stray cats or easy access to garbage. Either way, I don't think he will return to your place any time soon.
@thatsmesothere no we won't let it in, but it's not the fault of our inexplicably conservative, yet nominally "forward-thinking", government, because it jumped the "queue". it won't be put in a nice home, it will be deposited just south of a war zone, or in a mouldy detention centre where it will be deprived of proper human rights and not allowed to attend its dead parents' funerals. and if we do let it in, it will be subject to a crippling pressure to conform.
@loveliestwilde AAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA . i think youre forgetting that its a mouse and not a human. we have so many laws to protect animals, just none to protect humans. Love how you think. i laughed so hard when i read your reply, so true.
As an American, all I can suggest is attempting to get it to convert to Islam, putting it into an electric chair, and executing it, while mumbling something about immigrants and gods work being done.
@laterzkaterz its less cruel than snapping there head in half and its like han solo in empire strikes back they don't feel any pain I freeze them and put them in the bins so the garbage truck takes them to the tip and who knows they might survive.
@darthesgoobis123 It's really not. Neck snapping is insta-death. In a freezer, they die slowly and in AGONY from hypothermia. Their extremeties freeze before they die, which is also real effin painful (ask anyone who has gotten severe frostbite and required amputation afterwards)
I actually keep dead mice in my freezer, for my snake, but they are killed humanely with C02 gas(like a lot of the chickens we eat). NEVER kill something by freezing, it's incredibly cruel.
@laterzkaterz its nice, they just go to sleep. like an old man dying in his bed, after his wife has died a week before and he is slowly dying due to a broken heart. like that. completely nice.
My dad lives in the countryside. He catches the mice in humane traps and keeps them in a holding pen until there are two. Then he walks a mile or so through the fields to an old shed. He releases them there, and puts a stash of peanuts in a specially designed box with a hole in it that will allow in mice, but nothing any larger. He goes up a few times a week to top up the nuts, in the hopes that the mice will think they get a better deal in the shed than in the house.
@BrightOnimicon That's reassuring! I didn't have room to say that he sets his alarm for 4 in the morning to get up and check the humane trap so any mouse isn't stuck in there too long. If there is a mouse it goes into the holding pen and he resets the trap. If he doesn't catch another one he just releases the first mouse back into the house and tries again to get two or more to go up to the mouse colony! I'm not convinced, personally, that the method works.
@tuemahs Wow, he is just the nicest person ever ^^ Good to see that not everyone would prefer to mutilate and kill the mouse :] And from my experience that method is very effective, I got rid of all the mice in my home in about four days.
Catch mouse in soundproof box. Seal box completely. Bury box. Quantum physics dictates that the mouse will not only be dead due to suffocation but also STILL ALIVE, thus sparing you the ethical problems associated with extermination.
@johnnydarke as Richard Feynman famously said "If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don't understand quantum mechanics." In your case, I'm afraid he's right.
Dude, look. It's too late to decide you're too manly to have a cat. And that whole hay-horse-whatever issue is gone as long as you don't decide you're too manly to have a cat. Give it a hug, let it eat your mice and insects, and enjoy its company.
Is this not really simple? Drill a hole(large enough for a mouse trap) through into your next-door neighbour's house. Slide the mouse trap through and then once the mouse is caught, close up the hole and deny ever having made such a thing.
ok first thing you will need is a long piece of tubing.....Preferably made of plastic, then once you have caught the mouse you will need to insert the tube into your Anu....oh wait that's for gerbils.... never mind.
catch the mouse and visit an older relative for tea and leave it there they wont notice mice are to quick and leave little evidence that older folk won't notice
I too had this problem, the mouse/mice were rather cute and were quite happy to come out on my landing whilst I was watching tv. We tried a humane trap, but we forget about it and months later when a smell emerged in the kitchen we realised the trap had caught a mouse only the poor thing starved to death. So then came real traps and I shot one with my air pistol. It solved the problem.
@ThoraxTheAvnger Look man I have a right of opinion and I think hes boring. You r not even making any f*n sense with ur ridiculous comment so y dont u start making some sense. David mitchell aint funny anymore.
Catch mouse. Tie it to candle for 3 days. Force him to watch your efforts of building a tiny house. Add tiny food in the tiny kitchen. Let him loose and watch him enjoy the comforts of his new home. Raid his home. Poo in his lounge. See how he likes it.
At least it's only a mouse. I had a rat in my apartment. I have a cat, but the rat scurried someplace where my cat couldn't go, which is probably for the best. My cat might have gotten injured in a fight with the rat, which would have been awful, or if he'd killed the rat I'd have to have dealt with the bloody corpse. I can't even stand to deal with a dead bug (my cat brought me a "gift" of a dead waterbug one night). I'd like a humane, cheap way to catch a rat without harming her/him.
@YY4Me133 get some cheese, now get a box, put the cheese in the box, wait for the rat to get in the box, close the box on the rat, tape it up, throw it out, there it's not harmed, it's out of your house, and when it dies you'll be none the wiser
@YY4Me133 Small quantity of chloroform on some conveniently forgotten food stuff? Place in bag, take elsewhere, maybe near some bins, when it wakes up it's got a nibble. Either that or just brave the storm and kill the thing, with a novelty plastic mallet...
I've been contemplating this same problem for a month, which has given the mice time to reproduce, so now I have baby mice running around in my kitchen, which I want to kill even less because they are simply adorable. I might try to drug them. Sleeping mice are easier to catch and set free. In short: I've decided to treat this as many do politics: what happens outside of my house is not my responsibility.
Do what they did to Korea split it down the middle then spend the rest of your days knowing that the flames of battle could start up again at any moment.
You could accidentally move a cupboard over the mouse as I once did. The guilt of killing the mouse is slightly diminished. Then you could put it in a plastic bag and put it in the bin and say a few words about how you didn't mean to kill it and that it is sad that humans and rodents couldn't develop a similar kind of symbiotic relationship that make so many other animals our willing or incognisant slaves.
I don't want a mouse sent to me for my answer, but I would say a cat is a great solution. They do expect you to care for them for many many years, but it would bring you very gratifying experiences along with lots and lots of material for your rants.
Trap it in one of those box trap things where it doesn't die, then release it in a restaurant that has terrible service and under cooks your food, the mouse gets some nice food and you get a nice bit of revenge. Everybody wins (except the restaurant but we don't care about them).
Short version? Because they don't eat rocks. They eat plants, which are also alive, which makes them killers as much as anyone else.
It's a nice idea, but a flawed one that can only exist in fables or with modern science. You may think you're being healthy and obeying nature, but the fact is, you're denying a section of your natural diet so you can pretend your hands never got dirty in the process of feeding yourself. But everything eats something else. And that's life.
@AdamaGeist Plants don't have consciousness . I can empathize for an animal because they experience incredible pain and fear being killed; Whereas a cucumber......I don't think I'm obeying anything but my own moral obligations. Don't think you know other people and other peoples intentions, because you don't and you just end up making yourself sound like a dick.
I'll refrain from the obvious rejoinder, and move on to the rest, which is.. Yes, plants do notice when they're being harvested. They do show signs of reacting to physical threats and danger, as best they can. If they feel pain or not is hard to say, as they generally move too slowly to witness. But they do feel something.
As I said, the difference between you and I isn't morality as such, but facing facts. Life feeds on life. I don't pretend I'm not culpable, and you?
@johnyprestige Consciousness my friend. That is where the morality lies. Not whether or not the plants react to stimuli. Life feeds on energy, in many forms. Look, i don't want to argue with you; I'm certainly not going to change my opinion, and I'm pretty sure that you're not either so shall we just not talk to each other. I've been through this argument too many times.
see that's the beauty of a true hypocrite, they don't realize they are one. Vegetarianism is a cute idea, but unfortunately it is wrong. Not in that 1940's Germany kill all the Jews sort of way but rather in the way that we are meant to eat meat. You can deny that fact all you want but you will still have your canines firmly attached. If we were meant to eat nothing but vegetables all day long we wouldn't have teeth designed to tear flesh.
@z3r0t0l3r4ns Ah the beauty of the anti-vegetarian... Always trying to criticize a section of people who have made an extremely intelligent and compassionate decision which harms no one. Face it there is no real way to criticize a person being a vegetarian whereas there are countless ways to argue against a person eating a burger made from the carcass of an animal which had no way to defend itself.
@ElDiabloMuerte Well, extremely intelligent can be discussed far and wide... but I'd concede it's a compassionate choice and that it harms no one (as long as they get all the nutrients they need). I got no problem with vegetarians, except the preachy ones who try to guilt-trip you into thinking in their fashion. The cows we use for various produce live comfortable lives: they are fed at regular intervals, milked and cared for and they never have to deal with the stress of feeling hunted.
@Bunji2k6 The intelligence matter doesn't need to be discussed far and wide, it's glaringly obvious that it is a smart decision to make... For example, is it not intelligent to make a decision which helps to reduce the size of an industry which is the No. 1 (according to the UN, not crazy vegan hippies) contributor to global warming? Is it not intelligent to make a decision which yields huge benefits to personal health?
@ElDiabloMuerte Oh, I know that the whole food-industry (and transportation of food) around the globe contributes to the warming to a large degree. I just like meat a lot. A more approachable goal for everyone would be to have a vegetarian day in their week or something. That would cut down on a lot of the consumption. Ideally, we'd go back to only getting our wares from local producers, which would also automatically limit population-growth beyond what is sustainable. Everyone wins! :D
Yes, you are. My god, you are. You don't think of it as such, but that's because you don't actually seem to think of the things you eat as alive, in that they don't move about and make noises. But the simple fact is, they are. In many cases, what you're eating is alive AS you eat it, and doesn't die till you start digesting it. It's a very nice playground fantasy to think otherwise, but you and I both know that apple you eat could have been a tree that lived for five hundred years.
i found a mouse before, set a trap piece o cheese. came back it was crushed on the trap. i picked it up at the trap base mouse atop it.. stuck it in the bin emptied the bin.. took me a minute less than this video.
I set up sticky traps and caught my mouse. Once they get stuck there's no getting unstuck. I just dropped a brick on his head outside. That did the trick!
I'm American, so my first answer is a .22. Then again, I'm American and can aim. Your quarters will look much better without .22 rounds sprayed all over the place.
Maybe you should train a hawk? It lives in a cage and, every now and then, you just let it out to hunt.
@Raventoll May I direct you towards the american friendly fire numbers in recent wars, and this is by people supposedly trained in the art of marksmanship and handling of said shooty items.
@xfrolickerx To be fair, you'll only be able to criticize our marksmanship if we miss. And we do seem to be shooting what we're aiming at. Whether or not that's you has nothing to do with our marksmanship.
You leather-clad, chop-munching hypocrite. At least us vegetarians have proper grounds to be ethical objectors to mouse-murder. You my friend have no such excuse and ought to man up.
You must equip your mouse with a brain-dead companion and a book entitled "So, you're going to try to take over the world?"
MegaFlippinPancakes 11 hours ago
Give it to a animal shop, and demand it to be fed to a snake.
nohero23 19 hours ago
@nohero23 Or, take it to a pet shop and demand your money back because the salesman told you that it was a parrot. Stick to that story despite all arguments for reason. Even if they don't take the mouse, you'll have some wonderful material for a comedy sketch.
The only risk is that you might end up with a parrot.
ELuhn 18 hours ago
..... i wunder how that mouse is now?
Sboy200 1 day ago
2:10-2:25 is genius
cyrilsnare 2 days ago
Comment removed
cyrilsnare 2 days ago
Hammer and mop...
DisturbedRetards 2 days ago 3
@DisturbedRetards brilliant. shop vac?
oedipalpopsicle 1 day ago
You can get it, stuff it in a box, and then send by mail it to this direction.
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW, Washington, DC 20502
SackFulloApplez1993 1 week ago 2
David, drop a BAFTA on it
MegaMrDamo 1 week ago 10
i had a mouse for ages that irritated me no end, used a glue trap and put it down by the bin one evening and an hour later it was there squealing - i thought i would have trouble killing one but it had been so annoying me i found it surprisingly easy to do.
ukstevey 1 week ago
That's what Hyde Park is for. It's much closer and looks enough like countryside for mouse transplant purposes. Just take it out to a suitable lush portion and elease it there. Just don't release it near Speaker's corner, that would not be nice.
Chrisfs59 1 week ago
I hid, squealing, behind my lesbian housemate who smashed the mouse with one of my dress shoes, worked pretty well actually.
PS. I am a man, allegedly.
prettyblandvideos 2 weeks ago 7
get a cage.
Swidhelm 2 weeks ago
Kill it by dropping one of your BAFTAs on it?
Kitlun79 3 weeks ago 23
@Kitlun79 Damn! I was going to type that. :)
baldurus1 2 weeks ago
Look, does the mouse pay tax? room and board? tv license? If not, consider calling up your accountant and have them pour through your finances with your lawyer.
Determine how much the mouse owes you in back-fees. If the mouse refuses to pay up, I'm sure the courts would find judgement in your favour-and a bailiff might come around to evict the bastard. Too much trouble? Have a friend or family member visit with their cat-he could stay until the mouse is found, cat goes home, no more mouse. XD
upallhours9 3 weeks ago 2
I had a pet rat that I was fed up with, the pet shop didn't want it back so I "kindly" released it in the countryside. But since it was a bright white rat, I guess it was dead before morning, caught by some owl...
poppylv21 3 weeks ago
@poppylv21 Tyrant...
andyfoxy1 2 weeks ago
@poppylv21 wow wow. that is so cruel. Poor rat. mad me sad
TheAlfredgreen 1 week ago
Hammer!!!
bencutler1066 3 weeks ago
Now see what you do is as follows: capture the mouse in a non-lethal trap, Find that one guy... you know the one with the thing who you really don't like all that much but are friends with anyway, Get him to invite you over, Release the mouse in his house and now it's his problem.
DireWolfessV 4 weeks ago
NO ONE ELSE LIKE THIS!!! theres 666 likes and its cool so please dont.
JkebabTNG 4 weeks ago
You can get these plug in things that make a noise inaudiable to humans but deters mice.
Vehementi 4 weeks ago
Release the House Hippo! They will battle to the death.
0Cazador 4 weeks ago
Catch it in a live trap, then transport it to your nearest enemy's home; the mouse still gets food, and your enemy inherits your problem.
Berelore 4 weeks ago
I know I'm probably a few years late, but I guess you could always kill it with your BAFTA.
Hasseli 1 month ago in playlist Series 1
You chop-guzzling lever-shot hypocrite.
nukeqler 1 month ago in playlist Series 1
My girlfriend would love to have your mouse, unfortunatly we live about 2 hours away, which will make the trip a little longer than your 3 hour round trip
Omni315 1 month ago in playlist Series 1
@Omni315 a two hour trip will take longer than a three hour trip?o.o
sKRAPtheRIpPER 3 weeks ago
@sKRAPtheRIpPER 3 Hour round trip or 2 hours either way :P
SuperKittenForce 3 weeks ago
@SuperKittenForce shuup
sKRAPtheRIpPER 3 weeks ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@sKRAPtheRIpPER superkittenforce read it correctly "3 Hour round trip or 2 hours either way :P"
Omni315 3 weeks ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Capture it then put it in a larger cage.
Congratulations, you now have a pet mouse. Sell it if you don't want it.
Treblaine 1 month ago
Capture it then put it in a larger cage.
Congratulations, you now have a pet mouse. Sell it if you don't want it.
Treblaine 1 month ago 3
4 iron
DyslexicBibliophile2 1 month ago
Poison. They eat it, go back behind the wainscoting to their nest and die there.
I caught a mouse in my flat last year (and I will boast about this one: it was with my bare hands). It was about 3am, too late to take it to a park, so i poked some holes in the lid of a large jar and put it in there. It was dead the next morning.
Nickonar 1 month ago
@Nickonar Since Carbon-dioxide is heavier than air it settled at the bottom of the jar. Since mice are not known for their outstanding hight, it doesn't take much for the CO2 to replace the air at breathing hight for the mouse. It suffocated. You could have put it in a zip-lock bag and placed that bag in a tub full of water. The effect would be the same, but you could have had an underwater mouse for a short period of time.
IcEye89 1 month ago
Get a snake. At least they aren't furry
3004255 1 month ago
the mouse owns you now. there's only 2 viable solutions. the first is to remove all the food from your house for a month. the second is to burn everything and start again. you strike me as the burn everything type.
popeyroach 1 month ago 104
@popeyroach You, Sir, made me LOL.
SubRosaSpear 1 week ago
He's using his soapbox to kill his mouse.
suver8 1 month ago
The advantage of a live trap is that if you handle it properly, you never have come into contact with the mouse. Mice have fleas. Fleas from a dead mouse are looking for a new host.
Bait the trap with just a dab of peanut butter. Once the mouse is captured, carry the trap with the live mouse inside it a block or more away from your home and release it.
In an urban setting, that's all the distance from your home you need to give it ample opportunity to find someone else to mooch off of.
Pudentame 1 month ago
write it a stern letter
oldsoulyoungbody 1 month ago 2
i just love that everyone is giving serious consideration to what to do with, what is most likely, an imaginary mouse:)
swguygardner 1 month ago
sell it on ebay
Waterjello 1 month ago 2
There are parks in London, release the mouse there. It can gorge on rubbish and nest in a sleeping tramp's beard(and conveniently keep it clean of crumbs and other debris, except for poo).
hamneggwich 1 month ago
I live in the countryside, mice are small enough to stamp on, if it comes to rats and bigger then pitchforks, golf clubs, air rifles and dogs are used :) I love my job!
ooogaboooga172 1 month ago
Trap the mouse, don't drive three hours away, but three blocks away, and release it. Just pick a place with lots of either stray cats or easy access to garbage. Either way, I don't think he will return to your place any time soon.
BrotherAlpha 1 month ago
the problem is a small fury creature, get a python let it lose in the house it will eat the mouse then send the python to a zoo.
jackroberts103 1 month ago
I heard peppermint works.
booley 1 month ago
I once killed a mouse with the hammer when I was a kid, I think I was around 7 years old, I don't know what the fuck was wrong with me.
777Atheist 1 month ago
@777Atheist Ben watching cartoons by the sound of it.
Mullahgrrl 1 month ago
Mmmm.....bombay mix and wasabi peas.....
Epeolatry1 1 month ago
In your position I'd have asked Bill Bailey to catch it in his owl costume. :)
temporaldisplacement 2 months ago
nonlethal trap + rodent water distribution system + sedatives + gloves + open window + slingshot = problem solved.
You're welcome.
hllv 2 months ago in playlist Series 1
catch the mouse live and try and send it to australia, they will not let it in, but make sure it finds a nice home
thatsmesothere 2 months ago 2
@thatsmesothere no we won't let it in, but it's not the fault of our inexplicably conservative, yet nominally "forward-thinking", government, because it jumped the "queue". it won't be put in a nice home, it will be deposited just south of a war zone, or in a mouldy detention centre where it will be deprived of proper human rights and not allowed to attend its dead parents' funerals. and if we do let it in, it will be subject to a crippling pressure to conform.
loveliestwilde 2 months ago
@loveliestwilde AAAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA . i think youre forgetting that its a mouse and not a human. we have so many laws to protect animals, just none to protect humans. Love how you think. i laughed so hard when i read your reply, so true.
thatsmesothere 2 months ago
As an American, all I can suggest is attempting to get it to convert to Islam, putting it into an electric chair, and executing it, while mumbling something about immigrants and gods work being done.
murderbunnies 2 months ago 3
i catch and freeze them....
darthesgoobis123 2 months ago
@darthesgoobis123 you sick fuck
laterzkaterz 2 months ago
@laterzkaterz its less cruel than snapping there head in half and its like han solo in empire strikes back they don't feel any pain I freeze them and put them in the bins so the garbage truck takes them to the tip and who knows they might survive.
darthesgoobis123 2 months ago
@darthesgoobis123
Yeah... hate to break it to you, but I don't think any of them would survive
face1990 2 months ago
@darthesgoobis123 It's really not. Neck snapping is insta-death. In a freezer, they die slowly and in AGONY from hypothermia. Their extremeties freeze before they die, which is also real effin painful (ask anyone who has gotten severe frostbite and required amputation afterwards)
I actually keep dead mice in my freezer, for my snake, but they are killed humanely with C02 gas(like a lot of the chickens we eat). NEVER kill something by freezing, it's incredibly cruel.
hamneggwich 1 month ago
@laterzkaterz its nice, they just go to sleep. like an old man dying in his bed, after his wife has died a week before and he is slowly dying due to a broken heart. like that. completely nice.
thatsmesothere 2 months ago
My dad lives in the countryside. He catches the mice in humane traps and keeps them in a holding pen until there are two. Then he walks a mile or so through the fields to an old shed. He releases them there, and puts a stash of peanuts in a specially designed box with a hole in it that will allow in mice, but nothing any larger. He goes up a few times a week to top up the nuts, in the hopes that the mice will think they get a better deal in the shed than in the house.
tuemahs 2 months ago
@tuemahs What a lovely person! I do something similar :]
BrightOnimicon 2 months ago
@BrightOnimicon That's reassuring! I didn't have room to say that he sets his alarm for 4 in the morning to get up and check the humane trap so any mouse isn't stuck in there too long. If there is a mouse it goes into the holding pen and he resets the trap. If he doesn't catch another one he just releases the first mouse back into the house and tries again to get two or more to go up to the mouse colony! I'm not convinced, personally, that the method works.
tuemahs 2 months ago
@tuemahs Wow, he is just the nicest person ever ^^ Good to see that not everyone would prefer to mutilate and kill the mouse :] And from my experience that method is very effective, I got rid of all the mice in my home in about four days.
BrightOnimicon 2 months ago
Catch mouse in soundproof box. Seal box completely. Bury box. Quantum physics dictates that the mouse will not only be dead due to suffocation but also STILL ALIVE, thus sparing you the ethical problems associated with extermination.
johnnydarke 2 months ago
@johnnydarke You forgot the radioactive isotope and vial of poison! Now the mouse is just dead!
krring 2 months ago
@johnnydarke as Richard Feynman famously said "If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don't understand quantum mechanics." In your case, I'm afraid he's right.
lovingthegaylien 2 months ago
@lovingthegaylien I think it was meant as humour.
dorianleakey 1 month ago
I will quote QI and merely say: Kestrels.
knotofnine 2 months ago
Dude, look. It's too late to decide you're too manly to have a cat. And that whole hay-horse-whatever issue is gone as long as you don't decide you're too manly to have a cat. Give it a hug, let it eat your mice and insects, and enjoy its company.
scalporf 2 months ago
Catch mouse alive, then sell it on eBay as the famous David Mitchell Mouse.
DavidMTRutten 3 months ago in playlist More videos from davidmitchellsoapbox 87
Catch mouse alive, put in jam jar, put in bin. Let Fate decide if it gets out alive.
MegaDonGallo 3 months ago
Catch mouse alive, tie to rocket, take vigorous notes at launch and scream "Science!"
HolyguyBob 3 months ago 4
Catch the mouse and put it in the cupboard and forget about it.
lubu160 3 months ago
Had to murder a mouse once, did it with a hammer. Not doing that again.
AriIceland 3 months ago
Is this not really simple? Drill a hole(large enough for a mouse trap) through into your next-door neighbour's house. Slide the mouse trap through and then once the mouse is caught, close up the hole and deny ever having made such a thing.
Omnilegence 3 months ago 6
hey thats guy from the Apple Ad . He is windows in this Ad :D
HodenGamer 3 months ago
lol!
rahotep101 3 months ago
Hit it with a freeze pop.
rudypea 4 months ago
I agree with everything he just said. But I still have a live mouse in a plastic box next to me which I'm still unsure what to do about!
TheVelectronic1 4 months ago
ok first thing you will need is a long piece of tubing.....Preferably made of plastic, then once you have caught the mouse you will need to insert the tube into your Anu....oh wait that's for gerbils.... never mind.
CrazyCaimen121 4 months ago 4
1. Catch the mouse alive 2. Sell it to a pet shop 3. No phase 3 4. Profit
vikkehh 4 months ago in playlist David Mitchell 2
kill it
Miklofool 4 months ago
catch the mouse and visit an older relative for tea and leave it there they wont notice mice are to quick and leave little evidence that older folk won't notice
Shotgunkangaroo 4 months ago
David, what on earth was this about? I couldn't follow it all and I'm not even drunk.
Htrac 4 months ago
I too had this problem, the mouse/mice were rather cute and were quite happy to come out on my landing whilst I was watching tv. We tried a humane trap, but we forget about it and months later when a smell emerged in the kitchen we realised the trap had caught a mouse only the poor thing starved to death. So then came real traps and I shot one with my air pistol. It solved the problem.
parrotcar 4 months ago
I'm not DATING the mouse! LOL
Deziness777 4 months ago 5
I feel bad for thinking put it in someone's window XD. Don't do that!
lildevil4everaneva 4 months ago
Catch it using a non-fatal trap and then set it free several blocks away in a street.
Also paint a hat on it or something before you release it and imagine the whacky adventures he will have.
crazedmongoose03 4 months ago 4
call pest control.
mrsexxiimee 4 months ago
I want a house horse. :(
SamStar42 4 months ago 18
Mice are smarter then Humans and Dolphins. You're buggered.
uspacerocket 5 months ago 4
1. catch it alive
2. put in in your neighbor's house
3. pour sugar into their carpet(s).
4. sound utterly shocked when they complain about a mouse and weird crunching sounds they hear whenever their foot hits the carpet.
tidivytidivy 5 months ago 5
What happened to the mouse?
dizi90lizi 5 months ago
u already mentioned the solution, get somebody else to kill it, everybody already knows ur a pussy, cant get any worse....
rusalkin 5 months ago
Use the universial off-switch on the mouse, also known as a hammer.
randomface54 5 months ago
(laughing)
Oh man, I really like listening to you.
kaosgoblin 5 months ago in playlist More videos from davidmitchellsoapbox
Move out.
Sil4s 5 months ago 2
He should drop a BAFTA on it.
MeekyPaul 5 months ago 127
Haha " the calorific content of a couple of grapes". Made me laugh in my office, as people awkwardly looked on at me...
xsmatherx 5 months ago
Dear David, marry me and I'll see to it that your mouse 'meets with a little accident' (if that isn't needlessly ambiguous of course...) mwahaha
DDslinky 5 months ago 3
@ThoraxTheAvnger Look man I have a right of opinion and I think hes boring. You r not even making any f*n sense with ur ridiculous comment so y dont u start making some sense. David mitchell aint funny anymore.
Mashedpotatoe1000 5 months ago
Take it to Robert Webb's house. Let him worry about it.
Tank9630 5 months ago 13
boring! not funny and not interesting.
Mashedpotatoe1000 5 months ago
@Mashedpotatoe1000 You're boring, not interesting, and not funny.
ThoraxTheAvnger 5 months ago
Catch mouse. Tie it to candle for 3 days. Force him to watch your efforts of building a tiny house. Add tiny food in the tiny kitchen. Let him loose and watch him enjoy the comforts of his new home. Raid his home. Poo in his lounge. See how he likes it.
LEFTJEFFA 5 months ago 191
@LEFTJEFFA love it!
pwn4lifez 5 months ago
@LEFTJEFFA Why can't I light the candle
mikeymikemikey1 3 months ago
@LEFTJEFFA thanks for that, made me laugh
MrSaintSoulja 1 month ago
Catch it. Feed it to a pet snake.
eyescreamcake 5 months ago
Tell a friend of yours who has a cat "There's a mouse in my flat. Would you mind terribly bringing your cat over some evening to take care of it?"
explodingrunes 6 months ago 3
Drug their onions.
GjVj 6 months ago
Just bring someone else in to kill the mouse for you. You baby ;)
L42yB 6 months ago
My cat brought a mouse back from one of her nighttime forays. My mum lost her marbles at the sight of it.
MrA19A92 6 months ago
At least it's only a mouse. I had a rat in my apartment. I have a cat, but the rat scurried someplace where my cat couldn't go, which is probably for the best. My cat might have gotten injured in a fight with the rat, which would have been awful, or if he'd killed the rat I'd have to have dealt with the bloody corpse. I can't even stand to deal with a dead bug (my cat brought me a "gift" of a dead waterbug one night). I'd like a humane, cheap way to catch a rat without harming her/him.
YY4Me133 6 months ago
@YY4Me133 get some cheese, now get a box, put the cheese in the box, wait for the rat to get in the box, close the box on the rat, tape it up, throw it out, there it's not harmed, it's out of your house, and when it dies you'll be none the wiser
DarknessLPs 6 months ago
@YY4Me133 Small quantity of chloroform on some conveniently forgotten food stuff? Place in bag, take elsewhere, maybe near some bins, when it wakes up it's got a nibble. Either that or just brave the storm and kill the thing, with a novelty plastic mallet...
scaryninja1693 5 months ago
@YY4Me133 My dad used the domed cover of a cake-plate to great effect once in catching a rat. I can't remember how things went on from there....
suver8 1 month ago
I've been contemplating this same problem for a month, which has given the mice time to reproduce, so now I have baby mice running around in my kitchen, which I want to kill even less because they are simply adorable. I might try to drug them. Sleeping mice are easier to catch and set free. In short: I've decided to treat this as many do politics: what happens outside of my house is not my responsibility.
lizzel83 6 months ago 2
the best thing to do is drown it in a bucket
cjlpowerdude999 6 months ago
Thumbs up for the eye bite?
mk769 6 months ago
Catch it in a humane trap, and let it go close to a home of someone you hate<3
GreyCookieWeirdo 6 months ago
Catapult. It might survive landing, and if it doesn't, you can tell yourself that it may have.
IntelVoid 6 months ago
Show said mouse entire collection of Hyperdrive and then crouch down and go on incessantly about how wonderful Nick Frost really is. Problem solved.
DAVADMDAVAD 6 months ago
Be a man.
emikke 6 months ago
Borrow a cat from a friend or neighbor. When the mouse is caught, return the cat.
AppleaLJ 6 months ago
Do what they did to Korea split it down the middle then spend the rest of your days knowing that the flames of battle could start up again at any moment.
nuckingfutsguy 6 months ago
Insert tube into your anus, introduce mouse into said tube, enjoy!
pattayalob 6 months ago
i love how all the comments read as if david had written them :L as far as the mouse is concerned - 2 years on it's probably dead
whoskateswins 6 months ago
@whoskateswins after it's bred. now you have many, many more...
vampateer21 6 months ago
Wainscotting... sounds like a little Dorset village, doesn't it? Wainscotting.
8080256256 6 months ago
This is one of my faves :-)
JustAboutCrazy 7 months ago
burn your house down. no more house for your mouse.
LoveNoteProjects 7 months ago
You could accidentally move a cupboard over the mouse as I once did. The guilt of killing the mouse is slightly diminished. Then you could put it in a plastic bag and put it in the bin and say a few words about how you didn't mean to kill it and that it is sad that humans and rodents couldn't develop a similar kind of symbiotic relationship that make so many other animals our willing or incognisant slaves.
jarzhinio 7 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
I don't want a mouse sent to me for my answer, but I would say a cat is a great solution. They do expect you to care for them for many many years, but it would bring you very gratifying experiences along with lots and lots of material for your rants.
TipsyTulia 7 months ago
Trap it in one of those box trap things where it doesn't die, then release it in a restaurant that has terrible service and under cooks your food, the mouse gets some nice food and you get a nice bit of revenge. Everybody wins (except the restaurant but we don't care about them).
MrFivefivefivesix 7 months ago 6
Borrow a friend's cat for a week or so.
MsSumokitty 7 months ago in playlist David Mitchell's soapbox
@RoryM92 how are vegetarians hypocrites?
johnyprestige 7 months ago
@johnyprestige
Short version? Because they don't eat rocks. They eat plants, which are also alive, which makes them killers as much as anyone else.
It's a nice idea, but a flawed one that can only exist in fables or with modern science. You may think you're being healthy and obeying nature, but the fact is, you're denying a section of your natural diet so you can pretend your hands never got dirty in the process of feeding yourself. But everything eats something else. And that's life.
AdamaGeist 6 months ago
@AdamaGeist Plants don't have consciousness . I can empathize for an animal because they experience incredible pain and fear being killed; Whereas a cucumber......I don't think I'm obeying anything but my own moral obligations. Don't think you know other people and other peoples intentions, because you don't and you just end up making yourself sound like a dick.
johnyprestige 6 months ago
@johnyprestige
I'll refrain from the obvious rejoinder, and move on to the rest, which is.. Yes, plants do notice when they're being harvested. They do show signs of reacting to physical threats and danger, as best they can. If they feel pain or not is hard to say, as they generally move too slowly to witness. But they do feel something.
As I said, the difference between you and I isn't morality as such, but facing facts. Life feeds on life. I don't pretend I'm not culpable, and you?
AdamaGeist 6 months ago
@johnyprestige Consciousness my friend. That is where the morality lies. Not whether or not the plants react to stimuli. Life feeds on energy, in many forms. Look, i don't want to argue with you; I'm certainly not going to change my opinion, and I'm pretty sure that you're not either so shall we just not talk to each other. I've been through this argument too many times.
johnyprestige 6 months ago
@RoryM92 Obviously, because we aren't hypocrites.
kofieye 7 months ago
@kofieye
see that's the beauty of a true hypocrite, they don't realize they are one. Vegetarianism is a cute idea, but unfortunately it is wrong. Not in that 1940's Germany kill all the Jews sort of way but rather in the way that we are meant to eat meat. You can deny that fact all you want but you will still have your canines firmly attached. If we were meant to eat nothing but vegetables all day long we wouldn't have teeth designed to tear flesh.
z3r0t0l3r4ns 7 months ago
@z3r0t0l3r4ns Ah the beauty of the anti-vegetarian... Always trying to criticize a section of people who have made an extremely intelligent and compassionate decision which harms no one. Face it there is no real way to criticize a person being a vegetarian whereas there are countless ways to argue against a person eating a burger made from the carcass of an animal which had no way to defend itself.
ElDiabloMuerte 6 months ago
@ElDiabloMuerte Well, extremely intelligent can be discussed far and wide... but I'd concede it's a compassionate choice and that it harms no one (as long as they get all the nutrients they need). I got no problem with vegetarians, except the preachy ones who try to guilt-trip you into thinking in their fashion. The cows we use for various produce live comfortable lives: they are fed at regular intervals, milked and cared for and they never have to deal with the stress of feeling hunted.
Bunji2k6 6 months ago
@Bunji2k6 The intelligence matter doesn't need to be discussed far and wide, it's glaringly obvious that it is a smart decision to make... For example, is it not intelligent to make a decision which helps to reduce the size of an industry which is the No. 1 (according to the UN, not crazy vegan hippies) contributor to global warming? Is it not intelligent to make a decision which yields huge benefits to personal health?
ElDiabloMuerte 6 months ago
@ElDiabloMuerte Oh, I know that the whole food-industry (and transportation of food) around the globe contributes to the warming to a large degree. I just like meat a lot. A more approachable goal for everyone would be to have a vegetarian day in their week or something. That would cut down on a lot of the consumption. Ideally, we'd go back to only getting our wares from local producers, which would also automatically limit population-growth beyond what is sustainable. Everyone wins! :D
Bunji2k6 6 months ago
@ElDiabloMuerte Carrot juice is murder!
railspony 1 month ago
@kofieye
Yes, you are. My god, you are. You don't think of it as such, but that's because you don't actually seem to think of the things you eat as alive, in that they don't move about and make noises. But the simple fact is, they are. In many cases, what you're eating is alive AS you eat it, and doesn't die till you start digesting it. It's a very nice playground fantasy to think otherwise, but you and I both know that apple you eat could have been a tree that lived for five hundred years.
AdamaGeist 6 months ago
i found a mouse before, set a trap piece o cheese. came back it was crushed on the trap. i picked it up at the trap base mouse atop it.. stuck it in the bin emptied the bin.. took me a minute less than this video.
ScottishNelf 7 months ago
There's a moose loose aboot his hoose!
I haven't even thought of that in years. Cheers Davo.
santiano42 7 months ago
Humane trap + someone else's letterbox = many lolz BUT possible legal complications?
asdfqwerzxcv6 7 months ago
I set up sticky traps and caught my mouse. Once they get stuck there's no getting unstuck. I just dropped a brick on his head outside. That did the trick!
mysticwindfairy 7 months ago
Shove it Page Rage
FoxhoundMoses 7 months ago
Craigslist ad for a snake owner.
Snakes love mice!
jerryjrowe 7 months ago
My house horse craps in the cupboard too.
Hufflewaffle 7 months ago
he reminds me of my grandad.
sherlockfan16 7 months ago
Move.
bluedaisy729 8 months ago
I'm American, so my first answer is a .22. Then again, I'm American and can aim. Your quarters will look much better without .22 rounds sprayed all over the place.
Maybe you should train a hawk? It lives in a cage and, every now and then, you just let it out to hunt.
Raventoll 8 months ago
@Raventoll May I direct you towards the american friendly fire numbers in recent wars, and this is by people supposedly trained in the art of marksmanship and handling of said shooty items.
Yours Sincerely
The British
xfrolickerx 7 months ago 4
@xfrolickerx To be fair, you'll only be able to criticize our marksmanship if we miss. And we do seem to be shooting what we're aiming at. Whether or not that's you has nothing to do with our marksmanship.
Raventoll 7 months ago 3
You leather-clad, chop-munching hypocrite. At least us vegetarians have proper grounds to be ethical objectors to mouse-murder. You my friend have no such excuse and ought to man up.
kofieye 8 months ago