Added: 1 year ago
From: TheOnion
Views: 125,288
Sort by time | Sort by thread (beta)

Link to this comment:

Share to:

All Comments (1,505)

Sign In or Sign Up now to post a comment!
  • that's america for you

  • @kit2ng219 To be fair, Argentina, Australia, New Zealand, Portugal, Austria, and Greece all consume more meat per capita than the US.

  • @Jcolinsol, fatness doesn't relate to health? So are you trolling or just on meth? I suppose there have never been any causal links between smoking and health, or between gunshot wounds and death either?

    Good trolling though, you act so self-righteous it actually looks like you believe the idiotic claims you are making.

  • If you cooked the meat wouldn't you not get sick :S

  • "I couldn't even finish my beef"

  • standard US family

  • 1:29 I swear he just wanted to laugh when he said "reserve!"

  • Meanwhile,in africa......

  • "I'd hate to dig up the pork capsule in the backyard unless it's totally necessary". I don't think this one is a parody. It clearly says in the pork capsule manual that you should only extract the pork from the capsule in case of extreme emergencies (Less than 200 pounds of beef per person per day). Their remaining reserve of 6000lbs of beef shank cross cuts will give the Whartons enough strength to refill their beef stockpiles before meat withdrawal kicks in. Trust me, I'm a former meat addict.

  • this is problably my favorite onion video :)

  • Good lord....this is totally out of control. Every day you wake up another person is dead from E-Coli....every day. Now it's cantaloupes that's killing people, ..before it was tomatoes...and then beef....and it goes on and on and on!!! I mean it's just nuts.....I am living off Krespy Creme doughnuts...only thing that isn't tainted

    Sure I weigh 900lbs from eating all the doughnuts but at least I'm not dying

  • @MatrixFactoryGuy you could move to canada. it's pretty cool here. 

  • im digging a hole for my pork capsule right now!

  • Meh... I've seen fatter.

  • he was sweating alot more than usual LAWL

  • I love Flank Steak!

  • Pork capsule!

  • they eat to much meat lol..look that those rolls..

  • @mrswartz is that the conclusion you came to? Hey youtubers mrswartz thinks that the over weight people in this video eat too much meat! Thanks mr swartz!!!!!!!! i donno how i'd figure that out for myself

  • Al Qaeda's still a thing?

  • Lol, this is one of my favorite episodes ever. Quite the typical American family too.

  • @otnomnoraa my ass lol... never met any family like that in my life XD

  • they look sooo sad when tehy are taking the beef away! XDD

  • rofl. he was sweating alot more than usual xD

  • Gotta go dig up that beef capsule now...

  • SHES WORRIED ABOUT HER FAMILY`S HEALTH!?!?!?!!?!?!!?

  • where do they find these ppl?? damn they are awesome. the onion and the ppl they find.

  • 1:12 Dammit Bobby! i told you those are MY flank stakes! I tell ya whut.

  • if you peel back the layers on the " onion" it gives you insight into the way people are for real but no the onion is not real. it is a parody. satire. sarcasm. scathing wit. get it?

  • 23 meat chili ftw lol 

  • he was sweating a lot more than usual lol

  • "the pork capsule in the backyard" ROFL

  • Great vid. And yes, The Onion is like a comedy news company.

  • were they serious about all that meat??

  • @fred92ily Lol! No. The Onion is a spoof news channel.

  • Really? Al-queda is still a thing?... xD!

  • "when i bring home a few tons of meat to my family..." say whaaaaaaat ?

  • imagine how they could make things like this look real? FTW ! they are totally awesome. and rich. =D

  • OMG 1:15 the kid is totally playing with his cock

  • haha. "experts say e. coli will likely not be their cause of death"

  • lmao

    This is definitely one of the better episodes

  • The stories that scroll at the bottom are also hillarious

  • sweating alot more then usual...LOL!!!

  • Epic.

  • I'd hate to dig up the pork capsule in the backyard unless it's totally necesary. LMFAO

  • who the fuck lives like this rofl.

  • anyone else think the mom looks like an overweight Drew Barrymore??

  • @henrysbaby08 The mom totally looks and sounds like Drew Barrymore, plus a few lbs. Good call!

  • @henrysbaby08 OMG she does lolol

  • @henrysbaby08

    I think it is Drew Barrymore with a bunch of makeup and prosthetics. They did make a video about her in the past...

  • @henrysbaby08 umm isnt Drew Barrymore overweight?

  • @confusedkid6 No? It's called curves. Not everyone in the world looks anorexic.

  • @DeadlikeaPixel Who said anything about anorexia....Drew Berry more is fat...I know you saw her part in Charlie's Angels lol

  • @confusedkid6 I was exagerating, AKA, I meant that not everyone looks skinny as fuck.

  • @DeadlikeaPixel IKR! I dont get why some females who already are super skinny want to be skinner.....tbh skinny really isnt attractive as a chick with a fatass lol

  • @confusedkid6 Even though i'm a straight woman, I prefer women who aren't as skinny as a toothpick but not as big as a whale. In the middle. LOL Why am I talking about this?

  • @DeadlikeaPixel you perfer? giggity! lol

  • @confusedkid6 LOL XD

  • @DeadlikeaPixel

    Meh, fat doesn't have much to do with it. A lot of thin women are sexy, a lot of fat women are damn sexy too. Having some kind of predetermined preference for particular body types sounds like some kind of weird form of sexual-maladjustment.

    And, you know, we judge people on their character, rather than their appearance as well.

  • @Jcolinsol Fat women are sexy?

  • @otherjr

    Hell yes.

    I pity the pubescent wonk who can't appreciate a fat woman.

  • @Jcolinsol Meh, I just cant get over the whole incredibly unhealthy thing.

  • @otherjr

    Well, then you're in luck, because it's actually not true that being fat is unhealthy. Much of the research which suggested that conclusion is antiquated, poorly conducted, and more and more science is showing that there is no causative relationship between fat and health.

    So, basically, it would be bigoted to assume that if someone is fat, they are unhealthy. You simply can't draw that conclusion rationally.

  • @Jcolinsol Its not a perfect correlation, but theres a pretty good chance that someone fat will also be unhealthy. This is why people I know who are fat get tired when doing easy tasks, like walking up stairs. Its just not a turn on for me, in the same way smoking isnt.

  • @otherjr

    It's a correlation that likely has other causes. If a fat person happens to be out of shape, it's likely not because their fat, it's more likely to be because they are shamed by society about their bodies, and don't get enough exercise as a result. Do you see now? You are equating them with smokers, as if being fat is a choice they made, a bad habit. It's not, it is their body.

    You are helping to perpetuate the stereotype. Let it go, and learn to appreciate people more.

  • @Jcolinsol In most cases, fat IS a choice! I was fat, I started exercising and eating right, now I am not fat... Obesity is crippling public healthcare btw, fat people literally need to shape up, because its a big problem.

  • @otherjr

    Those are big assumptions to make, and assumptions that you simply can't logically draw about people from a glance. And no, no one has an obligation to make themselves thin to satisfy you. Weightloss is now commonly shown to be unhealthy.

    And no, fat people aren't affecting healthcare, and aren't a problem, because being fat has no negative impact on health. I've already argued this, you failed to argue otherwise, you are clinging to an anachronistic stereotype.

  • @Jcolinsol Google '2050 nhs obesity', then click the second link. Everything you say is so wrong I can only assume youre being saracastic. 'being fat has no negative impact on health'? Just wrong! Goodbye!

  • @otherjr

    Even if fatness did relate to health, and there is no causal link, your argument wouldn't make sense. It's the equivalent of your saying, "I just don't find paraplegics sexy, they can't go up stairs, it's just not attractive". And that's fine, if a little callous, but when you then go on to cast aspersions on people who are open minded enough to like a paraplegic, you just prove that you're speaking from your own emotional insecurities, not from facts.

  • @Jcolinsol 10/10 for trolling LOL so many bites

  • @Wuutzorx

    I trust that, in time, most of humanity's intellectual endeavors will be recognized as a sort of collective trolling, perpetrated by trolls who refused to accept that they were trolls.

  • @Jcolinsol 10/10. Admirably articulated, acquaintance.

  • @otherjr You mean well-marbled.

  • @henrysbaby08 she sounds like her too

  • great satire. The onion is the best

  • haha the onion ftw.

  • Anyone else notice the sort-of-looking 'The Young Turks' anchor at 1:25?

  • WOW.... who would've thought that Al Qaeda is still a thing?

  • THE PART CAPSULE? WHAT?!

  • @MsHojat PORK capsule

  • that so gross and funny at the same time!!!!

  • 96,000 pounds i thought they meant the family theyre fucking huge

  • Hey, Dishwalla had a lot of cool songs! There was one about blue cars, then counting something something...and of course, Master of Puppets.

  • LMAO

  • I never laughed so hard in my life

  • WTF XD

  • "E.Coli still least likely way Whartons will die"

  • this one doesn't seem like their usual parody. This story is extremely believable. The family was from Ohio.

  • "al qaeda is still a thing"

  • Typical vegetarians

  • holy shit, i have to try to work "pork capsule" into a conversation.

  • "id hate to dig up the pork capsule in the backyard unless its totally necessary" LOOOOOL

  • HaHaHa

    Only in America!

  • "He was sweating a lot more than usual." LMAO! I would have assumed that the Whartons would have been slightly larger than they are. They must have an extremely high metabolism if they have lost so much mass after 90% of their purchased beef was affected by the recall.

  • I Want Revenge! bit . ly/jerku

  • I Want Revenge! bit . ly/jerku

  • WOW!! 23 meat chili... the texture must be superb!!...1 ton of meat daily..can i live with that!!..ahh !!! consumption at its finest

  • 90k pounds of chickan nuggets where recalled the other day. Im not joking!

  • That stew looked good

  • Lololol so ironic... "But really, whats most important is my family's health" Roflmao!

  • Mary Wants beef lol lol lol lol

  • Thank you pork capsule. Now I don't have to worry about them discovering the missing chicken I stole while they were gone on their grocery day. :)

  • that boy is from one bank commercial about "hidden fees"

  • The little kid is in those bank commercials.

  • DONT TAKE SNORLAX'S BEEF

  • i dont eat much meat any way.

  • "A new CIA report shows Al Qaeda is still a thing" LOL

  • mom:whats really important is my familys health.MY ASS

  • "He was sweating alot more than usual" XDDDD. lmao. <3 thisssss. god if it was real..i would sooooooooooooooooo watch the news then!

  • Maybe the family is overeating because LaBron left?

  • "Al Qaeda is still a thing"

  • How do people NOT realized the Onion is a joke. It is fiction...

  • Does the mom look like a fat drew Barrymore?

  • Rarely does a story tug at the heart like this one. This poor family enduring the hardship and misfortune of a 96,000 pound beef recall with only 6,000 pounds of untainted beef shank cross cuts as some small consolation. It could happen to any of us.

  • 23 BEEF CHILI XD

  • YOU FAT

  • So, so funny!

  • These guys are worse than fox! 96,000 POUNDS! I think they meant grams, or ounces. There was nowhere near 96,000lbs in that house. This is disgusting. Americans live like fat slobs.

  • @pdblouin33 I really do enjoy a good sweeping generalization every now and then.

  • @pdblouin33 Did you hear the creaking sounds of cranks and pulleys in your head when you done thunk up that comment?

  • @pdblouin33 umm.. this isn't a true story.. though it is for some americans however.. thats like me saying you and your country are cock suckers :)

  • @pdblouin33 You obviously aren't familiar with how comedy works... 

  • fat ppl funny

  • Isn't the son the boy who wears a tshirt when swimming from Today Now?

  • CIA reports show that Al Qaeda is still a thing!!! ROFL!!! Exactly. It's all bullshit. "The Base" was created and funded BY the CIA!

  • Thumbs up! to show that the Onion is REAL

  • Dan's Club. XD

  • couple tons a week

  • this is one of my new onion favourites. its definitely up there with "human head in cheeseburger" and all the other onion greats

  • LOL @ pork capsule!!! poor them lmao XD... onion ftw

  • family is fat as hell your health is already at risk

  • Damn Fat asses!

  • I thought this was common for every american family?

  • Ads = Unsubscribe + 1

  • @JaysThoughts you're such a rebel

  • @JaysThoughts you could skip ads by pressing f5

  • @shampoodaking Stop telling us that we all know it closes the window so shut the fuck up.

  • @flippy55555 ok obiously NOT everyone knows it cuz if you read fucking comments theres a lot of people bitching about them and i was replying to someone who was complaining bout unsubscribing to the onion because of ads. so why dont you shut the fuck up and i'm sure a lot of people are cool with you and your bitch ass motcho attitude

  • 23 meat chili...ewww

  • nice to see something so american on the 4th of july

  • Man how do they get people to make fun of them selves. Do they pay them lol

  • Dan's Club lmao Sam's long lost brother lol

  • HOLY S**T!!!! 96,000 POUNDS OF BEEF FROM ONE FAMILY!!!! THE SON ATE SEVERAL DOZEN FLANK STEAKS!!!

  • "He was sweating a lot more than usual." LMAO!!!!!!

  • Gravy Well ftw

  • "health officials: e. coli still least likely way whartons will die" haha lmfao!

  • best

  • several dozen flank steaks for breakfast?!?!?!?! you gotta get up at 3AM to eat that much! would love to live there if beef is roasting 24/7... did someone win the lotto?

  • OH MY GOSH IS THAT THE KID FROM THE ALLY BANK COMMERIALS??!?! :D lol

  • definitely not vegetarian.

  • Hey that's that fat kid from the race car insurance commercial.

  • Pork capsule!

  • 1:35 That stew looks yummy?!

    lol

  • 1:35 That stew looks yummy?!

    lol

  • 1:35 That stew looks yummy?!

    lol

  • FAMILY RESEARCH COUNCIL LAUDS RESULTS OF NEW STUDY SHOWING MAJORITY OF TEENAGERS TOO OBESE TO ENGAGE IN RISKY SEXUAL BEHAVIOR

  • Is this real?

  • @freedomsfart No lmao it's not real. It's from theonion.com

  • @freedomsfart Yes

  • The fatty family!!

  • LOL, al qaeda is still a thing xD

  • he's losing his breath just talking and scratchn' his ballz!

    1:14

  • LMAO this is amazing

  • Several -DOZEN- flank steaks for breakfast?!

    WHAT!?

  • american thsese days....

  • @cd949604 Actually, there's news today (and you can search it on Google) that children from Spain and the UK have a higher obesity rate than Children in the U.S. It's basically everywhere now.

  • @MsNimblevagrant you must be very proud of your fellow americanz here

  • @tkdalexitf So damned proud. It's a brave 'merican that'll even consider dig'n up their pork capsule just to put food grub on the table.