Mr. Deity FunBits: Conan

[hznfrst]

Hey, have you ever used the lines "Lucy, I'm home" or "Lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do"?

[zo219]

"Everyone at Fox loves me ...."

[lds8714]

I couldn't help but notice how gracefully that opened banana peel lies over the hand, how elegantly packaged and easy to eat. Truly a marvel of almighty god's creation!

[kenydemeza]

I'm a Haitian but some reason i'm not offended at all...lololol...i find it very funny......and no we did not have a contract with the devil. we took our independence through blood and iron...but it's still funny though...lolol

[Chibithy]

I love Faux News :3

[Paxmax]

mwahahahaahahohohohohhahaha!!

[AccordionManiac]

hah!!! FOX!!! Bravo

[ShadowPa1adin]

When I saw the title I thought of the prayer from the movie Conan the Barbarian:

"Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you will remember if we were good men or bad, why we fought, or why we died. No, all that matters is that two stood against many, that's what's important. Valor pleases you, Crom, so grant me one request, grant me REVENGE! And if you do not listen, then the hell with you!"

[felixlighta]

hmm, was anyone else thinking....

"Too Soon....?"

[amberview30]

only if it was too soon for pat robertson...oh wait...his should have been never and his wasn't even a joke.

[Zylophila]

Bravo!!!

[ThomRyaniii]

Most clever and most subtle swipe at that Pat Robertson thing about the Hatian "Pact with the Devil"!!!

[bobbeaverson]

Ouch! ;)

[lordlacolith]

"as soon as she gets off with the Hatians"

Genius. Pure genius. A+.

[baldzenman]

This is excellent, Brian. Love the timeliness.

[mytv80]

hahaha funny! I gotta watch more news! I didn't know pat robertson said all that crazy stuff. And I was wondering about the banana deal until the comment of badjuggler. Haha funny! thanks!

[dragonguise]

As soon as I heard Pat Robertsons ignorant fairy tale about the Hatians I said, "Mr Deity is going to have fun with this!" Thanks Mr D.

[smalltownatheist]

Hah! High-five!!

[djvexd]

poor Conan....lol

[badjuggler]

Nice. With a banana nod to Ray Comfort.

[PRIMEx420]

@badjuggler - oh snap, good catch, i totally didn't make the "atheist's nightmare" connection

[OneClownShoe]

NOW I get it...god does not hate haiti, satan loves haiti. Brilliant!!!

[jrtanne]

Hey Brian can i do a bit about welcome to Heaven using your name Mr.Deity,its called whats a nice way to say your going to hell to someone "Mr.Deity is'nt seeing anyone right now let me contact Lucy about application." I am going to give the white backidrop thing we have been talking about a shot. Are you cool with it?

[josealonsoleon]

Brillant!

[josealonsoleon]

Brillant...:-)

[putittogether]

"...as soon as she gets off with the Haitians'" ROFLMAO

[Cheesegoddess]

The devil's a woman!?

Is she my boss?

Cause...that explains SO much actually.

[misterdeity]

She might be your boss. Are you Haitian?

[RogAgainst]

@misterdeity pat roberston is my boss.

[Cheesegoddess]

GASP!!

How did you know?

[agoddamnatheist]

i believe in Mr. Deity,

cause you tube tells me so !

[skreeran]

Ooooh! Bam! I love it! xD

[muffin8or]

I love the slower intro music

[lazyperfectionist1]

That's, "...funnier than he."

[misterdeity]

Oh no! You're (proper use) a grammar Nazi! Deity help us all!

[lazyperfectionist1]

Ja!

[Islandboyy02]

@misterdeity U guys crack me up!! I Love all of you! "the Irish guy with the asymmetrical hair" LMAO!

[hal970fx]

HA, I fucking loved it! You're fantastic, please keep up the wonderful work!

[lazyperfectionist1]

Thank you so much for using the proper form of "you're!"

[0000infinity0000]

indeed, most people don't care to use proper punctuation on the internet, but they don't realize how stupid it makes them look.

[Ryhla]

I agree. What drives me crazy is when the use shortcuts (for example) the letter U for the word you. Please, UR not texting.

[PRIMEx420]

@Ryhla u r right

[GokuSama]

too soon for the haitians man, too soon

[DianeGraft]

He wasn't making fun of the Haitians, he was talking about Pat Robertson's claim that the Haitians are being punished for a deal with the devil 200 years ago. It's never to soon when it comes to skewering Robertson.

[SereniT03]

yeah, it took me a sec

[buscarGnosis]

"Yeah, can you just transfer him to Lucy as soon as she gets done with the Haitians."

[ffferol]

You know, it is just so totally tacky of me to say this, but aside from being elegantly witty and quite satisfying in both the deep chuckle and the thigh-whacking guffaw, you are a very handsome man. Gotta love that handsome stuff. Ahhh, creation in all its wonders!

[jrtanne]

HAHAHAH no way Brian you did not just do that. wow you really are Mr.Deity this has got to be the best yet. Oh hey can I use a white back drop to get that look its not silk but Its what I got just a 10x20

[misterdeity]

The trick with the white background is smoothness. For this one, I didn't use our regular setup. I clamped a piece of foam core to a C-Stand that had a white sheet over it. Then I used clips to pull the fabric tight and blasted it with about 3k of light. Usually, we put up an 8x8 silk butterfly and blast it with light from behind.

[misterdeity]

Are you in LA?

[jrtanne]

haha no I wish, I live in MI. Why do you need me too be? Road trip lol

[SubTachyon]

Pat Robertson. Biggest walking campaign for atheism in the northern hemisphere.

[SereniT03]

word.

[TheRedEyeChannel]

straight to the point. I love it.

[kaikosuke]

Epic last line, that is all I have to say.

[XoSs]

@kaikosuke

You know it.

[jorgesasuke]

lol this was funny i liked it alot

[Marclee1703]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRING

was hoping they were referring to the real conan....the buff one

[misterdeity]

Yeah, if you were looking for a mindless, steroid-induced burliness (or even just a really nice sword), you've come to the wrong place. Sorry.

[SelfQ]

Dear mr. Deity,

I thought you were all about the really nice swords.

You know, with that omnidirectional "flaming sword" you put in the garden to guard against people getting back in and stuff.

[misterdeity]

Nope. I let the angels handle all the swordplay.

[elindred]

1: insert ambiguous prediction of major personal catastrophe to befall Conan at an undetermined time

2: waits to claim whatever happens to be profound evidence of ambiguous predictive claim

3: ???

4: PROPHET!

tl;dr: DON'T DO IT CONAN D:

[doitsurt]

Wow, excellent subtlety.

[suchaheavyheart]

mr. deity, i support you fully, and you know that. but "the haitians"? too soon bud!

[GordonYKWong]

I think he is making fun of the nit wit pastor pat robertson and what he said about the God's will on Haiti

rather than making fun of Haitian suffering.

[misterdeity]

Thank you! Exactly right, Gordon.

[misterdeity]

Just stay completely silent next time, 'cause I have no idea what you're talking about.

[leberpr]

Great ending!

[Izult]

omg awesome jab at the end there!!

[Thynbelle]

nice reference there...I roflmao. I'm thinking the majority of the less politically astute missed that one though.

[misterdeity]

The less politically astute probably aren't watching Mr. Deity. My audience is really tuned in. It might be the thing I'm most proud of --- for heaven's sake, they got the Torquemada reference.

[DrMarcusHill]

I assumed the Mr. Deity audience was tuned in... until I saw those comments from people who didn't get that Lucy is Lucifer.

[misterdeity]

I think those people are newbies.

[jrtanne]

To Torquemada's credit, a large percentage of his victims were very wealthy :)

[misterdeity]

LOL! Because the Catholic Church completely ignored the part in the Bible about leaving their stuff. They seized the property after they admitted their crimes (after being tortured, of course). And if you're going to be seizing property, well...

[jrtanne]

LOL right, well at least he kept a unicorn's horn by his plate as an antidote for the poison he should have recived by the Jews. really he was 64% jew anyway but so was Hitler. some people.

[TheHealthySkeptic]

LMAO! Short and sweet...

[bajorjor1]

hypercombo finish!!!!

[Sav3TheWorld]

too soon, God, too soon

[misterdeity]

Not. It's a Pat Robertson joke, not a Haiti joke.

[CoolGuy23423]

lol

[samantha65804]

the atheist's nightmare....the banana!!!

[ichleibemeinenvr6]

@samantha65804 Ah yes the great Ray Comfort..He's my hero :D

[jedimastereric]

DAMN!!! sorry, but DAMN!!! I love you guys, but that was harsh.  Oh well. Stuff happens. This was great.

[webadage]

Oh that was cold!!! And very funny. 5 stars!

[sylence7]

Pat Robertson is horrible. But this is GRRRRRREAT!

[Maeldasage88]

''Everyone at Fox loves me.. the news division in particular''

Hahaha very subtle, yet funny

[kjmoon21]

Yes. Yes. No... Yes!

[SereniT03]

totally feel you!

[joshua1281]

Dammit, I read the title and expect you to be talking with Conan the Barbarian. What a gyp.

[Phloid82]

That Haitian joke was funny, but not funny at the same time.

[Allegro2500]

Fabulous, as always! LOVE the bit about the Haitians!

[BerkleyJL]

Oh man now THAT was the best response to Pat Robertson since he opened his big mouth...

Great writing, great delivery. Keep it up!!!

[nelliediddle]

WIN!

brilliant!

[BloodyKandi]

Luci doesn't seem to be helping the haitians much

They had another earthquake today >D

[aconguta]

funny but wrong you guys are awsome over there

[eirefrance]

Funny shit. I feel kind of bad for laughiong, though.

[oelergodt]

OMG.. funny shit!

[Evilanious]

Poor haïtians...

[FluteSolo]

great

[MegaVolcano]

LOVE IT!!!!!

[SuperBlahmaster]

Conan is much funnier than Leno.

Maybe he'll see this and invite you on his show... if he still has one.

[Izoto593]

Ray Comfort and Pat Robertson in one hit. Pwnage.

[Rickymjam]

Conando has a friend Mr. Deity.

[raybaby1977]

i love the banana!

[megoofychick]

lmao

[deadyeti76]

funny as hell

[southpawOO7]

OMG ROLF. hahaha i cracked up

[gerard1875]

Another classic from Mr D

[tieInterceptor]

great episode,

short and sweet!

[siim258]

I totally agree. Shorter bits deliver a greater punch.

[KraisinsGhost]

"None of that is true, she's a sweetheart!"

[llamaczar]

brilliant

[blaatann]

That last remark was awesome.. First LOL of the day!

Unless you don't know who Pat is off course. But you aren't in the business of making jokes for stupid people anyway.. ;)

[amsterstorm]

i loved this...hope to see more like it. i approve of the last bit as well.

[TheExPlOiTeDOne619]

banana mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Just got back from a 5.5 mile run... mmmmmmmmm banana

[Paxmax]

Bananas are for monkeys! so that's why we enjoy 'em!!!!

[Jerig128]

Hahaha.

Perfect cap with the Haitian line. Excellent work.

[nacoran]

Way to thread the needle on the last joke. It may come off as insensitive to anyone who didn't hear the Pat Robertson remarks (but if you didn't hear that you probably haven't heard of Haiti either) and sometimes a joke is the only way to step back and see the horror of something.

[braap02]

funny stuff.

[Californianism]

"As soon as she's off with the Haitians"

[ReliableInsider]

Um.

Too soon. 

And the battle of the sexes humor isn't funny either.

Fresh material, fresh material!

[visigothic67]

What? Misogyny jokes are too soon as well?

Its probably 200,000 years since the first guy 'Ugged' and shrugged his shoulders about that special time of month and his mate invented the giggle,so when are we allowed to laugh? IMHO I`d say the rule of thumb on "too soon" is only for people with no other good use for thumbs.

And as for fresh material,Well I like bacon,serve it to me till I die,and even then,add bacon fat to the crematorium,id like my ashes to taste good.

But hey, that's just me.

[ReliableInsider]

I'm not accusing him of hating anybody. I'm just saying that battle of the sexes jokes don't work as well with large audiences.

And they're just old.

[visigothic67]

@ReliableInsider.

Sorry if you got the wrong end of my point there man.

Not accusing you of being a hater,or even saying your point is wrong or without merit.

The final joke wasn't about Haitians,it was about right-wing dickless wastes of protein mass like Pat Robertson.Its never too soon to tear him a new one.

My point on old misogynistic humor is that cliches are cliches because they work.

Bacon is 1000s of years old,but its still tastes great. Ergo;Man Vs Woman jokes are still funny.

[ReliableInsider]

1,000-year-old bacon? Ew!

Pat Robertson's ideas are only 200 years out-of-date.

[culwin]

Haha, I wondered if you were going to reference Haiti and you did cause you're awesome.

[TurboFool]

The phrase "LOL" has lost its proper meaning, but I did so quite literally at the end there. Great timely quick bit. Keep it up, B.

[tomcat52897]

it wasn't too soon at all!!

He's making fun of Pat Robertson not the Haitians themselves. Good job for putting that putz in his place.

[trippywalnut]

HA! love it! ^_^

Was that a new intro, by the way?

[misterdeity]

That's just the intro for the Mr. Deity "funBits" episodes. I'll be doing these quick little goodies here and there as the mood strikes me. They'll be more topical -- stuff in the headlines, but not that frequent. New full episode on Monday, though.

[trippywalnut]

Ah, ok then. Either way, we appreciate it. As soon as I have an income again, I shall also be donating. :)

[AisuSeijin]

ROFL! The end was brilliant.

[ejstaats]

Nice potshot at that evil bastard Pat Robertson at the end.

Awesome.

[caveman73]

OHHH MAN! Too soon or not that is F-U-N-N-Y and the christians brought that up (which is BULLSHIT) in the 1st place.

[rednecktrucker1969]

oh ouch, "as soon as she gets off with the Hatians"....too soon maybe....nah, lmao

[michelelimon]

Brilliant!

[N21X]

Outstanding!!!!

Bravo!

[petehjr1]

To soon?

[jtbovis]

"As soon as she gets off with the Haitians" lol. Ah, I don't think Pat Robertson will ever live that down.

[diggerad]

Funny!!

[BottomContributor]

Gold! And this time you didn't even beg for money. Gold x2.

[dedlytedly89]

What a punch line. I can't wait for the hate mail to roll in.

[putittogether]

I love it.

[DanThePropMan]

OH! Lucy is supposed to be Lucifer? I so did not get that before...

[coddlinghimmler]

yeah you got to watch some of the first ones to piece that one together

[Tonberry2k]

Ending was hilarious. Well done.

[enochalvarado]

How could I live without your great channel?

[wisesselo]

'everyone at fox loves me; the news division in particular.' LOL

[darthrevan6]

The Pat Robertson joke was awesome :D

[geniusintheory]

Nice ending there! Totally got me!

[shawnmcghee1]

Yey, the Deity is on Conan's side! The NBC execs can go fuck themselves with a banana.

[tmisar]

Bahahahaha! The ending cracked me up.

I'm on Team Coco!

[shifald]

lol, take that robert paterson!

[showABCshow]

wow nice piece.

[gabrielized]

hi-freakin-larious!

[Cyrathil]

Hmm, if Mr. Deity is willing to vouch for Lucy, I've got a few deals I'd love to make! Is there a limit of one "deal" per person, or does a persons soul change in value... Is there a way I can cash in someone elses, because I'd definitely love to be able to do magic!

[Tazwegian]

I think the price of a person's soul rises with inflation.

[TheMourningKitchen]

You are a very funny man.

[theookie]

haha.

[jenseelaus]

LOL!!!

[jlmww]

Ah, so brevity is the soul of wit...

[jlabrecque1]

Loving the banana gag... I guess its a lot more subtle than a crocadock, lol...

[justinamirkhani]

ROFL, please do more quickies like this.

[seanThree16]

Irish kid with the asymmetrical hair, haha!

[jambimon]

Awesome

[TheCosmicBloke]

303 views. 320 ratings. My head exploded.

In other news, this is right on.

[loneskeptic]

nice shot at pat at the end there

[philcoolman]

Beautifully done

[AlbertsFlasher]

nice!

[JAFO649]

With an uncredited appearance by The Banana! Hilarious Mr D. You knocked this one right out of primetime.

[antiquefeminist]

Especially the news division. Mr. D - I love you.

[Davemanz]

The last bit was hysterical.

[prostock69]

Freaking awesome! About choked on my popcorn on the jab at the end! Nice job. :)

[misterdeity]

Someone dial 911!

[Nyckname]

"When she gets off with the Haitians."

Now I want to watch Angel Heart.

[misterdeity]

How funny. I just saw that out on Blue Ray the other day and thought? Really? Of all the movies we need to rush to Blue Ray, Angel Heart? I bought "Shawshank" instead.

[86COLE]

BAM! Take that Pat Robertson. Deity-1 Robertson- negative bajillion.

[misterdeity]

Wow, I've been saying that wrong forever. I thought it was "bazillion."

[mahrunes]

@misterdeity "bajillion" is bigger than "bazillion"