Cindy McCain Just Like Any Other Female Human'

[AdmiralBetas]

The...Ancient Ones?....

[systembust]

I've read the Onion like every other day for years, and to me this is the funniest piece they've done.

[TheYouwontgetit]

hmm... ...she doesn't seem to be human...

[LUCA7FOLD]

ROFL

[syphiel2]

we are at peace... always

[Jawzdevos]

hahahha "both her hearts" xd

[YurrahAlHadi]

is it just me or are they describing her as an alien??

[boondocks123o]

@YurrahAlHadi haha yeah like a reptilian alien.

[SnoBlackMelbkour]

@YurrahAlHadi That's the whole joke >.>

[grvmahp]

Wikki is not a reliable source of facts as this is not a reliable source for news indie

[6580006247]

stupid americans

[SnoBlackMelbkour]

@6580006247 Why do you say that? Because the onion is satiric? :3

[fuckenmovies9494]

Humans in the larval stage need our care the most! ROFLOL

[TheeActive1]

Bottom stories at 0:20 !!!!! Haha

[MoonPisces029]

this is fucking hilarious!!!! i love the onion

[peterfaj]

and hurting livestock with her mind...

[calebp9503]

hurting livestock with her mind! LMAO

[macbeebee]

She is amazingly lifelike in person .

[VoLCoMzYaDiGG]

haha look at the bottom stories @0:20

[jmarkstu]

Like this? Check out themenwhocant com!

[TehRahk]

This has to be one of the best of all time.

[systembust]

@TehRahk Yup, this and the article where Tim Duncan was driving high on soda.

[samwisescalf]

herding livestock with her mind

[xmichiganfanx]

haha... 8 electoral votes for a 2nd round NBA draft pick

[lococo000]

I can't wait for the 2012 elections so we can go back to the good ol' days of The Onion like these.

[klrietmann]

Actually wondered if this wasn't an actual statement - the Newsweek cover is real - but Googling some of the text they show here ("And they're all perfectly spaced and perfectly arranged") I see that it's from an interview with some graphic designer talking about the Obama campaign's signs. Onion sure leaves no stone unturned.

[14bj337]

Oprah Winfrey: "Strong, opinionated, and delicious-looking in her fattened state."

[KtheBangarang]

This really is hilarious. God, Onion! So witty yet so blunt.

[Xxd3cayxX]

Hillarious!

[chaisack]

news flashes are the best jajaja found skull-fucked to death in his home. that gave me a hernia 

[CMSonYT]

his outer shell has not yet calcified.

[ItsThatArmyGuy]

8 electoral votes for a 2nd round draft pick. epic win onion, epic win

[WestonVonWellington]

1:08 that picture scared the shit out of me

[devilzreality93]

well she looks like an alien to me

[snakeskin2u2]

Never trust anyone who tells you they are "normal" !!

She has led a sheltered life - she is therefore not suitable for the office she seeks.

[EssiacHempLaetrile]

Google ... "THC Cures Cancer"

[Jeaazy]

hes not nearly as old as the ancient ones.

lollolololol XD

[Martena56]

Brizalaxtron was a very influential first lady.

[powereater]

@Martena56 i know, Brizalaxtron taught me that as a race that species with a collective consciousness are valuable as indivicuals as they are together ,and that metemorpheses is an important part of every silicone-based lifeform and not something to be afraid about

oh and her support of the removal of anti exo-skeleton legislations means that the floating crab people of Alfralilo XIV can finally work without discrimination

[tomkkkkk]

id still put one through her!

[ThefirstDrInsane2U]

yes she bad but instaed we got WHAT

[theaaos]

@ThefirstDrInsane2U better

[Wintercalypso]

she's either a reptilian or one grumpy pleiadian. I don't know but her eyes freak me out. Her eye brows need reshaping indefinitely

[mosesmalone4711]

Reptile.

[kandousha]

Seriously her child pic at 1:08 freaks me out 

[kandousha]

She has two hearts?!

[amazingdany]

"I fully support gay people. But I don't like them..."

- Cindy Mccain

[KnuxTheTurtle]

NEWS FEED: *Rep. Benjamin Sinclair (R-OHIO) found skull-fucked to death in his home; Congressman was staunch supporter of ocular penetration restriction act*

[RomZruleTeHworld]

its voting machines vs aliens!

but the black guy won

[Freddy3740]

One of the reasons I love the onion so much is that they aren't very biased. They have no problem making fun of both left and right winged politicians.

[GutturalBreath]

she grew up in the village of the damned

[MrSafetymeeting]

WOW Does anybody know if she is seeing anybody? I'd wreck that chick

[crazychri1]

um....guys... i think that shes a witch

[JayFS89]

@crazychri1 No, that's Christine O'Donnell. Mrs. McCain is just an alien.

[W7edwin]

Omg LMAOOOOO!!!!!! loool!!

[TheTruthDoesntHurt1]

Id love to meet her. I bet she still gets OC 160s. Lucky bitch! pop one for me Cindy.

[thegreattotemaster]

Both her hearts?

Oh My GOD!

CINDY MCCAIN IS THE RANI!!!!

[realbeautyness25]

Delicious looking in her fatten state LOL

[znasser1]

She loves her kids with both her hearts :D LMAO!!

[Havinanicedaze666]

@znasser1 Good job repeating what the highest rated comment already said

[znasser1]

@Havinanicedaze666 Thank You :D...Very sweet of you to validate my comments XOXO

[11ty62]

"Spending a lazy Saturday in the sleep pod that delivers nutrients to her body in a nightly stasis period."

hilarious

[IDIOTES1982]

she's a witch just like palin and miss rod-ham clinton

witches with black hearts and evil goals

[alulu8]

@IDIOTES1982 Lord have mercy. You can't compare Palin and McCain - terrors without brains - comparable to Hilary Clinton. That woman is doing good in this world, not trying to put women, gay men & women, animals, the environment, and personal freedoms into the Middle Ages.

[EnlighteningDarkness]

"Humans in the larval stage need our care the most."

[JayJayhope]

NOW,,,they let us know they lied about John and Cindy McCain...God bless you Sen, and Mrs McCain, and thank you!

[Inediblehulk]

According to McCain's Wikipedia page, only half of this is true. Damn liberal media disrepresentationizing the facts again!

[fallenangel165]

lol at the scrolling text

Rep. Benjamin Sinclair found skull-fucked to death in his home

[arthuronfacebook]

This is still awesome.

[lookalooey]

LMFAOOOOO SLEEP PODD

[pancakewafflebacon]

she seems legit

[GKid51892]

Both Cindy and Michelle look like intergalictic Emporers

[Pizzachu1]

He's not nearly as old as the ancient ones

[66Metalforlife66]

hahahahaha his outer shell

[yellowcougar18]

This is just sheer genius.

[superotter24]

har har. I thought this was going to be critiquing her lack of interesting qualities (unlike Michelle, etc.)

[PantsThatDontFit]

This is not satire, folks!

[CertainAsTheSun]

I literally LOL-ed at this one!

[mokeish]

alien control earth

[MSJ1292]

"Rep Benjamin Sinclair found skull-fucked to death in his home" read the bottom bar

[SoldierCyfix]

herding livestock with her mind

[Cyphairius]

@Dawn554

It's hard not to hate Americans when you get a kickass President like Obama, and then whine about him supposedly being a "Kenyan Socialist".

[kalbahamut]

@Cyphairius I'm almost tempted to agree with you, but then again, I think one of the single best things about the United States is the way in which Americans hold the right to criticize their leaders as sacred and even as a responsibility. Many other countries don't do this. Granted, calling Obama a Kenyan socialist is idiotic... but I respect that Americans respect the right of everyone, even complete morons, to voice their opinion- even when said opinion is offensive to those in power.

[pieguyfry22]

@Cyphairius thank you! I'm glad foreigners think that way about our issues! ^^ I hate those guys, all that post-election propaganda and hate in their media is making them seem almost like the Nazi party than a Conservative party.

The Conservative party is a good party, it's just the propaganda that's annoying as fuck.

[YesIm10]

@Cyphairius For the record, I find it kind of hilarious that when people describe what they hate about Americans, 90% of the reasons only apply to republicans.

Just like waht you said.

[system0system0]

there both freaks just like america

[trentroolz]

lol "at which point she emitted a loud screeching noise that melted all plastic objects in the room."

god, onion news is fucking great!

[juicyjoe96]

His outer shell has not even yet calcified!

[supercoolsephirothis]

Wow Cindy McCain is much prettier than Michelle Obama.

[Sei1863]

@supercoolsephirothis If you're into jutting pelvic bones bruising your balls and plastic praying mantis icicle queens

[superbacon321]

lmao H.P.Lovecraft anybody else get it

[cobraram]

@superbacon321 I did not find reference to lovecraft (warcraft) i missed it, i guess. at what min did you see it?

[standdownman]

@cobraram Why do you put Warcraft in parentheses after Lovecraft? H.P. Lovecraft is an author, known for his Cthonian mythology. It has nothing to do with Warcraft.

[EuchridEucrow1]

@s perbacon321

"The Ancient Ones". LMAO!

[jlim2397]

"He is not nearly as old as the Ancient Ones"

lol!!!

[Iamjustherek]

LOL I had to go back at "...loves her kids with BOTH her hearts."

[katt157]

@Iamjustherek I was at another tab and then I was like WTF?!

[mada3bal]

for some reason even tho she might be 35+ years older than me ,I thought she was hot as hell. then she is NOT like any other female human , she is like female humans with 7-9 zeros next t her dollar amount, so the title of this piece is streching it.And yes michelle obama is way hotter than her, no dicussion.

[BlackMageLeader]

lol thats hilarious and those pics of her are creepy

[tomthefunky]

They wouldn't dare go after Michelle Obama even though she looks like wookie. She looks like she's made of spare parts and she has big man shoulders and big man hands.

[DOCCAREY]

The President never disrespected his wife like the scum bag mccandy ass mccain did his wife! No one should attack a person for thier looks- the attacks on the HARLOT Cindy Mccain is based on her actions not looks. Shes a dumb heiress to a BUD DUMBER beer company. Thde HARLOT and Her WHORE kids are what they are! The REAL Mrs Mccain was the HONORABLE woman!

[UNSCMasterChief117]

wow thats pretty racist, somebody should shoot your kid when you have one so they dont grow up to be like you

[montavilla]

My stomach hurts from laughing so much! Trading electoral votes for a draft pick? HAHAAHAHA.....

[Clearie552]

hhahahhaha XD

[DOCCAREY]

Glad she is not our First Lady. She claims her family is important? This is the woman who was a whore and a harlet. She's the one that went after John Mccain and helped wrecked his marital union post his vietnam service.

[SuperBlargle]

it's spelled "harlot"

[DOCCAREY]

Thanks for the clarification... Atleast we both KNOW what SHE is! Thanks

[sazkwatch]

she is one scary ass lookin bitch....

[TeslaKuhn]

bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha

[420CrH]

Cindy McCain looks creepy as hell in all those pics

[SanguisDiabolus]

herding livestock with her mind. lmao

[TCt83067695]

@SanguisDiabolus oh i thought he said hurting lol

its still funny either way.

[ChasePitman]

"both her hearts" rofl

[rubino83]

She's actually a PlantSim. She spent too much time gardening with pesticides.

[Bones0]

She's an alien. Did you not see her spending her stasis period in the sleep pod?

[5pid3y]

it's the joke. she looks like an alien. never mind.

[kninja41]

so you dont suspect her of leading the alien colonization of Earth

[bretp99]

Oh my God! The First Lady is a pod person! Someone tell President McCain before it's too late!

[volcom13xx]

humans in the larval stage need our care the most <3

[gonjinetik]

I'm running my campaign on that premise.

[Elzebub666]

lol, Mrs. McCain is a Time Lady, she has Two Hearts

[CrankItEveryDay]

"She loves her kids with both her hearts" that one made me laugh hysterically for like 3 minutes straight.

[mattfirebird]

"Hoovering some guys weiner"... Very funny. How 'bout basket weaving some guy's WMD? There's definitely a market for a sex video of this maven.

[MorroccoSurrogate]

I find myself bizarrely attracted to this being.

[sebidiah]

I can't wait for the Cindy McCain sex vid to release... she'll get drunk and pop some pills and end-up on the net hoovering an assistants wiener.

[zellmer]

1:27 made my girl friend look away in disgust saying "Oh god, that's sickening..." Really is such a great observation by the onion even to this day.

[tamaade]

ahahaha trading for draft picks. xD

[dwall932]

"Empress Zalaxtron"

[ISOhunt3r]

is she a crab people??

[cloudberry121]

It's those piercing, ice blue eyes. Very children of the corn.

[KnightTriple6]

Fuck the Reptilian! Fuck the NWO! Fuck the Government! Fuck the Police!

[lolbrb100]

DURP HERP

[theemceemurdah]

she looks like a chestburster

[user2135]

She does look like an alien creature.... or maybe... a crab people!!! Oh my God!!!

[daddyleon]

lol, yes, or God. ö

[1kingconan]

lol this video is funny :D

[PLUOSVSEYR]

Lol..wtf

[informatist]

She and Laura Bush and Lynne Cheney were all in the same sorority... which I personally think of as rather incestuous and creepy.

[Bez561]

Benjamin Sinclair found skull fucked to death in his home. lmao i love the onion

[SinJester1]

his eyes sockets will be missed

[TheGardenStater]

@Bez561 Good eye. I totally missed that!

[fostereric]

SHE LOOKS LIKE A REPTILIAN!!!!

[Sydpart2]

Isn't there some guy with a lot of followers who actually believes that W. was a reptile man in a human suit who was part of some evil reptile conspiracy to take over the world of man? I think they interviewed him on Rigilousis the bill Mahr movie I prolly spelled wrong

[glamourweaver]

Yes (though to be clear the guy was a fringe liberal, he's just a fringe nutjub; he's accused "liberal" interests of also being under the control of the reptoids)... The truth is that in his conspiracy theory "reptoid" is just code for "Jew". He's using all the old anti-semitic conspiracy theories under a thin layer of crazy alien bs.

[Sydpart2]

either way it's fucking nuts and carries just about as much merit as the whole anti semitic movement

[jericho696969]

Love's kids with both her hearts, ha ha ha!

[MultiZ3ph4r]

the onion is so full of win

[zero1gmv]

5/5

[taxisgay12]

the reporter has the same souless and cold exterior as whom/what she is reporting on.think about it.

ps,i'm glad i did'nt see any post questioning if this is news

[zero1gmv]

reptiles...hahaha.

[noncontradiction]

um, you know this is fake right?

[Mistoffelees11]

delicious looking in her fat like state lol

[docbrownenterprises]

Why the fuck is youtube a advertising website!

[msz1]

They have to make money somehow.

[StoneTemp1Pilot]

So like most Republicans she is a horrible space demon. now I get it.

[noncontradiction]

And knowing is half the battle!

[Shadowhog]

G.I. JOE!!!

[Artemis008]

"delicious-looking in her fattened state" haha

[Patrioticsoldr]

Now that I think about it, she reminds me of the female terminator chick from Terminator 3

[masterofhobbiton]

I was just thinking that!

[ro0ske]

lol they picked the perfect pics for this story too

[FallOutBoy1201]

Lmfaoo.

[GuitaGal92]

Ugh, they shouldn't curse (bottom). It totally gives it away!

[shambayati195]

"herding livestock with her mind" LOL

[WildLizInPA]

...and you just embarrassed yourself...