I'm a grown-ass man, darn it.

[FilMarck]

She looks pretty, it's a she right? :P

[DatSlowpoke]

There is a world of difference between a "grown-ass man" and being a "grown ass-man" I happen to be the former

[ohmaryjane]

"Heard the stories",lol. That is so cute.

[madison1234566]

I 100% agree, but the problem is also partly that some gay people play along with it... Most of my gay friends will gladly tell you what role they fit into best, and will even sometimes ask other gay people.. and while I'm sure they mean it all in good fun, those outside of the gay community may hear what they're saying and take it too literally.. We've gotta stop giving people a reason to stereotype us :(

Some of my gay friends are also users of the phrase "that's gay" too.. also not my fav.

[stjesuskat666]

@madison1234566 My gay friends and I also sometimes say "that's gay," but NEVER negatively. We often say it to describe something we like. Sometimes we use the term to laugh at ourselves lightheartedly when we do something that fits a stereotype. However, we only ever use it amongst each other/people who understand how we mean it.

This isn't the exact same phrase, but I remember a friend of mine (who is gay) noticing me wearing flannel and saying, "you're looking very dyke-tastic today. :D"

[iammeiamjimmy]

i love hearing different peoples views about gender stereotypes, i am a biolgical female identify 'fluid' but i am currently in a 'straight' relationship. it is so hard to explain who i am but the answer is always 'i am me'. The idea of being stereotyped into a gender role to fit the hetrosexual norm is outdated, itno linger applies in todays society. It doesnt matter who we are or how we dress or who we love, we are who we are and should be free from this box that society tries to put us in.

[KELSCENE]

Nail on the head, Jess, nail on the head.

[romeo21208]

I hate that question, and I love your opinion!

[Mymoonlightray]

I hear that one a lot. Who is the man and who is the woman. The straight relationship is based on roles, rules, etc. they have to view homosexuality from their perspective. Their attraction to each other is based on opposite attract. One is phyically stronger while the other is phyically weaker, one buys the dinner, while the other makes the dinner, etc. When I hear that question, it is a limited view on relationships and no knowledge of les relationships.The question annoys the hell out of me

[strangerangy]

Great video! but I think that there are people that do care about femenine/masculine style. I mean that there are some girls that like femenine-style girls and other dont. I live in Argentina and what I see here is that women try not to look "masculine" cuz they dont want to be bothered by heterosexuals while also on the LGTB comunity if you are too femenine they dont bealive you are lessb. haha! crazy things happens here..cheers!

[SamBamKablaam]

Thank you for this.

[arielarelx3]

lovelovelovelovelove this <3

[nuffflavor]

I do not know gay relationship life, but there does, at times, seem to be a male/female role. I have seen both individuals dressed alike AND other times two individuals dressed totally different. Example, I seen a female couple with one dressed/looking like a man (saggy pants, polo male shirt, hat, crew haircut ..etc) and the other in regular feminist clothing / hairstyle...so to speak. I feel that there is a wide spectrum of sexuality on all sides.

[nuffflavor]

@nuffflavor.... further.. And the brain WILL calculate and label what the eyes see. This also goes for all types of relationships. If you see the wife tell the husband what to do all the time and he does it.... hen peck, P-Whip...etc. They may have a relationship agreement, but our brains will say different.

[Sonicku]

Cuuuuute*^ be my GF!! =D

ps i like ur popd colar =D

[GottaLoveMel]

So true. Although I don't find anything wrong with those in same-sex relationship or even trans people who are together who want to act out those gender roles. At the same time, I do agree that being asked who wears the pants in the relationship or people making assumptions based on how either partner presents his/herself is disrespectful and a bit insulting.

[SmileyGal4224]

Well said

[TazCross]

great vid jess!

i couldnt agree more, always love what you have to say.

[xramb1e0nx]

I couldn't of said it better myself... great video Jess!

[musicalmeal]

hey jess! great vid. totally off-topic but i wanna give your book collection some love - nice stock! (god that sounds more naughty than i intended). any recommendations? :D

[sarahhification]

i agree. even in hetereosexual relationship the guy doesnt always have to take the role of being in control of it and being masculine..

the guy doesnt have to ask the chick

etc.etc.

[likelionsd0]

you're an idiot js

[cuntagious1]

@likelionsd0

I wasn't talking about the video. Some asshole commented, and it was apparently deleted and mine was left up. He left an incredibly rude comment, and did the same on my account.

[likelionsd0]

understandable

[bearriot23]

that actuly just made my morning. thats gunna stay with me all day!

[alyssa1411]

I agree 100%

[emsyblake]

'You might recognise me from the beaverbunch channel?!' Yah, we recognise you, Jess :)

Well said, by the way :)

[jordorkbinks]

well put

[PLZLuvmegentle]

This should be a video that people SHOULD listen to at least once a week to help remind them to not forget who they are! People get way to caught up in life and sometimes even by what other people think or say about them. After all, our generation alone is reshaping new ways of thinking and the way we live. I think its fantastic! My heart goes out to everyone! Take it easy!

-Emily

[darthjedi99]

You can't be with who ever you want to be with,you can't act anyway you want to act...there are limits and there are concequences.That said i do enjoy listening to Jess,she is easy on the eyes.

[disbemissann]

I love this video! I am a straight girl, but I have really short "boy-ish" hair, and usually dress like a tomboy. Yet I have a boyfriend. Looks have nothing to do with sexuality.

[randomanimekid]

wow, the end of that video was actually quite a help "dont let anyone tell you who you are" bit. it helped me realise something i was beggining to forget.

[numeroUNOJoBrofan]

preach it woman!

[Bintyface]

You are awesome :)

[BasicallyHaley]

heyyy it's Haley from babybeaverbunch! We (after much confusion) got a video up, and we're extremely flattered that you made this video, thanks for making my day!!!

[cautiousplay]

thanks haley - i appreciate that.

[18loverof2]

way to go JESS!

[wordsforthewind]

WELL SAID JESS!  :D

[STLinMIND]

i like this, you just talking about whatever is on your mind -apart from the beaver bunch and flawles tv. i like what you said and totally agree, itd be great if you made more vids like this on ur personal channel =]

[tegansararock007]

totally agreed. :D

[Forbiddenlust]

Well said. I hate when people ask 'Who wears the pants?' My girlfriend and I consider ourselves equal in a relationship. Sure I have a bossier more dominating personality but I'm the femme one in the relationship (and she's just a tomboy -cute) but there's no man or woman. It's just us. We are who we are. No labels thanks.

[mcturtlegirl]

I tried fact checking but me and reading...

But I think I saw something to the effect -butch role formed mainly for protection from physical harm/butch=traditionally male protector.I guess I want to know if I made this up,someone read something similar? Oddly enough,  i was wondering about hetero standards in gay relationships and thought:Could the 50% divorce rate eventually apply to gay marriages in a gay marriage usa? It has to right?It's a relationship thing not a gay/straight thing...right?

[BasicallyHaley]

I'm totally all for this, but me personally, I feel I fit into the stereotype.. which isn't ideal, but hey, it's what works for me :) I like playing the masculine role. I feel like it isn't really a label if you like your label, right? Labels suck in general, but I'm comforted with having a place? I don't know if it makes a whole lotta sense to you, but I'm personally content to sit in my sweat pants drinking a beer, or however you see "boy" role. It's somewhat tricky to explain :P

[lilhonda9821]

great video! you're fantastic jess :)

[s8ntmark]

I agree with you Jess, Great points! But you also can't deny that in a some same sex relationships there are some who take a more masculine role and some who take a more feminine role...even down to the way they dress and act. The danger is grouping EVERYONE together (which is when it gets offensive) and that's where people get messed up. But I've wondered myself why anyone bothers trying to define those roles in relationships at all.

[mizeloise]

i agree. i read rubyfruit jungle this summer, and in it she discusses going to lesbian bars and being asked if she was butch or femme, and she was irritated that she had to decide which defined her. i definitely think we have moved past this stereotype, however i still use and hear the words butch and femme... i think the lines are more blurred nowadays however. i refer to several types of women as butch. now i am wondering if this is enforcing the stereotype? hmm...

[irissiri907]

i just say does it look like i got a cock? then they just laugh and know not to ask me

[MissyMoment]

PREACH!

;)

[Sweet666Kraven]

Great video =)

[jjbeejjuice]

lol  great work jess!!

[Rainbowgore]

somebody asked me that today, someone asks me that everyday. UGH!

[jimnecrikitlvr]

Awesome insight!

[proud2beandy]

well said jess :)

[daniviski]

I agree with the reference you are giving.We are being labeled with norms that were set a long time ago and that are outdated today.But i also think that there are certain gay couples that have grown under that regime of norms and that guide themselves by those parameters.I think there is room out there for every stereo type to be broken but there is also room for those stereotypes to be ratified.All in all,its just greatto watch you talk and debate these types of subjects.Its very stimulating

[JPgonPro17]

Jess. Your words are truly inspirational. Talking about how you dont care what people think, to be yourself, dress the way you want..etc. You give me hope that one day I will be completely OK with who I am and not care what other ppl think. So, thank you.

[SkibbledInk]

actually there is always someone who dominates in a relationship, in heterosexual relationships its assumed to be the man, but more and more the woman is in most control of the household.

in gay relationship its a different but there is always someone who is more in control, this doesnt necessarily mean sexually. Also in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships roles can switch depending on mood or topic(sex,money....so on).....sorry for the rant jess, i love your videos :)

[FiercelyAaron]

@SkibbledInk someone doesn't ALWAYS dominate, you know some relationships doesn't matter if it's gay or straight there's an equal amount of "power" and the two respect each other enough to both have that equal power. Just my opinion sorry.

[SkibbledInk]

@FiercelyAaron no need to apologize, its your opinion :) Just know that when i say dominate, i dont mean that one person has an unbelievably amount of power of the other, it can range, and as i said the person who is dominant in the relationship switches.

[ihavnoideawattorite]

I unfortunately have never been in a relationship, however, I completely agree with you....paticularly on the topic of lesbian relationships! why do people feel the need to classify a lesbian relationship and warp it to fit the typical "straight" relationship norms. I do understand that in a lesbian relationship there may be a partner that supports the other, but in a relationship it is NOT always the man that supports the woman, so why label the "supporter" in a lesbian relationship, the "man"?

[paul20072007]

Good insight.

[alwaysSHOUTalways]

nobody talked to me about this topic at all.....i'm not sure who decided that but it wasn't me. which is somewhat disconcerting. :/

ANYWAY thanks so much for responding to us, we all seriously appreciate it (or i'm sure whoever decided that was our topic does). and i like what you said too, i often feel like the more masculine one in the relationship but that doesn't make me "the man". if lauralee wanted to be with a man then she wouldn't in a lesbian relationship.

riiiight on. :]

[lindseyclark08]

Extremely good topic... that makes so much sense. I never thought about it that way. In psychology you learn about "identification" in terms of a defense mechanism. I think ignorance feeds the need to ID people, and with each generation we're kind of stifling the stereotype. Good on you, Jess, and good on the baby beavs.

[adorkablexdoll]

i love listening to what you have to say, your points of view are great. and your intellegance makes you even more attractive.

[SoNluver511]

That was very well said advice....now only if we could get everyone to think like that. If only it was that easy....i mean come on IT IS the 90s. hahaha that was awesome!

[900angryangel]

I agree. The dynamics of my relationship are private, and it's not as simple as being the man or the woman. We are both "the woman" in the relationship. Gender plays no part in my relationship with my girlfriend.

Nice to see the two beaver bunches connecting. :)

[PaintedRavensong]

Great advice, Jess.

[dude225]

great point of view... like always. i feel like you have such amazing insight into these topics, and i truly love listening to your wisdom every week.

[melodiesNdesires]

omg amen! i hate that question witha passion..,. who's the man... yuck.

[overeighteenaccountf]

woo! nice work, I'm so glad you support the baby beavs

[jamlove89]

Thank you so much for posting a video, jess. Youre awesome!

I loved this video! and i totally agree that it is offensive when someone asks me who the "man" is in the relationship.

Im glad someones on their game this week :D ttly

xoxox

~jackie~

[mimib1230]

Yay!