From the Conservative Bible - Jesus on abortion: In 5 seconds

[ryandevison]

was that really written in the bible?

[damienbrennan1]

@ryandevison lol

[sweetlolitacookies]

@ryandevison You've got to be kidding me!

[OldSchoolSkill]

This concise video makes a valid point!

The Elite's agenda is: foster a giant baby-making machine through social indoctrination. That's why they treat women like sex-objects, pretend they're "pro-life" and try to keep the population misinformed.

It is in the best interests of ONLY the super-wealthy to have many more slaves, willing to fight for soldier's wages.

You are chattel. Your SS number is publicly traded on stock exchanges.

Your children are born into slavery. Thanks to the FED.

[TheBusinessisgood]

@OldSchoolSkill LMAO the federal reserve has both sides in their pockets and if you know anything about the "elite" then you would know that their goal is depopulation.You should get your facts in check before saying stupid political bullshit.

[OldSchoolSkill]

@TheBusinessisgood

You are right that the "elite" intend to lower population, especially in poor countries with natural resources. I have checked my facts. In America, the agenda is to maintain an ample workforce that is ill-informed, uneducated, poor and in debt. They want to extract a lifetime of slavery, then make sure we die before we collect any benefits. Nothing I said was politically biased.

[TheBusinessisgood]

@OldSchoolSkill that seems adequate.with that being said- abortion is economically bad and unethical(to a certain degree-such as the medical condition of the baby) But i do understand that babys that are kept alive benefit the federal government,but that doesn't mean we should authorize a cruel procedure such as abortion.There are better ways to conduct ourselves and there are better alternatives to use against the elite.

[TheBusinessisgood]

@OldSchoolSkill and i forgot to mention that there are alot of christians such as myself who are very aware and are against the illuminate.My only concern is surviving for whatever comes my way instead of fighting a hopeless battle.Besides i am taught to be a peaceful man.

[tomitstube]

it's not a choice, it's a future orphan for some lucky priest or youth minister.

[damienbrennan1]

@tomitstube or someone like you! fact is majority of pedophiles are family mambers or professionals-doctors, teachers etc

[TheStigmadeign]

If God planned the Sacrifice of Jesus then that is the Latest abortion ever.

O_O

[boutchie06]

It's not a choice, it's a future consumer for Big Pharma & Big Oil. I used to wonder why these people are so shook up about embryos and fetuses that look the same as fish, frogs, chickens and other animals in early development. Obama was a fetus at one time.

[Juggalodiety]

I'm laughing

[pablocoon]

This video doesn't even make any sense in terms of the abortion debate, I hope all you idiots understand that, even though you are idiots.

[noeyedeer2jk89sx]

@pablocoon

Everyone in that debate is an idiot.

[rubmytummyforluck]

@pablocoon it makes perfect sense. I

[kanyewasright42]

lol! inersname, you got it right, the only thing is that im a christian, but the person who posted bfore you is who is dispicable, dont convert others, jesus never forced religion on others, he also said nothing about homosexuals, or abortion, in fact all republicans need to read the bible and actuually learn what it means, dumbasses

[onthewaytothecrapper]

@kanyewasright42

hey genius abortions weren't around back then.

[tjv323]

@onthewaytothecrapper The first recorded evidence of induced abortion, is from the Egyptian Ebers Papyrus in 1550 BC

[mjt19741]

If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead YOU will be SAVED. For with the heart one believes unto RIGHTEOUSNESS and with the mouth confession is made unto SALVATION. Rom 10:9-10

Have Faith people.

[Insername]

@mjt19741 Isn't it FUN to have some of the words IN your SENTENCES in caps and COPY out quotes from bullshit books and POST THEM where they have LITTLE if any relevance. I can think of only two reasons to buy a bible 1.to laugh at 2.toilet paper

[rubmytummyforluck]

@mjt19741 lame

[quetou]

Jesus was a socialist! Just read the bible! Its all there.

[markofthebeasts]

they are also future consumers... to purchase the mass manufactured, so called 'goods' that were most likely produced, in ways that have damaged the environment, and its capacity to support other living things into the future...hooray!

[AEVautomatic]

idiot. the bible says its not your body or your choice. It says that the holy spirit is in you so you were bought at a price. Your body is not your own...

[themsfightinwoids]

Adults with imaginary friends are stupid.

[noeyedeer2jk89sx]

@themsfightinwoids

Adults who all have the same imaginary friend because otherwise their imaginary friend 'will hurt them' are stupider.

[HopeForPeaceNow]

The Bible also says to cut off your hands if they cause you to sin.

How is it you can still type?

[ShiftyKickflip]

lolz

[AEVautomatic]

because a book can't make me cut off my hands.

[HopeForPeaceNow]

Seems it can tell you to judge your brother.

[AEVautomatic]

ya but i dont have to do it can tell me many things.

[funincluded]

@AEVautomatic

that would be one really bad paper cut

[SeeProfileForDetails]

@HopeForPeaceNow bitch I write shit directly from my mind I ain't got no hand

[HopeForPeaceNow]

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks

wash yours out with soap.

[StinkyGreenBud]

LOL

[blithium]

Don't you mean it's a future soldier for the war in Eastasia?

Or is it Eurasia? I forget.

[Superballpogo]

Your memory deceives you comrade, it has always been Eastasia.

Always.

[blithium]

Ah, quite right. Eastasia. Thank you for reminding me, Comrade.

[amielrox]

lol, i guess that's one way to put it.

[canesrule96]

what if mary had an abortion?

hahaha

[spardaking]

then we'd be thousands of years more advanced in technology!

[steve492]

That wasn't funny. I think making fun of Jesus and the Bible is funny as hell, but that wasn't funny. There was no irony, or play on words, or exaggeration. You could have instead had Jesus quote a real verse about killing fetuses of Israel's enemy. From that you could extrapolate that Jesus is pro-aborting Iran's babies and ant-aborting American babies. Two stars.

[hobbitsarecool]

yes and he thinks you are a dumbass.

[337Vinny]

"were already in hell our dumb asses just don't know it"

[disneyfreaker45]

nocaguessinmi,

though i am a christian, i completely agree with you, it completely ridiculous to relate a religion to politics

[nocaguessinmi]

please... i'm very open to all sorts of comedy, from rascist, sexist, anti-religious, pro-religious, etc. but...

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!?!?!

that was fucking retarded,

please STOP associating jesus with any right-wing government (that includes the democrats),

JESUS LOVED PEOPLE, AND HE WAS A HIPPIE

so fuck you all ignorant atheists, read the bible and realize that jesus fought for the same cause that you fight for... don't let the man fool you, you fucking idiots!

[evacuationplanb]

just so you know, thats exactly the point that the comedy jesus is going for. If you watch his stand up thats exactly what he is saying.

[ScissorHand26]

Jesus promoted the Old Testament, go read that and see if you still think the same. That's what changed my mind anyways.

[spardaking]

yeah... because killing gay people and children who are rude to their parents is what we all fight for...

[RonPaulGeorgeRingo]

The New Conservative Bible (excerpt):

In the beginning, there was Reagan.

And Reagan said, "Let there be debt." And there was debt.

[Antarayan]

@RonPaulGeorgeRingo thanks for that :D

[gerbrandt92]

@RonPaulGeorgeRingo

people think reagan stood for small government

[bcraig5]

God is murder (Exodus 12:29-30, Numbers 25:3-4, Numbers 31:16-18, Deuteronomy 3:6-7, I Samuel 15:2-3).

[nonabird80]

The bible also said Moses parted the sea. Have you seen a man part the sea in your lifetime?

[Kenz305]

So were the crusades, but the bible won't tell you that.

[mryoda]

I support the troops because the fight for my freedom.

wait a minute... they fight for the corporations not the people :D

[kicknbazz1615]

lol

[canesrule96]

how about this one

dont tell people what to do with their bodies

as far as im concerned the only thing thats wrong about abortion is late term abortions thats just nasty but like 1 month cmon, did you know that like a million freakin dudes masturbate, all those sperm that could have been humans oh no lets save them all

[wendytwteee]

haha, you're right, it does make sense.

See, one of the argument set by pro-lifers is that every fetus has potential for a human life that should not be wasted. However, that also means that EVERY embryo/sperm should not be wasted, and they ALL should be fused for conception (somehow :S) because they all have the same kind of potential! Which is, rationally speaking, impossible. like canesrule96 said with the most appropriate causticity, why not? "let's save them all".

[Kenz305]

Abortion should be a choice.

It is not up to people who put faith into their logic and reasoning to decide, nor should it be encouraged!

The choice goes to the carrier, no one should decide it for them!

[TheReasonWhyGuy]

Agreed, I also support the development and future use of an artificial womb for conception...

[chrisbraly]

If everyone that proclaims to be pro-choice would actually see an abortion take place, or look at a video of one taking place, or photos of aborted fetuses, I'm certain there would be many more anti-abortion activists than anti-war activists.

This clip treats a sensitive subject without taste or respect. Clearly this video was only created to promote anti-religion and obviously not for laughs.

How extremely arrogant of you to mock Christ Jesus, but I guess that's your business.

I'm done.

[TiesareHot]

LOL!!!!!!!!! XD

[REZJT]

though i am an atheists, I would say that human sentience is only known to be correlated with brain activity, sooo... even though its sentience may be limited, if there is any brains activity, its life and (limited) human sentience should be respected as such; even if it is thought not able to sense pain. (People who can't feel pain are not less of a person)

[ThePrudle]

My belief is: abortion is not acceptable unless the child is likely to grow up in a situation where he would be better off dead.

[theclarkeshow]

ROTFLMFAO!! 666/5!

[Eye2EyeIIIV]

This isn't funny. Every Christian (leave out Catholics) nows that human life begins at conception. Abortion is the biggest wars on human life in the US.

[over18foobrotha]

dumbass....really

[noone123567]

funniest video ive seen in awhile lol 5 stars

[poomanonfire]

Yeah dont abort we need future elephant men for future media shit storms.

[devan123321]

lmfao 5 stars

[m0rbidenigma]

"We don't like to kill our unborn, we need to them to grow up and fight a war" - Marilyn Manson

[oceansfloormicah719]

Right!

[oceansfloormicah719]

NOT!

SIASD

[japeto1]

hmm interesting, i support our troops, because they fight for all our freedom, even your freedom to make you dumb ass videos :)

[sdeevooo]

freedom from what? how about you give a little explanation on that. i m sure you kno that taliban is more widely spread around the middle east cuz of the US invasion. it wouldn't end its all BS

[ralphinator2]

@japeto1 LOL, you think the war has something to do with our freedom.

[SYLVANVIRIDIAN]

" We don't like to kill our unborn, we need them to grow up and fight our wars" Manson lyric

[shittybullshit]

omg I was just thinking about that when I was watching the video!

[cabot2jville2010]

OK! i didnt get it the first time watching, then i read a few comments, re watched and i got it lol

[sparkygotanosejob]

I did not think that was very funny. Rather pathetic.

Jesus would never say that.

[uttermannengrodan]

a....joke...

[lordtalon69]

Your right, dead people, or people who never existed at all tend to not say anything! :)

[sparkygotanosejob]

For the record:

I am anti war.

Funny isn't it?

[spartanses]

its a joke get over it

[DefenderOfReason]

Kudos! I don't know anyone else who make make a 14 second vid this funny :-)

[OurTVproductions]

This is GREAT! Kudos!

[zack1e]

Brilliant! Brlliant i say!

[SockbatReplica]

Reminds me of what Carlin said "Live children so they can raise them to be dead soldiers"

[mccainisthrough]

Very amusing.

[limbride]

Haha brilliant!!

[Lotus4115]

When born again, where does the placenta go? Is it messy? Gooey Christian after birth, blaaak.

[happyhead64]

ROFLMAO!!!!!

[AuShawster]

Yes Jesus, American does not have enough of a disposable population to send to Iraq.

I didn't believe in you but now I do!

[fantasy0coach]

yip yip

[volound]

thank fuck he doesnt say I-ran like the rest of americas retards.

[SockbatReplica]

It's even funnier listening to the monkey rednecks say the word "A-rab"

[VenomKing666]

But what is a rab ?

[Vislav]

Exactly. So breed!

[OxbowisaMstie]

hehehe

[nestorrfortuna]

hehehehehe

i love dead jews talking.

go on jesus, makes us meek and mild.

[Rathlin45]

gold!

[tonypata]

Poor people always end up fighting wars for the rich. Thanks for reminding us Jebus.

[JimTL1000R]

LOL that was good ! I am going to remember that !

[tonypata]

About us fighting wars for the rich. In the beginning of the Vietnam war if you could afford to go to college , you didn't have to go to Nam. That changed toward the end of the war. My daughter is in the millatary ,but its still an economic choice, because I couldn't afford to send her to college. she got her college money from the millatary. See the irony.

[JimTL1000R]

Yep! I see the irony. There is pimp'n for Jebus and being "pimped" (college) by the gov. Also might I add, all the wars in the last 15 years have been "for" Isreal not Americans. Americans are dying for no reason other than being pimped by Isreal. We have freedom here. It is not under attack!....Well its under attack by our own gov. We have the right to bare arms and we will handle our own buisness if it comes to that. Or maybe we will be fighting Ireali soldiers on our land! LOL Peace!

[mavaddat]

Cool. Jesus pronounces Iran properly.

[TheHatefulDead]

mmmmm...

I love the dead....

(And, after all these years, Jesus is STILL funny)

[mryoda]

True. :D

[theendofconfusion]

As Marilyn Manson would say "We're from America. We don't like o kill our unborn. We need them to grow up and fight our wars."

[RDJim]

stick to comedy.

[Sepharite]

Not funny. But it's true.

[ComedyJesus]

It's not funny 'cause it's true.

[Ubergynormousmullet]

Agreed

[Plutonwolf]

Amen to that. ;-)

[freedom0f5peech]

Give us your war babies!

[healthyaddict]

<3333

[CousinoMacul]

<33333

[Faustuss1]

wat

[Athaeus]

Hahaha, simply hilarious!

[LessOffensive]

ilikeit