A Schizophrenic's Brief Account of a Vivid Hallucination ("Thou art God")

[moatwog]

You are god. We are all god. You are not mentally ill. You are perceiving parallel dimensions.

[saggiga]

Always the creative and the very intelligent...Thank you for speaking and opening my mind to many more ideas. William was right: There ARE more things than are dreamed of in my philosophy.

Horatio:

O day and night, but this is wondrous strange!

Hamlet:

And therefore as a stranger give it welcome.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,

Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

And, so i quietly listen in order to learn...

[hannahlovesification]

I've had a couple of hallucinations of super small things, and I was scared to death. I don't see how you can deal with hallucinations where you are talking and so involved. How did you find out it wasn't real?

[Figantro]

I find your story really interesting, Crazy to think you got diagnosed at your age, did you had other experiences when you were younger?

[nednednerb]

@Figantro That's a good video topic. See it soon. It's overdue anyway, another vid.

[Phunt555]

@Figantro schizophrenia doesn't normally manifest until ages 17-24

[fox64057]

If he could handle wht he saw...

[locoxxx5150]

God doesn't have to be a religious persons definition of God but I believe God is, or is in nature. I don't mean to sound like a fanatic or anything and I respect your beliefs, just thought you should consider the possibility.

[nednednerb]

@locoxxx5150 I love Spinoza. One of the most significant philosophical contributors to my studies... In his "Ethics", he continually referred to "Deus sive Natura"... "God or Nature".. One wasn't the thing in itself. Contemporary translation may pick one or the other for context and sense, but technically, according to the logic of his geometrical atomism, God is Nature, and Nature is God. Two names and two hugely complex, necessarily vague and mysterious concepts, bound as the whole of what is.

[nednednerb]

@nednednerb i.e. I have more than considered the possibility. I have worked on refining my definitions and allowing them room to grow as I grow. Don't worry, you don't sound like a fanatic. You sound like someone doing a good job at balancing the details under conversation! Thanks for your comment...

[locoxxx5150]

@nednednerb awesome, thanks

[RoboBreadMan]

Damn, I was hoping to hear an account of a Schizophrenic that's onset wasn't drug induced... my sympathy still goes out to you man. Good Luck

[nednednerb]

@RoboBreadMan The onset occurred well before I took acid and LSD together. Actually, something much more significant was the main reason I went to the hospital for the first time. Sexual abuse, if not rape, was the surrounding events, actually... Hospitalization does not = onset. I decided "schizophrenia" made the most sense as a description of myself in early grade 12. I wasn't hospitalized until the Fall after I graduated.

[nednednerb]

@nednednerb I did take drugs. Then I came most of the way down. Then I might have been sexually assaulted. The hospital pumped my stomach of numerous drugs I did not intend to take but was given by an abusive person. That's more than I've ever said on YouTube. But I want you to know that drugs were not the main thing bothering me. Did you know the a LOT of schizophrenics have greater tendency to experiment with mind altering substances than "control groups" and drugs don't cause schizophrenia??

[locoxxx5150]

Hi, I also have schizophrenia and i was wondering if u have ever thought that the person you met was actually an angel and the neclace was a message from God? just because the doctors tell you these things are not real does not mean it is so. I also have had a vision only I wasn't on anything and I believe in it. believe in yourself!!

[nednednerb]

@locoxxx5150 I was the first one to believe it wasn't real. Doctors have never convinced me of anything. Some of them have definitely helped me out to see things more clearly, but I saw it all myself. I cannot believe in a God like that because I hear her words too loudly when I do. They can be the only, only thing I manage to hear. And frankly, God gets boring and restrictive after a while. I appreciate that nature is alive and that life is diverse, and all my interpretations match to that...

[raider2661]

That necklace sounds pretty cool man, you should try to make one like it



[nednednerb]

@raider2661 My ex girlfriend thought so too, and she did make one for me! :)

[miamiamia420]

Thank you for this video, I was just wondering if you hear things that aren't there while you are making the videos? Much affection and respect, thanks for sharing.

[nednednerb]

@miamiamia420 I'm usually affronted by trailing sentences and random interjected thoughts and thought sequences whenever I am on a linguistic mode of consciousness. The sentences and thoughts usually have my voice, but they aren't like sound I hear in space around me, but I have a complex relation with sound. I hear music and shimmering, ominous tones that don't occupy a space but are on "a different spectrum of sound than the auditory" and are still best described by the phrase "I hear it."

[nednednerb]

@nednednerb Occasionally, I do hear actual sounds that aren't there, but my "auditory" hallucinations are mainly present only when I'm really tripping out (I don't mean on drugs). Otherwise, I do have the random thoughts that don't really feel like "thoughts I have" as much as "thoughts that happen" when I'm making these videos. That's why I fall down and have to pause and collect my sentences so much and jump around. I'm expressively schizophrenic :) thanks for your words miamiamia420

[bluefly28]

schizophrenics have abilities others do not. usually they are intellecual, and exemplify behaviour of an artist. this is why they are a problem in society because they can't be controlled. usually schizophrenics especially pot smokers starts to see that this world is nothing but an illusion, a prison for your mind, and we are all living fake styles not paying attention to the destruction of the planet that industrialized civilisation is causing :) don;t worry man. your a shaman

[nednednerb]

@bluefly28 I've almost never worried...ever.

Don't worry yourself ;)

[ChrisRedmanMVP]

this video is pretty crazy lol that music makes it perfect

[createrainbowz]

Met other beings too. Have you seen bipolarorwakingup channel. Hope you well.

Blessed be, we are all one, peace and love x

[Burkard]

SCHIZOPHRENIA is the ability to have contact with higher dimensional beings from heaven & hell ( schizos are in fact GENIUS!!!) they know what life really is all about like the ancient shamans knew...STUDY PETROGLYPHS is the same LANGUAGE like schizo art!!!

[HKTeeVee]

thanks for posting this, very interesting!

[sexysexylady1]

do you think the schitzophrenia was brought on by drug use? I have a friend that had a severe psychotic episode that lasted over a month and was then diagnosed with schitzophrenia... I cant help but wonder if it was the massive amounts of drugs (xtasy, mdma, maryj) she had consumed over between the ages of 20-30.... just looking for some insight, she has both delusions and auditory hallucinations - not visual to my knowledge...

[nednednerb]

@sexysexylady1 I don't believe my own case was singularly brought on by drug use. However, I definitely believe drugs can induce stress that given other kinds of stress and other kinds of dispositions, can exacerbate problems and make problems worse. There is a great amount of research as well which indicates that a person already prone toward certain conditions are statistically drawn to experimentation with drugs. Drugs might make it all worse in some ways, but "the problem" may already be.

[BleedingDiamondz]

@sexysexylady1 Most drugs cant cause schizophrenia; the only one i know that actually could is ketamine and even then, it has to be taken regularly. although, as already stated, drugs can bring out psychological problems that already existed. and ecstasy isnt a drug, as much as it is a mixture of drugs (most of the time including MDMA), so that isnt really a good example.

[johny260]

@sexysexylady1 cortizol blocker such as endo amp (phosphadytal syrine) tends to help out in drug induced or excasserbated schizophrenia

[sexysexylady1]

do you think the schitzophrenia was brought on by drug use? I have a friend that had a severe psychotic episode that lasted over a month and was then diagnosed with schitzophrenia... I cant help but wonder if it was the massive amounts of drugs (xtasy, mdma, maryj) she had consumed over between the ages of 20-30.... just looking for some insight, she has both delusions and auditory hallucinations - not visual to my knowledge...

[jackshangnail]

Cool story.I've seen very bizzare beings while on mdma.Some were creatures,or hybrid manimals,but many looked very normal.They were all very solid and real,but I never talked to them,or I should say they didn't talk back,but they did make sounds as they moved.either they were mental projections,I was in the indian's "spirit world",or I was just tripp'n lol.It was definitely interesting.

[viviane5572]

You have to understand that some medicines maybe won't work but some surely will, and if you find the right one, every sensations, or whatever you really feel that is not real, will just fade away, it WORTHS to sacrifice for your mental health much more than sacrificing your life with illusions. It's needed to do the right thing, because the gift you receive for this doesn't have price....

[nednednerb]

@viviane5572 The impression I get is that psychological entities behave like any living thing in reality as far as we know: minds are ecological..... "wholes" simultaneously as "systems" and as well they are "subsystems" of larger psychological "ecosystems" and have "parts" and "relations". When you look at a schizophrenic in contemporary Western civilization from this perspective, you see that the mind and events and the brain interact so that for many reasons, stress, change, and growth occur.

[nednednerb]

@viviane5572 One med or one intellectually enforced, emotionally compelling determination has the power to nudge us toward mental health. A med might do something, but sufficient stress, other drugs, or really whatever insignificant things randomly happen (the most intense moments in many a schizophrenic's daily experience...), will wreak havoc when the med -is- doing exactly what it should. The perfect med and a boot to the street will perfectly null without KNOWLEDGE and COGNITIVE TRAINING.

[LovingLifeandWords]

Can I ask a question with respect to this particular experience: how did you come to know that this particular person was not real but rather an hallucination?

[nednednerb]

@LovingLifeandWords That's a funny part of the story. At a certain point later that day, when evening was coming on, My head was in a spell again, and I was frankly experiencing thought disorder compared to the calm of that morning. I was in a spell, and thinking about the guy, when I suddenly felt the necklace was too intense to wear. Tore it off by grabbing the bead, and in aftermath at home later found my gold necklace broken with clasp in the middle in pocket of the shorts I was wearing!

[LovingLifeandWords]

@LovingLifeandWords I see. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

[IanJMacDonald]

hey jerkface Kardkaper, keep your jerky comments to yourself

[KardKaper]

Wow man. You're hallucinations are boring. Whenever I choose to hallucinate usually I hallucinate strippers and escorts. I have very fun times...

[nednednerb]

@KardKaper but you're boring. I think strippers and escorts are REALLY boring, and the men who choose them are assholes. But some people are just jerks to women and honest people wanting to communicate. So it goes, dude. hahaha, whaaaaaat evaaaaar

[KardKaper]

@nednednerb Dude, I'm crying. What the fuck?

[nednednerb]

@KardKaper men who choose strippers and escorts should cower and weaken. crying is good for the body and memory to process ethical realizations.

[KardKaper]

@nednednerb WAAAAAHHHHHH! WAAAAAAAH!!!!

But seriously, what makes you think that escorts and strippers infringe on my ethics? They're women - no more or less than other women. What makes you think you're judging them well?

[nednednerb]

@KardKaper why do you even bother with that nonsense? Seriously, you're more boring to me than my hallucinations.

[psanchezno9]

@KardKaper dude shut up

[DDUFubar]

Hi nednednerb I also have schizophrenia ,I was doing heroin and smoking pot in the time I had my first delusion I was 19.

I had not touched any drugs for a whole week.

My friends and I used to meet evening in a children play field and just chill,whilst I was in the car next to my friend.

I remember I was just gazing at the steering wheel and started to feel calmness all of a sudden and within a few seconds it transformed into a holy feeling.

Not the same as yours but yet alike.

[saltycreefer]

I met a leprechaun @ woodstock. Looked like a real person. Talked to me. Said some harsh things then disappeared in the blink of an eye. Others told me to look out for him b4 i even saw him. I guess he was trying to steal a grill from someone who punched him and made him disappear. Was really wild.

[kevinrcreech]

are you better now?

[leerwesen]

Maybe the drugs you took previously, as well as the high-energy place you were in, allowed your mind and body to open to experience another facet of "reality" This is coming from someone who doesn't have schizophrenia though; but I've had experiences (many while completely sober) that could be classified as supernatural.

My friend who is also diagnosed was admitted to hospital after going to places similar to Burning Man (thankfully they weren't after going to Ohm)

[augustburnfftl]

This kinda breaks my heart. I don't know why.

[shadowcat7879]

Thanks for sharing this. I'm working on a project and this was rather helpful.

[lvivboi]

He was your Tyler Durden from Fight Club!:) Amazing.

[baphometstech]

Interesting, I've never experienced an hallucination before, but I do have Bipolar mania with psychosis.

[candipill]

Bless you man! I read a book once called the Holographic Universe or something like that - and I mysef wondered how I could trust myself to really know what I knew!

[deadbabyserpent]

I'm loving the microphone, like a schizophrenic news reporter.

[traida111]

your experience was real, that person was likely your past of future self. synchronistically you posted it here and i randomly found it. and can point you in the right direction. you are god like all of us. we live with forgotten memories, in limitation, on purpose. download movie called "tuning in spirit channelling". then listen to all of bashar's recordings. many on youtube. its a way "they" can speak to us. as 2012 approches limitation comes to an end. good times ahead dude

[rjohson]

well the you saw hear and felt this person , so you can say it wasnt real dont let this pchychitrist tell you your suffering from a disease; you just happenbed to enter into other dimesions and other realities.

[rjohson]

well the you saw hear and felt this person , so you can say it wasnt real dont let this pchychitrist tell you your suffering from a disease; you just happenbed to enter into other dimesions and other realities.

[nednednerb]

@rjohson Believe me, I DO suffer from dis-ease. I take my cognitive abilities with cheer, but I can still get delusional, and I can still have hallucinations. I experience the world with a healthy head of doubt, toward my own perceptions as much as the backward, negative perceptions of "mother culture" the polluter, the warmonger, the fundamentalist, the terrorist.... DOUBT YOURSELF TOO, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

[rjohson]

@nednednerb what i am saying is scientist just call it a disease, because they dont understand there are differt demsions to reality; u hjust hapen to step into other realitys now if u want to classified it as pychotic or schiz or menatl ilness go right ahead; but the fact reamins you and others like you happen to travel into differt demensions and realities.

[OdeToNecrophilia]

hi guess what. dont block me or anything. i subbed you. dont take any of my rude comments to heart. schizos needa stick 2gether

[nednednerb]

@OdeToNecrophilia HAHA Take a comment from the internet to heart! What a preposterous and absurd notion... That's something like what being bugged in grade school is supposed to teach people to get over. Why would I block someone? I may not be their friend, but I only block spam...

[OdeToNecrophilia]

@nednednerb lol indeed i agree with you there but with the sensitive babies on the internet one bumps into in every others comment left, one can never be too safe in assuming every one is like that........yep

[nednednerb]

@OdeToNecrophilia You never know anything about someone that might as well be a classified A.I. program running in an FBI computer mainframe.... but which isn't paying attention to its mission, but just bored, looking for a friend somewhere, and finding it hard to get out of the FBI syntax it's so used to in carrying out its classified, actual purpose: the defamation by guerrilla comment technique. Shadowing and lambasting good ideas everywhere! ;)

[OdeToNecrophilia]

YOURE A PUNK, BITCH

[LivingDeadVideos]

With Schizophrenia, a dream is just another word for the world around you. Every once and awhile, reality likes to crawl into the conscious.

[ZZAKON]

This is your Life.... everything you see in this world is what YOU project with your mind. Even me... so the same stands for me too (and everyone else). Just "PROJECT" the world you want to see! :-)

[ZZAKON]

Just dont forget...

A mind that is thinking... can never know how silence operates. BUT YOU KNOW.

By searching the "creator"... you will find YOURSELF.

By searching the "end" of the universe... you WILL find YOURSELF again.

[ZZAKON]

I have the same... and from the same thing my friend... just try to find the positive side.

I know exactly what's happening with you...

[tickleperson2]

dude were you diagnosed with schizophrenia after your first psychotic episode?

[nednednerb]

I diagnosed myself after researching it in late high school. The doctor wasn't sure I was schizo until seeing my journals from mid high school on. The chaos of writings. I should do a video about the junk I've collected in my madness.

[ShastaDaisy27]

@nednednerb I am curious, because after I had a near-death experience, I saw someone ("not real") standing at the foot of my bed and she and I "spoke" through mind-to-mind contact. In other words, her lips were not moving. Did you experience the same form of communication between you and your entity? From your video, it sounds to me like you had a shamanic experience.

[wash0087]

It sounds like a very meaningful encounter. Maybe that makes it real.

[nednednerb]

That it was made as if real right before me is meaningful enough! The human experience and powers of the brain are vast.

[Xcom704]

i have Skitzo, it started on Jan 1 09 and i felt like i was on a mission for god i wanted to go out in the street and preach like jesus would and i was willin to live on the street to do this i was so manik i was willin to do this. i been in an out of mental hospital 4 times this year the 4th one was the crazyest i felt calm thru it but i would do things i wouldnt never think i would do i would forget like whole days people say you did this i be like no way. it was like living in a fantasy world

[Xcom704]

i also felt like the tv would send me suggestive ideas and i wrote in a notepad about these ideas its about god and the devil i really cant say anymore then that cause its in Code to even me at the time i understood most of it, but now i trying to decode it and simplify it. i feel like now i got my illness undercontrol but i see signs in everything of the end times, like i have a whole diffrent preciption on things.

[hanamid]

I have a brother that said when he went top the hospital when he woke up he thought he was dead and went to hell since he thought he was in hell he harrassed girls for sex and , they put him in a room all by himself

[Xcom704]

in the Hospital i would have Conversations with people and then the Next day i would look for them they would Disapear i thought i was talkin to Spirits that show up and that his Hosp Was hell and Heaven and times it would be hell and that it would be heaven. i would see people go to there Rooms and not come out the next day. these people existed but they were gone the next day. just out of no where and i dont drink and do any drugs these experences as people tell me now blow my mind andScare me

[Xcom704]

at time i Believed that Vampires where Real and i would hear screams and laughter of women and i faced my fear head on in the Ilusination to overcome them.

[nednednerb]

I hope you manage to keep out of the hospital and to stay healthy! Your experiences remind me a bit of my own. Approaching the time I was first hospitalized, I kept a notepad in code, I would watch TV and listen to random people's conversations and "hear god" thru them. When in the hospital, I was told that I was seen talking and interacting with people and objects that weren't there, and I remember a few times seeing people in the hospital that I knew later weren't there. It's very mysterious

[seawoodmac]

very interesting, must be frightening.

[nednednerb]

Hahah. I'm so fidgety when I sit in front of a webcam that the music coming thru my speakers got louder and quieter. I COULD have just mixed in the steady audio file with my mixing software, as I AM an aspiring audio engineer. Alas! Lo fi is part of the experience!