Stephen Lynch - Dear Diary (Michael Jackson)

[laughingstock133]

Dear Diary, this years been a long one.

But I'm to have some fun tonight.

Music's best are going to be all there.

And I will finally feel alright.

I'm just going to take a bath now.

Then Downstairs to the fun.

I'll always love you diary,

Whitney Houston.

.... too soon?

[firetopman]

Dear diary, tonight has been swell

I finished up my role in The Dark Knight

I'm with my friends, and we're partying real hard

Life is great, there's no end in sight.

Right now I'm gonna take some pills from the Olsens,

Cause I feel under the weather.

So long everyone...

Heath Ledger.

[XxBlackFamesxX]

Dear Diary, Tonight's been a great night.

Me and my friends went out to the bar.

I only had a couple of beers.

I think i'm fine to drive the car.

I know tomorrow will be even better,

but tonight was a bunch of fun.

Love, your favorite jackass.

- Ryan Dunn.

[funnyboyz1133]

hehe, my song thingy started a fight, I feel that my work here is done

[Cerothenus]

I'm neither a sympathetic or empathetic guy. I'm a realist. The reality is that death happens. It has happened to my loved ones as well as my acquaintances. The way I see life is that when you're living you build relationships. you learn to love people and you really "live" with one another. basically you make the most out of your time together so that when you run out of said time... because your time was spent with them while they were alive not missing them after they passed there should be

[Cerothenus]

@Cerothenus no reason to grieve. you would have fulfilled all there was to fulfill

[thesinger877]

Dear diary, today was a good day

I managed to get a hit

My record's selling, everyone's watching

I even may be famous a bit...

I am all over the internet

But here we go, this is lastly

I think I am gay.

Love, Rick Astley

[Osamabinretard]

Dear Diary - Today was a bad day,

This fucking job’s gonna drag me to hell,

Make some songs and sell out to big labels

When will this end? Only time will tell

My life fucking sucks, I think I’m ready to end this

And I just can’t complain

Peace, Love, EMPATHY

~Kurt Cobain~

[funnyboyz1133]

dear diary, today was a great day,

had some drinks with a couple of friends,

we took some pics, ill put them on twitter,

we also made plans to meet up again,

i think ill go for a drive, just to have some fun,

ill be back in a little while,

-ryan dunn

[IAmHoTSHoTzz]

@funnyboyz1133 C'mon Ryan Dunn was an awesome guy, that's just not cool.

[Cerothenus]

@IAmHoTSHoTzz honestly ryan dunn probably was the only guy out of the Jackass crew that I would have had to look him up to find out who he was... so... meh.

[IAmHoTSHoTzz]

@Cerothenus That's just cuz you're stupid

[Cerothenus]

@IAmHoTSHoTzz nah, its simply because his fame was more generated by his company rather than his actions... i dont think the world was really effected by his death... no better, no worst.... he may as well have not existed.

[IAmHoTSHoTzz]

@Cerothenus same as the president of the usa dies there'll be a new one like every single other person in the world no one cares...

you're a senseless retard who happens to be a sociopath.

[Cerothenus]

@IAmHoTSHoTzz A) "Same as the president of the usa dies..." (was that supposed to make sense?)

B) Why the hostility? And when did the president come into play?

C) how does anything I have previously said bring you to the conclusion that I am a 'senseless retarded sociopath'? (nice wordplay btw, I love how you're trying to use big words.)

[IAmHoTSHoTzz]

@Cerothenus there's no such thing as bigger words,

what i said was, it's exactly like everyone else when someone dies nobody cares, and that's not true although that's exactly what you're stating.

Hostility starts when i'm threatening you now, i'm not threatening you.

You're not showing sense of emotion if you think nobody is gonna care if anyone dies.

[Cerothenus]

@IAmHoTSHoTzz When i said 'the world was not affected by his passing' I did not mean that as "Nobody Cares" kind of deal, regardless of whether or not i myself cared (which i didn't). It was more of a way of saying... his life never actually impacted the world in a positive or negative way... Also hostility doesn't always start only when there are threats of violence; hostility can be expressing bitterness or opposition through ones words or actions.

[Cerothenus]

@IAmHoTSHoTzz Also, if one showed emotion for every death there was the world would be a very fucked up place. death is too common to grieve at every death that occurs. If Ryan Dunn was a person even remotely of significance then I may have cared... I just simply do not. Death happens. why bother fussing over it when it does? there is no way of changing the inevitable, so I say why not just accept it and move on. It seems healthier that way-- not wallowing and sulking in grief. actually living.

[IAmHoTSHoTzz]

@Cerothenus Don't you feel bad for the people who love him?

This is about showing empathy or sympathy in my case.

[Stephie2007]

Dear Diary, today was a bad day

went to the gas station and was minding my business

Didn't expect to see the stalkers here.

Now she's throwing cigarettes at my window.

I forget my brother's advice and get really pissed

But I'm sure it won't be that bad-

Tom Kaulitz

[banshee939]

Dear diary today was a great day.

Met a wonderful terrific guy

He's strong and tall and so very handsome

With a bit of a wild side

He'll be here soon to have a few drinks so

I better jump in the shower

It wont be the same old drill

-Jeffery Dahmer.

[DomR1997]

Dear diary, today was a strange day...

shot a man while hunting,

thought he was a pheasant,

although he was a bit tall and wearing bright orange,

see you after the press conference, Dick Cheney

[SorrowfulLesson]

I love when he did the Anne Frank one in Germany. Dead. Silent. LOL He has balls, I'll give him that. <3

[lizweber14]

3 people didnt call their favorite doctors...

[GlobaFightOnBullshit]

whenever i need a dose of dark humor,i come here to read the comments...

[ColorOurWorldBlack]

Dear Diary,

Today was a good day,

I'm playing drums in my favorite band,

I'm downing whiskey and making albums,

And lying on the Orange County sand,

I think i'll go and lie right down now,

In a strange position,

Til Morning Diary,

Jimmy Sullivan

[RawDogg1551]

Still think he should have said mj

[Ascendancy666]

Dear Diary,

Today was a great day

i had some friends around the pool

Shared some drinks and had some good times

but now i feel like a fool

because i've accidently raped a young man

and now he's dead in the pool

First breach of the law, Love Barrymore.

[Fip101]

Dear Diary, today was an odd day,

went for a drive, didnt feel to well

my heart stopped and i swerved to the left

thought for a second I was in hell,

I awoke to threats of a rapture,

found my arms wrapped in a bandage,

threw em off and gave god a flying elbow,

your welcome diary, Randy Savage

[crashtester123]

Dear Diary, Today was a great day

put my song up on Youtube

im very proud of the work i put forth,

hope the trolls wont be too rude.

Spent alot of time writing these lyrics,

hoping for positive feedback,

Love, future internet sensation,

Rebecca Black

[CrashDavis0985]

Dear Diary,

Tonight will be a great night.

I'm going out with my homie's and G's.

I said I'd drive, but all the guys stopped me,

They went as far as to take my keys.

It's kind of weird, but I totally trust them,

Puff's been my best friend through it all.

I'll hit you up tomorrow diary,

Biggie Smalls.

[8annie81]

DEAR DIARY-i'm a little off today

I think i killed my cat

I lost my car

My boyfriends gotten fat

Think i'll take him out

With my sisters baseball bat

Or buy him a few drinks

Then send him off on a raft

And what about my ex....

[crashtester123]

@8annie81 ... what?

[americanstrat117]

Dear Diary - Today was a grand day

Went three for four with two home runs.

I'm playing in the World Series on Saturday,

I don't think life could be more fun.

Well I'm off for my yearly physical,

Should be nothing big.

I'm lucky to be me, love,

- Lou Gehrig

[Togachi536]

Dear Diary - Today was a swell day,

I'm on the stage and doing shows,

I'm singing songs for millions of people,

And my name, everyone knows.

I feel like I must be dreaming,

so give me a pinch.

I'm feeling great Diary.

-Stephen Lynch

[EJFRANCOIS222]

lol everybodies making up their own "dear diary" now? did Stephen start that or is it an older joke?

[chapacoka]

@EJFRANCOIS222 I believe he started it. Or at least I can't find anyone who did diary entries like this before him.

[Crazybenjiwoo]

@EJFRANCOIS222 he started it, people continue it.

its a very simple formula and meme

[Hezicohen]

@EJFRANCOIS222 he started it

[randyman422]

Dear Diary, Today was a nice day. I did some ads for OxiClean. I promoted OrangeGlo and MightyPutty. It only took a few takes of the scene. Im a salesman and i make it rain. because of how much it pays. too bad i can't spend it.

billy mays

[evilemetblack]

HAHAHAHAHAHHHAAHHAHA

[ToHellWithReality]

@d2k best I've seen yet!

[d2k]

Dear Diary, Today was a great day, how I love being president. I loaded up my wife and son, and off to Dallas we went. They're having a parade for me tomorrow, and that's A-Okay. I'll write about it later - JFK

[tristanthetemplar]

jesus christ all the people doing the dear diary sstuff either learn to rhyme like the top two or freaking stop, its not funny if it doesnt rhyme.

[jayblob716]

hehe R.I.P. MJ

[slipknotmaggot4eva1]

Dear diary, today was a good day,

I went out for some lunch with friends,

There were some camera's waiting,

So I got out my titties - again,

I'm starting to feel slightly insecure,

I don't feel the size is right,

I'm off to get some more implants,

Wish me luck-

Katie Price

[CrateProductions]

@slipknotmaggot4eva1 its gotta rhyme. way to make it up in 5 seconds and think your clever

[razor555SDV]

dear diary

today was like always

I went to work to earn my bread

I play a clown, in a new movieportrait

I think my make-up is totally wack

but my doctor says that I need some medicine

and he gives me some pills

I say: 'are you serious?'

heath ledger

[stockdale90]

@razor555SDV You're an idiot.

[SmiliAsheGirl]

Dear diary

today was a good day

sold some oxy clean and kaboom

Snort some drugs and got hit by a suit case

Whatev, i'll be off this plane real soon

Sham Wow guy beat up a hooker

he'll have to come a long way

my legs are starting to tingle

Billy Mays

[Jason02750]

Dear Diary- Seareoulsly what's your real name?

I don't really care but tell me anyway.

I kicked someone's ass and it was fun.

I got away with it cus damn I could run

I burnt my self to day on the kitchen stove

Man i got to and mit, damn that was dumb

-that one gay excersise guy.

[vandetta13]

Dear Diary - Today was a cool day

I kicked it back with my homies and G's

Tonight we'll head to Vegas and go see the big fight

If i can only find my car keys

I know we're going to have a nice time

Mike Tyson will win for sure

West coast love diary

Tupac Shakur

(i'll probably get shot for writing that one :-P)

[randyman422]

@vandetta13 lol that would be ironic if you got shot for this xP

[Disfajig]

I love it when the audience realizes who it's about.

[alexgernand]

Dear diary,

today was a grand day.

Signed some autographs, for my last album.

went to the studio, recorded a bit,

got in the car, said "Driver, take me home."

Now the wife is so happy,

life is surely for livin'.

Think I hear someone, callin' me . . .

John Lennon.

[nikki23000]

He is so going to he'll for that, lol but we all are if we laughed too, hilarious please more diaries Stephen lynch!!!

[SeBakasam]

Dear Diary,

Today was a fine day.

Played guitar, worked on my new stuff,

Been sober for over a whole year now,

Glad I'm succeeding at a task so tough.

I think I'll go take a shower now,

I've got so much to live for,

Later I'll play a nice riff,

Love,

Elliott Smith

[SeBakasam]

Dear Diary,

Today was a fine day.

Played guitar, worked on my new stuff,

Been sober for over a whole year now,

Glad I'm succeeding at a task so tough.

I think I'll go take a shower now,

I've got so much to live for,

Later I'll play a nice riff,

Love,

Elliott Smith

[chapacoka]

I mean these are horrible and depressing in their own way but...damn no way to recover.

[chapacoka]

I love these songs its like a game that's challenging you to guess who he is singing about. I also love the fact that some of the audience managed to figure out who he was singing about before he finished.

[Tommy9206]

but if he wrote "last night was a rough night" It must have been writen after his death the night befour :S if you understand what i'm sain'

[martini1179]

To perform this song less than three months after Jackson's death took some serious stones. But to do it so close to his death sounds more like a comedian's tribute to Jackson than a mere punchline.

(And yes, I've met Lynch and I know the content of all of his other songs).

[demonaja]

@TomBrandon121 @TomBrandon121 Dear Diary - Today was a weird day,

I think my job will drive me insane,

I make songs and I sell records

Even though i dress very plain..

I'm always busy, I can't have any fun

All my wife does is complain

gotta splitting headache-

Kurt Cobain

[grame141]

@demonaja FUCK YOU DUDE!!

[demonaja]

@grame141 eat a dick asshat!

[grame141]

@demonaja you seem quite happy munching away on one yourself there i'll just leave you to it

[demonaja]

@grame141 are you mad that your buddy kurt blew his face off? Is that what you're mad about? maybe you should do the same?

[grame141]

@demonaja your "dear diary" wasn't even funny, it doesn't even go with stephen lynch's melody, talentless fuck

[demonaja]

@grame141 ive read a lot of these that "don't go with the melody" fagget ass pedophile

[grame141]

@demonaja "fagget ass pedophile"? You're just getting desperate now, BTW you spelled "faggot" wrong dumb ass.

[IAmHoTSHoTzz]

@grame141 You are so sad, hahaha owh he spelled it with an e and it's the only word spelled wrong it's gonna ruin the world hahahahaha 'You're a fagget' get it hahaha!!!!

[goldeneyecompany]

Dear Diary, today was a good day

I drove to school, while listening to music

I don't need a helping hand

I think tomorrow will be even better

My sences are so sharp

And so I say

Love - Hellen Keller

[pb0o6]

@goldeneyecompany that was quite silly.

[stwjester]

@goldeneyecompany Keep trying... A Hellen Keller one should be AMAZING, yours was par at best...

[goldeneyecompany]

@stwjester it was just off the top of my head

[nikki23000]

Soooo wrong but I still laughed, damn is that bad? He's just soooo damn funny!

[Jason02750]

@nikki23000 My child, it is not wrong, everybody sins. The important part is that you have all the fun you can while you sin as long as you sing a bull shit sorry sob song in confession. Got it? Good. You're forgiven, TP this guys house and egg this guys house and I'll tell you the same thing tomorrow.

[TomBrandon121]

Dear Diary - Today was a strange day,

We felt a weird little rumble,

No matter, we're sure it was nothing...

It's not as though the buildings will crumble..

Some people were scared,

We've had nothing like that lately,

I'm sure everything's fine now -

The people of Haiti...

[lexyvilla]

@TomBrandon121 love the reply!!!!!!!

[MageJandProductions]

LOL that is awesome!

[TheSolitary133]

@TomBrandon121 thats great bro

[IAmHoTSHoTzz]

@TomBrandon121 It'll never do, doesn't piece with the melody.

[gianfrancacurtis]

this man is a LEGEND, saw him tonight in brixton. sorry, but when i heard this i could NOT stop laughing! he didnt play special olympics though.... gutted

[carrieonlyonthisonce]

@gianfrancacurtis

Ahh I was there too! I hadn't even heard the diary ones before last night but they're amazing. Didn't play gerbil either despite much shouting for it....

[olddeuteronomy]

This one isn't as good because you know by the third line who it is.

[ahgoodmorning]

Dear Diary - Today was a strange day, I shake and tremble every now and then - Perhaps it's all the appearing in public, I feel it may have gone to my head.

I can outsing Sinatra and dance better than Fred Astaire - And I can sting like a bee,

I'm sure I'm just nervous - Muhammad Ali.

[shortsxit]

LOL, I love how people are already groaning 3 lines into the song. Lynch is a fking genius.

[ghostface86]

You are sooo wrong it's hilarious!

[PreHrvat]

it's hilarious

[youfool8181]

I laughed and hated myself for it

[Jason02750]

@youfool8181 call 1-800-Get Over It Man that's 1-800-GOIM

[lehman]

@ShiftyShifts If only twist and Lynch rhymed

[Beastzlayer]

no, this is a mocking of a childmolester^^

[DunderQBrak]

Ahahahahaha THIS... IS... RAW!

[SamohtDarb]

Dear diary, last night was a rough night, i stayed awake thinking deep, I had to call my favorite doctor, to give me medicine to help me sleep, I think the drug he gave me are working, & I'm finally relaxin', goodnight diary.. <3 Micheal Jackson!

[naivete2006]

Nice LOL

[Engimal]

lol

[DelValParanormal]

hahaha i LOVE stephen lynch