How to Deal with Difficult People at Work

[MannequinFactoryy]

or you can just kill them :D

[chlowean1]

such good advice i will try it out

[redbrickbluesky]

slash tires? :)

[resumeserviceplus]

Great video clip! Many can relate to the situation you presented and because of this video, many can have the chance to stand up to bullies around them and build self-confidence! Great job!

Resume Service Plus

[ammarmango]

@resumeserviceplus Thank you

[mississauga0909]

It is unbelievable how a very small group of people can bring down moral in a company. Where I work the best countermeasure to prevent an attack is to keep your mouth shut. It seems some people "thrive". on degrading and making negative comments about others. Where I work it is very hard to get fired and those individuals who wouldn't last anywhere else, bask in the glory of insulting people on a daily basis. It is a real shame because we all have secure, good paying jobs.

[ammarmango]

@mississauga0909 You are right.  it becomes worse when this negative group becomes a cult with new "signees" and then the games they play become more important than work. Not an easy situation.

[pluto4847]

@ammarmango

I throw in the towell. A co worker has con tributed negative behavior toward me, and I tried all the assertive teqniques and it back fired. He accused me of something I did not do.

Luckily, video footage proved my innocence. Needless to say it was an an embarassing situation.

I just wanted to die literally.

One thing I learned from this ordeal is to just walk away. Instead, we both got final warnings. He got a warning for accusing me falselyt. I was warned because I got mad.

[ammarmango]

@pluto4847 Thank you for sharing. Sounds like you learned a good lesson. not every battle is worth the fight.

[livelobster123]

Haha who else thought this was Howcast?

[andyhan123]

These 4 steps were my natural reactions, I didn't even know what I was doing until I saw this video. I went through all 4 in this order, unconsciously, with my difficult classmate. Taking a run and taking a stand are very similar, they both "reject" the problem, but the one big difference is that when I took a stand I stopped worrying about what if, I look at the classmate with confidence and it says "don't take your crap to me because I won't deal with it." Thanks for the vid.

[ammarmango]

@andyhan123 It sounds like you handled the situation pretty well. congrats and thank you for sharing.

[ammarmango]

@andyhan123 It sounds like you handled the situation pretty well. congrats and thank you for sharing.

[PsykologThomas]

Good short video. I have got a little advice for you though. If you are doing some sort of HR course and someone is doubting the usefulness again there is only one answer to that: "to make this course useful for you we will be using your own personal experiences as the background for discussions and exercises"

[Adazzz101]

few years ago two parents went out for dinner. A few hours later, the babysitter was calling to see if she could cover up the clown statue in the kids' room, the father said "Get the kids and get out of the house, we'll call the police, we don't have a clown statue". The "clown statue" was actually a killer that escaped from jail. If you don't post this on 10 videos tonight the clown will be in your bed at 3:00am with a chainsaw in his hand. Sorry don't want this to happen to me

[TheLonerwulf]

Real smart at the end with the chart summarizing all the info in a small 8 box chart..Genious!! N extremely helpfull keep it up bro

[crazzygirl100]

Thanks for this. My problem isn't exactly at WORK,but it's with a person who is higher in rank than I am. He's such an ass....

[ammarmango]

@crazzygirl100 Him being an ass is not your problem :)

[MistaDonzie]

@crazzygirl100 He's not at work, but he has a higher "rank" than you??? What are you in the mafia or the army or something? Lol

[crazzygirl100]

@MistaDonzie Actually,very close. Police training. ;)

[dayelgrdm]

@crazzygirl100 I suppose you're a surgery resident...

[LysBlanco]

Thank you for that great presentation! Short and sweet video that is a very good help either at work, or with personal relationship!!!

May I add some reading?: ''boundaries: when you end and I begin.''

What I like in this video is that it's short, but very informative.

[ammarmango]

@LysBlanco Thank you

[Lvduggo69]

He's not a true friend annymore ! He was talking shit about chineese people one day , I let him go on and on untill I whiped out my wallet and showed him a pic of my 2 kids that are chineese white Italian and lebenese. This guy is just a self hating rasist.

I don't care where u are from. U are a good guy and that's all that matters to me.

Peace to u and your family. Salam malakim.

I hope I spelled that right. I tried. Thanks.

[Lvduggo69]

Verry good info ! Thanks. I will let my daughter watch this vid , and I learned a few tips I didn't realize. 5 stars fo u ! This works with all different cultures and we are all pepole. Not like a friend I have that is racist and said , I'm not listening to some Indian guy tell me how to act. We bouth know how far he will go in life. But I tried to help him !

[ammarmango]

@Lvduggo69 Thank you for the kind words. I am glad you found the video useful. I am not Indian by the way. I am a Muslim Arab American.... I am not sure if that will win over your friend :)

[Subatomic1000]

I applaud your efforts, but in the real world, bullies get a slap on the wrist while the ones they torture continue to be abused. The abusers should be given two options: take a class on respecting their co-workers or be fired.

That is quite fair and far more merciful than someone stalking the halls with an assault rifle, driven to revenge by a smug bastard who thinks he or she can get away with anything.

[OPOCHKA]

Why do companies waste a lot of money on " councelling services" ?

Human relation officers ?

Why bother sweating over trying to understand difficult people who are openly mentally aggressive towards you ?

It is those people who have the problems.

If their problems start causing you problems ..... just sack the bastards = no more problems for you.

[ammarmango]

I am sorry about your situation. Have they thought about consulting a lawyer to help them get a restraining order ( I am not suggesting they do, i am just asking)? i heard of similar situations where a restraining order was obtained. Good luck.

[raul266]

my elder brother is an abusive asshole, knowing he's a martial artist, he verbaly threaten/ harass my parents & i had fist fights few times, i lose..

1. i cannot run coz i rather lose him than my other family members

2. i've changed my attitude, yet he find fault in me

3. i tried changing his attitude, he didn't wanna change

4. my next step, i plan to put him behind bars...

[TheStfu1000]

@raul266 im an elder brother and i've got so annoyed with parents and little brother that ive hit out a few times. maybe the parents or you are annoying him.

[vavasssc]

This whole be nice shit to difficult people is crap!! Difficult people belong on the street homeless and in jail. We ALL live in this screwed up world and all have problems. Check yourself at the front door! Bring your respectful attitude that you had when you interviewed and be professional throughout the day! That’s what you get paid for

[JudgeChrisCom]

@vavasssc we created a website to help dealing with cooworkers too :) Please visit us, and create a profile for a person you have problem with (enter his name, post photo) and anonymously write whatever you want about him/her. Finally, enter his/hers, and your friends/cooworkers email addresses etc. and all of them will automatically receive an email with link to the profile you just created.

[luv2bud]

Excellent analysis and breakdown. This can also be applied to family situations. My wife is an abusive, violent psycho bitch. If I run, I lose my son, my house, and almost everything else. If I change my attitude I will be beaten down into a henpecked, pussywhipped nebbish. She is unable to see any problem with her atrocious behavior -- it's all my fault for making her angry by refusing to submit to total control. So, I am left with confronting the shrew. I got an excellent lawyer.

[afertyus1000]

@luv2bud i lost my house sons but have never looked back still see my two sons but gladly remarried and its great

[medeirosken]

Very good video. I could not run, I changed my attitude, I tried to change his attitude (he would not budge) I took a stand, I went to the MCAD (Massachusetts Commission Against Discrimination) and filed a complaint and now I see his attitude is changing but will it stick.

[ammarmango]

@medeirosken Good luck. I know it is not easy, but i can see you are trying to do something about it. Good for you.

[ThePalestine1948]

Very good video, I learnt a lot out of it, Thank you Sir

[ammarmango]

@ThePalestine1948 you are welcome.

[sieracki001]

Reporting harrasment will not always stop it. HR is there to protect management. If it is management that is doing the harrasing, beware!!!! If someone is really brazen they probably have the backing of management. They might decide that the bully might get some more feathers by firing you or making your life miserable.

[twisto]

professor riznek sent me here. UofT prof.

[ammarmango]

@twisto I am glad you came :) U of T as in Toledo? Please send Professor Riznek my regards

[RougeEntity]

this is gold....thanks!!

[ammarmango]

@RougeEntity Thank you for your encouraging words

[BrownEagle7]

We live in a bottom line culture of workplace productivity, which equates to you being at the bottom and you not crossing their line. You must find freedom from tyranny by creating you own self-worth and not allowing the so-called American Dream to consume your very existence. If you are not happy, what does it all matter in the end.

[rextony22]

@BrownEagle7

what does it mean?

[laaxe]

It's meaningless people, with meaningless jobs as yours which are destroying the fabric of our country.

[pluto4847]

@laaxe

I tried these tips with various bureacracies, and none of it worked. They would not even comment.

[TheMoonprincess09]

Well I don't think that nobody have ever heard of a customer entering the brake room where worker are resting after working 6 hours straight in the store and this person yells and harass employee saying that they should get their you know what out of the chair and help her to find out a price of an item. A person that enter a restricted area, yells a lot and curses at workers what to do if the security or store manager not present? Good one ah?

[ammarmango]

@TheMoonprincess09 good question;

The short term answer is: if the problem is solved by me getting up and taking care of the customer then do it. help your customer! in general professional cordial empathetic behavior diffuses customer anger. dont take things personally.

Long term: if this happens often then something is wrong with the customer service at that department and store manager should handle it. Remember that the customer is always right (one way or the other).

Good luck

[TheMoonprincess09]

@ammarmango Thanks for your feedback :) My next question is: Co-Workers/Me we are going to pick up our paycheck/shopping in our day off. Customer knows you work there and they star to ask you questions while you are in the store with your children/family/relatives. You are polite and explain it's your day off and they get mad at you and star to curse at you, what would you do?

[Mogzyx]

@TheMoonprincess09 If it doesn't get physical ignore them, if you fear for you children call an officer.

[Howcast]

Great advice, I'll be sure to do this around the office next time I get angry

[kucoru16]

This advice is too little too late. My old employer can kiss my white ass.

[rickiis]

What is "negative" behavior. It is another label?

[ammarmango]

@rickiis Good question. Negative behaviour from your perspective is behaviour that hurts you physically, mentally, or in any other way. As explained in the presentation, this can be a problem with self, not others.

[mandarpowale]

What if you are the difficult person at work ?

[dutytocareforothers]

@mandarpowale It's about win-win situations. Find winning grounds. Make plans for success. This whole zero tolerance/win-lose garbage perpetuates the viscous cycle.

[Liamderoiste]

Really good presentation - thanks

[ammarmango]

@Liamderoiste Thank you

[ACEBOADO]

May this video be watched by employees alluded to.

[atomicsnowflake]

I am working with a totally nasty passive aggressive woman at work. She's been there since the year dot and treats many people badly - mainly by giving them the silent treatment. She is just toxic and there is no way of dealing with her as far as I can see. She should be sacked, but the management are scared of her. She's not even in a senior position either - she's a care assistant. I dunno why they don't get rid of her.

[dutytocareforothers]

@atomicsnowflake Management have here there for a reason. She is the "gatekeeper." In college the chairman or dean of the departments keep a few hostile passive-aggressive and nasty women or men in the departments to help scares out certain types of people. I have no idea why they do this. It may be to cover up some deeper forms of corruption. But you can see them as guard dogs for the business.

[forzascalea]

@atomicsnowflake This happens everywhere. We have so many gutless managers in society that turn a blind eye and do not sort out these issues because it might be a little difficult.

[UnshackledWoman]

i deal with many difficult people at my workplace and these helped. thank you.

[mississauga0909]

Very good video! These are mostly logical and well thought out tips..

However, when dealing with idiots,

remember this, IGNORANCE PREVAILS!

This could mean: shaming the other person,or making the other peron uncomfortable ... IGNORANCE PREVAILS when dealing with idiots. (With Peers, not bosses., unless you know you can't get fired. I wish I would have figured this out earlier.

[TheDrOctopus]

Hmm, ya raised some good points in that presentation. Thanks :)

[mordstor]

They missed the fifth strategy; kill your mother after you tried all four previous strategies!

[VORARATH200]

just kill them :

[mmodnao]

Thanks for the video. I had to deal yesterday with an uneducated person (rude, agressive). dealing with people that don't have the mental resources to communicate can be quite a challenge.

[36shalom]

Question? I have a boss who is very sweet but she uses it for a picture cover up. when she gets upset she is demeaning, commander, egocentric and no one can be right but her.And so this makes me uncomfortable working with a person like that. I want to stand up but she crushes me to look powerful. How can i deal with her in professional way to make it sound that we all have good knowledge too?

[ammarmango]

Here is a way to respond: Next time she is demeaning to you, look hurt. Then, wait until she is not under pressure any more and approach her abotu the specific incident.  Do not be generic. do not say "when you are angry, you always do...." instead be specific about the incident and the specific wrong behavior from the boss. Be collaborative in your approach not intimidating. See what happens. Good luck

[sweetsweatyfeet]

What if the difficult person is you boss and can and will fire your ass at the drop of a hat?

[ammarmango]

The same rules still apply. You have to decide whether your best strategy is to run, change your attitude, change their attitude, or take a stand. By the way, sometimes the so called "difficult bosses" are the easiest to manage. It depends in what way they are difficult. I wish you well.

[sweetsweatyfeet]

Okay but the issue with such a boss is a "no win situation". Sometimes there is no magic answer. I either put up with abuse or I have no job, there is no third alternative. Either way I lose. Sometimes life is like that. I've lived long enough to know that

[ammarmango]

If it is a no win, then you have to choose the least losses alternative, but keep your eyes open for other alternatives opening up in the future.

A word of caution, We sometimes convince ourselves that we are in a no win situation when we are not. "I either put up with harrassment or get fired." In reality, we usually have room to maneuver" a bit. We might need to look harder to open up our mind for available alternatives. Good Luck

[Sefardi123]

sweets

Maybe the better idea is to realize that you ARE CHOOSING to put up with it becuase YOUR INTEREST to stay is more gainful than taking a stand may cost you.

This way you put up with it from a place YOUR POWER.

P.S.

I hear there are more than one boss and one workplace in this country...

So you may have more options than you think. Maybe the fear and discomfort to change jobs seem to you like like a cheaper price to pay than taking abuse?

[AVALONFANINVA]

good video

[david020506]

Really nice sort of advices. Thank you!

[terransage]

Pretty good advice. After nine years of working for a very difficult boss, I finally tried the "run" strategy (quitting the job), and it was the best decision I could have made. I had been trying the other three strategies, but none of them worked. I discovered that if I took a stand, she would find a way to make me pay. Man, I still have nightmares about her a year and a half later.

[nadir830]

really practical suggestions. thanks

[zallecool]

Simple, practical and useful. Helped me pick a few pointers on when to confront and when NOT to confront. Thanks.

[bigDrocks]

I could only listen to this for about a minute, his accent killed me

[tracy10UT]

I like this video. A few years ago I ran into two bullies at the same place of employment. The more I tried to make friends with them, the more they bullied.

Then I suddenly realized that the reason they were bullying was because they "enjoyed" having people sweat to make friends with them.

Eventually I learned to totally ignore them and to STOP all efforts to make friends with them. They appeared to actually be quite upset by this and the whole game stopped.

[barbixy]

This video presumes most people are reasonable and rational. I've been mercilessly bullied by superiors both in graduate school and in a work environment. Knowing the reasons doesn't change anything. couldn't run cause there was everything to lose. Couldn't take a stand cause that would be a death sentence. Couldn't change their 'tude because bullying behavior is very ingrained. Couldn't change my attitude cause no one can ever reframe abuse as a positive thing.

[wolfhunter0321]

exactly. Well said simple solutions are for simple problems.  The advice here is good when it fits.

[angeltouch2007]

how do you answer that ? well , yes, most people are reasonable and rational as long as it is in their favor. what does that mean? best to keep to yourself and let the assholes be assholes. when you can't understand it , and you can't run away from it, fuck it , you'll get so stressed you might wanna consider between your sanity and your job

[estebanisswimming]

No its not presuming anything. It presents you the four elementary strategies. There are no other. This is it.

A death sentence? Get a grip man.

I've had quite a bad position in my previous job. Had to leave (run) Best decision ever.

[dutytocareforothers]

@barbixy Great comments. I have also experienced similar circumstances.

[forzascalea]

@barbixy In those kind of situations I would look for another job! When you find one then run!

[andyhan123]

@barbixy Oh, you couldn't. Couldn't this, couldn't that. You know, that's just an excuse. Have you really tried? Why do you always get bullied? Have you considered whether it's something with YOU that makes them want to bully you? Have you taken a stand, ever? Have you stood up to your superiors and told them you don't like being bullied? I used to get bullied, but I changed myself. How, you ask? I went to the gym and buffed up and you know what? Nobody bullied me ever since, they look up to me.

[flixpods]

Very thoughtfully done...now I know..I need to give a thought and plan before actually reacting to the difficult guy

[123cano]

Correct my frind, like the old saying goes, if you dont make a plan before you do something, then your plan is to fail. I hope this helps too.

[almady]

thanks a lot indeed

[Derek799]

As much as I just want to beat the shit out of this one guy at work, I'll get fired, this guy from now on will not get under my skin, I have had to deal with faggot ass mother fuckers before, they have got to me, but not this time.

[jesmarluk]

Thanks for your time and effort in doing this.

[YazanBarakat]

The presentation is simple yet very practicle and helpful when one gives himself a 10 seconds of thinking before acting