Added: 3 years ago
From: guitarmfreak110
Views: 411,144
Sort by time | Sort by thread (beta)

Link to this comment:

Share to:

All Comments (677)

Sign In or Sign Up now to post a comment!
  • 1 speaker playing, i think it was edited that way to avoid copyright issues. =D BTW... if there's a god, he'd laugh with bill burr

  • my left ear enjoyed this. or am i wearing my headphones wrong?

  • Bill Burr is the funniest dude ever. I'm Catholic, so I don't really agree with what he's saying, but I'm not gonna go off on a tangent. I obviously can't change him through a comment. So everyone who is freaking out, stop watching the video. Seriously. Listen to his stuff on hitler, that's some funny shit hahha.

  • "It's my dick!" LOL

    Actually it hurts the species by being less hard-up for sex, and so there's less competition with other men in order to accomplish more in order to get laid, etc. etc.

    It's like Futurama when Fem-bots threatened mankind with extinction because no one had to do anything to get hot chicks anymore.

    So yeah, religion is crazy-- crazy like a king.

  • He speaketh the truth.

  • He's a comedian, you sensitive assholes. Give it up.

  • @DadsMinions

    It's funny because it's TRUE-- adn TRUTH HURTS!

    (Of course so does a horse-cock up the ass, but hat didn't stop that guy in Enmclaw WA....)

    So tell the truth: it won't kill you, it'll set you free!

    Unlike the horse-cock..

  • 62 people are priests

  • @Razz000

    62 priests?

    SAM-BERT ALERT!

    (That's an Amber Alert for little boys)

  • Spoken like a true atheist. Lol.

  • Hooray For Gays and Lesbians! Same-Sex Marriage is passed in Washington D.C! Thanks D.C! Next state, New Jersey!

  • @TheNolo73 You mean the State of Washington. Same sex marriage in Washington D.C. has been legal since December 2009.

  • @chuky1120 I posted my correction right under your statement yesterday.

  • I like how he walks around like he's hyped up on crack

  • "I talk to telemarketers..." ahahahaha

  • its called football NOT soccer

  • @Tryptamine2112 Just shut up, man. I'm English and I still want you to shut up.

  • @352razberry

    if you dont have anything related to say better say nothing at all

    you pathetic lonely piece of shit.

    get your fucking head fixed and while youre at it do something

    about that fucked up theet of yours you british island monkey.

    seriously, how many years of incest were necessary to bring

    up something fucked up like you?

    any response of you will be ignored,

    so have a nice day mr ass sucker

  • @Tryptamine2112 I see you're from Austria and you're accusing me of incest. Ok Mr Fritzl, I think someone's being a bit if a hypocrite.

  • @Tryptamine2112 Shut up prick!

  • burr's the fuckin man

  • I can dig where he's coming from in a sense. As a Christian, I think it's important to study the Bible on your own and not wait until Sunday for somebody to give your their own "regular guy" interpretation.

  • @subtletiger I can relate to what he's saying too, for the same reason. I agree with what you said. But you'll find many anti-Christians on here who have nothing else better to do aside from insulting us.

  • @liliodine Agreed, the anti-Christian sentiment is strong. I don't fault them for their beliefs or a lack of one, but I do think it's a mistake for those who do follow the faith, a faith based on peace, to argue about it or see the differences as "us vs. them". But that's just my opinion.

  • just figured out why this guy finds all of his women irrational...christianity is the epitome of irrationality..hey bill find your next girl friend at an atheist rally....

  • lol

  • Being a Christian, I agree with this man 100%.

  • @TheWeekle I'm a Christian too, but this guy cracks me up!

  • @liliodine

    hahaha you just made his jokes 10x funnier.

  • @TheWeekle

    Then i think you should ask yourself why your christian.

  • @impsick I don't think you understand Christianity ;)

  • @TheWeekle LOL no understand it completely. You dont have a clue. It's designed to keep people from asking question, to keep people in fear, to maintain control and to collect money from the people. Thats all it's about. That and some far fetched stories that have zero evidence to back them.

  • @impsick Oh, you're one of those people who know every thing and everyone's opinions are wrong. Well, no point in discussing anything with you, so ta ta for now. :3

  • @impsick Are you speaking of religion or the government? Because they seem one in the same. I think we've gotten way off base from the original monologue. I do believe Burr is pointing out that people can be sheep and not really know what they are talking about, that they really don't know what happens after death, etc. Oh well, it's just youtube, right?

  • @impsick It's a personal decision. I believe in religious liberty. You DO believe in religious liberty, right? I'm confident in my faith. I haven't condemned anyone who thinks otherwise. So spare me the criticism. :D

  • @liliodine the reason you think your confident in your faith is cause you base your reasoning on a word that means; to believe in something that has no proof. Faith. When your logical reasoning is based on faith you no longer ask questions. Or if you do your willing to accept stupid ridiculous answers. But really how confident are you??? Would you go to the hospital if it was life threatening? Or wait for god to take care of you????

  • @impsick Absolutely I base my faith in something I cannot prove other than my personal experience. I know I've had miracles in my life. I can no more prove God exists for you than you can prove God does NOT exist for me. I'm continually asking questions and learning. It's a process. It's growth. I'm either growing closer towards God or further away from Him. Since you haven't heard any of the "answers" given to me, how do you know they're ridiculous? I am confident enough to believe in miracles.

  • @liliodine And to answer your question of how confident I am? I believe in miracles everyday. I believe that God gave human beings the intelligence and wisdom, even talent to do great things. Would I put my life in the hands of a board certified specialist who graduated from med school? Absolutely. I have to. Who would you expect me to go to? A witch doctor? God has given us the ability to have common sense to know what we need to do. I think you may be referring to Christian Science. I am not.

  • Now telemarketers will start checking third party cookies to see when you navigate away from those "things nobody knew you were into"-sites.

    3 Year fucking subscription to African Piercings Illustrated in the bag.

  • I'll jerk off and eat a cheeseburger at the same time, whaddaya think about that?

  • I'm a culprit of debating on youtube. However, I can take comfort int he fact that I have never attempted to re-butt a fucking stand-up comedy act. That's just pathetic.

  • I am something of a Christian and I pretty much agree with this guys act. Having faith isn't an excuse to let another person or group of people do your critical thinking for you. Guys who think that should look into Saint Thomas Aquinus - he had the right idea about that sort of thing, I think.

  • @Cajaquarius LOL

    are you kidding me??? If your christian you still haven't had a thought of your own yet. Think critically about religion for 30 minutes and you'll lose your faith. It's ironic that you said that. LOL

  • @impsick Hardcore atheist yet has the very same condescending, self congratulatory egotistical attitude I would expect from a fundamentalist preacher. Assuming the only reason I don't think like you is because I haven't thought critically about it is much like saying you don't accept Christ because you haven't prayed enough. There is no right or wrong since it is all subjective anyways. Viewing scripture or any holy text as symbolic rather than literal allows that freedom to reason.

  • @Cajaquarius Hey man im proud to be atheist. It's not easy to open your mind when religion is crammed down your throat daily. But really try thinking for yourself for once.

  • @impsick I do think for myself. To assume my experience is the exact same as yours and base your judgments of me off of that is faulty logic in much the same vein as the Christian who thinks Atheists hate God or worship Satan because they impress their world view on others, psychologically, and judge them based off that flawed Halo effect (ie "Surely they must believe in God because I do. By saying they don't believe in God they are lying and saying it because they must just hate God").

  • @impsick Laugh if you want. You're the one instigating nonsense on a youtube channel. Believe it or not, one can actually be a Christian and have a sense of humor. :)

  • @SuperPolishRedneck First off, it's "blasphemist".

    Second, it shows such wonderful Christian love to curse someone to eternal torture and pain simply because YOU find their comedy offensive.

    Third, didn't Jesus tell you not to judge others lest YOU be judged?

    Fourth, being stupid, judgemental and unpleasant won't get you far in life.

    You truly demonstrate why I dislike Christians intensely.

  • @ciaochowbella Get over yourself, Religon is like a penis, its fine to have one. It's fine to be proud of it. You shouldn't whip it out in public and start waving it around. Not everyone wants it shoved down their throat. Get it.

  • @EvilIrishGrin

    "religion is like a penis", hilarious. I'm gonna have to borrow that one :)

  • @EvilIrishGrin Man, I got small faith...

  • @ciaochowbella Blasphemer, actually. Sorry, seems petty to correct but I do actually agree with the point you make, I just think blasphemer is a cool word. Don't consider it rude. Consider it a potential answer to a future game of Trivial Pursuit.

  • bill burr sucks balls, jk

  • @mnypwrrspkt

    you are one of those religious guys thats why you think this is not funny ;D

  • How the hell did an argument on the Internet go from religious cock measuring to an argument as to what sarcasm is and it's correct usage?

  • I love this guy. He's like Bill Maher but without hating his own race.

  • @joaldeck1 *sigh* And?

    No critical critique. Just bitching and moaning.

    One minute was THAT bad, huh? So bad in fact, that you had to comment on it with this meaningless post to share to everyone that you lost a minute of your time. Almost TWO! Oh the agony.

    That tells me two things; that you're probably easily offended and that you didn't even watch the whole thing before you passed judgment.

    I'm gonna go jerk-off and eat a cheeseburger. See, you'd get that if you... never mind.

  • @joaldeck1 You cannot watch one minute of a full comedy act and say it sucked. Not every sentence is made to make you crack up. You are either too impatient for your own good, or too offended to pass judgement fairly.

  • @joaldeck1 As if we care about how much time you CHOOSE to waste. Seriously, if you don't like it, fine, but don't blame ANYONE but yourself for the time YOU SPEND.

    Perhaps your utterly valuable time would be better spent someplace other than YT. Maybe you should spread your charm and splendor around to the homeless or simple minded or comatose.

  • Hey! Everyone fighting about god and church should shut the hell up. Some of us just like to laugh. If you are offended, don't watch it.

  • Shit, the chick face and voice is so fucking hilarious!

  • @RWES2 ya fuckin cunt

  • My right ear enjoyed this.

  • Has anyone else jerked off while eating a cheeseburger? I have....

  • @firethower99 how was it?

  • @firethower99 Only in between bites.

  • Except , most churches I've been too rarely (if ever) spend the sermon's discussing death.

    In fact more often then not they're discussing better ways to be a better person.

    Oh that's right..the Lefties fucking hate that.

    "my bad" ...HOW DARE YOU !!

    This fucking ginger might as well not believe in a higher being...he was born with no soul (not to mention about a 4 inch erect dick) and is bound for hell regardless of what he does...*yeah* stereotyping IS fun (sarcasm)

  • @RWES2 I'm sure you're proud to represent church going people with such great manners. Well done :)

  • @RWES2

    What a fucking douchebag!

    Go on. Tell us more, please! I'm so close to join your religion now, because whatever club you're in, I wanna be in!

  • @BohemianBlasphemy ...are you a member of the 4 inch erect club or something ?

    You seem very pissed off and personally touched by what I said.

  • @RWES2

    Am I a member of the 4 inch erect club?

    You ask this because you perceive me as personally offended by your douchebaggery?

    Well. The pieces fall into place, don't they? You called the guy a ginger without a soul and now you immediately assume irate people have small dicks.

    Do you ever have any original thoughts or you depend 100% on Cartman from South Park to form an opinion?

  • @BohemianBlasphemy You absolutely were offended.

    It's evident by not only what you said but in your approach in delivering it.

    You're not JUST a small dicked loser "tough guy" on the net...you're another

    tool incapable of 4th grade comprehension skills.

    You should understand the meaning of the word "sarcasm" which I clearly stated I

    was using.

    ...dumbass.

  • @RWES2

    You should know that sarcasm, like any form of satire or humour that employs irony, needs not to be explained when properly used.

    Is the last paragraph of A Modest Proposal "by the way, I was only kidding"? No!

    Why? Because sarcasm, irony, satire and humour itself loses all validity when explained. Joke explained=joke ruined.

    "You should understand the meaning of the word "sarcasm" which I clearly stated I

    was using"

    In other words, you fail at sarcasm. Also, stop thinking about my dick.

  • @BohemianBlasphemy Fail at sarcasm ? Why because you can't read ?

    lol.

    You're a joke and an idiot.

    Good luck with that....South Park references and your small pimpled undersized dick.

  • @RWES2

    No, you fail at sarcasm because, as I explained, you don't know something very basic about it: It should not be pointed out that you're being sarcastic when you're being sarcastic.

    "I clearly stated I was using [sarcasm]"

    True. And that is a declaration of failure. Not a brave one, because it was unwilling and you were actually unaware of it, but a declaration.

    And I asked you to do something you're clearly incapable of: Stop thinking about my dick.

    That says a thing or two about you.

  • @BohemianBlasphemy God damned you're dense.

    The rules of writing on a m.b. states that in the use of sarcasm you MUST clearly point out when you're using it so that even the simple minds (which would you be you 5 watt) would know as a fact that your use of it was purely intentional.

    You should stick to things a little more your speed. Like connect the dots or coloring on your bedroom wall.

  • @RWES2

    "The rules of writing on a m.b. states that in the use of sarcasm you MUST clearly point out when you're using it" [Citation needed]

    You're making shit up, you desperate moron. Your despair is understood though: You're blinded by anger.

  • @RWES2 Proof everything you just said, o wait...... YOU CAN'T !

  • Oh come on...Cheeseburger? What about cows?! Save the cows, save the whales, save those snails!... And jerkin' off... well remember... you kill bilions of civilizations wiping your sheet!

  • My right ear really enjoyed this video.

  • "special guy" HAHAHA

  • My right ear heard EVERYTHING!!!

  • I love his impressions of woman! "Whhyyy don't you goooo to chuurch" LOL

  • Everything in life is made up bill its just what u decide to believe in. We DO go elsewhere after death, but also, we dont remember this one, so we may aswell NOT have another life. This is what happens when the negative force starts to win, it starts to disdain belief from avatars such as Bill Burr. I find it tremendously funny, I just think hes a proper hater, and a true force of swirling negative energies. Almost to the point where its catching.

  • @rogerthat155 Have you ever been dead? No? Great. So wouldn't it be safe to assume that you wouldn't have the slightest fucking idea what you're talking about?

  • @benladinsuxxs F'in hilarious!!!

  • @rogerthat155 Yeah... I decide to believe that you're an Idiot... and there you go... It happened. Also, if it's true that we DO go elsewhere after death, I hope I end up in a place far away from ignorant people like you, that spit bullshit without having any idea how ridiculous they sound!!!

  • @rogerthat155 That's your opinion, it's not fact. And last time I checked, religion can be a force of swirling negative energy too, but unlike atheism, religion isn't catching as much anymore. I find it tremendously funny how you religious people call us haters when you're hating on us. But it's ok, you're only human like me. We all seek escapism in some form. I choose writing music, you choose an old book.

  • @carlinsaves We get high on all types of drugs don't we?

  • @rogerthat155 die slow fag

  • @rogerthat155 haha. So you have been dead and that is how you know we don't remember anything about this life after we die? It seems like Bill was giving a pretty good description of you.

  • Comment removed

  • McDolnald`s is A CHURCH...

    COCA_COLA is One too...

    They`ve told what to do ?

    What do you THink? :)

    You are FREE? :)

  • @aladinclip I hate cheeseburgers and soda pops that force themselves down my throat without my consent.

  • Comment removed

  • @karezza1 lmao

  • A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.

    - Mark Twain

  • Profound !!

  • This guy's got to be the funniest living comic.

  • Holy shit I'm catholic and I was dying laughing at the cheeseburger part. I don't follow that lent bull shit I eat meat when ever I want.

  • @ESchneider513

    You're not a very good Catholic person, then.

  • @omg1a1kitten I know a lot of catholics who eat meat on fridays during lent. I just feel like Jesus wouldn't care if we ate meat on friday it's not that big of a deal.

  • @ESchneider513

    Well, you just don't practice your religion properly.

    It's just a fact that that's a tradition of the Catholic church.

  • @omg1a1kitten Why do you care whether I follow everything the catholic church does or not.

  • bill burr - legend

  • @dkthomas94 yes and exodus also says it's cool to have slaves so......

  • If you want a good laugh you look up bill burr's comedy it doesn't disappoint,

    I'll jerk off it's my dick I'm not hurting anybody ! Lol

  • His black girlfriend is religious? Shocking!

  • @dkthomas94 "Stop spreading your stupidity into the world" Your words not mine.

  • "That's just some dude!"

    Bill Hicks would be proud.

  • @dkthomas94

    Given a choice I'd rather spread stupidity than hate, which seems to be your cup of tea. My point is that religion is only a tool for haters; like much of what's governing your bigotry.

    BTW: Those books weren't written by Christians and I said "DOCTRINE".

    Anyway, put all the killing done in the name of Christianity together and it still can't match what a single ATHEIST dictator did in the 20th century but I don't hate atheists (most of my friends are) I only hate those dictators.

  • lol

  • Agreed, I'm a Christian and find this guy funny and refreshing.

  • "shut the fuck up, you don't talk like that". LMFAO!!!!!!

  • you dont have to be retarded to believe in religion all you have to do is smoke alot of crack.

  • big time christian here, still think this is hilarious! 

  • @autocrat111 if you give it just a little bit of thought..

    christians have historically (it's tempting to say 'characteristically') been the ones to maim, shame, torture and kill all those who did not show themselves quick to agree with them. they learned it from the jews and taught it to the muslims, but christians did more than the other two combined.

    as for your god taking up your case against those who do nothing more than laugh at you, well, i'm glad the law forces you to wait for that.

  • @sonsofdon :: Do you believe Christian doctrine condones killing? Please cite the text. Were Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, or Mao Zedong Christians? If someone were to kill using your last name, would that make your whole family guilty?

    Jesus was killed by Roman soldiers and Jewish Pharisees. Christians didn't gain momentum until after Muhammad (622AD) when Constantine united the faith.

    People are just messed up in general... and historically resemble your vernacular more than Christian doctrine.

  • '' Dude I'm going to a cookout on Friday '' LMAO

  • its funny if someone makes a cartoon even depicting the image of the muslim prophet, who teaches to convert or kill, they end up dead or maimed or shamed. but in the very same land people find solace in ripping out the characteristical innards of a group of people taught to love their enemies and turns the other cheek, to be humble and modest. You beat the nose of a people who have been stabbed in the side and yet they still offer you a cloak. God will surely take up our case against you.

  • Jeiizz..is this still an issue ..??

  • @nillehessy is there any issue that died away forever? lol.

  • "I talk to telemarketers, I'm buying the shit." Hilarious!

  • does it bug anyone else that the audio's only on one "side"?

  • @IcyScythe Yeah it's annoying.

  • @IcyScythe man i just switched some stuff around on my pc and this is the first thing i watched. i was trying to fix my speaker lol. i thought someting was wrong

  • @IcyScythe Very much so, I'm wearing skull candies so it feels like a total waste...

    It's like my left ear is full of glue and hes yelling into my right ear >.>

  • He is so special that he can't wait to be alone with your kids and rape them like he was raped by his preist. What? No that's not gay at all. Listen, God wants to stop abortions and it's really helpfull to just ass rape your child. Now... are you one of the guys who bounced a check in the tuition..I mean collection plate this week?

  • what is this show name?

  • If you eat that fucking cheeseburger, that is it for you! LOL

  • why dont you go to church?!

  • "Nooo~ that's a special guy!"

    "NO IT ISN'T."

    Fantastic. End of conversation. LET'S PROGRESS FORWARD NOW.

  • 40 people are just some fuck'n guys

  • i am an atheist and i love it:D:D

  • the girlfriend voice is the best ever.

  • Religion is for the dumb. Period.

    But yes, Bill is funny.

  • Sweet jesus great way to attract emo atheists... "Man all we can do is die... :( daw"

  • Imma go jerk off while eating a cheeseburger

  • The like/dislike bar looks like a green pencil.

  • Bill burr is awesome cant wait to see him at end of the month

  • I just cried laughing, this dude is so funny.

  • No god no devil just life death the only thing we must do in life is die

  • I'm a Christian and I approve of this message. xD

  • "wouldn't it be safe to assume" lol. such a boss.

  • Haha, it is true.

    Doesn't matter if you're religious or not.

  • This is hilarious, he's talkin about priests, pastors for protestant churches aren't like that :), they just preach

  • @SACKINGZFAN33 stfu..they're all fakes

  • @SACKINGZFAN33 Lol bullshit, they all just want your money.

  • @TheLANDADDY can't agree with you more.

  • Comment removed

  • Bill Burr's the best!

  • i would love to see Bill Burr live Amish for a week.

  • why are all funny comedians irish catholic guys? Bill Burr, Dane Cook, Jim Gaffigan, Brian Regan, Bo Burnham just to name a few

  • @HolyExecuter dane cook??

  • @HolyExecuter wxcept for dane cook, yeah...but most funny ones are jewish

  • @HolyExecuter He's not saying Dane Cook?? as in he's not catholic. He's saying Dane Cook?? because you named your list of funny comedians and Dane is a unfunny, joke-stealing hack

  • @em129836

    I've never seen any proof of Dane Cook stealing jokes. I'm not saying you're wrong, but please present the proof

  • @em129836 fuckking hate dane cook

  • eating a cheeseburger doesn't hurt anybody?.. what about the poor cow?