MST3K - Days of our Years

[tertommy]

"...a taste of the spoiler..." crow's quips kill me

[MelissaTwosheds]

3 score and 10 = 25,567 days = 70.05 years

Ol' George Price was at least that old, if not more. The heart attack may have actually ADDED a few days!

[MelissaTwosheds]

3 score and 7 = 25,567 days = 70.05 years.

Ol' George Price has to be at least that, if not more. The heart attack may have actually ADDED some time for him!

[pittland44]

They call him, the derailer.

[LastoftheGeeks]

When they made the trumpet strippping song I died laughing.

[BlueEyes7452]

She wasn't skimping on anything.

She dreamed of tract housing.

There was that perfectly scrumptious model house she'd been wanting all these years.

Squalor Contemporary

[purpleshamrock17]

"when he was good friends with Dean Rusk"

holy shit, serendipity much MST3K? I'm writing a paper on Dean Rusk right now!

Well...hypothetically...:)

[SpeedForce25]

"Boooriiiiing"

[mdumas43073]

"Yes, Joe had a date, and he just couldn't get there fast enough."

Servo: "For those two scoops of raisins."

[donkwich]

Could you imagine if they paired this up with High School Big Shot instead of Amazing Transparent Man? That would be the most hilariously depressing episode ever.

[crispycritterz]

All Hail.... the almighty Toaster!

[RaptorRex89]

Ya dead yet?!

[customcartoons]

Better take it easy, Joe...

Get out of my HEAD, Reverend!! ^_^

[ThomasJO89]

"A newborn father is one of the most excitable people in the whole world." "Other than the father at the time of conception!"

[vainguitarist]

"So the leading causes of accidents are joy, sex, and old age??"

THAT'S RIGHT--YOU HEARD THE REVEREND. AVOID ALL OF THESE THINGS ALL THE TIME OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!!!!

amen.

[C0LL1N]

it wasnt even georges fault, he had a fuckin heart attack!!

[cantstandya2]

"They are victims of themselves. I hate themselves."

"My church is in a railroad town, not far from a big freight terminal and repair shop...all mine"

"In my congregation, are railroad people in every capacity. And not one who isn't safety concious...not one who isn't drunk."

"Accident haters, all of us. Hating the waste, the pain, the needlessness...the waste that is humanity."

"I'm bigger than Jesus"

All of these in 30 seconds (2:20-2:50), had me rolling on the floor.

[WVUer21]

"That was so incredibly average..."

[requiem4ameme]

How exactly is a slow, gentle squeeze less startling then a tap? You're still touching them suddenly. Also, you've got to love the way the welder raises the torch up to face level and brandishes it around like he's trying to ward off the Nazgul. "Don't hold it there!!!"

[Sandy5Magics]

I don't think I want to live in a Union Pacific town. It's a sad place. :(

[pittland44]

Get off my land, you pious son of a.... Gets me every time.

[BlueEyes7452]

So leading causes of accidents are joy, sex and old age?

[cyraxmaster23]

So... Joe drove like an idiot, endangered the lives of two other people, and caused an accident and got hurt because of it... Gee, I almost thought he was at fault or something, I feel so bad for the guy.

[spase667]

Yeesh, even with the MST3K treatment this short is fucking depressing!

[buckeyeschmave]

"So his name is Joe Joe?" :)

[MyGalileo7]

@runningwolf2006 You can! Mike and the Bots now host Rifftrax, an internet site where they sell mp3s of them riffing current movies. The Paranormal Activity one is actually one of my favorites. You have to get the DVD yourself, but then you sinc it up with the rifftrax and BAM! Instant MST3K! Just add silhouette.

[lexifly]

@MyGalileo7 Don't forget Joel(and really everybody else who worked on MST3K)'s Cinematic Titanic.

[Ronbo710]

..." the filth that is humanity". Now THAT is writing. LOFL!!

[susiesiouxsie]

final fatal forgetfulness...

[Enumclaw]

Thumbs up if you think George Price gave up on the job.

[snakes3425]

Has anyone noticed everyone who's come into contact with the Reverand has ended up either dead, guilt ridden or in a neck brace

[snakes3425]

So in that accident, Joe was inside the truck, wearing a seatbelt and he's the one who ends up with a broken neck yet the two guys riding on the outside of the truck with no safety equipment and I must add JUMPED from the truck at highspeed walk away unscathed, and for the record they were on the truck and they didn't bother knocking on the window and say "Hey Joe pull over and let me drive"

[theblacksheep1000]

Bring back MST3K you bastards!

[87marielee]

best show ever

[snakes3425]

Uh Charlie just took a welding torch to the face at full blast, I think he'd be severly burned along with being blinded

[OzzieOlin]

Technically, "three score and ten" years would round to 25,568 days, not 25,567.

[lazyrider88]

"I had an accident tooooo....." LOL

[Dextersmama]

This is by far THE funniest MST3K short of all. It's even funnier than Mr. B Natural

[Bayview05]

"Better take it easy Joe..."

"getoutofmy HEAD REVEREND!"

[Bayview05]

this is the funniest thing they ever did... i love trace's sarcastic, aloof narrator voice

[thelaughingman79]

@lackofattack thats not very safe...drop by the diner and kiss Helen for me

[Drez26]

Diaper the toast and butter the baby!

[lastxwriter]

Man, this is just sadistic.

[TheStapleGunKid]

Okay honestly, who the heck would want to work for Union Pacific after watching this horribly depressing film? I would think this would scare all their employees away.

[TheStapleGunKid]

Oh sure, so the guys riding outside the truck are fine but the guy in the truck with a seatbelt on is the one who is hurt in the accident. That's realistic......

[LadyOtacon]

@TheStapleGunKid

I thought that was odd too.

[crowtservo]

@TheStapleGunKid I yelled that the first time I saw this short about 10 years ago. It was just so stupid.

[TheStapleGunKid]

@crowtservo

And it's not even the worst one on this show. That award goes too "A date with the family"

[thEannoyingE]

They do these live across the USA :D I missed them when they were in Boston though :(

[qchpffff]

i fucking looked for this short for a half an hour... DRUNK!!!!

i watched this years ago, and NEEDED to see it again.

[DoktorStrangelove]

Nine people don't hate accidents enough.

[TimelordR]

That's no way to light up a Macanudo at 18:19!

[TanzDerSchatten]

I used to think Joe's accident was too dumb to be for real until I heard of an accident here in Salt Lake. The barriers came down at a light rail crossing just as the driver reached them, so he drove around them and got hit by the train. Killed him and one of his passengers. I guess some drivers really are that dumb.

[Lespaul09MKN]

".....Flag on the Moon..."  Coleman Francis :)

[GenghisKhan44]

I liked this, and I would have liked it even without the bots and Mike riffing it.

[ZomBettie]

Ive got great sperm!!

[ThoughtTraveler]

I see all the CRAP on Comedy Central now. I ask myself WHY did they cancel this show?

This show was aimed at us Generation Xer's. Most of the jokes in this show are understood by us 40+ crowd. Kids nowadays would NEVER get the humor that you hear in these videos.

[Irrelevant402]

@ThoughtTraveler Hey there's enough jokes for us 20+ crowd too. What I love about the writers is that they really have a lot of reference pools. From popular to obscure films, bands, poetry and literature, and then of course plenty of humor pointing out plot holes, reacting to what's going on...and of course the occasional toilet humor without getting too raunchy or gross.

[ThoughtTraveler]

@Irrelevant402

You are in the minority of your class my friend. To get a lot of these arcane references and jokes you would have to be a pretty sharp 20+ something. I read in the paper just the other day that most people between the age of 19-26 cannot name ALL 50 states and could not tell you what the Bill of Rights is or who signed the constitution.

AND to stretch your credulity further I read in another article that many young people cannot properly write out a check.

What do you think?

[ThoughtTraveler]

@Irrelevant402

Not to belabor the point but...

For example when George has the heart attack the joke was "I shoudna thought of Mime Eisenhower". HOW many young people KNOW who Mime Eisenhower was?

Just an example of what we were discussing...

[Irrelevant402]

@ThoughtTraveler Now I didn't say I got every joke, I suspected Mime Eisenhower was related to the president, after all it's an uncommon surname. I thought it was his mother though, no his wife. And to brutally honest, I sadly cannot name all fifty states, West and mid west and much of the south are good, but it's so cramped on the east coast I tend to forget. I know about James Madison though and the general idea of the Bill but not quite on each and every Amends sadly...

[Irrelevant402]

@ThoughtTraveler We rely on the internet for instant information a little too much though I guess that comes with such a tech savy generation. I appreciate you thought I was minority of the class but really a nice chunk of the jokes go over my head. I was merely saying the writers skillfully incorporated enough stuff that if one joke doesn't work, due to age or being not well versed in a obscure subject, the next will be one a lot more will get and so on.

[montyburns9999]

@Irrelevant402 well said my friend

[OonaCanute]

@ThoughtTraveler I loved this show when it came out (I was 10) and I love it now. I'm still nowhere near the 40+ crowd. :)

[DerekBayRoberts1]

What does Servo say at 1:38?

[montyburns9999]

@DerekBayRoberts1 He says... in an ironic sarcastic kid voice... "Sure, this beats having friends."

[mavisbeaconspancreas]

"Herman Boxer and Joseph Ansen were the Babaloo Mandel and Lowell Ganz of their time."

[montyburns9999]

@mavisbeaconspancreas I'll admit I had to look up those names. Producers of Laverne and Shirley, or Happy Days as I remember?

[JohnnyStanwyck]

"I had an accident, too." LMAO. Thanks for this!

[servomoore]

Great. Now I'm going to be giggling at this short all day at work.

Perhaps a tragic accident will result from my joy.

[Kahran042]

@servomoore After all, joy is one of the three leading causes of accidents...

[starri]

Can you imagine what a pleasure it must have been to attend one of the reverend's joyful sermons?

[TibblesMcChew]

The 9 people who disliked this are dead inside.

[montyburns9999]

@TibblesMcChew Seriously man. So right you are sir.

[montyburns9999]

@TibblesMcChew The nine people who disliked this are probably accident lovers!!

[amcint01]

Oh my god, the plan 9 reference at 3:28 cracked me up!

[cjvs1604]

i surrender my life and being to the toaster

[Azadeth666]

"She spit in the eggs."

[WumWip]

"I'm watching you feel good..."

[HotaruZoku]

"She dreamed of tract housing."

Ahhhhhhh. Instant awesome.

[AkamuSlayer]

well that was morbid

i'm never leaving the house again, i'll probably die

[montyburns9999]

@AkamuSlayer That really cracked me up Akamu. This is such an incredibly morbid look at life.

[jmg3116]

How is a heart attack someones fault? lol

[dracaler]

and there is nothing you can say to joe (Except gentle pressure)

this cracked me up...

[lamardarren]

Of all the SHIT on TV now and they took of MST3K? Take me back to the 90s!

[chainsaw201]

get out of town accident lover!!!

[hittitte]

The obscure politicians they know blow my damn mind

[Ronbo710]

This one and "What to do on a Date" are my two favorites! Pure Genius!!

[AuburnRed1]

George Price gave up on the job, there I said it too.

[EchoBoomer1987]

"Speaking of accidents." hahahahaha XD

[looneywoman]

@EchoBoomer1987 Yes, but the "Little Joe"-bit was *screaming* for some Bonanza-related joke!!!

[reereecreek]

I love the part with the little girl getting patted on the head. As if that's all the comforting she might need. *pat pat*

[scratchcat3000]

"Ironicly, the ambulence driver hit four people on the way there!"

Sadly that happened in real life where I live x3

[hisblood27]

" here's your bottle!" hilarious..!

[ms0487a]

02:48-02:58

[PILCH032790]

"Diaper the toast, butter the baby!" LOL!

[Kemonokami]

"Charlie, does FUR run in your family?"

[ilikethecoke]

I didn't hate accidents enough...

[yaywhewclips242]

what is the connection between religious dogma and railroads?? Ah the sexless 1950's!!

[DrGregoryHouseIT]

So the leading causes of accidents are joy, sex and old age?

[BrantMOB]

At 9:26. Am I the only one thats saddened by the loss of the truck?

[purpleshamrock17]

"go in peace to love and serve Union Pacific"

"to learn the happiest lesson of all...dishes"

"im bigger than Jesus"

"and it really pisses me off"

"they're in hell!"

"I've got great sperm!"

"so the leading causes of accidents are joy, sex and old age?"

[dominatrixbabydoll]

Remember to worship at the railroad of your choice! Union Pacific's always packed on Sunday... lmfao

[kwolf002]

"Joe became an avant garde composer!"

[goose1212343]

wait... 3 score and 10, that doenst equal what he said

3 score and 10

3(20)+10=70

the reverand should learn to math!

[SkyRifter]

19:26

Lesson is:

*_Stay indoors & be Bible-thumping!"

You'll be safe. (-Avoid Physical workloads.-) -& Be the judge of others. Lol.

[SkyRifter]

18:19 

"ASSSSSss-!"

[Metripleone]

'He went through a stop sign, better take it easy Joe'.

'GET OUT OF MY HEAD REVEREND!'

[ThoughtTraveler]

The guy in the background at 01:34 is rooting through a trash can. I guess the 50s were not good for everybody.

[RockyBalboa211]

I REGRET EVERYTHING! :D

[rowsdowr2]

This is kinda weird and creepy the way Manos is weird and creepy. I am sure it helped people live in constant fear though, and for that, I am thankful. The darkness inherent everywhere. Embrace it, won't you? Thank you... :)

[viking977]

better take it easy joe. get out of my head reverend!!

[BloodyCarrie]

The riffs are hilarious, but the short itself has to be one of the most depressing things I've seen in a long time. If it weren't for Mike and the bots, I'd end up feeling awful for the remainder of the day.

[ThoughtTraveler]

@BloodyCarrie

You are SO right about this short being a depressing film. Why would the Railroad make such a negative film to show their workers? I would think that they would want to inspire and uplift their employees.

Anyway....we got a good laugh from this long forgotten training film.

[Pennywisea]

Time to diaper the toast and butter the baby

[ATiredDogsMouth]

There's your bottle!

[MisterRiffley]

5:45 that riff makes me feel dirty...

[samuraikarasu]

Hahaha I forgot one of my favorite lines in MST3k history.

R: Lenny who wouldn't be going to college

Crow: Cause he's dumb.

[PyrozPlayground]

THEY'RE IN HELL! haha

[samuraikarasu]

"Here's your bottle"

Never not funny.

[doedoe1]

CLASSIC..

[PKemmerich]

I miss these guys so much.

[BlueEyes7452]

Get off my land you pious son of a...

[ZayusInor]

COME OVER TO THIS SIDE!

OBEY THE TOASTER! xD

[911028em]

@ZayusInor yes my lord

[Mois52]

Joe smelled conspiracy everywhere.

The welding torch across the eyes is a lot funnier than it should be.

[luvukbye]

my man is average.

[awesomly47]

" a trivial accedent might take away one or two days"

"a serious one might take away a hundred or a thousand"

a disasterous one would be cool to watch

[danosly]

I thought a train had a deadman brake Did union pacific turn that wreck into a check?

[IntracialFash3l]

if glenn beck and bill o'reily had a baby, it would be that reverend

[BunkerGearGal]

"Obey the toaster!" TFF

[berserkley]

"In my version, things went a lot further..."

Definitely in the MST3K shorts top 5.

[atr4ever]

her eyes were shiny... her coat glossy.

[Oregan22]

"diaper the toast and butter the baby" lol

[AntarcticaFreak]

"It's a belt sander, AAAAAAH!"

Hahahaha.

[stonethestonedtiger]

is it me or is joe twice helens age and that one litte girl had an evil doll

[myronfalwell]

One of the FUNNIEST scenes ever at 9:40 -

"Easy-going Joe Tindler..." "was trapped in his own juicer"

-- bangs on piano keys --

"Joe became an avant-garde composer."

I find it hard to believe that people DIDN'T laugh when Union Pacific released this turd.

[drambuierocks]

blogtv is now running mst3k 24/7

[614macleod]

"Hey! You dead yet?"

[bmt277]

boring!!! LMAO

[BIGBUCK20]

Obey the toaster!!!!

[angellife21]

This is one of my favorite MST3ks!

[BIGBUCK20]

Her coat was "glossy"!

[AuburnRed1]

Come over to this side!!!!

Obey the toaster!!!!

Joe smells conspiracy in everything.

Get out of my head, reverend!

Their honeymoon at Six Flags is going to be real fun.

It seems the rev has an unhealthy attachment towards the sad-eyed Helen.

[ilikethecoke]

Crow: If there's a Reverand in it, then you know it's gotta be good!

Tom: Amen.

[tommusicfan19]

"Wow, I got great sperm"

[DrGregoryHouseIT]

D'oh, okay! Diaper the toast, butter the baby!

[stonethestonedtiger]

call them the wheels of fate or the wheels of chance

or call them erny

[seanThree16]

"Waiting, hoping." Tom-"For a pap smear?"

[AutobotLover]

such are the wages of sex

[uruseiranma]

You haven't seen the weekly letters the Reverend sends chastising George for his errors, and that he is beyond redemption.

[Oppledeldoc]

"Now, the wheels of fate are set in motion."

That sounds an awful lot like the Beast of Yucca Flats narration. Could Coleman Francis have been involved in this film?

[funnystuff1284]

oh no the rev has killed again!

ironicly the ambulance ran over 4 people getting here

my man is average

does fur run in your family?

[thedaemonforever]

Is this an informational short or a conversion to people to join Christianity? Seems like both, but I fail to really see how religious belief and God has anything to do with human stupidity too much.

[encliticcopula]

In the 50s, America really cranked up the Christianity in response to the atheistic Soviet Union. That's when the phrase "under God" got stuck in the Pledge of Allegiance and when we started putting "in God we trust" on currency.

[SickeninglyILL]

i learned something today

[tata4noww]

I was waiting for the guys to break into a chorus of "I've been workin' on the railroad, all the live long dayyyyyy"

[ShadowXII]

Me too

[jimdrivn]

Some of the best riffing of Any MST3K episode! Classic!

[kingslice75]

MST3K usually did a bang-up job with shorts that practically made fun of themselves. But I'm sorry this is just too morbid to be in MST3K, no matter how stupid it is. When I watch that episode I just skip past this.

[VisualizeJess]

"Hey! Have a massive coronary on your own time!"

[CrazyGiraffeMan]

Obey the toaster!

[Servocaster]

Helen doesnt photograph well.

[biophys22]

This is another story behind most accidents. Communism.

[NanaPudden]

"D'oh, okay! Diaper the toast, butter the baby!" - Best. Line. Evar.

[ragtagbag]

His name is joe joe?

[KaristaSwiss]

voices tell him.. call in sick.. kill your parents...

[322melissa]

Ironically, the ambulence driver hit four people on the way there!

[hollyhuffstutler]

Hm, true, I was speaking with my "both parents work and I took out a crazy amount of loans to pay for school and plan on deffering them as long as humanly possible" bias

[Skywiser01]

"To learn the happiest lesson of all." "Dishes!"

[bbnut]

4:53 He'd chosen his new look. lol

[jec444]

"Joe was about as average a young fellow as you'd like to meet".....he sounds Great!!

[mailchibi88]

Reverend I'm having a crisis of faith! What should I do?

Get safety goggles my son.

[Equilibrium2037]

A time of maturity, to reflect-"It all sucked!" "I regret everything!"

XD

[mastersuck2198]

He and Charlie had an awful grudge I presume.

[mastersuck2198]

No life insurance?

[hollyhuffstutler]

"Lenny, who wouldn't be going to college this fall" Um, why not? His father dies so he can't go to college? If he's taking time off I totally get it, but the Reverend of doom makes it sound like its insane to even consider going on with your own life after something bad happens.

[Funkychipmunk]

It seems like the problems that people have in this short isn't just accidents, its their bad attitudes. One person's death does not need to create lives of desperation and sadness, even if it does mean not going to college. And then there is the loser that is Joe... The blind dad is just too depressing to be true.