vol. 10 actiq diaries fentanyl/methadone opiate withdrawal

[wednesdayspookychic]

I feel ya....u can go from sick 2 great fast...and its right nxt 2 ya...I'm crying RIGHT NOW for you...Jesus....GOOD LUCK...

[chris12345567890152]

2 3 a clock in the morning and im still awake.

i feel ur pain brother lireraly, death would be better than this, i think im gunna go drink a bottle of wiskey.

THE DIAZAPAM DOES NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[flaopium138]

i am probably one of the very few people on methadone maintenaince that does not smoke ciggerettes

[gooniegunclub187]

I'm 6 days clean from my usual 100 to 150mg of oxycodone a day habit ...my body feels good but my mind wants to get high...but I'm not fuckin wit it Dnt wanna go threw the six days I just been threw

[flaopium138]

@gooniegunclub187 with a tolerance that low buprenorphine would probably work for you

[bobbo420p]

U need med marijuana I believe that would help u greatly good luck!

[bardster111]

@mobiusstrip01 take suboxone and try to start living life day by day! you have lots to offer other than just sitting in bed PAWS last FOREVER on methadone and it's not worth a relaspse

[deejaysense1]

yo how much methadone did ya jump off?? I'm thinking of doing it ?? last time though i jumped off 75mg i was sick for weeks , months not days

[Mikeg73070]

Hey, your videos have a lot of real info here but I just thought of something. I don't mean any disrespect by asking you this but, I'd like to hear your logic. If your wife uses oral meds like that, wouldn't ANY oral or other contact between you both just re- introduce these chemicals directly into your system? You said in an earlier Video about it being absorbed inside your cheek. So, aren't you still getting 'some' of the meds by proxy?

[paranrm]

Wow u look roug, like yo are sick w/flu or something.Hope ya get better soon.

[mobiusstrip01]

@paranrm--this was some time ago...i finished my withdrawal (flu-like symptoms is just a sign of the withdrawal), and i'm not physically addicted...but i still use pain meds from time to time...and feel bloody sick about it, and about how lame and weak i feel. see my last video to understand more.

[paranrm]

@mobiusstrip01 ok will do.Hope the flu like symptoms are gone and ya feel better.

[mobiusstrip01]

@paranrm yeah, the worst is over...although i keep falling off the wagon from time to time. not physically addicted to the IR stuff like fentanyl, although i have not FINISHED the longterm methadone withdrawal of up to six months....i just can't function on a daily basis with this pain...without some help from time to time.

[phuckingemailmehere]

you're not weak you have a disease fuck the negative shit you said you can smell the fent.......that would drive me up the walls omg im sorry you have a wife on fentanyl and methadone like the kings of opioids........you're just stuck i know what if feels like and you got balls for sharing. also w/d can last months.......fucking wish i never popped that first lortab 10.....ITS EASY TO STOP WHEN YOU DONT WANT TO , WHEN YOU DO YOU CANT!

[mobiusstrip01]

@phuckingemailmehere --while i don't think of it as a literal DISEASE, i still get it. the weakness part comes in when i KNOW...i KNOW that i will have ZERO trouble staying off these meds if i left. the decision is simple...but...i'm choosing NOT to make the hard decision to leave. at least so far. the one chance i have is to get on a pain program, take my OWN pain meds...and have them WORK.hasn't worked so far but wasn't on progr. for long.

[PokemanSlut]

@phuckingemailmehere dude go bang/ shoot up an oxy or a dillaudid and come back and say u couldnt stop after u tried popping a loratab go bang these drugs and see how good it feels these kids wasting oxys by snorting them go fucking bang em its the worst thing u can get addicted too

[phuckingemailmehere]

@PokemanSlut @PokemanSlut i was on 120mg of methadone daily in a clinic for 3 years you dont know shit about me, i was smoking two 75mcg patches of fentanyl a day, 200mg of roxi sometimes, and i was stating that i started with that first lortab 1omg i wouldnt bang shit ever anyway its not for me, started on lortab and percocet and progressed to methadone and roxi, then 2 years later i was in the clinic, now i have chronic pain and am prescribed 90mg of methadone a day so dont try to put me down

[phuckingemailmehere]

your gonna relapse im not doggin you either its just addiction.......i feel exactly like you man it sucks.

[mobiusstrip01]

@phuckingemailmehere --oh yeah, i figure that's pretty likely...in fact, the longer i have this same crazy headache EVERY SINGLE DAY and yet i'm still needed to fill in where my wife is unable to perform b/c of her health...so when i'm FLOORED with cluster headaches and my wife is knocked out b/c of her ehlers-danlos syndrome...of course YOU KNOW what i'm thinking.

so yeah, this staying clean thing i think has a limited lifespan rt. now.

[mobiusstrip01]

re: your issue--yeah...the half-life of your last dose ran out a day or so ago...UR body's getting back 2 business. as for me...i didn't work, but i still had to drop off/pick up my boy for school, feed him, etc. so it wasn't ALL fun n games.

so it sounds like you're getting a few more symptoms. stay tough, and when you think about using ANYthing, GET OUTTA YER HEAD!!! do whatever it is you can do--read, listen to music...

[mobiusstrip01]

it's been a thought...but i'd REALLY have to work hard to be off long enough to reset my tolerance and ability to produce my own natural opiates as much as possible. and i already know SSRIs (sorry, selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors...some antidepressants) don't do anything but increase my suicidal ideations. what they do is get me really antsy and irritable and sometimes outright freaked.

[Newfie4646]

maybe you should be on some meds permanently? were you working this past week? throughout your detox? not me, i couldnt handle working throughout me detox. if i left the house id probably shit my self lol my guts are is a state of distress, i didnt get no imodeum and im paying for it lol

[ExGoldie]

Those nasty headaches you get for days at a time. Have you seen a neurologist? You could be suffering from migraines too.  There are meds that can help you that are non narcotics!

OK, enough from me :) You take care of you!

[mobiusstrip01]

@ExGoldie actually it's YEARS at a time. i have had four headache-free days in 8+ yrs. u may not have the total idea the desperation u feel after 8 str8t yrs. of these. mostly they're classified TENSION h/a, could be occipital neuropathy from some trauma i did 2 myself (fract. c-3 and c-4). sometimes go migraine (i'm WAY photosensitive), and i have taken imitrex, depakote, seroquel, and many more. re: neurologist--i did for 3 visits--no seizures, but now i lost my healthcare, can't go.

[ExGoldie]

UGH my 500 character count limit!

Message me anytime if you need someone to turn to. How about getting a sponser too? Get yourself with a good group at N/A. Keep going till you find one you feel comfortable at. Make those kind of friends.  Make healthy choices for yourself. Be your own best friend, not your own worst enemy. You have a lot to live for and one life to live it in!

[mobiusstrip01]

i know...i appreciate UR concern. i've tried NA and it's SO against my personal philosophy. i believe in God but i feel a little like NA alleviates SOME personal responsibility 4 recovery. looking into a diff. program, but...EVERY addict who knows my story says i prob. need to leave to stay clean. so far they're right--when i'm gone i'm clean. addiction by opportunity. as for friends...terrible at it. dont really possess empathy & it leaves me at a loss in friendships.

[PokemanSlut]

@mobiusstrip01 probably the most honest and truthful statement ive heard out of a junkie in a long time. i feel the same way man we want to stop but its giving up the "friends" and such that makes it even harder. I totally agree man i just need to leave this town and start fresh, i want to change i just need to do it.

[mobiusstrip01]

@PokemanSlut re: "most honest and truthful statement etc"--which statement? needing to leave to stay clean? if that's it...i'd go so far as to say that MOST addicts need to "leave" in some respect...if nothing else they need to REMOVE THEMSELVES from their circumstances...maybe by burning all connects, getting away from ppl they use WITH (i don't use with ANYBODY...i literally do all my drugs totally ALONE...b/c i'm not getting high...just trying to get rid of some of the pain so i cn function

[mobiusstrip01]

@PokemanSlut ... c o n t i n u e d...so yeah...whether i'm like any other user or not (i assume MOST opiate addicts started out trying to deal with pain), it seems we all share a common need IF we truly want to stop--we need to NOT have ANY ACCESS AT ALL. when i have access...guess what? i'll use...if i don't have access...i will stop. i'm not typically motivated enough to go out and find a way to score...i've never bought meds/drugs on the street. BUT...when the pain's bad enough-- MAYBE

[ExGoldie]

It cut me off! Your wife needs to know not to keep you and her medication alone together. The medication wins and you lose. Worst would be that the medication takes your life. Your wife would not be able to live with that guilt.

Wont your depression lift after you have all the meds out of your body and you become you again? I've buried too many friends with addictions. Drug abuse kills it's victims. Please love yourself enough to take care of you. If you need someone to chat with...

[mobiusstrip01]

she does a pretty good job of it, but CONSTANT vigilance is impossible b/c she has to take zanaflex (major muscle relaxant) during day along w/pain meds, so she sleeps some daytime hours too. re:depression--that IS my natural state to which i return when i'm clean. i actually feel FINE when i'm using...i've been depressed for 30 yrs.

[ExGoldie]

I get migraines and trigeminal neuralgia. I was given 400mcg Actiq before and they worked well enough to keep me out of the emergency room. They were blue. I looked up the green and OMG it's 1600mcg. WHOA that's heavy duty meds. You know if you're taking the meds for the high, it's where you become the addict.

Can you wife keep her meds with her at all times, like in her purse? Think about where you want to be 10 years from now. Would being without your wife n kid (s) be where you want?

[mobiusstrip01]

actually it's 1200 mcg but yeah-heavy. the only high i've gotten since the first couple times i took opiates is the high from going from intense pain to little or no pain. i just need to function--i'm the primary caregiver for 3 kids 9 and under, and the only earner. i don't veg out all day spracked out actiq--i take to quiet the noise & pain. re: the purse--too many meds to put in her purse. plus when UR head is pounding out UR heartbeat & the answer is next to you a foot away...well u know.

[Newfie4646]

holy shit thats 2 BIG BOXES OF MEDS, i couldnt control myself if i was there. i dont no who would?. like seriously dude, that unbelievable.

[mobiusstrip01]

@Newfie4646 so you have a better idea of my problem.

[mobiusstrip01]

btw...don't mind me wandering off topic here and there in midsentence...my natural state is totally ADD'ed out. sorry folks. cheers.