Funny Jack Bauer Jokes

[CaliberIsnxt]

jack bauer is a fag, chuck norris till i die bItches!!!!!!!



[Triakis2011]

I like Jack Bauer's character too but at the end of the day he is just a fictional character, so let's just leave it at that all right?

[TBird4490]

Jack Bauer is the man!

[debby850]

wow that was great but mind how u talk about him he is my best!!!!!!!

jack is just a great guy!!!! good at everything but not terrorism!!!!

[debby850]

wow that was great but mind how u talk about him he is my best!!!!!!!

[MotherGothelFan01]

When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back, lmao, redamohammer

[ValiantM16]

The top comments aren't funnny. -.-

[LSDCracker]

Too damn fast...

[MRFLASHLIGHT39]

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[julianwrighthornet32]

jack bauer's f-bomb is 1000000000000000000 times stronger than the atomic bomb

[jake546213]

these are chuck norris jokes but replacing chuck with jack

[DkFr88]

@jake546213 u just read my mind

[MRS4MSON]

jack bauer doesn't kill for revenge, he just kills cause you were in the way

[babylon218]

-After Jack Bauer looked at the likes/dislikes bar of this video, 134 people got their brains blown out.

[ForceRecon198]

When Jack Bauer cries its only so he can use his tears to waterboard a terrorist.

Jack Bauer plays russian roulette w/ a Glock... and always wins. 

[theblackswordsman87]

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

[redamohammed2010]

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

[utkt91]

@redamohammed2010 hahahahahahhaha

[MCrocks2]

hahah this is so neerdy!!! - its completely brilliant ! :D

im a huge jack baur fan, so damn i like all of this :D

[NotStoopid0228]

Jack Bauer should have totally gotten Lost, but then he would be the only one on the island.

[walkerF99]

when do the jokes start

[ItsJackBauerBaby]

Jack Bauer FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[shafe44]

very gay. nice job with this crap losers.

[1StEp2FaR4]

this video currently has 333 likes, cus jack bauer only needs half the power of satan :)

[bamarine247]

a funny note on jack bauer humor in 24.

in season 4 jack flanks around a shooter and finds him on a catwalk. jack says "Hey" and the guy looks down just in time to get shot. it's probably the only bit of humor jack bauer displays in 24....and it was done while putting a bullet in another guy's skull.

[Silverspin1972]

Sharks dedicate an entire week to Jack Bauer.

[Thonydef]

the knock knock joke was funny too lol

[HowlingWolf518]

On January 20th 1554, Nostradamus predicted that

"In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will save the great, free nation from destruction for eight seasons in a row."

Ten seconds after writing that, Jack Bauer kicked down his door, shot him in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO THE F--- ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!?"

[Pigeonification]

You copied all of this off the Jack Bauer App for iPhone!

[OZZl3]

god what a waste of bandwidth just to read some shitty text made in movie maker

[ForceRecon198]

If you hear Jack Bauer say dammit then you're already dead.

[Bellicose9]

If Jack Bauer had his way the show would be called "12"

[MuxMaxmou]

0:47 best :D:D:D

[ForceRecon198]

@MuxMaxmou IKR

[tabbtiger1993]

Jack Bauer owns an estate in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. We know it as the Bermuda Triangle. Jack Bauer does not tolerate trespassers.

[DimSimToughBitch]

My iPod just froze. I was Jack was here to smash it in anger for me

[KingKyle426]

jack bauer could hurt your grandmother in her grave just by lookin you in the eye

[greatw10]

what was the song?

[AustriaDictator]

i hate it when people say that kind of jokes are only for Chuck Norris. Jack deserved this jokes, he is the best TV character ever

[raiderrow]

This is some funny shit.

[jurahure]

when jack bauer was a little kid his parents once asked him what he wants for his birthday and he said: I need more time.

[Squall3246]

_Jack Bauer doesn't need to search the internet, he just stares a computer down until it gives him the information he needs.

_ Kiefer Sutherland drinks to forget all the terrible things Jack Bauer has done.

_Jack Bauer doesn't need a translator, torture sounds the same in every language.

_There was no best man at Jack Bauer's wedding, Jack Bauer is always the best man. Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.

[floodkhan]

-if jack bauer would be gay his name would be chuck norris

-kim bauer wasnt supposed to be born. even jack's condoms cant stop him.

-jack's rules for fighting with terrorists: 1.shoot the bastard 2. ask the question 3. repeat the firs two rules

[ShawnJames91]

Jack Bauer.

[Huhmasta]

lmao some of these jokes are directly taken from chuck norris jokes...idiots. Though some are pretty witty and original

[resound222222]

chuck norris is overrated jack baur can kick his ass

[TheKate998]

To bad season 8 was the last of jack bourer. Cant wait for the movie >:D

[chrizsnipedu]

jack bauer is now considered the fastest working laxative

[Kwaaification]

Where was Jack 1945?!

[MylinaspaincA]

@Kwaaification :D ..good one

[Saabs89]

a few good jokes in there, i liked the knock-knock lol....but uh... more than a few were chuck norris jokes that just used jack bauer instead :(

[RalphMcGuttsout]

"No song anymore".

Right.

Then why not shorten the $%^&*in' movie?!

[XUltra00]

HAHAHAHAHA...... what's so funny -_-

[noobkiller837]

okay i was watching a episode of season 5 today and realized the guy named michael cummings. the words cummings was getting a little bit overused and i started to laugh! agent pierce: mr. president we cant do this without cummings!

Charles logan: Cummings knows the location of a warhead..jack you need the answers!

[ForceRecon198]

Jack Bauer used to play for the New York Yankees. One day A-Rod hit a "bomb" to right field so Jack ran out of the dugout and broke each of A-Rod's fingers until he gave up the disarm codes and who he was goddamn working for. Safe to say that he got e-Jack-ted from the Bauer-game. :D

[JackBauersAccount]

very funny thnx for making me lafffffffffffffff

[DukTape1009]

I know some of the jokes may not be funny to some people/text is all wrong. This was made 3 years ago when I first joined YouTube and wanted to make a video :P

So please dont send me messages saying "YOUR VID SUCKS >: |"

I know my videos are nothing special x)

[RHCPfan458]

@DukTape1009 You can excuse the video due to lack of experience but the jokes are just terrible. Apart from being devoid of humor, they are in the exact same format as Chuck Norris jokes, which believe it or not were still pretty well known 3 years ago.

[bleedingpepper]

This one may have already been posted already, but I can't be bothered to look through all those pages...

'Q - Jack Bauer is in a room with Hitler and Nina Myers. He has a gun and two bullets. What does he do?

A - Shoot Nina Myers twice'.

[paaaigeey]

@bleedingpepper THAT JOKE WAS SHIIT!

[raiderrow]

@bleedingpepper funny shit.

[kingzomusic]

funny

[88neoh]

not funny at all...haha

[ForceRecon198]

The knock-knock joke was the best. He'll find who's there, who they worked for, and where the god damned bomb was.

[fairshanks]

sound like chuck norris jokes to me

[Begetzu]

u spelled almost half of the text wrong...

[zackiscoll]

you spelt chuck norris wrong

[creampuffgirl310]

These Jack Bauer Jokes Suck

[bearclawkev]

if jack bauer ever saw the movie "the girl next door", whoops! there's yer season 9 for ya!

[TheAnxiousMan]

If Jack Bauer was on the Lost island he'd get off in 24 hours

[iFloppyy]

guys all these jokes from u, are chuck norris jokes, u only changed the name douchebags

[rapidMonkeys]

@iFloppyy chuck norris is overrated. get with the times grandpa

[xUberxHaxx]

If Jack Bauer were in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Myers, and he had a gun with two bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

[rapidMonkeys]

@xUberxHaxx he would do what Dwight Schrute says: Use one bullet, line them up and shoot them all through the throat.

[juliosub013]

this are just chuck norris jokes with a jack bauer twist...

[MrJackBauer24Fan]

that wasnt so bad

[IanCooked]

-jack bower doesn't walk, the world moves around him

-24 happens when jack bauer comes down from heaven and takes a break from being god.

-jack bauer was adopted because he gave birth to himself.

-the columbine shooting happened because jack bauer stopped by to say hi to his son and a teacher looked at him.

[masterkrissytaylor]

Not Bad

[00djm]

such shit

[thespunksterpunkster]

My favorite one:

Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock' joke. Jake Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamn bomb was.

[laura43fun]

Jack Bauer Fact - without mentioning Jack Bauer :D

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, he turns into a terrorist.

[HEINIKEN1000]

If someone shot Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris would die.

Heres a good Chuck Norris joke, if someone blew up the world who would live? Jack Bauer.

shades don't look good on Jack Bauer, he looks good on them.

[laura43fun]

Jack Bauer facts are better than Chuck Norris facts.

[dontF00LtheGOAT]

These are all stupid. they're all basically Chuck Norris jokes but with Jack Bauer's name.

[ruckelz74]

I watched till the end :(

[unleashed102]

0:49 that was good lol

[SimonKapl]

lol, you are right :D

[LFSvidMan]

So, this is a simple Jack Bauer replacement for Chuck Norris? Trust me you're getting roundhouse kicked for all eternity when you go to hell

[RushLimborg]

I don't understand the "50 cent" fact. What's that supposed to mean?

[SimonKapl]

der rapper "50 cent" wurde in seinem Leben mehrfach angeschossenen und Jack ist natürlich besser ^^

[aseitz04]

@RushLimborg 50 cent was shot 9 times when he was a drug dealer, or at least he claims as much

[15sithis]

lol the joke at 1:00

[HowlingWolf518]

Jack & Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down, 'cause Jill was a f--ing terrorist.

[ZivEstVeritas]

If jack were in a room with Bin Laden, Hitler and Nina Mayers and had only 2 bullets, who would he shoot? Nina Mayers, twice.

[rapidMonkeys]

@ZivEstVeritas One bullet, through all 3 of their throats same time. There is always a way with jack

[punkDARYLpunk]

jack could get of the lost island in 24 hours

[redderstheamazing]

if you found jack bauer in bed with your girlfriend what would you do???????........tuck him in!!

[OverDrive565]

wow... way to put "Jack Bauer" in place of "Chuck Norris"

[punkDARYLpunk]

@OverDrive565 no way jack bauer is the origin

[Kaysje]

Superman wears Jack Bauer pyjamas

[FleshStarvingBass]

<3 Renee Walker

[tinche01]

jack bauer always my hero hahha

[FreakOnALeash22123]

Here are some...

.Whenever Jack Bauer sleeps, his snores sound like "who are you working for!"

.When Jack Bauer lost his family, he said, "live again, dammit!" and from then on, he's kept his family under government custody for safety.

[archer1949]

"A Rabbi, A Priest and a Minister walk into a bar.....Jack Bauer is going to find out why."

[TheGrayLadyAsh]

I love Jack Bauer.

[marco12501]

Who would win Jack Bauer or Chuck Norris

[theorderoforange]

jack bauer

[Jgirlox24]

and one more: (if u want me to tell more just reply to my comments here)

jack once lost his car keys. he then tortured himself to death until he gave up the location of the keys.

[Jgirlox24]

- when jack was a little kid, his parents threw him a surprise party. once.

- jack bauer has been to mars. that's y there's no life there.

- jack bauer doesn't call 911, 911 calls jack bauer.

- there once was a street named after jack bauer, but ppl kept dying after they crossed that street. nobody crosses jack bauer.

- superman and jack bauer once had an arm wrestling match. the loser had to wear his underwear outside of his pants.

[paliguitarsoloist]

@Jgirlox24 damn youre great

[bearclawkev]

@Jgirlox24 jack a little kid...... thats why his mother was never mentioned and his dad got away in time to be in day 6........

[gopherCA]

@Jgirlox24 If satan and Chuck Norris went into a fight... Jack Bauer would win -_-

[King4GTA]

@Jgirlox24 those are all chuck norris jokes that you switched to jack bauer

[fasanyawn]

@Jgirlox24 those were more retarded then my dead brother who had down syndrome

[Jgirlox24]

i've got some:

- 9/11 was jack bauer's day off

- jack once farted in the sea. u know this as the dead sea.

- if u wake up in the morning, its cuz ur not a terrorist.

- chuck norris had 2 speeds: run and walk. when jack bauer came, chuck norris's only speed was run away.

- if it smells like beef, tastes like beef, and looks like beef but jack says it's chicken, then u better believe it's f**kin chicken.

- the dinosaurs have made fun of jack bauer.

[manabreakyt]

*** when Jack Bauer found out her daughter lost her virginity, he look for it, found it and put it back.

[boss180888]

«if everyone followed jacks instructions it would be called 12» LOL XD!!!! so true

[paulyd04]

solves all his problems with violence... lol

[drwt03]

i liked

[finzfan84]

0:58 is the only decent 1 lol

[llpalm08]

Thanks for the tip, saved me alot of time looking through the crap ones.

[finzfan84]

LOL

[JonsMaName]

there just not funny at all....

ur a discgrace

[AlanJStain]

this is not funny

[TPUChris]

ive already heard most of these as chuck norris jokes

[devindaniell]

1. when life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists.

2. Chuck Norris wears Jack Bauer underwear.

3. Chuck Norris helped bust robbers while Jack Bauer did something important like saving the world in 24 hours.

[MyComputerwizard]

hey i did not laugh

[garranto]

the jokes about the three bullets and steroids sound like chuck norris facts

[twint1p]

haha :D i think the best one was 0:58

[itszackry]

I stayed anyways.

[Clanknar]

If Jack Bauer was fighting in the war in Iraq it would have been over 24 hours after it began...

[d58dj9e8rj9]

actually it would have been over 24 hours before it started

[SweetEmotion987]

The greatest one is the "shooting himself 10 times to prove 50 cent is a bitch"

Hilarious.

[PianoplayerX007]

jack bauer = chuck norris

[koolkat104]

@PianoplayerX007 Jack Bauer > Chuck Norris

[d58dj9e8rj9]

John Casey > Jack Bauer >Chuck Norris

[koolkat104]

ahahahhahaa very nice! I would probably say Bauer = Casey.

[xvxandfr8ser]

0:31 easily L0L!!!!!!

[azzazzazzaaaa]

Jack Bauer doesn't have a shadow. He noticed that the shadow was sneaking on him and Jack tortured it to death.

[cocomiel94]

jack bauer kick ass!

[1Dudelsack1]

jack bauer is the best and in germany very unfamous :-(

[liliannefloppy]

i meant funny!!!

[liliannefloppy]

abit boring!!!

[DigitalMan93]

best one is the russian prison one

[com34x]

I actually kind of liked the professor x one too :)

[kaosito89]

i love the one about a+ in all his questions with violence xD.

Its completely true.When anyone tells him"you cant do this jack"

hi simply take the neck and get a gun xD always violence lol

[richardlessen]

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions it would be called "12". Thats gotta be my favourite one out of the lot :D And it's just so true :)

[hannahfarish]

0:46 lol.

[TheColombianOne]

what was the song anyway?

[UNCLESEANYC]

1:15 awesome haha. made me laff this one

[Davethesnakeguy]

0:47

awesome

[brodude83]

Hilarious!!!

[GTBizo]

haha, nice ones :0

[countryrocks1053]

1:04 is awesome!

[Fleshy91]

you bimbo. most of these jokes have elements that only apply to jack bauer and the show "24." like the knock knock joke... and talking to chloe about schematics... chuck norris never talks to chloe about schematics... so fuck you! >=(

[DukTape1009]

Yea!

What he said!

x)

[KenobiMan420]

@Fleshy91 Wow...over reactoion much? Pissy bitch

[ericcarrtime]

chuck norris is nothing compared to jack bauer

[LeiahAndAndie]

HAHAHAHAHA!! sooo funny. love the knock knock joke!!

[ladyaxe1313]

This was soooo funny! Thanks for posting all the jokes together. "24" has not been screened here for a while, so it was great to be reminded how BADASS he is.

[anorcini]

Jack Bauer and Superman once had a fight. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

[Theman270385]

If Jack Bauer were in the marines, then the world would be a better place.

[JiMMyJaM08061991]

i dnt watch 24 but im guessing jack bauer is bad ass

[saxdude135]

jack bauer, the only man that can kill two stones with one bird and put chuck norris in a wheelchair

[violet1197]

lol wow thats so funny im rofl

[Arockalypse90]

Proffesor Xavier tried to read his mind. Now he is sitting on wheelchair.

[LJwendal]

why do people copy what was just said even though we clearly just read it? ie. 'Arockalypse90' and 'Saxdude135'

[darkestserenity]

Really cool! I just got into the whole 24 phenomenon, and I have to say that Jack Bauer is the most bitchin' badass guy in almost the whole existing universes. And I even got the one with the Russians and the Chinese XDXDXD!

[weismice]

wow thats awsome i love watching 24. and 100% of that is true

[megabadass30]

wow, you took chuck norris jokes and changed the name, how original.

[DukTape1009]

Nope.

I already have a Chuck Norris joke video

[megabadass30]

it's the same type of jokes, I've heard them for Dave Grohl too

[dizzydecapod]

A bird in the hand is better than two in the bush. Unless that bird is in Jack Bauer's hand, in which case that bird is fucking dead.