Shelby Cross Instructs Viewers To Build 'Justice Shed'

[hkfreak]

That last part was probably a riff on KOLD-TV in Tucson, AZ...

[karensarahrocks]

Omg i like totes put this bitch stacy in my justice shed. She was sexting my bf over facebook. So i made some home-made flashbombs. Kidnapped her while she was in the bathroom in school. And feed her my dog Snuffiken's shit every 9 hours.

Thanks shelby. Ill teach that ballymester bitch a lesson.

Xoxo hugs and kissies lol kawaii. X3

[AdmiralBetas]

I'm seeing some similarities to Nancy Grace, but there's something else in the mix that I can't put my finger on...

[fireflyeclipse]

Shelby Cross is the best bit on this show!

[alexpartida1]

those videos were either really bad acting or people sending in videos that are making fun of them this racist bitch

[alexpartida1]

so she is admitting that she has a dungeon on her property for torturing people and holding them against their will without a trial just based on them looking suspicious.

[1RiveraG1]

Ooooh!! toys I want em! Look how much fun those kids were having!!!

[kljMN2]

Shelby Cross is hilarious...

[whothewu]

The Plano, TX guy sounds like he's from New York...strange...

[leechmasterb]

This reminds me of guantanamo bay... ^^

[tevyef]

I thought the Onion was satire, I didn't expect them to host a direct feed from Fox News...

[ArsenicOverdose]

I recommend using Intermodal containers used for shipping.

They are both durable and stackable!

[MiDude2isawesome]

@2:07  That guy in the blue shirt near the shed looks like the retarded policeman? Right? Either way, it's an amazing coincidence

!

[realrockvince]

Can the Justice Shed hold corrupt politicians too?

[DiJohnny18]

"These guys, I think we caught them shoplifting..." rofl

[RetardHunter080]

If anybody as if this is real, I'm throwing them in my Justice Shed.

[Jigsaw135]

it's about guns...hahaha

[lubermanl]

Call me old school, but is just freight them to Australia.

[BrokenPuzzle]

racial profiling at its best :D

[SigmaLambda]

3:02 it's the girl who was raised by Wolf Blitzer

[MrDaboia]

@H666

Satire based on people that actually exist, to at least some extent.

[pudicus2]

0:49 "Asshole scientists genetically engineer flying spiders"

[megamantwelve]

Someone stole my son's lunch money the other day, so I just threw a few hundred kids from his school into my Justice Concentration Camp. Gonna keep 'em in there for a few weeks 'till one of 'em confesses.

[mikma]

MIKMA WAS HERE

[Daniel7Blue27]

I have over 9000 Justice Labyrinths

[DeadWhiteButterflies]

@Daniel7Blue27

With a minotaur to gore detainees? :D

[ty99999returns]

lmfao

[furshthebutton]

I smell pussy

[strang3h]

Justiceshed a metaphor for an paranoid american whit a gun...

[drdoughnuts]

This is fucking incredible thank you onion gods

[greatauntprune]

Hahaha I totally want those action figures :)

[eshake89]

when did sharon angle get a news show =O

[shiphotel2]

asshole scientist geneticly engineer flying spiders 0:47

[HellsKat123456789]

XD

[Wolvenfire86]

I wasn't gonna thumbs up, but then I saw the ACTION FIGURES!

[SomethingAwfulTV]

"I'm gonna run a marathon without legs to inspire people"

HAHHAHA holy shit I can't breathe!!!

[Tressco]

Exaggerated!

You just need one at Wall Street!

[LeeHarveyOswaldStyle]

Shovel beatings!

[jrpink13]

So basically fuck evidence.... BEST VIDEO EVER!

[Exli3r]

Plano TX LOL!!!

[wyrdwyrd]

You know how sometimes someone shows you something that *should* be funny, but it isn't because it's too damn real. Yeah. This is that.

--

Furry cows moo and decompress.

[DazmoTube]

boring. anti-jail. liberal. shit.

[elbethere]

@DazmoTube Pointless, anti satire, idiotic, political drone comment.

[DazmoTube]

@elbethere lol. fuck. you.

[elbethere]

@DazmoTube Sad. With every comment you make, your maturity seems to be lessening. Go watch the real news with every other sheep. The Onion is ment for satire, and satire can choose to make a point or not. Don't like it? Don't watch.

[DazmoTube]

@elbethere

dont like it? dont watch. . . lol

Ok, but sometimes, I DO like it. Im allowed to be picky, you see, because I have a huge cock.

Don't like it? DONT REPLY, DIPSHIT!

[elbethere]

@DazmoTube I rest my case.

[DazmoTube]

@elbethere

just like your wits

[frankensteinmoneymac]

@DazmoTube Why is it people who rarely get laid are always bragging about how large their penis's are? Just thought I'd ask since you were bragging.....It's just something I've noticed. It's always the immature and sex starved 15 year olds that think such comments are incredibly funny.

[DazmoTube]

@frankensteinmoneymac

yeah you're right. . . you are far too awesome for bad jokes, or sarcasm for that matter.

Oh boy. . . le sigh. . . sure wish I was you! :)

[frankensteinmoneymac]

@DazmoTube No, not just me...Most people are "far too awesome" than to want to hear about how amazing your penis is....Sorry, but it's the truth.

[DazmoTube]

@frankensteinmoneymac

WOO look at the ego on you! :-D I'm sure absolutely everyone shares your brilliant opinions on everything.

also. . . yeah, preeeetty sure i was talking about bad jokes and sarcasm while YOU steadily remark about my penis.

Might want to see a therapist about that, kid.

[frankensteinmoneymac]

@DazmoTube Well everyone with half a brain would agree with me I imagine...Or rather everyone over the age of 15. By the way, as you well know the only reason your penis is being spoken of at all, is because you think it's hilarious....You MADE your penis the focus of your 'bad jokes' ...and while I admit that you're penis most likely IS quite hilarious, I honestly don't think anyone here wants to hear anything more about it, I know I don't!

[DazmoTube]

@frankensteinmoneymac

Whats hillarious is that you cant see past my penis.

Also, if you dont want to hear more about my penis, I earnestly suggest you shut the fuck up - but Im sure youve known thats the practical thing to do all along, assuming you are over 15.

Also. . . your bias against <16 year olds just isnt appropriate at all. be sure to mention that in penis therapy.

[DazmoTube]

@frankensteinmoneymac

also, its no wonder at all that you imagine that everyone agrees with you - and that you touch yourself while imagining that those who do not are under 16 years old. I bet you walk down the street and ask random strangers "Hey! Got pubic hair?" and then say "You do?!? Well then you must be ME!" then giggle and run away like a leprechaun.

You're a fun little monkey, aren't ya? :-D

[frankensteinmoneymac]

@DazmoTube Jesus dude....stop talking about pubic hair and penis's. What the Hell?!?! Are you seriously that much of an immature freak? "Hey, got pubic hair?"?!?!?!? That's your Idea of humor?????? *facepalm* it's like I'm talking to complete and utter moron......Wait, I take that back. There's no "like I am"....I simply AM talking to a moron.

[DazmoTube]

@frankensteinmoneymac

I give up. You're simply incapable of not being retarded - or seeing past my enormous penis.

[frankensteinmoneymac]

@DazmoTube Wow....You REALLY want to keep proving me right don't you? That's just sort of pathetic, ya know.

[DazmoTube]

@frankensteinmoneymac

You penis have penis just penis won penis ten penis million penis dollars. penis.

[frankensteinmoneymac]

@DazmoTube Entertaining yourself?

[DazmoTube]

@DazmoTube

I know it makes ya mad. You honestly don't need to keep pointing it out.

[DazmoTube]

pointless = you dont agree with me.

anti-satire = when you pull something out of your ass, at least wipe it off before trying to give it to me.

idiotic = Sure, you can suck my dick. Thanks for asking so politely.

political drone comment = Aren't they all? (to diluted fucks like you)

Waste of breath defending uninspired one-note lackluster tripe = priceless.

[renumeratedfrog]

@DazmoTube You sound like someone who probably already has a "justice dungeon" in his basement.

[DazmoTube]

@renumeratedfrog

Thats where I store my hotdogs. That is also where I stack my hotdogs. It is also where I vacuum pack, sterilize, cut, and punish my hotdogs.

[seraphilight]

"We think we caught him shoplifting"

[Stormer94]

Awesome! Shelby kicks ass and totally sells this piece! :)

[BigSean1992]

JESUS I NEED A JUSTICE SHED! I saw someone standing in front of my house last night, they were between the height of 5'4" and 6'6" but i couldnt tell if the were male or female or what race they were, guess i better round everyone matching that description. thanks for the BB gun idea mrs. cross

[WatchmenDrManhattan]

Something tells me that the south is going to instate this as law

[devourerofbabies]

@WatchmenDrManhattan Yeah, everybody is going to be required to have a justice shed so they can have citizens catching people and shipping them off to private prisons.

[NewFormofSilence]

"Our viewer Randal F." Nice one.

[NAFFA12345]

2:25 BONER ALERT

[LMGunslinger]

WTF, The onion has changed, and I can say not for the better. There humor seems to be off and to counter it they are trying to go to new lows.

[ViralVideoCriticBeta]

Dear Onion...as you are probably well aware, several people commenting on this video are entertained (which is cool) or butt hurt and offended (not cool) by this video. People who are easily offended can lick my sweaty hairy sack. Keep doing what ya"ll do. You guys rock! KEEP BRINGIN' THE FUNNY!

[cx420ns]

umm i want those dolls make them please ^^

[DadaMungo]

Have we become so desensitized that it's okay to make comedy about a mother drowning her children? C'mon people!

[irurwurst]

That commercial was the best!

[lordbrixo]

1:54 woman looks crazy

[callumrocksyoursocks]

I wonder if she'll be voting Palin?

[Psykomancer]

Wait, you mean this is NOT Fox news? I couldn't tell for the life of me!

[viking977]

notice: all fat white people

[suckadickmagic]

@viking977

That's a really idiotic attempt at what I guess is supposed to be a point. Tell us more about the real wisdom you glean from comedy videos on YouTube. And if you're white yourself, that's incredibly pitiful.

[viking977]

@suckadickmagic i am white in fact, and wisdom? not quite. more an underlying meta-joke/observation made by the onion that i attempted to point out. I:E: that america is full of self righteous xenophobic people who think that being foreign is a crime and that they know better than the police. (which it kind of is, i've met plenty of ppl who could probably get behind the justice shed idea)

at least thats my interpretation.

[ianman20011]

lol i wish i culda done that commercial when i was 10

[ataraxic89]

This reminds me of that annoying old hag Nancy Grace

[treymtz]

i have a justice basement i have a total of three young women who i presume are underaged and use drugs

[viking977]

@treymtz roofies count?

[snowmoutain01]

Wow, so ham fisted its not funny.

[Naggerdash]

oh america, what will you think of next?

[bb3xhrhj]

sorry fat kid, but your never going to run a marathon :P

[Madisonmofo]

I will never buy a Jeep Compass...stop showing me ads for them.

[Buzz0Killington]

Blue or red shirt. LOL

[Pwn81]

this one was actually pretty funny

[barnzullaRedStar]

what would be funny is if the terrorist actually thought this was real news

[WatchmenDrManhattan]

Welcome to America.

[torngr4a]

ha ha ha- drowning the kids in the back of the car- "AWESOME!!!"

[kasuskasus]

"I'm gonna run a marathon so I can inspire others!" Hah!

[VictimOfBoredom]

The Onion used to have a knack for subtlety.

[jeremyshambles]

what does the pundit doll say at 3:00?

[jeremyshambles]

@scottyEdbanger damn, that s a accurate yet rather disturbing point. quite true indeed.

[bfitz1992]

why is there a bullshit end of the world add before this video.

[IamtheWV17]

i want those toys

[evilharp86]

so wrong but yet so right...LOL

[emiynu]

AWESOME! :))

[majinjared]

I have my Justice Pit, if you survive the fall then your innocent ^_^

[BanjoThreeies]

@majinjared I have a justice pit too, only its a moat. If you sink and drown, youre not a witch, but youre probably the guy who shaved me while I was sleeping.

[mjohanss1975]

@BanjoThreeies I have a justice pit too...I like to have fun with my prisoners though and we play out the pit-scene from silence of the lambs...the prisoners are really good too because their "fuck you!!!"s and screams of terror sounds so convincing when I do my "it rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again"-bit hehe

[DragonGreenFire]

@mjohanss1975 I personaly prefer the classic, "This is Sparta!"

[charliedoja]

Thought it was kinda funny, the action figures part really wasnt that funny....

[dillonator42]

Ugh, people talk about fox too much on Onion videos- should be about the comedy!

[brianscottpettigrew]

slightly disturbing 

[tictixtiv]

Ironic?

[laurierchick11]

this is very convincing.

[amazemeplz]

Is it sad that i'm slightly scared?

[Whyd0ub0ther]

Lol there is an ad for an 8'x8' storage shed from 84Lumber next to the video

[samu3ljr]

I have an odd feeling Shelby is a republican...

[squidb8]

I'm getting a justice shed for my ex. I'm sure she did something the requires incarceration.

I loved the toy commercial at the end.

[ClassicRockFan1220]

This is something you'd hear on the GTA radio lmfao

[Chaochio]

@ClassicRockFan1220 Oh my god, it totally does.

[crazytosh1]

@ClassicRockFan1220 Yeah it always reminds me of 'weasel news' :)

[LuckiZero]

@ClassicRockFan1220

the "Awesome" at 3:10 is exactly like in a GTA Vice City radio commercial for a video game console!

I laughed my ass off when i heard that and after that read your comment :D

[RealMihaiQC]

@ClassicRockFan1220 there was a similar thing in San Andreas lol "I got X mexicans dead in my back yard" XD

[jamez629]

Best part was the ad at the end!

[PallaTheDancingCow]

I wish they sold those onion toys where I lived...

[DOYLERULES69X]

I turned my old ice fishing hut into a justice shed. But because I'm from Canada nobody cares.

[ohjawillkommen]

"Innocent until proven guilty" has ruined our once great nation. I was raised right, and my daddy had me building justice birdhouses to capture any filthy Red spies disguised as birds. Now, I build justice sheds for people poor in lumber supplies. Thank you, Onion, for doing your part to make the world a better place for me, and me alone, as it should be.

[belittle12]

I made my Justice Shed out of an abandon Wallmart, what have you done for country lately people?

[dragracedude1]

I thought a "Justice Shed" was a shed that had tons of guns in it. Just like in that movie "Commando".

[Idrinkvault]

The "Justice Shed" , made in the USSR.

[Ki113dbysw0rd]

I want......no..NEED an ONN helicopter!!

[stygn]

"THAT'S democracy people!!" Hilarious : )

[DeanGoulding]

Next story - A look into the government trying to privatise Justice Sheds

[cobaltxnights]

I legit want that playset.



[15thCrypt]

I built my shed last week

[mickiemc100]

woah this ac3 ad is everywhere

[daltonplaysthesax]

93 people are tired of "dislike" jokes

[erikrei]

HAHAH this is one of my favorite Onion sets

[RadoslawTheGamer]

93 people are in a justice shed

[BrockyD]

I wish you guys would just stick to a format

[butcherboy2008]

Quit calling this a parody of Fox News. Nancy Grace is on CNN Headline.

[butcherboy2008]

Git in ma justus shedddd.

[RoldanIncorporated]

I know a guy in Texas who has a Justice Concentration camp going, he said he drives around picking up mexi- i mean suspects all the time, and puts them in the camp.

[Draxis32]

Facts and Fun

Hell Yeah

[Cartosis87]

i like how one of the tags for this video is "Fox" lol

[rcon1012]

why is everyone arguing down in the comments. there is nothing to argue about. justice sheds are a necessary part of the american justice system. ITS DEMOCRACY PEOPLE.

[thomashester2]

@rcon1012 thank you some reasoning in here

[hikaruultma]

i would buy those toys

[CesarManiaX]

This has more credibility than Fox News.

[HolySausage]

0:49 "Asshole scientists genetically engineer flying spiders" ... -.-

[SilentIvo]

@HolySausage why the "-.-"? It's not funny? I don't get your comment.

[soccerprog226]

If this was a Fox newscast, at 0:16, the lady would have just said 'Jew'.

[YusufAlaseeri]

Oh, no this is illegal! How could they do this?! I BELIEVE EVERYTHING I SEE ON THE INTERNET BECAUSE IT IS A CREDIBLE SOURCE!

[UnlimitedApathy]

2:04 That guy looks like the janitor from The Elevator Show.

[UnlimitedApathy]

Why do people always have to ruin a funny parody video by loading the comments with politcal attacks?

It's a pain in the ass, can't people just sit and pull the stick out of their ass for three minutes and laugh?

[AlgeBrad3000]

So, this guy in Chandler, AZ... where exactly in Chandler is there a forest?

[MisterAlexUk]

Are you actually selling those toys?

I want the chopper.

[00Crazyness]

"I'm gonna run a marathon with no legs so I can inspire others" LOOL

[MrSkankin69]

one the best adverts for toys since Super Soaker XP 270... what a classic

[megamantwelve]

Hopefully some crazed right-wing republican doesn't actually do this in real life....

[RicRagsLive]

Sweet but I wonder if one could fashion some sort of Justice Dungeon?

See how much they wanna be a criminal after being hung upside down for 72 hours.

[sirweeze]

I like how each video was shot in the same back yard

[spongebobluvr82]

I WANT THOSE TOYS!

[levihambrick]

I want me some JUSTICE.

[nesterhaus]

Shovel beatings-LOL

Action figures are just wrong-yet funny

[urbanpsych0]

i know a Melissa Clark.. lol, and i too have a justice shed, its my holding pen for my justice pole barn

[MoneyIsSilver]

I need my own justice cage - for cops!

[mrmynx]

I desperately need to get me a "Trunk-mom"

[Millhouse3671]

1:55 this woman is so scary looking.

[yushinzzo]

Daughter's Boyfriend? sounds like "conflict of interest"

[nickf210]

justice cage = just-ehz good!!!