Mommy's Minute - Open vs. Closed Adoption

[GildaLee27]

Remember: none of the promises the adopters make are legally binding. Once the adopters have legal custody of the child, the natural mother of the child cannot legally make them live up to their promises of visitation, correspondence, etc.

In fact, once legal custody is established, if the adopters no longer want contact with the natural mom, they can and do ignore her attempts to communicate, move away, even get a restraining order against her. All perfectly legal.

[LizzardPissy650]

fuck this video. i had a son and gave him up for adoption and me and the adoptive parents have established a great relationship. they consider me as part of the family. they thank me for giving them a son.

[themalina92]

Closed adoptions are wrong, but if its the only option? In my opinion it's a form of coveting. Adoptive parents need to come back to reality and realize they never conceived their adopted baby, carried their adopted baby, nor delivered their adoptive baby. Whenever open adoptions are possible they should be honored. Big surprise, now people are realizing that possibly their internationally adopted children were stolen and they are unwilling to give them back. Talk about selfishness at its best.

[Saffron49]

Oh, I forgot to add, I have two adopted children, internationally adopted. I wouldn't do a domestic adoption. However, it works for a lot of families, just not something we were interested in.

[tatorsal]

I was adopted at buckner in Dallas, they only have international adoptions now because most mothers choose to abort now, not a legal option when I was an option, I mean unborn child... Open adoption to me at the very least means I have the right to my original birth certificate, it is a human right, I am not a puppy or kitten from a shelter, denial of this right will do far more harm than good.

[adoptauthor]

acwtgr - YOU seem to be fortunate, but make no mistake about it, the amount of visitation is NOT up to the birthmother. The adoptive parents have ALL the control and can stop it at any time. You actually gave up ALL your rights when you relinquished and let your child be adopted.

quetzal3598 - are you celibate and practicing abstinence? Ever hear of rape?

[acwtgr]

I agree, there is a verbal contract between the birth mother and the adoptive family. Some of my friends went from having open adoptions to closed ones all of a sudden. But in the end, my friend was still happy for her son having a two parent home. Open adoption is a new concept, but many agencies now are trying to encourage the adoptive couple to bond with the birth mother and become more of "blended family" in order to make it alot easier on the child the adoptive couple and the birth mother.

[MiraxTerrik1]

Open adoption isn't that new anymore. It has been around for over a decade, as well the majority of agencies educate prospective adoptive parents about open adoptions ... in fact, you can find agencies that ONLY do open adoptions.

I also don't like this video. From what I've read, after the placement, more often you hear about the adoptive parents trying to seek more contact and openness with the birthmother; not the other way around. A lot of the fear subsides pretty quickly.

[adoptauthor]

Ever hear of rape?

[smni70]

Actually my birthson doeesn't feel rejected. He knows how much I love him. Gotta love all the people from closed adoptions who think they are the experts on open adoptions. Most open adoptions do indeed remain open and when they do close, it's just as often that the birthmom chose to not remain involved as the adoptive parents. I know so many adoptive parents who thought they were getting an open adoption and want that for their child and yet the birth parents have walked away.

[smni70]

I am a birth parent in an open adoption. This video has so much in it that is just not correct. Including the adoptive parents in open adoptions often feel threatened. Actually, they feel more secure in their role as they have the child's birth parents blessing to be parents to that baby. Entitlement issues tend to be less in open adoptions.

[Loxandra1312]

Close adoption all the way!!! If you (birth parent) want to be in your child's life...KEEP THEM, if not, stay the hell out!

[smni70]

If you knew anything about open adoption, you would know, openness is best for the child and done for the child's benefit.

[tatorsal]

You have no idea as to what it is like not being able to contact your birthmother, having her say she cannot contact you be because of secrecy and shame of having a baby out of wedlock. I love my parents, but I cannot connect with my birthmother because of the stigma of having a baby without being married. I can't even know my birthmothers name or talk to my 6 half brothers and sisters, so stay the hell out of conversations on adoption until you know what it feels like.

[acwtgr]

I'm sorry to hear that...but at least you know your birth parents loved you enough for you to be alive and want what they couldn't provide. I wish adoptive couples and more agencies would be more okay with the idea of open adoption...its a fairly new thing. There are times where the adoptive mother feels threatened that the birthmother will step in and take her place, etc. I hope you one day get to find your birthparents...

[acwtgr]

I couldn't provide for my daughter and wanted her to have all the best. I never heard of open adoption, and the adoptive couple suggested it. I weighed the pros and cons. Adoption is a personal thing, and different for everyone and every situation...so in some cases closed is easier, and others open is easier.

[quetzal3598]

I am amazed at how birth mothers complain about everything. If you didn't want to make the choice then don't get pregnant, and if you think that you should have all the rights then parent your own child.

[acwtgr]

Not everyone gets pregnant by choice.

[Saffron49]

Yes, you do. If you have sex and you are not protected, then you have a good possibility that you might get pregnant.

If you don't want to get pregnant, don't have sex or use reliable birth control.

Love is having children by choice and not chance. Nobody in my family has ever had an unplanned pregnancy, we all used birth control, men and women. It isn't rocket science.

[acwtgr]

I so happened to be ovulating when I got raped. That wasn't a situation I wanted to be in, and never asked for it. My boyfriend at first wanted to stick around then decided it wasn't his responsibility (which it wasn't) but he suggested abortion and I believe its wrong, so we broke up. But I agree, even with protected sex, a teen or adult is risking the 0.1% chance of pregnancy.

[alephrias]

is this a shopping show?

[tatorsal]

A shopping show, what, for birthcontrol?

[bern5333]

This video doesn't come close to presenting a clear picture of what infant adoption is all about. The redistribution of babies is an extremely profitable, largely unregulated business. Baby brokers con, lie, and pressure vulnerable mothers into surrendering their parental rights every day. The result is often long-lasting grief, sadness, and loss for both the natural parents and the child.

[adoptauthor]

This is BULLSHIT! "Greater control" is an illusion.

Adopted children feel rejected no matter if its open or closed.

So-called "open adoptions" range from letters and photos once a year to visits, but most importantly - they are UNENFORCEABLE promises ad nothing more!

The most important thing for mothers to get the support they need to parent and not be pressured to lose their child because of "demand."

[acwtgr]

I actually left NC and moved to UT because my boyfriend wanted nothing to do with me while I was pregnant. I lived with a couple, and ended up placing my child with them.

Open adoption does range in what you mention. But I also see my daughter 2-4 times a month if I want. It depends on how open you are comfortable being. I didn't have the resources to raise her and I didn't want my single father of 5 kids to have another on his plate...guess that's BS right?