@jaekae8 That was me when I was 17. This whole series is centered around my life and 9 questions I was asked in my senior year bible class. I start with what I wrote then and then expand on it from my present stance a bit and/or how that definition was expanded and changed in the intervening years since.
@XandarsMeteor Thank you. I enjoyed that whole quote because I've always had similar feelings. I've never cared about the dates and names. I've always thought the message and story were more important.
@jaekae8 At the time, I was planning on going to college to get a History degree and end up teaching History. I decided later that I wanted to do computers, and part of that was the memorization of historical dates and places never seemed enjoyable.
I believe that our history is important to LEARN from...but beyond that, maybe not as much as people want to make it out to be. "The Good Old Days" were actually really shitty...lots of people tend to forget that. Cheers!
@Hyardacil I found a journal entry that tackles this issue. My conclusion 7 or so years ago or so was that history is cyclical, but that due to the advances our species has made over the last 150 years or so, those cycles take less time to complete. We'll (hopefully) never have another Dark Ages, but we can have a short period of time where no great advances are made...but then we'll make another big jump, wash, rinse, repeat.
@ForYeensSake Ha ha ha. Depends on upbringing and situations, I guess. I've known quite a few people that have been able to bypass the cynicism and rebellion, but the percentage is rather low comparatively.
@ForYeensSake It depends. Yes, there are times when we realize we are just animals in clothes, but other times it's just rejection of having to listen to others all the time. We finally start to hit our stride and get the thoughts of freedom (one of the downsides of age-based restrictions). Sometimes this causes us to start fighting against "the system" and rebel.
But yes, we really are apes. *turns off the news*
@XandarsMeteor Not talking about the news, violence or about "the system" (which I by no means know enough of to judge). You know, just the way people react sometimes (even if it is not in a negative way). Anyway thanks for letting me know.
@ForYeensSake I understand that point as well. Having had to quell simple instincts was harmful to my development, I believe. So I get it. (And the news is just reports of others experiencing the same thing.)
*forgive me if I'm not making sense...I'm a bit out of it today.
Chin up. Christians like to talk about preserving innocence for the young but I think that is a self-serving load of crap. The indoctrination I received into the Christian religion as a child largely robbed me of my innocence. Looking back, instead of the carefree play I see in kids unburdened by the absurd notion of a Christian god, I was deeply and profoundly stressed over my inability to experience the Christian myth. I wasn't a bad kid, but god was always dead to me. Enjoyed your story.
I completely agree. I didn't get force-fed this malarkey because it was good for ME, but it was good for my parents. I had many times in high school where I was pressured into trying out for things that led me to believe (rightly, I think) that my parents were trying to relive their lives through me. My dad didn't figure out his career until 30, so he wanted me to be involved, pick an interest, and excel so I could just walk from high school to college and into a career.
"You can spend your time alone, redigesting past regrets oooh... Or you can take the time to realize you're the only one who can't forgive yourself..." ~ Pearl Jam, Present Tense
@lotsahooey True words. I'm working on forgiving myself...if for nothing else to forgive myself for letting my past rule my present life. I'm breaking free, though, so the work isn't finished but there is progress. Thank you!
@bonnie43uk I'm glad you approve. Seriously. Maybe just the inner critic screaming at me, but I was disappointed with this one. Sometimes I either have to be vague or have to go with something that isn't what I REALLY want, but will work if I don't think too hard about it. :) Cheers!
Xander, thank you very much for another chapter from your past life. I had a period like what you're talking about where it seemed like I was angry about everything and took it out on people who really didn't deserve it. I was lucky enough to realize this was stupid. This attitude still resurfaces from time to time, but I always fight it. Believe it or not, videos are a big help.
@Jaybird196 This is only Chapter 1 of my anger...I had a few. I still wrestle with letting my anger get to me, but I'm a work in progress. :)
I'm glad the videos are helping. Seems like this series is going to hit most people even without much religion, faith, or dogma as it's just life. Nothing new maybe, but then again, what is? Thanks, Jason.
Analyzing my own history, I've noticed something crucial: every bad decision and wrong turn was inevitable at that given point; therefore asking the "what if" question is not only pointless, but also illogical. This can be seen a positive information: you cannot really blame yourself for the past; given the same conditions, you couldn't have done otherwise.
@Veldrynvs I agree and disagree. I had a friend that told me that our decisions are the best decisions we could make at the time, and while I agree to a point (due to the fact that whatever our motivations, it could be argued as the "best" choice no matter what. eg. justification) I also disagree because I have made some decisions that I knew to be wrong, but made them to "prove a point" or continue the pain (you can grow to love it). Would those decisions be considered the "best"? Jury's out.
I'm not saying that any past decision was the "best" (for the intended purpose) at that time. It was the only possible option given the external and internal conditions. One does not deliberately make bad decisions out of a whim. These can be seen as the "costs" payed for achieving some other goal.
@Veldrynvs I will concede that point to you. I suppose the bigger question remains: Can we actually make a decision or is there simply one possible outcome for each scenario based on emotions, calculations, and impulses over which we have no control?
I don't think there is any control, at least in the traditional sense. The best we can do is to equip ourselves with skills, knowledge and wisdom, which will improve our chances to "pick" the right options when the time comes. Even if decision-making is an automatic process, you can (and should) optimize the module.
@Veldrynvs I suppose this makes my point in the video for me, then. "What is the meaning and direction of MY history? Understanding and application of the lessons learned." I have to hope that we aren't as hard-wired as I believe sometimes, because I know, by studying my past (too much?), that I must learn from my past, understand why I made the decisions (in or out of control) and attempt to repair the shorts in my brain that would cause a repeat of the same scenarios.
hey zander dude, another great vid of course, hey if you got the skills you should consider writing a book with the chapters being these stories you tell, you could do good getting a book like that published, i say this becuse even though i didnt go through your probs with religion , i relate to alot of the other stuff here,you could really reach alot of younger people and older, so you should think about it, you are sitting on a goldmine bro!
@METALLICA6547 Ha ha ha. We'll see what happens as I keep moving forward, but I definitely have the book idea in the forefront of my mind on a daily basis.
This series is only going to touch on religion a bit (mostly my warped view of the world) so it will relate a lot more with a broader range of viewers than my "Growing Up" series did. Less shock value and more life experience.
How insightful and courageous you are. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, I can relate to much of it, but unlike you, I don't have the courage to share. I totally get it, I really do.
@ambygirl1008 You are more than welcome and thank you so much! I sort of figured most people would be able to relate to this series since it's just me and the world (or me against the world from time to time). If you ever do decide to share, make sure you drop me a note. Take care. Cheers!
@FF7Master I'll take a look at the Insight after a day or so and see what people are actually doing as they watch...it's a pretty good way to check and see if people are checking out early. I actually cut about 3 minutes out of this one because I realized after recording that it didn't really make sense in the context of the rest of the video. So it goes. Of course, we'll have to see how much of my rambling you can actually handle when I launch my second channel. :D
Beautiful and insightful...I shall pass this along to my Son, he's 25 next month, I think he'll be able to relate as he is in the midst of all that fantastic turmoil. Personally I find myself in my mid 40's and in a completely different part of the library than I knew in my youth, this is far from a lamentable situation. I still pine for love, but my selection process has become more refined and my standards much higher. I wish you good fortune on your quest my brother, peace be with :)
@Lynchpinn101 I hope it helps him at least a bit. Interesting how you mention your standards and selection process changing as time moves on; I'm in the same situation now. Although I would love for it all to just fall together one day, I've been trying to be realistic and set the selection criteria at a higher level as well. I just hope I don't go too crazy and set the bar too high.
Good luck to you as well and we'll talk soon, I'm sure.
i suspect that part of the reason we humans repeat events in life is we are comfortable with the familiar.evidently, even if it's painful,we have a security in an expected outcome, i guess.it's not healthy but the fear of the risk of making a mistake must be a primordial instinct in us.
@practicalmagic9 "Familiarity breeds contempt"? Wait, that doesn't work if we cuddle up next to our pasts so often. Or does it since many, including myself, have expressed the strong negative feelings to our history?
Without getting too far ahead of myself, the part about relationships turning to shit after a year and then taking another 2 years to get out of the relationship is a recurring theme. It has to do with the impermanence of things according to one of my therapists.
@XandarsMeteor well,just a reflection on my part here.i mean:in some ways, my 2nd husband is very different from my 1st.but in the ways that truly matter,they are almost the same.i have wondered about this for a few years now is all.what part of me was attracted to this?it says WAY more about me than about them (and i actually have realized this since my divorce,so at least THAT wasn't a suprise when i knew the dynamic in my 2nd marriage was identical to the 1st).
@practicalmagic9 sorry to blab without posting details, or make this obtuse.but i tried very hard to change after my 1st marriage,but many themes repeated.they weren't even planned,or known at the outset.i guess i am not stating something as fact, merely reflecting my observations.my personal experience might mean nothing,but then it might have importance.i am not a psychologist,so i am just thinking out loud as it were.i hate drama,and i hate making mistakes repeatedly.i want real change.
@practicalmagic9 Like you say, it may mean nothing. But who we are happened somewhere along the way. Looking back, learning and understanding those "decisions" we made (and the ones made for us) does help. How else can we work on becoming "better" and more complete and healthy human beings if we don't at least have an idea of where we picked up the "who" in "Who am I?"
I also hate drama and I hate drunks. That has tended to weed out about 2/3 of the women I've met. lol
@practicalmagic9 I understand what you are saying. I did the same thing awhile ago. Went into another relationship with the mindset of "I've changed" what went wrong last time...and it didn't work. Being vague as well, it was just that I was still me, just acting like I wasn't so I could give it a shot. While I don't believe that we don't have to compromise at least a bit when in relationships, there shouldn't be an entire overhaul for it to work.
@PaleoSteno Empathy has been a recurring theme recently. I've been trying to figure out how I have so much of it after all the times I tried so hard to push emotions down and away. I'm sure mom would just tell me that it's one of my gifts from God...maybe this is worth exploring more since that's not the answer.
Who is the "History means nothing" from?
jaekae8 6 months ago
@jaekae8 That was me when I was 17. This whole series is centered around my life and 9 questions I was asked in my senior year bible class. I start with what I wrote then and then expand on it from my present stance a bit and/or how that definition was expanded and changed in the intervening years since.
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
@XandarsMeteor Thank you. I enjoyed that whole quote because I've always had similar feelings. I've never cared about the dates and names. I've always thought the message and story were more important.
jaekae8 6 months ago
@jaekae8 At the time, I was planning on going to college to get a History degree and end up teaching History. I decided later that I wanted to do computers, and part of that was the memorization of historical dates and places never seemed enjoyable.
I believe that our history is important to LEARN from...but beyond that, maybe not as much as people want to make it out to be. "The Good Old Days" were actually really shitty...lots of people tend to forget that. Cheers!
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
Step 1: Stop beating yourself up
Step 2: Divorce yourself from punishment-based morality (understand that your mistakes in life are not "sins," ie, they have no moral weight)
Step 3: Understand that you hardly could have made any other choices, given what you had to work with
There are more, but those will take a while, I imagine.
Awesome vids. I was worried at the end of your childhood series. Thought I was going to have to wait for the rest of the story.
GreatBigBore 6 months ago
@GreatBigBore
1. I'm learning not to.
2. I'm trying desperately hard to do so.
3. I'm understanding and accepting that slowly.
It is a lot. Guilt weighs heavily on my decisions and actions and I'm trying to relearn how to live and think. Baby steps, I suppose.
Thank you for your help, here and in another way that will be apparent in time.
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
Or history could be cyclical... a-la One Hundred Years Of Solitude.
That would be very dark though. :P
Hyardacil 6 months ago
@Hyardacil I found a journal entry that tackles this issue. My conclusion 7 or so years ago or so was that history is cyclical, but that due to the advances our species has made over the last 150 years or so, those cycles take less time to complete. We'll (hopefully) never have another Dark Ages, but we can have a short period of time where no great advances are made...but then we'll make another big jump, wash, rinse, repeat.
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
So It's not unusual for 16-18 year olds to get really cynical ?
ForYeensSake 6 months ago
@ForYeensSake Ha ha ha. Depends on upbringing and situations, I guess. I've known quite a few people that have been able to bypass the cynicism and rebellion, but the percentage is rather low comparatively.
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
@XandarsMeteor It's not really rebellion. It's just that every day I have at least 5 (everyday) moments where I'm like : wow, we really are apes.
ForYeensSake 6 months ago
@ForYeensSake It depends. Yes, there are times when we realize we are just animals in clothes, but other times it's just rejection of having to listen to others all the time. We finally start to hit our stride and get the thoughts of freedom (one of the downsides of age-based restrictions). Sometimes this causes us to start fighting against "the system" and rebel.
But yes, we really are apes. *turns off the news*
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
@XandarsMeteor Not talking about the news, violence or about "the system" (which I by no means know enough of to judge). You know, just the way people react sometimes (even if it is not in a negative way). Anyway thanks for letting me know.
ForYeensSake 6 months ago
@ForYeensSake I understand that point as well. Having had to quell simple instincts was harmful to my development, I believe. So I get it. (And the news is just reports of others experiencing the same thing.)
*forgive me if I'm not making sense...I'm a bit out of it today.
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
@XandarsMeteor Nope, I understand you fine =). I's actually quite funny how I'm usually the guy putting the * x). Thanks for the talk!
ForYeensSake 6 months ago
@ForYeensSake Ha ha. Anytime!
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
Chin up. Christians like to talk about preserving innocence for the young but I think that is a self-serving load of crap. The indoctrination I received into the Christian religion as a child largely robbed me of my innocence. Looking back, instead of the carefree play I see in kids unburdened by the absurd notion of a Christian god, I was deeply and profoundly stressed over my inability to experience the Christian myth. I wasn't a bad kid, but god was always dead to me. Enjoyed your story.
0gods 6 months ago
@0gods Thank you!
I completely agree. I didn't get force-fed this malarkey because it was good for ME, but it was good for my parents. I had many times in high school where I was pressured into trying out for things that led me to believe (rightly, I think) that my parents were trying to relive their lives through me. My dad didn't figure out his career until 30, so he wanted me to be involved, pick an interest, and excel so I could just walk from high school to college and into a career.
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
"You can spend your time alone, redigesting past regrets oooh... Or you can take the time to realize you're the only one who can't forgive yourself..." ~ Pearl Jam, Present Tense
lotsahooey 6 months ago
@lotsahooey True words. I'm working on forgiving myself...if for nothing else to forgive myself for letting my past rule my present life. I'm breaking free, though, so the work isn't finished but there is progress. Thank you!
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
Nice selection of images to go with your story. An enjoyable and thoughtful watch.
bonnie43uk 6 months ago
@bonnie43uk I'm glad you approve. Seriously. Maybe just the inner critic screaming at me, but I was disappointed with this one. Sometimes I either have to be vague or have to go with something that isn't what I REALLY want, but will work if I don't think too hard about it. :) Cheers!
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
warm moist places i am going to use that
finderfinder100 6 months ago
@finderfinder100 Good luck!
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
Xander, thank you very much for another chapter from your past life. I had a period like what you're talking about where it seemed like I was angry about everything and took it out on people who really didn't deserve it. I was lucky enough to realize this was stupid. This attitude still resurfaces from time to time, but I always fight it. Believe it or not, videos are a big help.
Jaybird196 6 months ago
@Jaybird196 This is only Chapter 1 of my anger...I had a few. I still wrestle with letting my anger get to me, but I'm a work in progress. :)
I'm glad the videos are helping. Seems like this series is going to hit most people even without much religion, faith, or dogma as it's just life. Nothing new maybe, but then again, what is? Thanks, Jason.
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
Analyzing my own history, I've noticed something crucial: every bad decision and wrong turn was inevitable at that given point; therefore asking the "what if" question is not only pointless, but also illogical. This can be seen a positive information: you cannot really blame yourself for the past; given the same conditions, you couldn't have done otherwise.
Veldrynvs 6 months ago
@Veldrynvs I agree and disagree. I had a friend that told me that our decisions are the best decisions we could make at the time, and while I agree to a point (due to the fact that whatever our motivations, it could be argued as the "best" choice no matter what. eg. justification) I also disagree because I have made some decisions that I knew to be wrong, but made them to "prove a point" or continue the pain (you can grow to love it). Would those decisions be considered the "best"? Jury's out.
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
@XandarsMeteor
I'm not saying that any past decision was the "best" (for the intended purpose) at that time. It was the only possible option given the external and internal conditions. One does not deliberately make bad decisions out of a whim. These can be seen as the "costs" payed for achieving some other goal.
Veldrynvs 6 months ago
@Veldrynvs I will concede that point to you. I suppose the bigger question remains: Can we actually make a decision or is there simply one possible outcome for each scenario based on emotions, calculations, and impulses over which we have no control?
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
@XandarsMeteor
I don't think there is any control, at least in the traditional sense. The best we can do is to equip ourselves with skills, knowledge and wisdom, which will improve our chances to "pick" the right options when the time comes. Even if decision-making is an automatic process, you can (and should) optimize the module.
Veldrynvs 6 months ago
@Veldrynvs I suppose this makes my point in the video for me, then. "What is the meaning and direction of MY history? Understanding and application of the lessons learned." I have to hope that we aren't as hard-wired as I believe sometimes, because I know, by studying my past (too much?), that I must learn from my past, understand why I made the decisions (in or out of control) and attempt to repair the shorts in my brain that would cause a repeat of the same scenarios.
That's what I hope.
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
@Veldrynvs This is going to be a subject for another video, I think...since it's more complex than 500 characters. :)
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
I can't say much more other than I am really looking forward to part 2.
oliethefolie 6 months ago
@oliethefolie I hope it satisfies the palate. :)
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
@XandarsMeteor I'm sure it will.
oliethefolie 6 months ago
Another good one!
h8red42 6 months ago
@h8red42 Thank you, sir!
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
hey zander dude, another great vid of course, hey if you got the skills you should consider writing a book with the chapters being these stories you tell, you could do good getting a book like that published, i say this becuse even though i didnt go through your probs with religion , i relate to alot of the other stuff here,you could really reach alot of younger people and older, so you should think about it, you are sitting on a goldmine bro!
METALLICA6547 6 months ago
@METALLICA6547 Ha ha ha. We'll see what happens as I keep moving forward, but I definitely have the book idea in the forefront of my mind on a daily basis.
This series is only going to touch on religion a bit (mostly my warped view of the world) so it will relate a lot more with a broader range of viewers than my "Growing Up" series did. Less shock value and more life experience.
Thanks, as always!
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
How insightful and courageous you are. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, I can relate to much of it, but unlike you, I don't have the courage to share. I totally get it, I really do.
ambygirl1008 6 months ago
@ambygirl1008 You are more than welcome and thank you so much! I sort of figured most people would be able to relate to this series since it's just me and the world (or me against the world from time to time). If you ever do decide to share, make sure you drop me a note. Take care. Cheers!
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
See that was over 7 minutes but I didn't get bored. =]
Maybe some people have a horrible attention span? o.0
FF7Master 6 months ago
@FF7Master I'll take a look at the Insight after a day or so and see what people are actually doing as they watch...it's a pretty good way to check and see if people are checking out early. I actually cut about 3 minutes out of this one because I realized after recording that it didn't really make sense in the context of the rest of the video. So it goes. Of course, we'll have to see how much of my rambling you can actually handle when I launch my second channel. :D
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
Beautiful and insightful...I shall pass this along to my Son, he's 25 next month, I think he'll be able to relate as he is in the midst of all that fantastic turmoil. Personally I find myself in my mid 40's and in a completely different part of the library than I knew in my youth, this is far from a lamentable situation. I still pine for love, but my selection process has become more refined and my standards much higher. I wish you good fortune on your quest my brother, peace be with :)
Lynchpinn101 6 months ago
@Lynchpinn101 I hope it helps him at least a bit. Interesting how you mention your standards and selection process changing as time moves on; I'm in the same situation now. Although I would love for it all to just fall together one day, I've been trying to be realistic and set the selection criteria at a higher level as well. I just hope I don't go too crazy and set the bar too high.
Good luck to you as well and we'll talk soon, I'm sure.
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
i suspect that part of the reason we humans repeat events in life is we are comfortable with the familiar.evidently, even if it's painful,we have a security in an expected outcome, i guess.it's not healthy but the fear of the risk of making a mistake must be a primordial instinct in us.
practicalmagic9 6 months ago
@practicalmagic9 "Familiarity breeds contempt"? Wait, that doesn't work if we cuddle up next to our pasts so often. Or does it since many, including myself, have expressed the strong negative feelings to our history?
Without getting too far ahead of myself, the part about relationships turning to shit after a year and then taking another 2 years to get out of the relationship is a recurring theme. It has to do with the impermanence of things according to one of my therapists.
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
@XandarsMeteor well,just a reflection on my part here.i mean:in some ways, my 2nd husband is very different from my 1st.but in the ways that truly matter,they are almost the same.i have wondered about this for a few years now is all.what part of me was attracted to this?it says WAY more about me than about them (and i actually have realized this since my divorce,so at least THAT wasn't a suprise when i knew the dynamic in my 2nd marriage was identical to the 1st).
practicalmagic9 6 months ago
@practicalmagic9 sorry to blab without posting details, or make this obtuse.but i tried very hard to change after my 1st marriage,but many themes repeated.they weren't even planned,or known at the outset.i guess i am not stating something as fact, merely reflecting my observations.my personal experience might mean nothing,but then it might have importance.i am not a psychologist,so i am just thinking out loud as it were.i hate drama,and i hate making mistakes repeatedly.i want real change.
practicalmagic9 6 months ago
@practicalmagic9 Like you say, it may mean nothing. But who we are happened somewhere along the way. Looking back, learning and understanding those "decisions" we made (and the ones made for us) does help. How else can we work on becoming "better" and more complete and healthy human beings if we don't at least have an idea of where we picked up the "who" in "Who am I?"
I also hate drama and I hate drunks. That has tended to weed out about 2/3 of the women I've met. lol
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
@practicalmagic9 I understand what you are saying. I did the same thing awhile ago. Went into another relationship with the mindset of "I've changed" what went wrong last time...and it didn't work. Being vague as well, it was just that I was still me, just acting like I wasn't so I could give it a shot. While I don't believe that we don't have to compromise at least a bit when in relationships, there shouldn't be an entire overhaul for it to work.
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
Thoughts of suicide and relationship issues. As usual, your videos don't fail to brighten my day.
deathtris 6 months ago
@deathtris I surely do what I can to life everyone's spirits at least a bit. :)
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
@XandarsMeteor *lift everyone's spirits
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago
That was excellent. The last song really did fit with what you were saying. :P
It's funny you speak about empathy near the beginning because I was just thinking about that yesterday...
PaleoSteno 6 months ago
@PaleoSteno Empathy has been a recurring theme recently. I've been trying to figure out how I have so much of it after all the times I tried so hard to push emotions down and away. I'm sure mom would just tell me that it's one of my gifts from God...maybe this is worth exploring more since that's not the answer.
XandarsMeteor 6 months ago