First look: Michael McIntyre 'Pen Lies' - Live at the Apollo - BBC One

[FallingDownDeep]

i got a call a couple of days ago from someone who was asking for my mother and i said that she wasn't home and was like: can you give her a message?? I'm like: yeah, sure. and she asks: do you have a pen?? which i didn't but i got up and found one and she was already talking about it even though i had said that i didn't have a pen and she starts spelling her name and stuff and i'm thinking: this is a teacher, she has got to be a teacher. she was. a colleague of my mom

[KissTheIrishGirl]

God, my friend was about to tell me a number over the phone, and I was going, throughout the entire time she was reciting the number, "No, I don't-- can you stop for a minute, I gotta-- JESUS SHUT UP I DON'T HAVE A PEN." Some frantic scrabbling later, in the most polite voice possible, "Alright, what was that number again?"

[ARavingLooony]

the pen is a lie

[Fuzion180]

i lied about the pen lmao

[scoobie2812]

Yes I Have A Pen... Woops, Sorry My Pen Ran Out Of Ink!

[FruitLooperLove]

I love this man so much

[MickyNorris91]

Easiest way to get out of it, is to pretend your non-existent pen isn't working, and you need to find another one ;)

[adi87tya]

@MickyNorris91 Yeah I do that all the time

[hell0rhiann0n]

i did this like two days ago...

[ZAmpedNZ]

Damn I laughed so hard I snorted and woke up mypartner who was asleep on the couch on the other side of the room :p

[MrMusic743]

This is an excellent joke which I think we can all relate to in some way or another!

[MrMusic743]

What happens with me is that they will say do you want to the number (and let's say I have the number already, but I don't want to feel igronant and say "Yes, I do" so I say yes. So they tell me the number and I just say "yep, yep, okay, thank you I now have the number."

Purely because I don't want to sound too inpolite by saying "Yes, I have the number."

[desi91able]

"I lied about the pen".

Cracks me up!

[slightlyinsaneFTW]

I keep a pen by the phone for this purpose... though sometimes it runs out and I have to find a new one...before they give the number

[ebaderman]

ive started a new club... im pen-14, so you take the next number. you are a

pen-15.

[SmileyFaceMan1]

Michael McIntyre is funny, but all his jokes are the same. There's only so many times you can listen to someone talking about real life situations which we can relate to.

[0inspiration0]

@SmileyFaceMan1 not to me there isn't! i laugh my arse off all the time. the public transport one, the public toilet one, the bus one, the nazi kid one... the list goes on. They are all the same in the way you said i agree, but they are also different.

[beccalicious24]

in my family when we're on the phone and we need a pen, we frantically wave our arms about and mime the word, 'pen' over and over again while the rest of our family searches down the sides of the couches for the most ellusive pen in the world.... lol

[saracrazychild]

i was in WHSmith last week and a lady was talking to a customer adviser on her mobile. He asked if she had a pen and she lied yes. He slowly gave her the head office number and repeated it. She pretended with um noises she was writing it down while really fingering the women's mags. I was fascinated and just thought of Michael McIntyre. So funny but I didn't have the guts to say to her 'hey you lied about the pen'! That is the key to his brilliance - we can all identify with these situations.

[rachelfrench1992]

I was on the phone with somebody the other day at work, and they said "Hang on whilst I get a pen." and I thought of this.

[Nour386589]

the pen is a lie!

[onceUnameIT]

to remedy the pen lie without sounding a pranny, u quite simply state; "i beg ur pardon but it appears the pen i hav to hand has run out of ink, please bear with me whilst i seek another writing implement." or sumfing like dat, to dat affect. loooool

[samtennis23]

my favourite line 'I lied about the pen...' XD

[newgeorge]

I've seen this clip before about five times but it still makes me hysterical.

[bonnie43uk]

sometimes, if i cant find a pen, i will open up a vein with a razor blade, and write using my own blood. It's very handy if you don't have a pen to hand.

[Lazerscythe]

32 people don't have a pen

[pinballrobbie]

I don't feel so alone now :-)

[TheMentalist28]

Sometimes I tell them 'hold on I'll find one' and it always takes me forever to find one so after a minute I finally go 'yes I have a pen' :/

[Mfaithwomen190989]

hahahaha the topic happens daily . so funny.

[rachel11smith]

32 people don't play the game

[implecations]

@rachel11smith either that or they never found a pen

[pinakaka01]

Pissing myself!!!

[warbuttons]

I still can't believe i'm laughing about a pen!!

[beccadavis111]

I was In the middle of baking when someone called and I had to find a pen to write down his other number. Of course I said I had a pen when I didn't! So in the end I ended up throwing flour on the table and writing the number in it! LOL

[Cloeb9oo]

ive seen this soo many times and it always makes me lmao :D

[sassinebernadette]

this comedian Michael McIntyre is amazing he made us laugh about a pen!!!!! xD

[RespectThePod]

*ring ring*, "hello herboligists on Rose Street speaking" "I'd like to talk to Dr Marshall, is he there?" "no i'm sorry he's not but i could give you his office number instead, would that be alright?" "ehh yes" "have you got a pen and paper" "uh hu........... :/" "ok the number is..." *franticlly running around trying to find a pen, but only finding countless ones with out any ink* "did you get that" "yep..." "ok we'll let Dr Marshall know to be expecting your call" "great..." LMAO!

[FlameHue]

This guy is a genius. I nearly pissed my pants.

[florencelovme]

Im crying!!! oh shit, Im not watching another clip of him! My face is red and my stomach is aching! The LOLs!

[Str4t0sPh3rE]

Thanks to him, I will always grin on the phone whenever this situation occurs be it if I am the one needing the pen or the one asking the other if they've got the pen. XD

[TheLittleHelperX]

Four words your all thinking

'Love him he's hilarious'

[kodakalex]

@TheLittleHelperX

This is like the fifa commentary "two words- can't defend"

"that's three words"

"ahhh alright" *chuckles*

[Wickerrman]

@TheLittleHelperX no the four words are 'the word is you're'

[slightlyinsaneFTW]

@Wickerrman :D So I'm not the only grammar geek watching this...

[1990Adamd]

@TheLittleHelperX My all is not thinking that...

[MsGogo68]

this was so funny i not jokeing i pieed my pants i had to change them

[Fujiwara91]

Whahahaha that guy is genius! :p

[AppleJuice009]

hahahahahah, awesome

[xRenegadeofDarknessx]

a friend of mine rung me on my mobile and asked for my home number, so i said 'do you have a pen?' so he cud take down the number and he said 'yeah'. so i said 'r u sure?' and he was sure he had a pen. so i started to say my number and halfway through saying it he said 'stop, i lied. i dont have a pen.' :)

[FcK2420]

worst part is that its true.

[kimiwhoowhoos]

I remember the many lies I've told about having a pen!

[zanscape]

Loool

[sackboy8me]

however claims this has never happened to them is a LIAR

[ilovechaddylan]

this is hilarious

[corkaviation]

He's so FUNNY

[xArrabell1x]

I was taking a phone call and they asked me if I had a pen to take down the number. I said yes but then couldn't find one. I reluctantly said 'Sorry, I need to find a pen.' The person then started to laugh. That was the last time I admitted to not having a pen...

[Namatok]

@xArrabell1x I say "yes I've got a pen" and when I can't find a pen I tell them that my pen has stopped working and need to find another one

[messymare96]

I lied about the pen....

[kialn]

watch top gear interview with him it cracks you up XD

[nekontears]

@kialn i love that interview. how does he move his head so fast? lol!

[kialn]

@nekontears i know right thats whati was thinking i tried doing it and i had a headache LOL XD

[trolololo95]

28 people clearly didn't have a pen...

[CROMERCRABO1]

@randomface54 you are lying or you are unbalanced in a nice but still dangerous way. Also if you carved RANDOM numbers instead of the numbers you were given that is a really hard core commitment to dumb

[randomface54]

@CROMERCRABO1 Ok, I lied about the scratching into the hand thing, story got out of hand. The rest was true though.

[Smithpolly]

@randomface54 I wouldn't tell any prospective employers or soul mates that story.

[sha6ar6oon]

@randomface54 LMAO what a story

[florencelovme]

@randomface54 This has happened to me too! I ended up using a hairpin to scratch it "somewhere" and as I couldnt find anything that resembles a paper, I decided to scratch it on the wall of the phonebox, only to realize after hanging up the phone, that I couldnt take the wall with me - I finally managed to memorize the number lol!

[MultiJuji]

Bhurrrrrrrrrr.............. bakwaas..

[xXxrachhunnixXx]

Lol I've admitted to lying about the pen :L

[PuppyLove387]

Funny!!! :P

[Lackmintdayeb]

i luv it when i'm watching either michael mcintyre or peter kay and i'm thinking 'i do that' :)

[reflex1reflex1]

Love love love Michael Mcintyre!!!

[TheCoolio147]

I HAD a pen....I can see the pen in my MIND

LOL funniest thing ever :') x

[albertbeccu]

Aha! It's a tweek on the seinfeld routine. :) Very nice. (Check out the intro stand up on the episode called "The Pen")

[Posionprincess04]

I thought this only happens in my house.. :'D

[ElectriicHeartss]

I lied about the pen.

[mschocolate1231]

i tought i was the only one who did that! :D

[Kathryn485656]

I am acturally crying with laughter he is hilarious.

[bernvall]

who can dislike this video!?

[missemilyjd]

iliedaboutthepen.

[loveiswar1030]

you still frisk yourself  hahah i HAD a pen!!

[dwflank]

thats me watched most of his youtube clips now and every single one is fucking hilarious the guys a legend lol

[TheIpodfreak1385]

When my mom needs a pen she just asks me to get one

[Dracilla112]

I've done the no-pen on the phone thing xD then i'm like: "HOLD ON !!" xD

[TheMariola14]

It's worse when you do find a pen and it's out of ink! You still try and scratch the number down..lol

[MsGogo68]

@TheMariola14 this is so funny the show that the pen thing made me piee and i am not jokeing it did

[hiddenbutdeadly]

@TheMariola14

yup that happens and you press down HARD to make sure you can see the "number" on the paper

[SolarianAngel]

:D That happened to me. I should have said I didn't have a pen, but it just happened!

[Roflpocalypse]

I HAD A PEN!

[joejrh]

tap 2 over again it looks like his hair is sneezing :D

[amyjuer123]

1:00

I lied about the pen XD

[missleeleemerrygold]

1 then 8 over and over sounds like he saying weewee

[VersaEmergeAreEpic]

LMAO thats so true ;P

[Beckyisbest]

Lol at the top comment ''i like sprouts, you may not. Who cares?'' Haha XD

[Riiiiiich555]

0:06

no more needs to be said

[IAmTheMohawkWarrior]

27 people lied about having a pen? xD

[spiritfired]

LOL I didn't know SO MUCH LAUGHS can come out from a single pen!!! XD

[angelkat23]

i love lee evans and michael mcintyre equally for their comedy! everyone shush about who is better and just enjoy the comedy!

[misskoolgirl619]

THANK U NOW PEOPLE UNDERSTAND WHY I SAY YES EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I DONT HAVE 1!(that wasNT sarcasm btw)

[XxKrisShadowxX]

sooooooooooooo true! :)

[DaniTwist1]

The Pen/Number Thing? Yeahh Its Worse When Their Like:

"Okay, Have You Got That?"

"Yeahh..."

"Okay, Well Could You Repeat It For Me Please?"

"...."

:)

[1Thompsonmusic]

I managed to get out of that habbit of saying yes I have a pen (on the phone) and then looking for one. It's just self control. This guy is hilarious. A breath of fresh air from that monotonous James Lanford.

[falakalak]

Alright......I lied about the pen. :|

[KrytenMark]

"I CAN SEE THE PEN IN MY MIND!!!" X''D Absolute legend of a gentleman!

[PSBMWHPRODUCTIONS]

haha click on 1911 :D

[LahDeDahDe]

High-Lar-ious! And coming from a country where we are starved of comedy (we are literally on a laugh-diet here) Michael McIntyre is piss--my-pants funny.

[mistytinker13]

@LahDeDahDe What country is that? :)

[wowza191]

I respect peoples opinions but I dont think Lee Evans 'relies' on swearing. He is very nervous when he preforms and it probably just slips out. :)

[adi87tya]

This is so true! It happens to me so much....

[shcnoozlebop]

i lied about the pen. xD

[JOSHUAWYNN07]

26 People Lost Their Pen

[TheStripeyStudios]

Absolute quality. I think swearing is sometimes necessary in comedy depending how it's used. For instance when Lee Evans swears which is a lot he is hilarious as he isn't vile about it and it's usually mocking Britains. Some comedians dont swear and it suits them. When Michael swears occasionally - it gives him that edge. We can relate to him even more as we all feel the need to swear sometimes when we r making a point :) love for mr m

[TheStripeyStudios]

Great stuff

[100spiss]

Seinfeld did the same joke in the 90s

[mingkitty]

it's funny because it's true xD

[jlspma]

A good excuse is.....'My pen ran out halfway, sorry could you repeat that?' LIFESAVER EXCUSE

[courage11235]

Michael is the only comedian I can think of who doesnt have to rely on crudeness and swearing to be funny - he just makes things that everyone does in day to day life and makes it funny.

[jlspma]

@courage11235 Russell Peters also comes to mind, unless you consider his jokes crude...=)

[tellul8r]

@jlspma

Russell Peters does swear! He's still funny though :D

[jlspma]

@tellul8r Have you seen his video on 'the gym'. He does say 'f'cking' in order to gain some laughter.

'Time to put put your fucking pants on!' Watch the whole thing.

[tellul8r]

@jlspma

Sorry whose that? Peter Kay?

[jlspma]

@tellul8r No, Michael McIntyre

[tellul8r]

@jlspma

Yeah Mcintyre does swear from time to time. I don't think Kay does.

[tellul8r]

@courage11235

Peter Kay doesn't swear either and he is funny as hell!

[Razagul319]

how could u lie bout the pen??? HOW COULD YOU!!

[iamboredify]

What phone numbers start 02?

[ummsalma1]

@iamboredify London numbers.... 

[EmilyistheName]

Micheal Mcintyre should star in his own film ! Everyone would watch it and just laugh so hard !!

[iamHM93]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! best comedian ever

[newgeorge]

its so truuuue!!

[caesiume]

chris rock is better

[Jazziieh3]

haha that's hilarious . " you wanna help them aswell," "well i had a pen" haha.

[SkateboardIssie]

"..I lied about the pen!"

[Zugrim]

That... Mutache... at... 0:20... WHAAAAAT!

[DevilReadsVogue]

He is just sooo funny!

[gyped]

not a HUGE mcintyre fan, but this bit is top fricken notch. bahahaaa!

[MUS1M]

classic



[kokosmize]

SO true, I can't even count the number of times that I've done that ^.^

Nice one Mr. McIntyre :-)

[chocomocha]

its so much funnier because its true...

[BootySophie]

I love the face he pulls when he says 'I lied about the pen' :P

[gifthorsecard]

Amazing

[TantalizingTrance]

24 people have been stabbed with a pen!

[papertowelzful]

I lied about the pen... :p

[ZexionRocks]

It's possible for more than one comic genius to exist you know. If there could only be one, Billy Connolly would be that one comedian though.

[josiejosieful]

I wish everyone would stop arguing about which comedian is better. It's up to personal opinion. They all are obviously funny otherwise they wouldn't have a successful career, but whether or not YOU like them is up to YOU.

I like sprouts, you may not. Who cares?

[robynprobert94]

@josiejosieful i think you might have got more likes if you hadnt mentioned that you like sprouts :/

[UncleBards2]

@josiejosieful Michael McIntyre is the best. Sprouts are devil veg. That is all.

[pirates09rock]

@josiejosieful I just like the last coomment! "I like sprouts, you may not" :)

and the rest is right as well !

[catfacetheoriginal]

@josiejosieful om nom nom sprouts :)

[987bobman987]

@josiejosieful micheal mcintyre is still the best though

[caroegc]

@mecagoenlalaeche98 You're obviously not a genius either because "genius" is spelled with a "u" not an "o". Plus Russell Howard is a genius.

[XEmzX22]

If you could get T-shirts with a comedian on them, mine would have McIntyre's face on it !! :D

[TheBoredomOtaku]

@XEmzX22 "when I smile do I look like a fat chinese man?" lol he is amazing, I'd like to have his face on a t-shirt too :D

[XEmzX22]

@TheBoredomOtaku Ahaa I'm not the only one lol, I actually love this guy ! He is amazong !! :D

[chocolateismylife218]

he is THE funniest comedian :D

[caroegc]

@highestsettings you obviously live in a hole because Russell Howard is hilarious!

[mizdestiny1]

"Lets Play The Play Game "

[mizdestiny1]

"I see The Pen In My Mind"

[shanefilanX3]

amazing.

[25ice85]

Facts of life

[winterfrost486]

"i lied about the pen" XD

[Blaccat8]

F***ing genious xDD Like Russell Howard

[highestsettings]

@Blaccat8 Except Russell Howard isn't funny.

[mecagoenlaleche98]

@Blaccat8 listen, russel howard is not a genious. michael mcintyre is. russel howard cannot be funny without being slightly childish and swearing to a very high extent. michael mcintyre does not have to do that because he is a very natural comic. although having said all that russel howard is not too bad, but him nor any comedian will ever be more of a natural, CLEAN (notice my emphises) or hilarioius comedian. but, then again, thats just my sincere opinionxxx

[EvolverArtist]

'i lied about the pen' ..I've replayed that like 50 times lol

[caroegc]

23 people don't have a pen

[mcard1d]

This guy is brilliant. A true credit to the profession of comedy!

[alisonisms]

hands down, funniest guy EVER.

[Malaroseable]

I've done this, and on more then one occasion, they've asked me to read the number back at them, to make sure I got it right O_o ... Has this every happened to anyone else? :L <3

[FallingAngelxx]

My friend does stupid stuff like that sometimes, the other day I was waiting for her with someone else and we called to see where she was so we knew how long she'd be and she was like 'oh, I'm at the round about' and we kept saying what round about and she kept going on about random stuff until she finally went, 'there was no round about, I lied.' haha, It was the weirdest, randomest moment of my life :L

[50ztej]

tooo funny, im in tears, his face at the end loool

[shababsta]

LMAO hilarious !! best comedian ever haha!

[oOoroshoOo]

haha!!!

weve all played that game!

you all know it XD