Doug Stanhope - Jesus Never Made You Laugh

[fuffy5281]

Actually, The Bible is full of humor. You just have to know how to read it. It's all dated humor and we just don't get it.

[RaizeMusic]

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God."

Enjoy your comfort, it will not last. God does not cease to exist because men refuse to acknowledge Him, while choosing to live in willful ignorance (yet claiming to understand). This is nothing but truth haters coming to spend their time reaffirming their truth hating while listening to another truth hater.

[RamsesTheGreater]

@RaizeMusic Cool story bro... Trololololololololol

[dkthg]

@RamsesTheGreater LOL! Too right mate!

[vmlenigma]

Awesome Dude

[DaToNyOyO]

Is it a sin to kick-fuck someone? I recall that being mentioned in the bible and, strictly speaking, it's not sex.

[bleachrules103]

I've only watched two of this man's videos and I'm already in love with him.

[123BenThere]

You can skip this ad in 5...4...3...2...skip

[ReistLaxCoach]

"I hit myself in the foot for your mortgage…"

Doug is completely priceless….

[ieodksnw787]

what a funny guy!

too bad he's going to hell

[ReistLaxCoach]

@ieodksnw787 … but, hell doesn't exist! That's the beauty of it!

[ieodksnw787]

@ReistLaxCoach

where's your proof?

[EdinSumar]

@ieodksnw787 Where is yours?

There is no hell or heaven until you can proove either.

[Zerenko]

@ieodksnw787 hell doesn't exist anymore than the tooth fairy exists

[ieodksnw787]

@Zerenko

still holding a grudge after mommy and daddy were too cheap to put some change under your pillow?

[soccerlover10012]

@ieodksnw787 There's this special place deep in the depths of space where all the bronies gather one every eon to poop out ice cream and beer and have a party with the FSM with topless strippers and mountains of cocaine.........prove me wrong beyond all reasonable doubt or my statement is 100% true.

[MrInterviewU]

What show is this from? anyone:L

[geordietoddy]

@MrInterviewU No Refunds

[OUWATZAHLE08]

fuck this guy alcohol drinking bigg mouth fuck !

[3rdeyedude]

you r shithead but I can make you feel like you are not the only shithead. lmao

[ReistLaxCoach]

@3rdeyedude … the real beauty is after this… "big blistering chunk of Jew hating coming right your way right now … I'll do more Scientology bashing once I have a stronger legal team … so f**k the Jews. Just for being a religion at all, you are as complicit as the rest in the retardation of human intellectual progress… and f**k you too".

Beautiful. … and, I was raised that way, but did finally wake up quite a while ago… Doug rulz...

[MrHeckler11]

Kick fucked a girl classic lmfao

[iLitka]

There was a mormon advertisement before this video. Stanhope would be f**king pissed

[YourAverageJoey]

"Get that plank outta your eye before picking at the needle in mine"

Jesus DID make me laugh with that quote.

[TheDGrayson]

"Was she INTO it?" Can't stop laughing...

[Williamsfan]

Your sins make you interesting, the sins you overcome make you great.

[Laylow4now]

@Williamsfan ....so when a robber walks into a store and shoots the clerk, who is a single mother raising a 5 year old, that sin makes the robber "interesting" ?

[Williamsfan]

@Laylow4now

Mm. Very VERY interesting.

By all accounts, the very definition of the word.

[Laylow4now]

@Williamsfan ... would it be that interesting if it was your own mother, bleeding to death behind a cash register so that the crook in a ski mask could have $250 so he could go buy crack and stay high for the next two days?

You would call that interesting? I would call it tragic.

[utube2344]

wtf kevin connoly at 1:41?

[rulerwithcounsel]

A disgrace, and totally unjustified attack. So this Stanhope is an example of a righteous man?

[ITR862]

@rulerwithcounsel Righteous: acting in accord with divine or moral law : free from guilt or sin

I'm sure he's free from guilt but not from sin (nobody is) and since he doesn't believe in God he can't be acting in accord with divine law because there is no "divine" law. As long as he doesn't hurt anybody with his opinions or actions than he is acting in accord with what I call "human law".

[rulerwithcounsel]

@ITR862 Fair point. I think hes a great comedian, but I didnt like this one, thats all. Cheers

[MomoTheBellyDancer]

@ITR862

"I'm sure he's free from guilt but not from sin (nobody is)"

Everybody is free from sin. Sin is merely a religious construct with no relationship to reality.

[darkmiles22]

@rulerwithcounsel He is a righteous dude. Is that close enough?

P.S. A slave for Jesus with a name like rulerwithcounsel - I feel like I should call you a "fuckin fascist" just to make the dude reference complete, but fuck it man.

[rulerwithcounsel]

@darkmiles22 Thats the best you got?

[enlitenment]

@rulerwithcounsel lol... religious people are fucken stoopid. flat out. - sin is made up to scare children and mentally challenged adults into thinking they'll be punished if they arnt well behaved. a book that starts with a talking snake and ends with a 5 headed monster - non-fiction. not sure where to begin with these people, lost causes.

[MomoTheBellyDancer]

@rulerwithcounsel

"So this Stanhope is an example of a righteous man?"

Far more righteous than that petulant prick of a Jesus.

[Arkile]

LOL @ STANHOPE.. always good shit!

[NeverMind9132]

I applied for a job and excelled at the interview, but they told me I wasn't allowed to swear during work hours. I was so happy when some other unlucky qualified cunt got the job instead of me.

[jimbobthealmighty]

@NeverMind9132 Pediatrics is a fuckin' minefield..

[Hirnlego999]

If you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing. Make it worth it folks.

[nerdyharry]

which came first, bender from futurama, or this guy?

[iandeansilk]

Genius.

[jjtheslayer69]

kick fuck..serable pualsie.... tell me more

[GahdeMalprigi1488x]

wwwdotExposingChristianitydotc­om

[mikeisapro]

@GahdeMalprigi1488x evil bible dot com is another good one ;)

[Reillyriley91]

"Was she into it?!? Oh my God!"

[enigmism4life]

this entire set, no refunds, is the closest someone can come to a perfect stand-up show, totally amazing.

[geetarwanabe]

Does the guy at 0.00 say " i'll stab you all"

[eyehategumbo]

@geetarwanabe he says "Doug Stanhope"

[jdivision91]

<3 this shit!

[CannabisConnoiseurs]

Doug Stanhope Comedy legend and realist!!!

[MatthewJoelSforcina]

Puritan of love. Doug is a puritan.

[mischiefpwns]

Jesus died for your sins. If you dont sin then Jesus died for nothing. Therefore, sin as much as possible,

[MUFC127]

I'm not a christian, but this guy is seriously lacking in jokes.

[Tw1St3DSt33L]

@MUFC127 crowd must be laughing at something else. strangely it synced up with my laughter. Must be God doing whatever, that explanation works for all but smart people

[TheOtium]

@MUFC127

What the hell do you expect? Knock knock jokes? It's stand up.

[brandnutopian]

@MUFC127 The fact that you can't find the humor in the comic gold that is Doug Stanhope highlights the terrified, naive schmuck that is you. As boring as you are, you might as well be a Christian.

[Orthodoxcrusader]

@MUFC127

Either that, or you seriously lack sense of humor...

You should really reconsider the second possibility...

[streatcarp]

@MUFC127 AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHAA­HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

[StefanKulic]

Doug, go Hell! We are already there :D

[memorysticky]

Die for our sins? We weren't even born yet!

[liquidhead]

i love Doug more than Jesus.

[CertifiedGooner729]

Hey , Asshole, get down off that Cross! We might need the lumber!

[UncagedCardinal]

"Jesus died for your sins? well how does one affect the other? (is it like)

'I hit myself in the foot with a shovel for your mortgage' I dont understand that"

Brilliantly funny

[phreak1983]

Jesus did make me laugh when he got nailed to a cross!

[icfnord]

no refunds is officially the funniest shit in the history of the world

[pacbizkit]

im gonna go kill sum1 now after i slap my mum coz shes my girlfriend n bin prayin 2 my holy plastasine donkey i made instead of me when she found owt i was fukin jesus christ. il hav 2 steal a crowbar tho 2 kill people, coz i want that to be my M.O after i saw the guy next door do it n it looked so cool. i'll have 2 do it sumtym between monday n saterday, bcoz im in court on sunday testifyin that it was my neighbor who killed those ppl that im gna bury under jerusalem

[benniquaid]

hahhahaha I wanna kickfuck a girl

[johnny420hst]

@etocadet are you really comparing Stanhope to The Simpson's? you're retarded. hmmmm...now will that be followed by a giggle?

[TheReaperx54]

Hey we rebeled against u english cunts for the same reason being we didn't want to be bored out of our tit. This guys comedy is by no doubt the pinnacle of comedy. And I guarentee it by the point tht he won't censor anything at his shows. Trust me guys this is still censored, just not jay leno censored. Btw get a decent iconic queen better yet kick fuck her and get a normal looking person who hasent been around since the day america declared indepence.

[etocadet]

american audiences really piss me off when someone says something "look im being rebelious fuck the system" and people cheer as if he single handled took down nazi germany yes its funny but ffs save the applauding for the good jokes in england we have 3 funnies

1. a simple giggle

2 laughter

3laughter followed by an applaud

if everyone giggles trust me he'll here it and that is the sign of true comedy if u can keep the audiences giggling continuosly like the simpsons movie did

[Bananadine]

@etocadet the Simpsons movie sucked

[alicePlagueDoctor]

@Bananadine agreed

but i get etocadets point

[guzsaj]

@etocadet I find it sort of pathetic too, but it's not really stanhope's fault. It's like they dont have the balls to say stuff like that but applaud hysterically to let everyone know how much they'd like to be that way. Eww. And the independence war wasn't about anything but the big money, reaper... (comment above) and the ideology is supposed to make you feel like its your own case :) dont be such a tool :)

[aliceparker100]

@etocadet Yes I know it is a year later. We are absolutely starved for comedy over here. Be gentle.

[BlondieCobain]

"kickfuck"? oh my

[TurpisHaereticus]

Yeah, I like "Slapstick Jesus-on-a-stick" saying:

"I cant' believe I died for these stories....these stories are FASCINATING!"

[SeethingGreen]

@TurpisHaereticus Thanks for posting, Brother. This was fucking funny.

[ThePothead42024]

@BlondieCobain "KICKfucked"

[bodeezy]

"I'm pourin more funny down my head, pipe down!"

Doug brings up scapegoating....jesus would have just been a scapegoat...christians don't get that part at all.

[flankspeed]

"I hit myself in the foot with a shovel for your mortgage!" Hehehe!!