I just found out my dad is not my biological father

[patarbab]

Congratulations!

[jasminelambert12]

Thank you for this video. I am 24, And discovered today that my dad is not my Bio father. I have mixed feelings and really am feeling neutral about it. When I saw your video, I felt complete ease knowing that someone is feeling the exact same feelings about the situation. My identity too stays the same, I just have a new story to tell. I now have so many questions... And don't know where to start. What happened next on this journey of yours? Thank you VERY much for this video- smiles :)

[heyjeni]

btw... loved your line when you said... just need people to be astonished with... that's exactly how I felt! I found out Octobe 1st, 2010 - one year ago. I've since found out about my bioF and that it wasn't good news- which was acutally somewhat satisfying because I was fearful of the desire of a relationship on that end... and am now o.k. with not pursuing it any further. My Dad - was o.k. with the search and we're closer than ever- I believe-because of all of this. I hope you are too!~

[heyjeni]

Hi Travis,

I too found out later in life - though a little later than you I believe...47. I found out a year ago - through some family turmoil - not so nice. Anyway, as you, I'm also a Christian and as for my Father/Dad... nothin could ever change that!!! My mother had me out of wedlock and met my father afterward.. so that was a little wierd...not a sperm donor (as I would refer to the 'bioF', but an actual relationship'. Anyway - just curious how you're doing now... I've resolved - you?

[MEGAawsomeCOOLguy]

I just found out my dad want my real dad yesterday and I'm 15 but I feel the same as you I've been treated as a son by my dad

[JacksonTheAnimal]

... i just found out my moms going to jail for nine months and i havent seen my dad my whole life

[charliemearie]

thank you soo much for this i just found out too .... i think i always really knew and i feel the same as you astonished just shocked . You really helped me because i think i freaked out and thought i lost my entire identity when really i am still the same person even though in effect i am entirely different . I also thought omg could i get cancer or diabetes or heart disease ?? those are my biggest worries but another thing i worry about is that when my brother finds out he might not love us .

[jakstamike13]

hi, i know exactly where you are coming from!! i found out a year ago at the age of 30.....i would like to know how you are getting along? lots of love. lisa.

[crazyhorsebitchhole]

Is it fun to be a donnor baby?

[CaneFu]

I have some personal experience with this and blood relations don't mean a damn thing. The one who raised you IS INDEED YOUR REAL FATHER. Medical records of the donor are worthless because they don't mean you would develop the same disease even if the donor has a history - in the end we all wear out and die regardless of treatment anyway. This is no more serous than finding out you had a great, great grandfather who was Norwegian so brush this off and move on as it is NOTHING.

[sean007r]

Join the club... I found out when I was 32!

I only want to know for medical history reasons too

However, of the two possible "donors" one is dead and the other is back in Ireland

[sean007r]

Join the club... I found out when I was 32!

[hellothereyoungsir]

this just happened to me today i honestly dont know what to do...

[DILLONATORFX]

you say you have no desire to meet your biological father but you still want to get a family medical history from your true genetic line.. i dont see you being able to get one without opening pandoras box on the other.. brace yourself brother.

[alkwb4]

I just found out last week that my dad isn't my biological father. I am 28. My situation is a bit different my bio-father has always been in my life, and he and my mother have been having a 32 year affair. I am married and have a daughter as well. But I am completely shaken. I found this video, after searching all day how to "deal with this information". Thank you for sharing your story. I hope I come to as much peace with it as you have.

[kmwyman]

Same thing happended to me. Like you, I was looking for others to be astonished with so it's been great to see this video and related posts. Anyone still dealing with this?

[cinqmars]

You're married ? Oh ! Nooo... Lol (you're cute !)

[Baraquiel62]

I'm your father lol just kidding XD

[listerone]

OK...so apart from wanting to know about your "biodad" because of genetics issues there's no huge problem.You say the man you call your dad is a good man and was good to you.Consider yourself lucky....many people grow up with no dad or a scumbag dad.

[catimaeus]

@listerone Hehe... I call mine "bio-dad" as well!

[karn33333]

your real family is the family that sticks by you no matter what. I can't blame you for being curious though i would be as well. my dad is black and I am not, so for me its obvious he isn't my biological dad.

[southernwolf93]

No diffrent than being adopted , count you're blessing's you have a dad who loves you, when many don't have that.

[redsbr]

Since this started in the 1980s, you are among a generation of "designer babies", not created out of passion between your parents, but out of an intellectual decision made by them looking a catalogue. What atonishes me is the power humans have now, to change even the nature of ourselves. There can be no room for shortsightedness, no room for a lack of wisdom in this new endeavor... but what do you think will happen? Parents will be shortsighted, unwise, and competitive. I would be enraged.

[amaka38]

you are right im going to leave my bio dad alone too i don't really care anymore

[FrisbeeG]

"people to be astonished with". Yes - that makes sense.

[SteelSkullX]

You can handle it man.

[upcycle]

Thanks for sharing the info. Check out documentary "Bio Dad". It came out a couple years ago.

[BeatNeko3]

hmm I wish for me it be like that, but it far more complicated, I have know clue who my father is, The only father liek figure i've had is my grandad, and it just gets more complicated from there, but i've always stayed strong, and i'm glad your strong to :)

[TheReaperx54]

I'm 14 at the moment. My grandpa was trying to tell me something about my father tht I did not know about since his our last names are different. However he was cut off by my mother since he was a bit drunk, now i'm dieing to know the truth. All these stories are ashorishing but, I believe mines may be different.

[SimmsLive]

Hi The ScholarBookWorm or (anybody else). My mother has just found out that her father was actually her stepfather and her godfather was in fact her father, she was a product of an affair. All three involved including her mom (my nan) have passed away. Have you got any ideas on how she could cope with this ? x

[kimthepianist]

I was born via AI by an anonymous donor, but my parents told me when I was in middle school (I'm 28 now.); I'd be kinda upset had I found out any later than that. I am really unlike my family as a whole and would love to meet my donor father so that I know if that is why I'm so different or if it's just coincidence. I would never want my parents to know unless they really needed to, though. Good luck with everything!

[minbo05]

knowing what you do and affecting the way that if has or it has not, would you be a donnor? would you go to a fertility clinic if need it?

[TheScholarBookWorm]

@minbo05 Yes, if it were necessary my wife and I would go to a fertility clinic.

[jilliandianne]

My biological father was a sperm donor as well. But I feel very different from you. I would do anything to meet my father. I think about him all the time and wonder if I have half siblings or what he is like. I worry I do do find him he will not want to know me. I never had a father figure in my life and I feel like it's half of me I don't know. I think your dad wouldn't mind you finding your biological father if its's something you would really like to pursue. Hope I helped. Good luck!

[TheScholarBookWorm]

@jilliandianne I don't pretend to know how you feel, not having a father figure in your life, though you can be sure that you have my sympathy. If it's any comfort to you, God is called the "father to the fatherless" (Psalm 68:5). I wonder if those who do find their biological fathers are disappointed, not knowing that they were really searching for Him. Pax et solacium Christi tecum.

[theapol1]

it's not a big deal, ur dad raised u as ur dad. who cares who is your biological father, its just some guy who donated his sperm.. that doesnt make him ur dad at all.. its just a guy who donated sperm..

[TheScholarBookWorm]

@theapol1 Indeed.

[HOLLYYY01]

Everything you've just said is exactly what's been on in my mind. I found out I was a sperm donor baby nearly two years ago when I was 16. It doesn't change the fact that the man I live with has been there for me, took care of me and loved me, therefore, is my dad. but there is still that part inside me that is just curious to see the donor, what he looks like, what genes I got from him and medical history. But again, very difficult to find him. Thank you so much for posting. It's help me alot.

[TheScholarBookWorm]

@HOLLYYY01 You're welcome. Perhaps you'd be interested in my latest blog post: "Two Years Later: Revisiting the Discovery of My Donor Conception" (see video description for URL).

[lawbabe1969]

Thank you so much for posting! You are a wonderful, well-spoken young man. My husband and I are seriously considering the option of a sperm donor, as he is unable to father children. However, we are both concerned about how our daughter or son will feel about our choice later in life. Your story was very comforting, and has helped us realize that using a donor is the right thing for us to. I hope donors know that what they are giving is such a wonderful gift! Good luck to you!

[TheScholarBookWorm]

@lawbabe1969 Glad to have helped. You may also be interested in my latest blog post on this subject: "Two Years Later: Revisiting the Discovery of My Donor Conception" (see video description for URL).

[mmcinnis2006]

Hope you're dealing! I found out my dad wasn't my dad when I was thirteen - not because of a sperm donor, but an affair. It really rocked me - and still does.  Both men were in my life the whole time. Just makes for a confusing Father's Day - and life. Onward, Philosopher King!! I'm astonished with/for you! xo

[TheScholarBookWorm]

@mmcinnis2006 I'm dealing great. Thanks for your well-wishes. Check out my latest blog post on this subject: "Two Years Later: Revisiting the Discovery of My Donor Conception" (see video description for URL).

[Kalgirl]

This happened to me last night. I feel pretty much the same as you, but I'm definitely confused as all hell. And curious. Did you find that people kept saying "Your Dad, is still your Dad! You shouldn't think about it too much." That's annoying me... because of course he is! That's not the point. I think your statement "It changes nothing, and everything" just about hits the nail on the head.

[TheScholarBookWorm]

@Kalgirl Sorry for the late reply. Yes, a few people said that to me, but not enough to annoy me. Sorry you had a bad experience. I hope you're doing well now. Check out my latest blog post on this subject: "Two Years Later: Revisiting the Discovery of My Donor Conception" (see video description for URL).

[SashaDarkCloud]

@Kalgirl Not to be disrecpectful, since I never met my own biological father and essentially never had a dad in my life. But I always see it this way:

Any man can give a woman sperm, and any woman can try to get pregnant and spat out a child, but it takes many years of love, care, etc to be a parent. The biological stuff is just that, biology. It doesn't matter whose sperm you came from, that just helped you come into being. The way your personality is is not only by the DNA but by yoursurround

[ANGELBLU2042]

I am one of those who my father told me he was not my biological father. He'd caught my mother with a farm hand. No I understand why she and my brothers gang beat me and emotionally abused me throughout my life. I was nothing but an eyesore to her and she will go to her grave never apologizing for the pain and destruction they caused to my sense of worth.

[RainShadow2005]

Wow, that is very difficult and I understand why you would have ill feelings toward them. One thing I can't stand is child abuse. Hopefully, you are making a life for yourself, now, away from all that negativity.

[TheScholarBookWorm]

@ANGELBLU2042 Wow, that's awful. Perhaps this Psalm will comfort you: "But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless" (Psalms 10:14).

[kitkatdud]

I am behind the crowd in responding here..just did a search on the subject and came upon this. Hopefully a year and a half later your still doing well with the news. Curious why your parents waited so long to tell you..but very courageous of them. I am the mom of a donor concieved daughter..now 12. She has known from an early age. Her curiousity wax's and wanes but I try and respect and follow her lead. If you have not already found it I suggest you check out the donor sibling registry.

[oldbag699]

neither is mine his blood group doesnt match the laws of genetics means he isnt my father

[wollep1]

Well I reckon you will be ok. Just thank God for the father you have, and also that they got themselves a donor--else you wouldnt be here!! At least also you were planned--not like half the rest of the population!

[jonathancuitzillo]

omg if that happen to me i probable i go crazy

[platthun]

thats intresting......... ha

[jolieestmaigre]

this just happened to me last week =/

[piplupisapenguin]

I found out when I was 12. I'm 16 now. It came as a big shock.

[momisspunky]

Thank you for sharing your story. I've done a lot of research on donors and the current belief is to tell children the truth about their birth story from the beginning of their lives. This way there are no secrets, no shady undertones and no questions.

The beliefs may of been different when you were born. Also, the current belief is to no longer call family "step". Your brother is your brother, your father is your father. This goes for divorced and blended families also.

[ralphandsigfried]

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[alex3914]

lol!!!!!!!!

[lalaman288]

nigga dicks

[JamesG5223]

My parents told me when I was 16 that I was the product of a one-night-stand three months before my mother and father were married. I know the "donor's" name, and I spoke to him on the phone three times when I was 35. He's so not interested in knowing me, and I had a great father growing up. It is sort of a strange thing, this finding out that you are not biologically connected with a parent, but in the long run, it matters little. You are loved, that's what counts.

[TheScholarBookWorm]

Honestly, the first week was pretty rough for me (my wife will tell you the first month). After that, I didn't give it a second thought. My life has not changed at all, or if it has, imperceptibly and only for the better. I love my dad. I'm sure that growing up in a loving, functional family (a rare thing these days) had much to do with how well I took the blow.

May God bless your family as He has blessed mine.

[Eric11714]

I wanted to ask what your thoughts are now almost 11 months after learning you are donor conceived. I am a social non - bio dad like your dad and my kids are young but aware of their conception story. I write a blog as a DI Dad and am curious to learn how you have processed your story these last 11 months if I may impose to ask my question. Thank you, Eric

[hipolitstonis]

oops, I meant TheScholarBookworm...

[seggy9]

(this is continuing from my unfinished reply) self-awareness and understanding of the world around me allows the discovery to be surprising, yet have little to no affect on how I understand myself and others.

[hipolitstonis]

TheSchoolBookWorm- Please tell me if you wish you had been told since before you could remember. I am a woman who is pregnant with a donor conceived child. A therapist told us that we should tell baby from the getgo... that when she first starts asking about how we had her (3or4), to tell her something like..."mommy's eggs worked ok but daddy had seeds that didn't work right and a very nice person gave us some of his seeds so that mommy and daddy could have you" Start there- what do you think?

[TheScholarBookWorm]

If there is a universal answer to this question, I don't know it. Whether you should tell your child at 4, 14, or 40, I don't know (maybe not 14). I'd leave that up to you and your husband's best judgment, prayer, and the counsel of the wise people in your lives.

As for me, I think my parents picked as good a time to tell me as there was ever going to be. Unfortunately, I don't have an alternate history in which I'd known from the beginning to compare it to.

May God grant you wisdom.

[seggy9]

I'm no expert, but I'm 15 and I was told about my conception two days ago. My parents were also told to tell me from when I was young, but I think them waiting was a very good decision. As a young child, I was still learning who I was and how the world worked, and I think that knowing this at such a young, foolish age would have given me the subconcious idea of being seperate from my father, different, and it may have lowered my self esteem. In contrast, waiting till I was much more mature in my

[melisscali]

same thing happened to me, found out at 23 and i cant find anything about him, he was a med student, tall, german

[iluvtigers77]

Your brother isn't your half brother. He's your brother. (If you have the same mother) He's only your half brother if you have different mothers.

[TheScholarBookWorm]

Maybe on a planet where people can reproduce asexually, but on planet Earth a father is just as much a parent as a mother. Existentially, my brother is my brother and my father my father, of course. Thank you for showing why feminism and biology don't mix.

[clvokoun]

wrong.

[capocchiadicazzone]

i just wanna say... why telling it to the whole world???

[TheScholarBookWorm]

I've learned that that's how I deal with things: I tell my friends and family and see what they think about a situation. Sometimes I "broadcast." I consider myself a very public person (I'm a published writer and essayist). Moreover, this video seems to have reached a lot of people and done some good, so I decided not to take it down (I had considered it).

[exitpunkbass]

I'm sitting here with your brother, i mean your half brother, and although he's bored, I empathize with your situation. Your present and future are not changing, but your past just changed significantly. Trevor says 'hey', or half a 'hey'.

[rainslave]

My gosh....that must have been a real mind blowing experience, but you are well articulated and were generous to us in sharing your experience. PLEASE believe that your folks have been struggling with their secret all these years...but honey, they finally connected with one another and finally felt free enough to share that secret with you too....a blessing!!! You MUST know that if your father COULD have brought children into this world, he would...and you know what? YOU are the one!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SMC799]

Regardless to how you were conceived, it's obvious that your PARENTS raised you into a fine, young man! It took a lot of courage for them to come forward with the news, I'm sure and thank God, it did not turn out a disaster! God bless you all:-)

[coolbeansmellon]

I am an egg donor, and from a donor's perspective, I hope that the people that come about because of my donation realize that I am in no way a parent. It is so nice to know that you know who YOU are. That is ALL that matters. Pople are pople.

[japanz1984]

Do sperm banks allow you to see photos, before you purchase sperm?

[myperfectpiece]

Depends, some do

[raeraegirl1]

Wow...I just found out recently that my dad was not my biological father...I'm 19. Oh and they also told me that he was from Panama...so technically I'm bi-racial...crazy huh? I met him...my dad wasn't happy but hey I wanted to see what he looked like. I also found out I had 2 other sisters.I still can't believe it...we'll be okay!

[fieryman1]

You are a fine looking young man and your bio-father undoubtedly had the finest of motives--a pact with Life--when he CHOSE to contribute in the creation of your life. Money is never the reason, I know. Screening rules out any known hereditary problem. Be grateful for your gift of life and the loving family you have. Pass it on. Godspeed.

[tinkembell]

You can join a yahoo group PCVAI which stands for persons conceived via artificial insemination.  This is a group of adults worldwide who are all donor conceived.

If you are from the US you could also join the donorsibling registry or if anyone from UK reads this, then you could join UK Donorlink. Both these last two, aim to match/ reunite offspring and donors.

[buffy28s]

Hey, Its Kristas. I finally watched this video....Wow! I think I will leave comments for facebook...

[buffy28s]

Hey, Its Kristas. I finally watched this video....Wow! I think I will leave comments for facebook...

[buffy28s]

Hey, Its Kristas...wow I finally watched this! But, I think I'll leave comments for facebook...

[lllutzke]

Hi Travis, I just felt the need to let you know that in most clinics, you can obtain health history of the donor. I'm sure, in time,the shock will leave you. I've heard that you have the most wonderful parents. It must have been difficult for them to tell you after all these years. Take care.

[HollyDonn]

I'm adopted and have always known. It comes as a HUGE shock when you find out late in life that you are adopted or your parents aren't your biological parents. Don't feel guilty for having natural thoughts on who you look like, your mannerism or your health history. I feel you are entitled to it. Your parents will always be your parents as you know - no biological person can replace the loving parental role they have given you.

Your feelings are normal. Imagine who could've beenyourparens!