Noah's Ark - The Worst Hamburger in the World

[donaldplaney]

Theodore Adorno once commented, in response to the claim that Napoleon WAS modernity that modernity had shown its true face in the detonation of the atomic bomb. However, this man has shown us the true symbolic form of modernity, and it is a man eating a hamburger from burger king with every king of meet on it.

My only qualm is that the did not die as a result of consuming the burger. As a symbol, it does not do the aesthetic immorality of the Burger King monstrosity justice unless he dies.

[BadNewsCentral]

@donaldplaney My dignity died, if that counts for something

[BadNewsCentral]

Noah's Ark 2: The Onion Infinite challenge has been posted.

[BadNewsCentral]

Noah's Ark 2 - causes.com/causes/630722-noah-­s-ark-2-red-robin-showdown

Vote for what we're gonna eat!

[splintercell323]

7:41-7:45 XD

[Ndawg987654321]

That thing probably has enough grease to lacquer the Ark itself, I'm guessing. Some day a man is going to die thanks to Burger King, and then theaters will be flooded with dystopian gritty Sci-fi movies aboyut it. I hope you weren't that man.

[BadNewsCentral]

We're planning a face-off sequel to this. I'll update with info soon.

[The4EverYoung85]

@BadNewsCentral Is that with the Red Robin burgers?

[BadNewsCentral]

@The4EverYoung85 Sure is!

[BadNewsCentral]

@The4EverYoung85 causes.com/causes/630722-noah-­s-ark-2-red-robin-showdown

[Hologramps]

That's disgusting.

Veggie patties don't come from animals, you hippie.

[dnebdal]

@Hologramps

Well, he did say "and a couple of veggy patties, for, uhm, unicorn" (around 0:50 ).

[Hologramps]

@dnebdal Oh. Must've missed that. Thanks!

[misaslay]

I couldn't stop laughing after he took the first bite.

[PsychoEditor]

You are a brave fool.

[terroristpedophile]

I'll have two please. nom nom.

[14thOmega]

2:19 This is the face of ultimate suffering.

That burger looks revolting! Good job(?)

[KillaBuStIn]

I feel sorry for you just from watching this.

[moneymandate]

It's probably for the best that he didn't finish it. Something that greasy would probably make your heart explode if you ate all of it

[TheEchoSystem]

Dude. That thing is ejaculating everywhere.

[TerrorBlack]

I like how the laptop fan spins up in sympathy at 2:15 when he starts eating

[Burgerrider]

That ain't a burger. No way can you fit it in your mouth. That is a meal that I would not attempt. Because for 1 it sounds nasty. Also You need flatware to eat it. The way to do that would have been to eat a Whopper, Chicken sandwich, Fish Sandwich, Small burger with Bacon, and a Veggie Whopper. Bet that idea would have tasted better.

[vw77]

Start watching the video at 6:39 . See what pops into your head.

[yarahahrwe]

I was hungry before watching this

[tolerateu]

O.K. Johny, to exit HELL you have to finish this NOAH'S ARK sandwhich.

Oh, you didn't finish all of it, but at least you got worms, tapeworm, herpes, type 1 and 2 Diabetes, and every cancer known to mankind, and some by dolphin-kind.

[Burgerrider]

@tolerateu Why the hate? So what he didn't finish it. He admitted in the title that this was nasty. I would not expect anyone to finish something that they felt was nasty.

[tolerateu]

@Burgerrider

1:...joke....

2: Hate? All I commented on was about the food and how nasty it was. I don't know the guy, but I respect him for taking up the challenge to digest that intolerable piece of HELL!!!!

[Burgerrider]

@tolerateu No hate in my comment, and not joking either. All I stated was that it looked nasty, and a way to basically eat the same thing. Sorry if you got offended. I actually respect him for trying what I call a Stupid challenge that I personally would not attempt.

[tolerateu]

@Burgerrider

You must be mistaken somewhere....

I never criticized you or him...

And what would i be offended about?

[The4EverYoung85]

@tolerateu How do you get herpes from eating a sandwich (unless a disgruntled worker had sex with it)?

[tolerateu]

@The4EverYoung85

It's a thick wad of meat between two buns....

figure it out.

[enderwiggin42]

Fight the good fight.

[MaryStewart]

Respond to this video...  yummy!

[Setzergabbini]

Sweet Jesus, how did you survive the Recording?

[MrWaeseL]

You look like a child molestor. Good job goon

[Cigarrock]

You really let down the calgarians this time, you do know that you let the rival city show our city up? Yeah someone finished the burger. You should have bowed out and let a fat friend win it for the city. thanks a lot.

[TheBlackStar999]

Well done, man. You're a true Goon all the way.

I wouldn't have even tried to eat that loving thing.

[palmwalk252]

why are u eating it if its that bad

[Iwantyourbutt]

I respect you sir.

[ahtmozphear]

this video was worth it just for his comments. "they don't blend together at all" "the mayonnaise isn't really helping either" and in close 3rd.... "i don't know how well this is showing up but there is mayonnaise in my nose"

[DiscoInferno]

Haha, I like how his computer fan or whatever speeds up as soon as he starts eating.

[MarioMan19]

Order the Mustard Stain.

[Gigaspine7]

"This thing's got enough grrese to flood the world."

*Some grease visibly drips out from the side.*

[tylertoon2]

I'm going to send this to every vegetarian I know

[Shinzu92]

SOMETHING AWFUL SOMETHING GOD AWFUL

[inferno232]

I.... I want one. I know it will be awful, but... Does that make me a bad person?

[Kicks42]

WHYYY! STOP! PLEASE!

[supatoker420]

OH MY GOD my ass, that looks fucking delicious.

[Gight77]

why oh why?

i just have no idea why you just ate a plastic flavored heart attack, you sir are brave and will be commended throughtout history for such fearlessness

[rexnickles2]

you failed to complete God's Task! you dissapoint the ghost of Noah!

[MidgetMelon]

You get an extra life if you finish the whole thing.

[ZeroRaider1]

Peta's not gonna like this...

[LikaLaruku]

Lol Xd

"Sweet jesus this is awful!" Om nom nom nom nom.

[scuzgb]

Good Lord man. You are a braver soul than I.

Good luck with that everything-cancer it'll give you

[Shadow1798]

I literally winced when he bit into that... thing.

[MrSquidon]

God, you poor poor bastard.

Why would keep going after 1 bite?

"I" ACROSS THE INTERNET nearly threw up at that 1st bite.

[radiohead988]

The reaction he has right after the first bite is hilarious.

[salvadormarley]

whooooooo - nasty looking.

[Bobothetalkingclown]

You are a brave, brave man to attempt such a feat. God bless!

[MrGameface]

that looks like the best thing ever.

[zeldazackman]

the 29th my bday and im thinking of doing this

[zerfsun]

"oh my god"

[Albee213]

I just ordered one at work, me and 4 other co-workers ate it, it was great!

[Albee213]

This looks like the greatest hamburger in the word!!!!!!

[garrynewman]

Is it me or has every goon got a beard

[BadNewsCentral]

Signing up for the forums is so manly that it makes your facial hair grow at such an accelerated rate that shaving would be a waste of razors.

[Nerdtendo]

@BadNewsCentral it also makes you grow chest hair in the shape of the contry you where born in.

[IRevolutionProd]

It's not you. Facepunch, compared to SA, has a loooot of 12 year olds. SA is the opposite. 90% of the members are probably over the age of 20.

[moorestownairsoft]

This made me hungry...

[TacoBoat2]

i should have made a reaction video this. i flipped a shit when the sauce squirted out when he took his first bite. uggh should not have at and watched this

[ballebanan]

My god man, that's just plain wrong. :D

[DerivativesWTF]

UM UH ER UM UHH UHHH

next time right a script you gibbering retard. voted one star. wish i could vote less.

[BadNewsCentral]

Learn to spell, you gibbering retard.

[aarrcchhoonntt]

Here's a tip: when correcting people's english, make sure you're not making any errors yourself. Using words that don't exist while trying to point out somebody else's errors makes you look like a complete tool.

On an unrelated note, I envy your metabolic rate. Just got back grom a 8km run and I'd love nothing more than to bite into that burger.

[BadNewsCentral]

@aarrcchhoonntt I know it's not a real word, he used it himself in his comment and I was mocking him.

[FartyFace]

Good job you worthless goon

[mewmewsaffy]

is it bad that watching this made me hungry?

[UberMetallMaschine]

dude, get some soda with that or something

[UberMetallMaschine]

ironically only vegetarians watching this are having heart attacks

[888x888x888x888]

this guy is a fag, "rubber band and burning plastic" what an idiot

[eod89d]

where's the egg? lol

[SMAKAProductions]

OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMN­OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM...........

Well, not really...

[InsanePyros]

You've got guts. Also, you now have diabetus.

[Kotszu]

it sounds delicious to me.

He must just not like fish and veggie burgers.

[wildzeromadness]

This is the Thompson's Gambit of Burgers. Good lord.

[weakestlol]

I think i just got some coronary blockage from watching this.

[wordupassholes]

AMERICAAAA

[Tremorsfan213]

@wordupassholes He's canadian

[wordupassholes]

ok, that was just the first thing that came on my mind

[tuberculin]

if he ever wanted to become an american this could be his citizenship application.

[phrexus]

@tuberculin Wouldn't it be more humane to just shoot them?

[kingtarkus]

You are indeed a brave man. Just one BK patty makes me want to hurl.

[mcfl116]

"it tastes like rubber bands"

[FuckYourSelf99]

Nom Nom Nom. Minus the 'm'.

[TimJMorrison]

This... looks delicious to me.

I am overweight.

[Asphaltard]

lol, it sounds like your laptop's fan sped up when you started eating. Even the laptop felt the pain!

[sammytag1]

Hey, you must be an Albertan (viz. Big Rock Trad & awesome hedonistic idea). Cool.

[BadNewsCentral]

Yep, I'm from Calgary!

[sammytag1]

A fine city. Used to live there.

But, y'know, of all the places for a Noah's Ark to catch on, Calgary might just be the place.

[ZorPappy]

Sounds yummy.

[HMRMike]

This man is a hero.

[Zoharial]

The worst part is how it splorts when it's bitten into. It's like it's jizzing sadomasochistically at its own awfulness.

[kickinphillysugar]

Why? Just... Why?

[Jeepy842000]

They should make this part of the competitive eat circuit. How many Noah's can you eat in 10 minutes?

Additional kudos are in order, from me to you goon sir.

[TrulyEvilBob]

At least you had enough common sense to eat it with a beer.

[Nimnoms]

That should be i illegal. People are just not responsible with food.

[Mizzuru]

@Nimnoms im pretty sure thats what he is demonstrating.

[shrevid]

*tips hat*

[Philosopher0926]

You brave soul. I wonder how high your cholesterol spiked after this.

[smashpro1]

kudos to you, goon sir

[NinjaWizards]

I think if it had been the same thing except:

-no fish

-no mayo

-no pickles

-no veggie burgers

It would have been edible. You're a trooper for getting through what you did, and the internet thanks you for your experiment.

[TheAce187]

wait, so you went to a burger king, asked them to make you this, and they did. Wow.

[Rereversed]

It's like watching someone eat a large, putrifying, inoperable tumour cut out of a dead elephant's discarded brain.

[Morflathen]

That thing is monstrous. Please, do the world a favor and bury that demon-burger.

[supasoc]

I'm a vegetarian, and this video reaffirmed to me that I'm on the right path. Still HILARIOUS though, and I'm gonna see if I can make one of my friends do the same.

[gungunn101]

No offense, but do you know what most of dust is? Dead skin. What happens if you breathe? You inhale oxygen, as well as many other things in the air, including dust. You aren't a vegetarian.

[heavyarmoire]

@gungunn101

So humans are trees now?

We eat by breathing?

I'm hungry, I'm gonna go soak in a tub of potatos.

[mpx1]

Awesome!

[jerkyrizzo18]

It tastes like...rubber bands

[Helmholz42]

"I can't eat this!"

*takes another bite*

[Schesso]

Oh God, I can't eat this! *nom* It's just gross! *nomnom* Oh, this is a terrible idea... *nomnomnom* I CAN'T DO THIS... ... ...*NOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM*

[destruktor13]

The look on your face through this video made me want to cry haha.

[kaneweb]

I would never have guessed I would spend time watching a video about a sandwich, but this was downright compelling viewing. The only question left to ask is: Why would anyone eat anything from a fast food restaurant in the first place, with all the science and study proving it is hardly even food at all?

[patrialuvien]

It's supply to the demand of instantaneous gratification that has permeated American society. Also, it's close enough to edible mass that the FDA turns a blind eye. Progress!

[bakutheswede]

It's a squirter!!! That thing could be used as a torture method, or a sledgehammer.

[Dicegirl72]

You get a 5* for suffering through even 1 bite.

[chriscomp20]

Holy fucking christ. The face as you bire into it.. Holy shit

[kavilion22]

Umm...uhhh...chicken....uuuumm­m.....uhhh... bacon...ummmm.....enough grease to....uhhhh.....plug up the ummmm.... makes this totally....ummmm.....uhhhh....­unwatchable

[017524062]

That sounds delicious to me.

[peperonyandchease]

And God said, "Gather ye two of every animal, anoint them with 2 sauces, lettuce, tomato, onions, and pickles, and ye shall call it 'The Ark'"!

[nikker1985]

So how about you eating all flavors of cereals in one fucking huge godamn bowl.

[BadNewsCentral]

I dunno, that doesn't sound THAT gross...

If someone can come up with something to rival the Noah's Ark, then I'll try!

[MrThisisaplan]

@BadNewsCentral You're on! Applejacks, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Reese Puffs, Count Chocula, Fruity Pebbles, Lucky Charms, Frosted Minnie Wheats, Cheerios, Boo Berry, Frosted Flakes, and Raisin Brand, for good measure. All that in a bowl with some milk.

[BadNewsCentral]

@MrThisisaplan That sounds horrible, but I'll give it a shot!

[vonfluffenstein]

So disgusting. Argh!

[IrishIan1992]

Jesus Christ man! Why would you do that to yourself!? But i thank you for your sacrifice, now my curiosity of this beast is completely gone.You have saved a life, or at least a stomach.

[skoorbevad]

typical goon

[Exultemus]

You're living the dream man. This is amazing. Eat the Windows7 burger next!

[punkylip]

Dude. You rock. I'm pretty sure this is the one of the greatest things to have ever come out of the fast food industry! :D

Your commentary, especially, just kills me haha! Bravo!

[melloasjello]

I especially enjoyed the pained expression on your face after you took the first bite. BRAVO!

[JonTerp]

Bravo.

[tehFunz0rrs]

Bravo, my goonsir, you are a Burger King amongst men.

[OptimusShr]

Goonsir, I salute you.

[rhazer]

Why does this make me hungry?

[AbstractScientific]

I am proud of you, fellow Goon.

Shine on.

[BadNewsCentral]

I can't believe a video of me eating a hamburger is one of the most popular videos on YouTube.

[Ambri121314]

That's because you ate (as your YouTube video title states) The Worst Hamburger in the World.

[BEARCRAB]

tim curry gay cousiN:???

[TehCero]

The fact that you took one bite was brave, but the fact that you took LOTS of bites...

YOU ARE GOD. A GOD. A GREASY GOD.

[n8dadevinefish]

dude, you went above and beyond the call of duty. i was just satisfied knowing that burger king will make the sandwich for you. DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO EAT IT THOUGH?!?!?!?!?!

[DerangedHermit]

Meat the real-life Noah - only this one kills two of every animal! Up next on AM Springfield.

[Zephialx]

A GODDAMN BUS ACCIDENT

[AgentTwiggy]

You poor brave man.

[fellyness]

Will you merry me?

[Claymore2007]

2 of each meat. One burger of destruction.

[jtheyellow]

Goons ruin Burger King forever. :(

[Zefiel99]

Never has man wrestled with so much meat, and lost.

[mrbellek]

a god among men.

[kissekatt]

Times like these I wish we had smellovision already.

[disastertruck]

You are my new God.

This deserves two of every Oscar.

[EBToriginal]

Voted five Golden manbabies etcetra

[FortunaFortesJuvat]

You are a hero amongst goons!

[splatta]

You are a hero. My face hurts from watching this and reading ur post on SA. Thanks for making me laugh so much. and good luck burning off those calories!

[RabbitMage]

Thanks for taking one for the team, dude.

[zhongchao84]

5 stars, a true goon hero

[tontocorazon]

god bless bulletriddled. you've sacrificed so much for somethingawful

[Taradoxxi]

Oh god, it squirted like some grotesque sea creature when you first bit into it.

IT KNOWS D:

[Persiamon]

I would but I'm not a member on SA, also I don't want to murder my heart.

I'd eat the Noah's Ark Jr. And still die.

[robotsinmyhead]

cumlips.

[BadNewsCentral]

So who's stepping up for the next burger?

[Persiamon]

I feel so sorry for you. You have my blessings.

[RiseofMarine]

Wow...  glad I decided to read through that thread today.

5 star'd for your poor arteries.

[MillionsV]

LONG(can't emphasize that enough)-time lurker. I've been following this thread for days.

You, sir, are a true hero.

[NekoJenn]

Goondolences for your suffering.  This was painful. Until the cat showed up.

[jninjacat]

You poor man. Your sacrifice will be remembered down the long years. :P

[epsilon314]

why is it jizzing?

[bluelblock]

You are a god among men.

Order the mustard stain next!

[MrGravgrav]

"Oh my god!"

*takes another bite*

[DreadfulRay]

Thank you for doing this for science.