HMC's favorite dirty joke

[Heebsy1]

Why did the male chauvenist pig cross the road?

So you could blow him.

[HMCgirl]

@Heebsy1 Ha! I like that one!

[ELSENHEIMER1986]

Ur beautiful !!!

[icephoenix23]

I like the way you delivered it. Good job.

[mulong]

deaf horse haha!!!!

[brad3287]

...

[HMCgirl]

HAHA, WORD!

[WastedDaze78]

because he was a cowboy.... you know cowboys and indians... that's the way I heard it anyway

[HMCgirl]

Mm, sounds like it was just you.

[sapphire200182]

Dude... cattle thieves? Horse rustlers? Coach highwaymen? It. Was. Just. You.

[WastedDaze78]

Im not trying to hate or anything... but why not just say Indians or Natives instead of thieves? Almost as if you are being so PC you are actually being more racist... just an observation. But anyway....

How do you get a gay man to have sex with a woman? ... Ya put shit in her pussy!

(Yea I know its a horrible joke... but its just a joke)

[HMCgirl]

Because he didn't get kidnapped by Indians or Natives. He got kidnapped by THIEVES.  BANDITS. A gang of roving CROOKS.

Why in the hell would you think they were Indians?

[turnip40]

what is the worst thing about fucking a bald pussy.... putting the nappy back on

[PozzBox]

Whats the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits until your 13 to come on your face...

[manofsteel1223]

great joke, and you are really hot. good combo

[Exit13online]

My favorite dirty joke? Well, at the risk of losing friends, credibility and maybe even basic freedoms, heregoes.... don't say I didn't warn you.

What's the best thing about fucking a six year old girl in the shower? You can slick her hair back and she looks like a three year old boy.

Too harsh? Alright... second favorite, then.

"I'm gonna titti fuck you tonight, babe".

"How are you going to make that enjoyable for me?"

"Well, just before I cum I'll stop punching you in the face".

[FRDMAN27]

thats not funny and i hope you FUCKING DIE YOU PEICE OF SHIT!

[Exit13online]

I will die, be certain of that.

And when I do, I'll take umbrage in the fact that somewhere, in some distant land, a humorless cunt who goes by the internet handle FRDMAN27 is satiated.

Like the Make-A-Wish Foundation, I will have made a sick person happy. Amen.

[ROGER2095]

OK - Here's one:

Last week I went to a new doctor who happened to be a beautiful woman. She said to me, "Well, Roger, as your doctor I'm going to have to recommend that you quit masturbating."

"But why?" I asked.

"Because I'm trying to examine you!"

[kiwali]

LOL  LOL

[DavidRocksLA]

that was a great one.lol

[desdevil8818]

WHAT POSSEY

[Christoverson]

loved it!

[icephoenix23]

the best. i LOVE IT

[lmnop71690]

not gonna lie.. i really dont get it :(

[HMCgirl]

Posse sounds like Pussy. The horse made a mistake.

[lmnop71690]

ah okay. i wasn't sure what word exactly you were meaning

[vhappy5000]

.....

[vhappy5000]

Did she really have to explain that one?

[wendygirl123]

that is hilarious!!! lo freaking l

[DrewBusone]

BAHAHAHA! That was fuckin sweeeeeet!

[abstractthreat]

Hahaha, nice one.

[macbadapple]

What did one tampon say to the other tampon?

Nothing......they were both stuck-up cunts !

[jaymillaman]

yo that tampon joke was hillarious lol

[macbadapple]

I told my girlfriend " you got no titts and your hole stinks "

She said " Get off my back !"

[lmnop71690]

lol !!

[macbadapple]

I used to date a girl who's titts were on her back.

She was not much to look at, but she sure was fun to slow dance with.

[fretlessbass26]

did you hear how snowwhite got kicked out of disneyland?

[fretlessbass26]

they caught her sitting on pinochios' face and screaming "LIE TO ME BABY !!!"

[hommie286]

ur hot

[knowlife]

good joke

[Trekkie1450]

hahahahahahah!! OMYGOD....

p.s. Ur hot.

[BullsharkPresents]

What did the alien say to the tampon?

--Take me to your bleeder.

[davidplants]

Nice i like that

[nippythefish]

subscribed. I dig your wacky antics.

[troggdor4]

HAHAHA

[weedburner666]

not pussy!!!!!

[animaticsmoo]

hhee aww man that's a nice joke XD dirty jokes are always the best and this ones great to with the worind word ending X)

[tmoney199]

she looks like tina fey

[SeeYouinHollywood]

That was incredibly witty!

[jnj072806]

The second woman says, well im gonna call mine 7 up, the others ask why and she says hes 7 inches long and hes always up. So the last lady says, Im gonna call mine Jack Daniels. The two other ladys say, Jack Daniels isnt a soda, its a hard liquer, and the woman replies, thats my Leroy =]

[jnj072806]

Theres these 3 women, they are all friends and all of their husbands have the same name, Leroy. They are sitting there talking and decide they need a way to rename their husbands so they know who they are talking about, they agree to name them after soda. The 1st woman says, Im gonna name my husband Mountian Dew, the other two women ask why, she replies, hes like a mountain and he always do.

[2tallruss]

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur??

Alickalottapuss

What do you call a gay dinosaur??

Amegasoreass

[torinakins]

that was great

[captain516]

thanks

[captain516]

Roger worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to put his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Roger said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

[captain516]

One day a few months later, Roger came home. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Roger?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Roger, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Roger, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh... she got fired too."

[animaticsmoo]

hehe oh i heard a joke liek that from a comedian but it was with a bacon slicer XD

[nicholas13688]

neigh bring pusy neigh !!

[notarivsanonymvs]

Demmit ur hot!

[cassandrarose]

What do you call a female peacock?

A peacunt.

[Sslicer]

Nice

[dardrex777]

wow!!!! that was funny

[lotustelise]

still work at CVS??? I mean Hell lol no really?

[xxc3lld4m4gexx]

MWUAHAHAHAHAHA...thats great

[ChadTheGamer]

HAHAHHAHAAHAHA I GOT IT.

[XxnoitcelferxX]

lol :P

[Dan2000]

Why was the ground all white after Custer's last stand?

Because the Indians kept coming and coming and coming....

[TheSumpPump]

Funny

[xjenjenjen]

BAHAHA!

My grandfather told me one like that...he's a dirty old bastard.

[chappinger12]

A woman's car breaks down on the highway in the middle of the desert. After a while, a cowboy on horseback happens by. The woman tells the cowboy her predicament, and in response, he offers to take her to the nearest towing station. So the woman climbs onto the horse behind him and the two ride off.

[chappinger12]

During the trip, the cowboy would let out a random "Yeeeehaww!!!" every so often. When they finally arrive at the gas station, the woman thanks the cowboy for the lift, and he rides off with another "Yippey Kiyay!!"

[chappinger12]

The gas station owner hears the cowboys outbursts and asks the woman, "What the heck did you do to get him so riled up?" "Nothing," the woman said, "I just got onto the horse behind, reached my hands around, and held onto the saddle horn." To which the station owner responded, "Hey Lady...that guy was riding bareback."

[nibargerswife51482]

nice

[metalsoul342]

damn that was funny! and ur hot btw

[LeLilith]

lmao, i want ur swords hell raise to your realness! CVS fcking stinks, i hate that damm store, quit

[rgmc12]

Lmfao XDD

[975975]

LOL

[CirqueDuObsession]

I told this at work.

And they, like me at first kind of sat around for a while.

And then they laughed hysterically, and scared someone away.

It was priceless.

:D

[HMCgirl]

Awesome!

[morty696]

lol,, funny joke hmc! i got it straight away :D

youre funny hmc, ill subscribe to your channel

check out my show/vids if you can

[HMCgirl]

Well thanks!

[Kikinao]

Nooo I don't get it.. What's the last word?

[HMCgirl]

Posse.

1. A group of people summoned by a sheriff to aid in law enforcement.

2. A search party.

3. Slang A group of friends or associates

Get it? :)

[Kikinao]

Yes, I'm afraid I do, now :P

Thanks :)

[AkewsticRockR]

Three condoms were walking down the street when they saw a group of tampons coming the opposite direction. One of the condoms nervously tried to speak with one of the tampons but she completely blew him off-- pretending she didn't see or hear him at all. His friend turned to him and said, "Don't let that bother you. Those girls have always been stuck up cunts."

[LazlowJones]

What do Al-Qaida and Always Pantyliners have in common?

They both rub Bush the wrong way.

[Alex7000]

Nice one!

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? The prostitute can wipe off her crack and sell it again.

Thanks, I'm here all week. Try the veal.

[StrawberryFields07]

OH WOW.

I haven't heard a joke that good in YEARS. I tip my hat to you, you sure can tell a joke damn well.

[yumenotenshi07]

LOL!!! That was a great joke. It's been a while since I've heard a good one.

[takineko]

ahh I've heard that one, happy fourth

[CutesWhatWeAimFor]

0mg hmc that waz a hilarious joke

i luv it !!!!!!

[krispykritta]

great joke

[jernov]

hahahaha

[captainlubey]

LMAO!!!

[zackzero13]

Rofl.. awesome joke HMC.

[Wolffin]

Oh gee xD That's great xDD

Happy fourth!

[izzardfan]

lol!! very good. i think that horse has trouble hearing XD

WAHOO first comment!!!!