The eyeglasses tip is good.I think you've noted something that has potential for anyone with general eye-contact issues as well.One of the things people tend to notice with glasses is the frame and the edges of the lens. Sometimes even after years of wearing glasses I still notice the frame and I'm constantly aware I'm wearing them.Pressure on my nose ect. I tend to feel very ill at ease when making eye contact as well.You're doing a great job with the videos.Thanks for posting.
I saw your view about a year ago and decided to take a give your idea about using nonprescription glasses to help those with Asperger's. My son is 7 and we started using nonprescriptive glasses on him in the first grade. When he got them he told the teacher that they are used to help him look at her in the eye. He is still wearing them and I have noticed a huge change in his eye contact. It does decrease when he is not wearing them. Thanks so much for your videos.
I saw your view about a year ago and decided to take a give your idea about using nonprescription glasses to help those with Asperger's. My son is 7 and we started using nonprescriptive glasses on him in the first grade. When he got them he told the teacher that they are used to help him look at her in the eye. He is still wearing them and I have noticed a huge change in his eye contact. It does decrease when he is not wearing them. Thanks so much for your videos.
I have learned so much from you. You are a wonderful inspiration to a parent with a child with Asperger's. I am in the process of completing my last year in Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner school and I am doing an independent study called Evidence Base Practice: Assessing for Depression and Suicidality in HFASD. Right now, there isn't much documentation out there. Also, there isn't a strong link that is has clear documentation.
I so understand how eye contact used to make you feel that people could look right into your soul... As a child I didn't make eye contact at all because looking into someone's eyes was as bad as staring at the sun. I felt overwhelmed and frightened. I was also frightened of people's faces.
It is often said that the reason why autistics don't make eye contact is because they are unable to read facial expressions (CONT)
However, I wonder if the difficulty reading facial expressions is due to the child habitually avoiding eye contact and faces. When I look at a person's face I see too much information. I start noticing whether they have freckles, what colour their eyes are etc. There's so much information that I get distracted and cannot listen to what they are saying and so I lose track of the conversation.
arman, i never made eye contact until I was in my 40's with people I didn't know well. It was like I was too shy. Also I have never really cared about soc ially being in the "crowd". Maybe I have Asperger's Sybdrome. I can relate you saying it is painful to make eye contact but I always thoght it was because I was shy.
@gasmbay To be honest, I don't know why I sometimes feel that way. It has been that way for me since I was a child. I think that people's eyes can really tell a lot about a person, and I feel as if my eyes reveal a lot about me if people look directly into them.
Do you really feel violated? I just fear that people might get insights on my aversion towards them. Do you have trouble looking at the eyes of your relatives?
I used to feel violated. I sometimes do depending of who and how someone looks me in the eyes. Yes, I do have trouble looking into the eyes of my relatives--most noticeably my dad.
Ok, I see. I only have trouble looking at someone if that person has trouble looking at me, or seems to read in my thought through my facial expression.
I've had that mentioned to me a couple of times as well--though I really have improved my ability to make eye contact, so that doesn't happen as often as it used to.
That's a really good question. And, I don't exactly have the best answer for you. I think that you should put your zip code into google and see what comes up in your area. I wish there was more I could say. See if there are any autism groups in your area and join them. Hopefully, they would have some information to help point you in the right direction.
omg! i have had the same idea once! that i should try clear glasses as a "protective shield" to improve my eye contact, besides they can be rather fashionable
I never thought that clear glasses would do that for you. My son can look in my eyes, but it is as if his eyes are pointed my way and focused on the wall behind me.
Yah, without the glasses I tend to do the same, look straight at the person, but focusing more on something else, depends on the person. Some people's eyes really intimidate me. I've been trying to do without my glasses for a couple of weeks now and have had some level of success.
Arman, thanks sooo much for the videos..I have a twenty year old son with Aspergers...I want him to watch your videos...he finds it very difficult to express how he feels...your videos I feel will help him!! Merry Christmas! Evan's MOM
When it comes to eye contact, one thing I've notced helps is having a person with nearly black eyes to practice with. I'm curious if anyone else with/Autism has noticed this.
Great vid. What helped me, was to imagine that i look at gemstones. Tiger eye, lapis lazuli, moss agate. I always liked to lok at jewellery. Sometimes an earring is catching my eye and I can't have eye contact. If someone is speaking, i look at the mouth to understand it better. I don't force myself always. I need to feel a bit comfortable.
I've been having eye contact difficulties sinse I was 17. I'm 31 now and I still cant look into people's eyes. It feels like I'm being mentally and spiritually raped as you have said also. As a result, people think I'm untrustworthy and weird. It has prevented me from making friends and having a job. Somthing I find quite intersting, though, is that there are some people whos eyes I can look in to and feel comfortable being looked at. I find that these people have good souls.
Your reasons for eye contact problems fit mine to a T. However, I haven't been able to describe it as well as you have. I'm going to show my husband your video so he can understand me better. Thank you for posting this. You have helped me, and and it is refreshing to know that someone else understands this horrid problem.
Yah, I feel the same way sometimes. It's strange because I sometimes stare into the eyes of these kind of people and they don't seem to mind at all. I know exactly what you are talking about.
I've heard that in Japan eye-contact is considered to be rude, and that it's used to dominate someone. So eye-contact isn't a human thing, it's a cultural thing!!!
It is, but it's also a mental thing. It's only cultural if people are conditiond to not make eye contact. People with autism were not taught to not make eye contact, brain chemistry is the culprit.
Hi Arman! Thank you so much for your videos!!! It is really great to get first hand information,in order, to better understand my son. My son is 8yrs old and has PDDNOS. He makes eye contact but, I have noticed that when his anxiety level is high his eye contact lessens.
that's interesting about the eye glasses. I still have problems today and I wear rx glasses. It's hard b/c on dates, job interviews etc. people think you're being rude and showing uninterest (when you're not). In order for me to understand someone when they're talking to me I can't look at them (sometimes I'll glance at them every now and then). I have to look away. I had a boss yell at me to look at him when he was talking to me. It's really embarrassing. Sigh. (I have AS by the way)
Yeah, I know what you mean, forgetting what I'm about to say happens all the time to me too...I loose my train of thought. Or if I try to look at them I'll start focusing on other things that are distracting and not hear them, so it's good to look away. I'm able to concentrate more.
Chocomo, I gave up trying to look normal along time ago. Here's a trick: When you are having a face-to-face conversation with someone, lean towards them and turn your head to the side, enough that your ear is facing their face, then explain that you have hearing problems. People undestand hearing problems and they kind of feel sorry for you instead of thinking you're a weirdo. LOL It's an awesome tactic!! ;-)
that's cool about the glasses, for years I wore blue tinted glasses, they made me feel better, made it easier to look at people... I have contacts now though and just try to look people straight on.
I am so glad you voiced all of these things. I feel very strongly the same emotions in many ways from eye contact. I make a very strong effort to have eye contact with people, but l have the same feeling, it's very draining.
I have a problem with eye contact that gets worse when I get nervous, I also seem to have worse eye contact with people who know me well, I don't feel I have to perform for them. I also wanted to say I think alot of people with autism are very sensitive to senses, and emotions, and the eyes and the face has alot of that going on. I hate it when therapist people grab someones face and try to get eye contact, I'm sorry your grandma was abusive like that :(
I also dislike it when therapist grab the child's head and force the child to make eye contact. That is one the things that has really annoyed me for some time. Generally, my eye contact is worse when I'm nervous, and also like you, I don't put much effort to make eye contact with people close to me, especially family members, and especially my dad.
Sir your story is the same as my own.
technologyisforkids 1 month ago
@technologyisforkids Interesting.
armankhodaei 1 month ago
i have hope in you
LeifAlexander87 7 months ago
@LeifAlexander87 Thank you :)
armankhodaei 7 months ago
The eyeglasses tip is good.I think you've noted something that has potential for anyone with general eye-contact issues as well.One of the things people tend to notice with glasses is the frame and the edges of the lens. Sometimes even after years of wearing glasses I still notice the frame and I'm constantly aware I'm wearing them.Pressure on my nose ect. I tend to feel very ill at ease when making eye contact as well.You're doing a great job with the videos.Thanks for posting.
electracomplex83 10 months ago
@electracomplex83 Thanks!
armankhodaei 10 months ago
thats a really good idear useing the glasses i wonder if that will work for me but im not sure :/ i may try that
Wolfkid151515 11 months ago
@Wolfkid151515 Thanks! I think that is a good idea!
armankhodaei 11 months ago
@Wolfkid151515 Thanks! I think that is a good idea!
armankhodaei 11 months ago
@Wolfkid151515 Thanks! I think that is a good idea!
armankhodaei 11 months ago
I saw your view about a year ago and decided to take a give your idea about using nonprescription glasses to help those with Asperger's. My son is 7 and we started using nonprescriptive glasses on him in the first grade. When he got them he told the teacher that they are used to help him look at her in the eye. He is still wearing them and I have noticed a huge change in his eye contact. It does decrease when he is not wearing them. Thanks so much for your videos.
jenodurward 1 year ago
Arman,
I saw your view about a year ago and decided to take a give your idea about using nonprescription glasses to help those with Asperger's. My son is 7 and we started using nonprescriptive glasses on him in the first grade. When he got them he told the teacher that they are used to help him look at her in the eye. He is still wearing them and I have noticed a huge change in his eye contact. It does decrease when he is not wearing them. Thanks so much for your videos.
jenodurward 1 year ago
@jenodurward Thank you. I am glad to hear that the glasses have had made an impact on your child's ability to make eye contact. :)
armankhodaei 1 year ago
@armankhodaei,
I have learned so much from you. You are a wonderful inspiration to a parent with a child with Asperger's. I am in the process of completing my last year in Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner school and I am doing an independent study called Evidence Base Practice: Assessing for Depression and Suicidality in HFASD. Right now, there isn't much documentation out there. Also, there isn't a strong link that is has clear documentation.
jenodurward 1 year ago
@jenodurward Thank you :) The work you are doing sounds very important and might save many people's lives.
armankhodaei 1 year ago
I so understand how eye contact used to make you feel that people could look right into your soul... As a child I didn't make eye contact at all because looking into someone's eyes was as bad as staring at the sun. I felt overwhelmed and frightened. I was also frightened of people's faces.
It is often said that the reason why autistics don't make eye contact is because they are unable to read facial expressions (CONT)
misstiggykins 1 year ago
However, I wonder if the difficulty reading facial expressions is due to the child habitually avoiding eye contact and faces. When I look at a person's face I see too much information. I start noticing whether they have freckles, what colour their eyes are etc. There's so much information that I get distracted and cannot listen to what they are saying and so I lose track of the conversation.
I wonder if anyone else has experienced this?
misstiggykins 1 year ago
@misstiggykins I gave a talk to teachers and parents today and someone brought this up. I think Temple Grandin also mentions it.
armankhodaei 1 year ago
Thank you for posting your glasses insight. I have someone to give that advice to.
gigemlaw 1 year ago
@gigemlaw You are welcome. I think that can make a big difference in that person's life whoever they are. :)
armankhodaei 1 year ago
arman, i never made eye contact until I was in my 40's with people I didn't know well. It was like I was too shy. Also I have never really cared about soc ially being in the "crowd". Maybe I have Asperger's Sybdrome. I can relate you saying it is painful to make eye contact but I always thoght it was because I was shy.
KSitz77 1 year ago
why do you think you feel that way when you make eye contact? that people could "See inside your soul"? its very interesting
gasmbay 1 year ago
@gasmbay To be honest, I don't know why I sometimes feel that way. It has been that way for me since I was a child. I think that people's eyes can really tell a lot about a person, and I feel as if my eyes reveal a lot about me if people look directly into them.
armankhodaei 1 year ago
It is called mindblindness. This may help with getting some answers. Please google it and it is very interesting.
jenodurward 1 year ago
Do you really feel violated? I just fear that people might get insights on my aversion towards them. Do you have trouble looking at the eyes of your relatives?
afewminutesforyou 2 years ago
I used to feel violated. I sometimes do depending of who and how someone looks me in the eyes. Yes, I do have trouble looking into the eyes of my relatives--most noticeably my dad.
armankhodaei 1 year ago
@armankhodaei
Ok, I see. I only have trouble looking at someone if that person has trouble looking at me, or seems to read in my thought through my facial expression.
afewminutesforyou 1 year ago
@armankhodaei But I don't really like looking at people's eyes and sometimes people mention how I don't stare at their eyes.
afewminutesforyou 1 year ago
I've had that mentioned to me a couple of times as well--though I really have improved my ability to make eye contact, so that doesn't happen as often as it used to.
armankhodaei 1 year ago
@armankhodaei
Well, I can look someone at the eyes, but it's not something I will automatically do at any time.
afewminutesforyou 1 year ago
hi arman
what would you suggest to a person who has just found out that they have aspergers syndrome,
in regards to finding behavioral therapy classes, i have no idea where to look...
thanks again mate :D
willyjones7 2 years ago
That's a really good question. And, I don't exactly have the best answer for you. I think that you should put your zip code into google and see what comes up in your area. I wish there was more I could say. See if there are any autism groups in your area and join them. Hopefully, they would have some information to help point you in the right direction.
armankhodaei 1 year ago
omg! i have had the same idea once! that i should try clear glasses as a "protective shield" to improve my eye contact, besides they can be rather fashionable
BlondRussianShemale 2 years ago
@BlondRussianShemale Very true.
armankhodaei 2 years ago
I never thought that clear glasses would do that for you. My son can look in my eyes, but it is as if his eyes are pointed my way and focused on the wall behind me.
EdR77203 2 years ago
Yah, without the glasses I tend to do the same, look straight at the person, but focusing more on something else, depends on the person. Some people's eyes really intimidate me. I've been trying to do without my glasses for a couple of weeks now and have had some level of success.
armankhodaei 2 years ago
Arman, thanks sooo much for the videos..I have a twenty year old son with Aspergers...I want him to watch your videos...he finds it very difficult to express how he feels...your videos I feel will help him!! Merry Christmas! Evan's MOM
heftd1955 2 years ago
Thank you.
armankhodaei 2 years ago
When it comes to eye contact, one thing I've notced helps is having a person with nearly black eyes to practice with. I'm curious if anyone else with/Autism has noticed this.
alainawrigley 2 years ago
That is very interesting.
armankhodaei 2 years ago
Great vid. What helped me, was to imagine that i look at gemstones. Tiger eye, lapis lazuli, moss agate. I always liked to lok at jewellery. Sometimes an earring is catching my eye and I can't have eye contact. If someone is speaking, i look at the mouth to understand it better. I don't force myself always. I need to feel a bit comfortable.
kovskaja 2 years ago
That's a very interesting technique. Thanks for sharing. :-)
armankhodaei 2 years ago
I got them at the mall. They sell them with the sunglasses. Good luck finding them. They are really nice.
armankhodaei 2 years ago
me two wen i do eye contc i gent lisent same time what somebody say , if i look somewhere else then i can lisent words
mohamed555 2 years ago
I've been having eye contact difficulties sinse I was 17. I'm 31 now and I still cant look into people's eyes. It feels like I'm being mentally and spiritually raped as you have said also. As a result, people think I'm untrustworthy and weird. It has prevented me from making friends and having a job. Somthing I find quite intersting, though, is that there are some people whos eyes I can look in to and feel comfortable being looked at. I find that these people have good souls.
Winter077 2 years ago
I can tell if someone is a "good" person if I can make eye contact with them and be at ease. Even then it's hard, but much easier.
Winter077 2 years ago
Your reasons for eye contact problems fit mine to a T. However, I haven't been able to describe it as well as you have. I'm going to show my husband your video so he can understand me better. Thank you for posting this. You have helped me, and and it is refreshing to know that someone else understands this horrid problem.
Winter077 2 years ago
Thank you. It does seem like we have the same issues when it comes to eye contact.
armankhodaei 2 years ago
Interesting. I think I'm starting to get to that level of telling if a person is good or not based on their eyes.
armankhodaei 2 years ago
Yah, I feel the same way sometimes. It's strange because I sometimes stare into the eyes of these kind of people and they don't seem to mind at all. I know exactly what you are talking about.
armankhodaei 2 years ago
I've heard that in Japan eye-contact is considered to be rude, and that it's used to dominate someone. So eye-contact isn't a human thing, it's a cultural thing!!!
mamalusk 2 years ago
Perhaps you are right. I've heard of that, as well. However, babies tend to make eye contact. So, I'm not really sure.
armankhodaei 2 years ago
It is, but it's also a mental thing. It's only cultural if people are conditiond to not make eye contact. People with autism were not taught to not make eye contact, brain chemistry is the culprit.
Winter077 2 years ago
Hi Arman! Thank you so much for your videos!!! It is really great to get first hand information,in order, to better understand my son. My son is 8yrs old and has PDDNOS. He makes eye contact but, I have noticed that when his anxiety level is high his eye contact lessens.
olijackie 2 years ago
That's very interesting, but isn't surprising. Anyway, I'm glad that you are getting use out of my videos.
armankhodaei 2 years ago
that's interesting about the eye glasses. I still have problems today and I wear rx glasses. It's hard b/c on dates, job interviews etc. people think you're being rude and showing uninterest (when you're not). In order for me to understand someone when they're talking to me I can't look at them (sometimes I'll glance at them every now and then). I have to look away. I had a boss yell at me to look at him when he was talking to me. It's really embarrassing. Sigh. (I have AS by the way)
Chocomoca1 2 years ago
Yah, I have a hard time talking to someone and looking them in the eye at the same time. I sometimes forget what I'm about to say.
armankhodaei 2 years ago
Yeah, I know what you mean, forgetting what I'm about to say happens all the time to me too...I loose my train of thought. Or if I try to look at them I'll start focusing on other things that are distracting and not hear them, so it's good to look away. I'm able to concentrate more.
Chocomoca1 2 years ago
Comment removed
Winter077 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Chocomo, I gave up trying to look normal along time ago. Here's a trick: When you are having a face-to-face conversation with someone, lean towards them and turn your head to the side, enough that your ear is facing their face, then explain that you have hearing problems. People undestand hearing problems and they kind of feel sorry for you instead of thinking you're a weirdo. LOL It's an awesome tactic!! ;-)
Winter077 2 years ago
that's cool about the glasses, for years I wore blue tinted glasses, they made me feel better, made it easier to look at people... I have contacts now though and just try to look people straight on.
castaway 2 years ago
I usually find it easy now to make eye contact without wearing glasses, but I have gotten use to wearing them that I rarely take them off.
armankhodaei 2 years ago
I am so glad you voiced all of these things. I feel very strongly the same emotions in many ways from eye contact. I make a very strong effort to have eye contact with people, but l have the same feeling, it's very draining.
castaway 2 years ago
Hey,
I have a problem with eye contact that gets worse when I get nervous, I also seem to have worse eye contact with people who know me well, I don't feel I have to perform for them. I also wanted to say I think alot of people with autism are very sensitive to senses, and emotions, and the eyes and the face has alot of that going on. I hate it when therapist people grab someones face and try to get eye contact, I'm sorry your grandma was abusive like that :(
superautism 2 years ago
I also dislike it when therapist grab the child's head and force the child to make eye contact. That is one the things that has really annoyed me for some time. Generally, my eye contact is worse when I'm nervous, and also like you, I don't put much effort to make eye contact with people close to me, especially family members, and especially my dad.
armankhodaei 2 years ago
Another great video, Arman! hopefully you don't mind, but I am sharing/linking your vids on facebook for Autism Awareness month. Take care!
TheElliottFamily 2 years ago
Thank you! I don't mind whatsoever. I want my videos to reach as many people as possible. Thank you very much. =)
armankhodaei 2 years ago