What Not To Say

[eire1984]

ok to all those who lost a baby i m sorry its horrible i dont know what it feels but my mum had a stillborn and even though i never meet him i love him and he is always part of our family

[Tonysmom89]

My father said, "no offense but this was a blessing" I've heard other ignorant comments but that was the worst. "You can try again" is pretty high on the list as well.

[CPVinish]

What are you doing.... go back to cleaning your house!!

[ilovemyanamals12]

@CPVinish

thats cruel

[princesslisaxxxxful]

sorry for ur loss huni I lost my baby a few weeks ago and so many people keep saying the wrong things to me. x

[Sassymarkrep]

Sorry for your loss. Most times people don't think before they speak because if they did, they wouldn't say half of the things that come out of their mouths. Thanks for sharing.

[charlesbonsal]

so..... are you guna try again.....?

[ItchyGuy87]

@charlesbonsal If you're ever lucky enough to leave your mother's basement and make love to a beautiful woman, let's hope she doesn't have a miscarriage or you'll get a big mouthful of your own words.

[charlesbonsal]

@ItchyGuy87 aww dont get butt hurt. and i dont want kids, nor are my parents as shitty as urs / the dead baby's mother to make me live in a basement.

[ItchyGuy87]

@charlesbonsal Some people are dumb.

[XavierOriginal]

Give your baby a name.

[XavierOriginal]

Your baby is in Heaven with Jesus.  He will wait for you.

[littlemonster65]

you deserved it.

[jbean0]

I'm so sorry for what you had to go through, I'm on my second pregnancy and even thinking about the possibility hurts so bad, can't imagine how it must feel actually going through that. Best wishes to your family!

[joeeregulah]

Witticisms, valuable information, insight...even tears, at the end.

I have dealt with young ladies who suffered from miscarriages, and each reacted with their own, specific values on the situations; but, I have the utmost respect for YOU, in the fact that you shared your pain and personal tragedy in a form of a message one what is best not to say.

Respect to the soul of your lost little one...R.I.P.

Love to you, for your STRENGTH!

God hears you...

[pudd750]

my wife had just dropped a gallon of clotted blood in the hospital with a micro fetus in it ,and the doctor said, "well, good news! you can start trying agsin "! i said "trying what? i wasnt trying anything !!! (started WW3) she was secretly "trying" ---

[jbean0]

I do hope he was suspended...

[LazyDzej]

WTF? How did i get to this video... lol

That sux.

[kidbuu1990]

Sorry to hear about your loss, i saw how excited you were in your videos...i just started watching them today, nice so far. and i'm uh 19 year old boy lol but still this is valuble information.

[ZackisDead]

No matter what you believe, we all join each other in the end as matter, becoming one. Your child is part of that and that can never be taken away from either of you. You'll be together again one way or another.

[reader1265]

I,m sorry for your loss ,

[mslewan71]

another dumbass comment, on the other side of that spectrum is if you have more than two children, the chicken heads who asks if it was on purpose...at least they didn't slap with you, it was God's plan...I lost, I know how I felt...and for those who say I know how you feel, shoot back with 'since when?' stupid.

[sinepevol]

Thanks for sharing

[ARMYWIFE051107]

People don't know what to say with a tragedy so they say things they have heard over and over.  It is good to help people be aware of the mistakes they coud be making when they open their mouth. I was probably one of these people until I was taught differently in nursing school.

[BAMitBABIES]

I had a friend ask me if I ever wonder what she would have been like...

[ubiquim]

I'm sorry for your loss, and the heart wrenching emotion you show makes me want to reach out to you and say thank you

I kept my loss a secret it's people like you that help those of us that won't talk about it or can't for what ever reason, your humanity and beauty are explicit.

[pwllgmm]

My heart goes ou to you. This is a great way to use the internet to offer real advise and support. Stay stong. xxx

[southernsweetie4ever]

also I would get "you're young, you'll have more kids"! which is ****'d up b/c what if you lose you mother, grandmother, sister and I say oh you can try and find another mama.... It is really hard!! People can say some shallow and hurtful things.

God Bless you and I am Sorry for your loss!

[southernsweetie4ever]

Thanks for posting this, I was 12 weeks but I have an ultrasound pic of my baby, It has been 3 months today ( 1/5/09), and I am still greiving. I feel like i'm the only person actually greiving for my child. (During my checkup, the doctor reveal to me that my baby was a girl, which I was hoping for)

[tgbw92708]

I myself comepletely understand how you feel... I've been there done that... cried and suffered too. There are really no words to comfort you because no words can take away your loss... Im sorry for you and I wish you the very best

[secretsquirrellurve]

Im sorry. xxx My mum turned out to be the worst with: "well..at least you wont need to worry about money now"! and.."you can always just have another when youre less fat and having folic acid"....grrrrrr some people are thick!

[lreed1980]

Someone actually told you that? Are u serious?

[sarakai]

God Bless

[HeroSteve]

I've seen your humorous take in some of your other videos. I was amused at your analysis of the wrong things to say. I thought since you were able to joke about it, you were past the grief stage.

The end of the video just sucked the humor out of me. What a sincerely tender and human moment. I was so touched that I had to comment on it - the first comment I've ever made on YouTube.

I am sorry for your loss, and I wish you well.

[SelenaXoxo77]

Im sorry =(

At least the baby is safe with god now.

Thanks for making this vid, i can't immagine how hard it was to share this.

[CheriS33]

Thank you for this... you've said the things, I've always wanted to say to people. It is very sad... and from experience, I just wanted to say... I'm sorry, too.

The sayings that killed me were; God moves in mysterious ways and has other plans... what the good Lord gives, he takes away... and children aren't ours to keep, they just pass through us.

So now, the only thing that was giving me comfort... was some kind of a cruel-hearted monster! People don't know how much their words can hurt.

[sylnsr]

The fact is.. its nothing less than a death in the family. My heart goes out to you.

[magpie375]

I'm so sry. Thnx 4 the tips.

[ayri0]

I swear I was going to say "I'm sorry..." before you suggested that would be the appropriate thing to say. So here it is: I am truly sorry ... If I may add, you are witty and funny despite the sensitive subject ... you'll be a great mom (I hope that was not inappropriate to say).

[gaijin32989]

I'm with ayri0 on this one. You are indeed strong and warming even with such a difficult subject to speak about. It's people like you who are willing to share their stories publicly that make difficult situations like this so bearable for all kinds of people. Looks like from the comments here that you've already touched the hearts of a lot of women who have been through similar situations.

You're the best, CoolMom!

[sisterwolf]

you are so right, it is hard and sad!!!

i got the best zinger from a "friend." she said, "Oh, i know how you feel. i had an abortion." how the Heck are an abortion and miscarriage the same???

I find that it's best to say, "i am sorry. If you need someone to talk to, i am here."

Sorry to hear that you went thru that. I have had several.

[cihuatateo]

wow... i wish everyone can see this but i understand that it's an awkard situation and people really don't know what to say. Please don't say!: "at least you weren't too attached to it yet" Excuse me!? It was my CHILD! or "well, you don't have to cry. it was just tissue anyway." WTF! Tissue? and let me cry all I want! It was my child, not theirs!

[kmgehling]

Thanks for posting this video. I recently had a miscarriage. I heard the comments you mentioned. Sone of the other things I was also told included that "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.", and "Maybe now you'll learn to appreciate children." So anybody reading this, try not to say those either, they really bite the soul. Thanks again for your post, coolmom; it helps to hear from others in the same situation. I'm sorry for your loss. Hang in there!

[jgelhaar]

I'm sorry.

Life can be hard ... At so many different levels.

[4aseer]

sorry

[VicariousJukebox]

It's sad that so many people are so effed up in the head.

[bunnyswann77]

my friend gave birth to a still born baby. i noticed a tiny picture on her wall in a collage and asked about the picture. she took out the pictures of her husband rocking this beautiful 11 lb baby boy all dressed up in blue. she wasn't crying as she spoke. i tried to walk away but i lost it. i cried like a child and she had to console me. teary eyed now. the complications were due to his size and the plan to have him at home. so sorry for your loss and any other woman who has lost a baby :.(

[Malocosa]

Nice video coolmom, I for a second thought you were the actress from Spin City. Hang in there