I am 24 years old now. My dad is an alcoholic. HOWEVER he stopped drinking when i was 4 years old (he went to A.A. meetings). Even though he quited 20 years ago, he has always acted as if he was still drinking. I can't stand alcohol because of it.
That aspect of my life completely ruined socialization i was an outcast and bullied because of it during college and highschool. Do you think despising booze is "normal" even for a ACOA?
Thanks for your message mak... I believe that something forced you to put up a protective shell to avoid external problems, and your offensive behaviour turned a lot of people off, and they picked on you as a result. Try removing this shell, be honest with people, and let your guard down. This will resonate with people, and they'll understand your true self. Don't blame your dad, it's your future now not his, and you have to take ownership regardless of your history. Good luck :)
Note Mak, that we have to look at ourselves first, when we evaluate the negatives that may be occurring in our lives. If people are turned off by you, then you obviously have to change something. People are simple, they get drawn to good people, and they dislike those who are not. Deep inside we are all good people, but the shell we develop as a defence mechanism sometimes masks our true self (without un knowing), and no matter what we do, people hate us. Remove your shell. :)
@thanos222222 He, i think you got me wrong. What i meant was that while most of my classmates were drinking and doing drugs i would say no, they were pushers that didn't understand that no was no. I guess they thought i was being obnoxious and felt i was too good to hang out with them when in reality i didn't mean that. I have taken control of my life since i was 16 years old. I admit i still resent my father t
Its like I have got so much pain inside and I have got to cry but I cant, and I just cant think about my feelings. My teacher is worried im emotionaly numb, I got no hope for future, Im failing at grades, I just think im destined to turn out like my mum, and not live my life.
Sammy, you can either be a loser and feed your pain with self pity, or be strong, it's your choice. If you experienced tough times, then I can almost bet that you're pretty smart because alcoholic parents make you grow up fast. This means that you're not stupid like many people, and you're capable of making good decisions. If you need help, go to a Church and talk to a priest please, because you're better than, that I'm sure of it!!! Big hugs!!!
Sammy, i also suggest that you cry your ass off!!!!!!! If it's difficult, go to a quiet place, allow your mind to recall all the pain you experienced, and let it out please. Cry and cry until there's no more tears. Don't do stupid shit like cutting yourself and stuff, let the tears be the escape, and the healing with slowly begin. The fact that you're writing here, means that you won't be like your mom, and you're looking for change. :)
Im 15 and my mums a alcholic, its so hard, in my household with two brothers im the odd one out, always get yelled at and punished. I want to live with my dad but he wont take me.
Every year for my birthday, new year , christmas ect is filled with fight, yelling and attempted suicide.The only place im happy is school funnily enough. I have got a great teacher for support and he is now getting social servaces involved. My mum doesnt know, and u dont know how selfish and bad I feel now...:/
Sammy, when it rains the sun always makes its way back out. I know that this sounds corny and stupid, but it's very true. Your pain is going to last for a few more years, there's no way to dodge the life that you're living, because even if you get social services involved, your mom is still going to be your mom at the end of the day. I just want you to know that she's sick, weak and doesn't know what she's doing. You'll understand more when you get older. Hang in there kiddo.
I have been trying to find the courage to go to an ACA meeting for more than a month now, ever since I found their page on the internet. In my city there is a meeting for newcomers every first monday of the month. That is tomorrow. I am really really scared to go. But I will do it. I thank you for uploading this video. You have already made a positive difference in the world.
Hi 467290, I never attended a ACA meeting before, and maybe I'll seek one out soon after reading your post. Because we grew up in this environment, we often feel that we have to control everything in our lives. Letting go, and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and honest feels so good. Take care and thanks for your post.
Hi Alex, maybe its because I see it as a sickness now, and that his intention is not to hurt those around him, although he does. They're so weak, that we can only feel sorry for them. When I was younger I used to get crazy pissed.
Thank u so much for posting this video! You don't even know how much this means to me. I'm 15yrs old & im an only child. My dad is an alcoholic. I can relate to so many things u just said such as: sleepless nights cuz u never know what can happen, wonderin why do I have to go thru the same thing over and over again..What hurts me the most is that he insults my mom and she is my befriend! I love her to death and I just can't see her suffer any more. It's unbelievable how much hate I have for him.
You're breaking my heart kiddo. Just hang in there, I know that the ride sucks, but please believe me when I say that it will get better. The more pain we experience in our lives, the more happiness we can experience. Everything is relative, you can't experience true happiness until you've experienced true sorrow. Hang in there kiddo.
@redeem72 Hey Redeem, we're pretty much the same age, and it looks like our scars are similar. But that's all they are, scars, not wounds. I'm no psychologist, just someone who suffered a lot of pain like you, but in my opinion I don't see it as forgiving, for me it's more like 'accepting' him. In my heart I know that he didn't drink to hurt me or my siblings, that was not his intent at all, regardless if he put us through that misery. I
we can't depend on these bastards to change...we have to forgive these fuckers and move on with our lives..it is very tough, but our happiness, success, stability does not depend on their happiness and stability, they do not owe us anything..nothing...and we definitely do not owe them anything either, as you can tell i still have a long way to go..i am trying to simply accept & forgive, find good in it and move on, there is no other way..easier said then done..let's keep our heads up..peace
hey thanks for posting this vid. i am 39 years old...i can totally identify with that certain type of instability, i keep telling myself it is an emotional scar, i still get angry at my dad (fucking prick fuck bastard) as you can tell, but i am trying to forgive him, i realize now healing through forgiveness is definitely a long process maybe even for the rest of my life, but one thing his alcoholism gave me is a deeper sense of self awareness and awareness of others
i first came across your vid a few months when i though my dad was gonna stop drinking. I kinda knew he wasnt gonna stop, i was just desperate and wanted to believe him. I had this huge pain in me and ur vid was really comforting. im now living fulltime with my mum(divorced parents, thank god). Im moving to UK in 6 months to start over and im really happy when i think of it:) ill watch this many more times in the future when it gets to me. Thanks for putting this up. its a big possitive help!
wow, I didn't think that it would touch people's lives like that, your story actually moved me as well. I hope the best for you, and hope that the troubles will soon be behind you, just hang in there because time definitely heals!!!!!!
I am a veteran trauma-recovery therapist who has been in personal ACoA recovery since 1986. From my healing and working with hundred of other ACoAs, I have evolved a free online education and healing Lesson - sfhelp.org/gwc/guide1.htm I invite you to scan it and the related "Lesson 1" videos in my YouTube channel. Feedback welcome!
Really appreciate you posting a video like this. It's so hard to find people to relate to online. I'm going to read through all the comments now, thanks.
seeing that you're into video making steghouse, I think it's your turn to post a video in relation to Adult Children of Alcoholics. From watching your videos, I noticed that you're quite the actor, and I'm sure you'll connect with many people. Sharing stories and stuff will definately help others, so post one!!!!!!! :)
Thanks for the post - its so nice to see that you broke the circle!
My father-in-law is recovering an alcoholic, but just had a mayor relapse. It has been hard for me to understand why my husbands family reacts to his problem the way they do. The secrets, the shame, the lies... - I guess my deepest fear is that my husband will have the same problems as his father, and his father before him... nice to see that there is hope... -Stephanie from Denmark
Hi mamiahone, if your husband is not an alcoholic yet and he's an adult I wouldn't worry too much about it. I suspect he's had some tramatic experiences growing up, and this has detered him up to this point. If you don't grow up in this environment, it's impossible to rationalize and undertand the situation. If your husband is happy with you, and feels comfort in your company, no worries.
Hi, my father is an alcoholic, i use to think it wasn't that bad tell today, my father got into a argument with my mother and things went for the worst. I dont want my parents to get divorce, i love them both to death, i want to help my father but idk how, all my siblings have moved out and ima the only one left, i'm 16 and soon (in 2 years) going to college but idk what will hold with my father and mothers problems its mainly the alcohol that causing it to happen,
Hi Wining, sorry to hear about your situation. You're young, and although you feel it is your obligation to keep them together, unfortunately it's out of your hands. Although it sucks that you have to watch ths unfold, a kid can not do anything to fix marital problems, so please don't put ANY stress on yourself for not being able to change things. If it does happen however, you better keep your head on straight and not do stupid shit, be responsible no matter what. Good luck.
Thanks a lot for putting this up. The situation you describe is almost exactly the one I have/am going through. I'm 18 and it's been going on for at least 8 years but me and my brother managed to convince our dad to seek help about his alcohol and depression problems so this might actually finally be over
Ah man... The thought that 'it might be over' is the hope that carried me during those years. For me, it never happened and his temporary attempts were short and far between, only to be dissapointed again. His promises became more and more convincing each and every time, only to be let down...
However, I hope that your dad will be different, and he'll finally shake off that sickness so that your life will become colorfull again. Good luck.
I cannot tell you how much this video means to me. I'm 16 and my mother is an alcoholic. My siblings are older and have moved out. My mom drinks at night, and I usually deal with her drinking okay. Some nights, though, I really can't stand it. Tonight was one of those nights, but I found your video. It's inspirational to hear that I don't necessarily have to turn out like her. I can grow to be stronger than her, and that it will be beneficial in the long run. Thank you.
i dont understand how she cant control it, but its fucking hard some days, i dont have any other family neer me or anything, i used to be a really happy person, but now im just angry all the time lifes fucked lol, anyway really good video :)
Hi Joshua, as you know I've already swam through these shitty waters and I know what it feels like. Keep in mind however that kids that grow up in our environment generally fall into 2 categories: they either become loser bums themselves or they become very successful and happy people. You either let it drag you down and hate the world, or you flip it on its head and live a healthy life.
Good video, my mums a alco, its fucked, if i go out to a mates house for the night i will tell her, i would walk/drive there, she will seriously drive to my mates house at 2 in the morning to come get me she cant fucking drive straight like on the curb and wrong side of the road kind of driving, i would leave my mates so she doesent disturb them, she will rev her car up out the front to wake my mates perents, and as soon as i walk outside she will yell at the top of her lungs at me,
Embarrasing moments will pile up Joshua, but a little bit of shame hurts noone. Driving drunk however, sucks, and I hope to God that nothing happens. I used to be a nervous wreck when my dad drove drunk, and when I was 12 I convinced him to teach me how to drive, so I can at least control the situation. Ahhh, the memories.
They are not responsible thinkers when drunk, and the stupid shit they do can not be rationalized or explained. At least I could never explain it.
I agree, someone who hasn't gone through this can not sympathize with the fear, the stress, the anger, the sadness, the isolation, the pain that we experienced as kids. A part of our youth was ripped from us, and we had to face adult problems at such an early age. We had to deal with emotions that forced us to grow up quickly, wether we liked it or not. However, the storm always passes in life, and the sun eventually pops its head out.
I cant tell if my mum is an alcoholic or not. I mean she drinks every day starting when she gets home from work. She always starts fights with my step dad and her voice changes and she acts all funny. She gets really worked up when I tell her "are you drunk?" or when I have a fit and pour it down the sink. She doesn't understand what people re saying to her. I have no idea what to do. Soon we are going to move out of the house and she is going to break up with my step dad. I really need help :(
You broke my heart with your last comment about needing his help. Shoot. I wish there was an easy fix to your situation, but from my experience there is not. You'll have to let time take its course, and always remember that it will only hurt for a few years. The best thing you can do right now is to talk to other people that are experiencing similar problems as you, so you can get some solice when sharing emotions.
Shit, I feel shitty for your situation, Good luck. :)
@ClaudiaMakeMe it sounds like you're young and you don't get it yet, but that's understandable because I didn't get it either when I was young. You'll have to realize that she's sick and doesn't have the strength to stop, even love can't cure this pathetic desease. Cut yourself all you want, but it isn't going to do shit, except for hurt you even further, don't be a moron. Just hang around with people that make you happy, and look at the bright side of things. Good luck.
He was doing so great!!! Today he visited me and I caught him drinking again, when I confronted him about it he got all defensive and obviously there is no way to win a discussion with a drunk. I told him how proud I was of him and how dissapointed I am now.
After that day he started taking some "anti-alcoholic" pills (If he drank one drop of booze he would be sick to his stomach) It was really effective, he finnally stopped drinking and was happy for it, I was SO proud!! A few months later he told me he was not taking the pill anymore because the side effects were kind of scaring him. And I was ok because thanks to the pills he survied the hardest part of quitting (withdrawl sindrome).
I didn't grow up with an alcoholic parent. But I am now a young adult child of an alcoholic. My father started drinking like 5 years ago and it escalated rapidly. He never got violent, he was just so grumpy, and irritable. Even when he was sober he would be irritable. About 6 months ago, I saw him passed out, thowing up, it was heartbreaking. So I wrote him a letter for him to read when he was sober.
I understand what you went through as I am going through it now with my mum. Seeing someone as two people is exactly how I feel, it seems like my mum is on a timer between coming home from work and then getting drunk. I have to savour that 40 minutes when she is a real person, I blink and she’s gone. Its weird listening to your video and relating to most things you say, I have never classified my mum as an alcoholic but I think it’s time to finally admit it
while watching this video.. next door my mom , my moms two friends and my step dad..my mom drinks so does my moms friends.. good thing my step dad doesnt..tho he is a sicko.. my mom is saying bad things to him about his mom because he said something bad about her mother we are a lithuanian family. and my step dad is african. ;( when my step dad gets angry he fights her and shouts and almost fights me.. he doesnt really fight me but seeing my mom getting hurt is the worst feeling plz god help
I can relate to this on so many levels......Unfortunately I have dealt with it the the worse possible away and I use drugs specifically Benzodiazepine as often as possible..........I have a feeling that I am going to end up miserable and alone just like my mom.
Hi fallenwwn, I was on the same road myself until I had my first kid, that's when it all changed for me. There was no way in the planet that I'd put my kids through what I went through. The fact that I embrased Christianity helped me out HUGE as well.
It sucks that you're going through that right now, but the fact that you're contemplating your future is a good sign, it means you're not blind and you realize this path is wrong. I hope you dig deep and get courage to stop.
@thanos222222 Thanks man I appreciate it more then I can convey through text. I am currently in the process of detoxing from morphine which is another narcotic I was abusing 10 days off today! Im still going through withdrawals and it really fucking sucks......but its getting better every day and I am looking forward to feeling human again. I have already made myself a promise that after I have been off the opiates for 6 months I will start the process of quitting the benzodiazpines.
@thanos222222 Tomorrow will be day 21 of no opiates!!! I feel like a human again ITS SO FUCKING WONDERFUL!!!! I am finally feeling emotion again and even to feel sad is beautiful.....Thank you again for you kind words!
I was very happy to see that someone else felt comfortable enough to post a similar video. I tried copying a link to his video, but an error message came up.
His video title is the same as my video. Can't wait to see more videos!
omg, you made me cry for teh first time in 5 years... I just cant freakin believe how much i see myself in you... thx man, not i can get the courage to open up and tell this to someone else
I have tears after watching this video.I'm 21 and both of my parents have had problems with alcoholism. My dad has been sober for six months. His story was very similar to your father's. I used to call him Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. My mother didn't really start drinking till i was an adolescent. I was the one she lashed out towards.(my parents are divorced/i'm the eldest sibling) My mother and I are close, the distance has helped her hide her addiction. Its so hard loving someone so unpredictable
Thanks for your response. It's so strange how we love them unconditionally. Although they scarred us, obviously it wasn't their intent to hurt us, and this is why we love them. Sorry to hear that you experiened a similar story, and I hope that your future will be much better. :)
I'm going to post a video response to this video. I do not attend alanon meetings because I don't feel that the structure of those meetings is right for me. I need to speak what's on my mind regarding this issue. My mom is an alcoholic as well and started when she got divorced back in 1993-4. She still drinks today. It's really impacted my life in a lot of negative ways, and a few positive. Thanks for posting this though. I can't find much on adult children of alcoholics on Youtube.
Why do you feel it was a positive experience? Do you think that you use work as a coping mechanism to an extreme compared to "normal" people? How do you find balance in your life? What other ways do you relieve stress from everyday life?
This negative experience has allowed me to feel more, to appreciate life more, my emotions are heightened and more dynamic, and the list goes on... Normal people are lucky not to have experienced this growing up, but everything is relative, what gives is the passion, creativity, and hunger to help the world. I don't have much stress to be honest with you. It hurts to recall those memories obviously, but not evaluating the positives that resulted is silly.
Thanks for your comment. No, I have never gone to a psychologist, because I don't feel there is anything to benefit. Getting suggestions and advice from someone who hasn't walked in your shoes is pointless as far as I'm concerned. Exchanging stories with others who experienced that 'world' (even via youtube) has much more value in teaching us how to cope with our personality that was developed from that upbringing. As my video suggests, I feel lucky that I experienced that
@sammyBBes I guess all I can say is 2 find someone that u can talk to. Make sure it's someone that u can also trust.
xxBXTxx 4 weeks ago
I am 24 years old now. My dad is an alcoholic. HOWEVER he stopped drinking when i was 4 years old (he went to A.A. meetings). Even though he quited 20 years ago, he has always acted as if he was still drinking. I can't stand alcohol because of it.
That aspect of my life completely ruined socialization i was an outcast and bullied because of it during college and highschool. Do you think despising booze is "normal" even for a ACOA?
makidtrej 1 month ago
@makidtrej
Thanks for your message mak... I believe that something forced you to put up a protective shell to avoid external problems, and your offensive behaviour turned a lot of people off, and they picked on you as a result. Try removing this shell, be honest with people, and let your guard down. This will resonate with people, and they'll understand your true self. Don't blame your dad, it's your future now not his, and you have to take ownership regardless of your history. Good luck :)
thanos222222 1 month ago
@thanos222222
Note Mak, that we have to look at ourselves first, when we evaluate the negatives that may be occurring in our lives. If people are turned off by you, then you obviously have to change something. People are simple, they get drawn to good people, and they dislike those who are not. Deep inside we are all good people, but the shell we develop as a defence mechanism sometimes masks our true self (without un knowing), and no matter what we do, people hate us. Remove your shell. :)
thanos222222 1 month ago
@thanos222222 He, i think you got me wrong. What i meant was that while most of my classmates were drinking and doing drugs i would say no, they were pushers that didn't understand that no was no. I guess they thought i was being obnoxious and felt i was too good to hang out with them when in reality i didn't mean that. I have taken control of my life since i was 16 years old. I admit i still resent my father t
makidtrej 1 month ago
And I cope by selfharm and bulimia/anorexia... :L
Its like I have got so much pain inside and I have got to cry but I cant, and I just cant think about my feelings. My teacher is worried im emotionaly numb, I got no hope for future, Im failing at grades, I just think im destined to turn out like my mum, and not live my life.
I dont know what to do anymore to be honest...
sammyBBes 1 month ago
@sammyBBes
Sammy, you can either be a loser and feed your pain with self pity, or be strong, it's your choice. If you experienced tough times, then I can almost bet that you're pretty smart because alcoholic parents make you grow up fast. This means that you're not stupid like many people, and you're capable of making good decisions. If you need help, go to a Church and talk to a priest please, because you're better than, that I'm sure of it!!! Big hugs!!!
thanos222222 1 month ago
@sammyBBes
Sammy, i also suggest that you cry your ass off!!!!!!! If it's difficult, go to a quiet place, allow your mind to recall all the pain you experienced, and let it out please. Cry and cry until there's no more tears. Don't do stupid shit like cutting yourself and stuff, let the tears be the escape, and the healing with slowly begin. The fact that you're writing here, means that you won't be like your mom, and you're looking for change. :)
thanos222222 1 month ago
Im 15 and my mums a alcholic, its so hard, in my household with two brothers im the odd one out, always get yelled at and punished. I want to live with my dad but he wont take me.
Every year for my birthday, new year , christmas ect is filled with fight, yelling and attempted suicide.The only place im happy is school funnily enough. I have got a great teacher for support and he is now getting social servaces involved. My mum doesnt know, and u dont know how selfish and bad I feel now...:/
sammyBBes 1 month ago
@sammyBBes
Sammy, when it rains the sun always makes its way back out. I know that this sounds corny and stupid, but it's very true. Your pain is going to last for a few more years, there's no way to dodge the life that you're living, because even if you get social services involved, your mom is still going to be your mom at the end of the day. I just want you to know that she's sick, weak and doesn't know what she's doing. You'll understand more when you get older. Hang in there kiddo.
thanos222222 1 month ago
I have been trying to find the courage to go to an ACA meeting for more than a month now, ever since I found their page on the internet. In my city there is a meeting for newcomers every first monday of the month. That is tomorrow. I am really really scared to go. But I will do it. I thank you for uploading this video. You have already made a positive difference in the world.
467290 2 months ago
@467290
Hi 467290, I never attended a ACA meeting before, and maybe I'll seek one out soon after reading your post. Because we grew up in this environment, we often feel that we have to control everything in our lives. Letting go, and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and honest feels so good. Take care and thanks for your post.
thanos222222 2 months ago
the only thing i dont get is how you dont get mad when your dad gets drunk when my mom gets drunk i get soooooo pissed
alexpet888 2 months ago
@alexpet888
Hi Alex, maybe its because I see it as a sickness now, and that his intention is not to hurt those around him, although he does. They're so weak, that we can only feel sorry for them. When I was younger I used to get crazy pissed.
thanos222222 2 months ago
Thank u so much for posting this video! You don't even know how much this means to me. I'm 15yrs old & im an only child. My dad is an alcoholic. I can relate to so many things u just said such as: sleepless nights cuz u never know what can happen, wonderin why do I have to go thru the same thing over and over again..What hurts me the most is that he insults my mom and she is my befriend! I love her to death and I just can't see her suffer any more. It's unbelievable how much hate I have for him.
ValentinaDaBeautiful 2 months ago
@ValentinaDaBeautiful
You're breaking my heart kiddo. Just hang in there, I know that the ride sucks, but please believe me when I say that it will get better. The more pain we experience in our lives, the more happiness we can experience. Everything is relative, you can't experience true happiness until you've experienced true sorrow. Hang in there kiddo.
thanos222222 2 months ago
@redeem72 Hey Redeem, we're pretty much the same age, and it looks like our scars are similar. But that's all they are, scars, not wounds. I'm no psychologist, just someone who suffered a lot of pain like you, but in my opinion I don't see it as forgiving, for me it's more like 'accepting' him. In my heart I know that he didn't drink to hurt me or my siblings, that was not his intent at all, regardless if he put us through that misery. I
thanos222222 2 months ago
we can't depend on these bastards to change...we have to forgive these fuckers and move on with our lives..it is very tough, but our happiness, success, stability does not depend on their happiness and stability, they do not owe us anything..nothing...and we definitely do not owe them anything either, as you can tell i still have a long way to go..i am trying to simply accept & forgive, find good in it and move on, there is no other way..easier said then done..let's keep our heads up..peace
redeem72 2 months ago
hey thanks for posting this vid. i am 39 years old...i can totally identify with that certain type of instability, i keep telling myself it is an emotional scar, i still get angry at my dad (fucking prick fuck bastard) as you can tell, but i am trying to forgive him, i realize now healing through forgiveness is definitely a long process maybe even for the rest of my life, but one thing his alcoholism gave me is a deeper sense of self awareness and awareness of others
redeem72 2 months ago
i first came across your vid a few months when i though my dad was gonna stop drinking. I kinda knew he wasnt gonna stop, i was just desperate and wanted to believe him. I had this huge pain in me and ur vid was really comforting. im now living fulltime with my mum(divorced parents, thank god). Im moving to UK in 6 months to start over and im really happy when i think of it:) ill watch this many more times in the future when it gets to me. Thanks for putting this up. its a big possitive help!
thes0mething 2 months ago
@thes0mething
wow, I didn't think that it would touch people's lives like that, your story actually moved me as well. I hope the best for you, and hope that the troubles will soon be behind you, just hang in there because time definitely heals!!!!!!
thanos222222 2 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
I am a veteran trauma-recovery therapist who has been in personal ACoA recovery since 1986. From my healing and working with hundred of other ACoAs, I have evolved a free online education and healing Lesson - sfhelp.org/gwc/guide1.htm I invite you to scan it and the related "Lesson 1" videos in my YouTube channel. Feedback welcome!
gercacn 3 months ago
Thanks so much for sharing...i had see/heard something
firelight163 3 months ago
@firelight163
no problem firelight, I just had to get some stuff of my chest that night. I hope more people post videos so everyone can inspire eachother.
thanos222222 2 months ago
Really appreciate you posting a video like this. It's so hard to find people to relate to online. I'm going to read through all the comments now, thanks.
steghouse 3 months ago
@steghouse
seeing that you're into video making steghouse, I think it's your turn to post a video in relation to Adult Children of Alcoholics. From watching your videos, I noticed that you're quite the actor, and I'm sure you'll connect with many people. Sharing stories and stuff will definately help others, so post one!!!!!!! :)
thanos222222 3 months ago
Thanks for the post - its so nice to see that you broke the circle!
My father-in-law is recovering an alcoholic, but just had a mayor relapse. It has been hard for me to understand why my husbands family reacts to his problem the way they do. The secrets, the shame, the lies... - I guess my deepest fear is that my husband will have the same problems as his father, and his father before him... nice to see that there is hope... -Stephanie from Denmark
mamiahone2926 4 months ago
@mamiahone2926
Hi mamiahone, if your husband is not an alcoholic yet and he's an adult I wouldn't worry too much about it. I suspect he's had some tramatic experiences growing up, and this has detered him up to this point. If you don't grow up in this environment, it's impossible to rationalize and undertand the situation. If your husband is happy with you, and feels comfort in your company, no worries.
thanos222222 4 months ago
Thank you for posting this, you really helped me clear up some foggy thoughts.
requiem4sorrow 4 months ago
@requiem4sorrow
Glad to hear requiem. :)
thanos222222 4 months ago
Hi, my father is an alcoholic, i use to think it wasn't that bad tell today, my father got into a argument with my mother and things went for the worst. I dont want my parents to get divorce, i love them both to death, i want to help my father but idk how, all my siblings have moved out and ima the only one left, i'm 16 and soon (in 2 years) going to college but idk what will hold with my father and mothers problems its mainly the alcohol that causing it to happen,
Thanks for the video- Mark
WiningSwag 4 months ago
@WiningSwag
Hi Wining, sorry to hear about your situation. You're young, and although you feel it is your obligation to keep them together, unfortunately it's out of your hands. Although it sucks that you have to watch ths unfold, a kid can not do anything to fix marital problems, so please don't put ANY stress on yourself for not being able to change things. If it does happen however, you better keep your head on straight and not do stupid shit, be responsible no matter what. Good luck.
thanos222222 4 months ago
Thanks a lot for putting this up. The situation you describe is almost exactly the one I have/am going through. I'm 18 and it's been going on for at least 8 years but me and my brother managed to convince our dad to seek help about his alcohol and depression problems so this might actually finally be over
thes0mething 5 months ago
@thes0mething
Ah man... The thought that 'it might be over' is the hope that carried me during those years. For me, it never happened and his temporary attempts were short and far between, only to be dissapointed again. His promises became more and more convincing each and every time, only to be let down...
However, I hope that your dad will be different, and he'll finally shake off that sickness so that your life will become colorfull again. Good luck.
thanos222222 5 months ago
I cannot tell you how much this video means to me. I'm 16 and my mother is an alcoholic. My siblings are older and have moved out. My mom drinks at night, and I usually deal with her drinking okay. Some nights, though, I really can't stand it. Tonight was one of those nights, but I found your video. It's inspirational to hear that I don't necessarily have to turn out like her. I can grow to be stronger than her, and that it will be beneficial in the long run. Thank you.
graciejennyshow 5 months ago
@graciejennyshow
Hi Gracie, that's a fantastic view that you have!!! I'm so happy that you're turning your shitty situation into a positive!!!!!!!
thanos222222 5 months ago
i dont understand how she cant control it, but its fucking hard some days, i dont have any other family neer me or anything, i used to be a really happy person, but now im just angry all the time lifes fucked lol, anyway really good video :)
joshua14993 7 months ago
@joshua14993
Hi Joshua, as you know I've already swam through these shitty waters and I know what it feels like. Keep in mind however that kids that grow up in our environment generally fall into 2 categories: they either become loser bums themselves or they become very successful and happy people. You either let it drag you down and hate the world, or you flip it on its head and live a healthy life.
thanos222222 7 months ago
Good video, my mums a alco, its fucked, if i go out to a mates house for the night i will tell her, i would walk/drive there, she will seriously drive to my mates house at 2 in the morning to come get me she cant fucking drive straight like on the curb and wrong side of the road kind of driving, i would leave my mates so she doesent disturb them, she will rev her car up out the front to wake my mates perents, and as soon as i walk outside she will yell at the top of her lungs at me,
joshua14993 7 months ago
@joshua14993
Embarrasing moments will pile up Joshua, but a little bit of shame hurts noone. Driving drunk however, sucks, and I hope to God that nothing happens. I used to be a nervous wreck when my dad drove drunk, and when I was 12 I convinced him to teach me how to drive, so I can at least control the situation. Ahhh, the memories.
They are not responsible thinkers when drunk, and the stupid shit they do can not be rationalized or explained. At least I could never explain it.
thanos222222 5 months ago
@MarthaMyDear06
I agree, someone who hasn't gone through this can not sympathize with the fear, the stress, the anger, the sadness, the isolation, the pain that we experienced as kids. A part of our youth was ripped from us, and we had to face adult problems at such an early age. We had to deal with emotions that forced us to grow up quickly, wether we liked it or not. However, the storm always passes in life, and the sun eventually pops its head out.
thanos222222 7 months ago
I cant tell if my mum is an alcoholic or not. I mean she drinks every day starting when she gets home from work. She always starts fights with my step dad and her voice changes and she acts all funny. She gets really worked up when I tell her "are you drunk?" or when I have a fit and pour it down the sink. She doesn't understand what people re saying to her. I have no idea what to do. Soon we are going to move out of the house and she is going to break up with my step dad. I really need help :(
Jazalibur 7 months ago
@Jazalibur
You broke my heart with your last comment about needing his help. Shoot. I wish there was an easy fix to your situation, but from my experience there is not. You'll have to let time take its course, and always remember that it will only hurt for a few years. The best thing you can do right now is to talk to other people that are experiencing similar problems as you, so you can get some solice when sharing emotions.
Shit, I feel shitty for your situation, Good luck. :)
thanos222222 7 months ago
@ClaudiaMakeMe it sounds like you're young and you don't get it yet, but that's understandable because I didn't get it either when I was young. You'll have to realize that she's sick and doesn't have the strength to stop, even love can't cure this pathetic desease. Cut yourself all you want, but it isn't going to do shit, except for hurt you even further, don't be a moron. Just hang around with people that make you happy, and look at the bright side of things. Good luck.
thanos222222 7 months ago
He was doing so great!!! Today he visited me and I caught him drinking again, when I confronted him about it he got all defensive and obviously there is no way to win a discussion with a drunk. I told him how proud I was of him and how dissapointed I am now.
He left without saying goodbye :(
sofeta 8 months ago
After that day he started taking some "anti-alcoholic" pills (If he drank one drop of booze he would be sick to his stomach) It was really effective, he finnally stopped drinking and was happy for it, I was SO proud!! A few months later he told me he was not taking the pill anymore because the side effects were kind of scaring him. And I was ok because thanks to the pills he survied the hardest part of quitting (withdrawl sindrome).
sofeta 8 months ago
I didn't grow up with an alcoholic parent. But I am now a young adult child of an alcoholic. My father started drinking like 5 years ago and it escalated rapidly. He never got violent, he was just so grumpy, and irritable. Even when he was sober he would be irritable. About 6 months ago, I saw him passed out, thowing up, it was heartbreaking. So I wrote him a letter for him to read when he was sober.
sofeta 8 months ago
I understand what you went through as I am going through it now with my mum. Seeing someone as two people is exactly how I feel, it seems like my mum is on a timer between coming home from work and then getting drunk. I have to savour that 40 minutes when she is a real person, I blink and she’s gone. Its weird listening to your video and relating to most things you say, I have never classified my mum as an alcoholic but I think it’s time to finally admit it
becky135 8 months ago
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becky135 8 months ago
Thank you for posting up this video. :)
shadeille1 10 months ago
while watching this video.. next door my mom , my moms two friends and my step dad..my mom drinks so does my moms friends.. good thing my step dad doesnt..tho he is a sicko.. my mom is saying bad things to him about his mom because he said something bad about her mother we are a lithuanian family. and my step dad is african. ;( when my step dad gets angry he fights her and shouts and almost fights me.. he doesnt really fight me but seeing my mom getting hurt is the worst feeling plz god help
9robke123 10 months ago
I can relate to this on so many levels......Unfortunately I have dealt with it the the worse possible away and I use drugs specifically Benzodiazepine as often as possible..........I have a feeling that I am going to end up miserable and alone just like my mom.
fallenwwn 11 months ago
@fallenwwn
Hi fallenwwn, I was on the same road myself until I had my first kid, that's when it all changed for me. There was no way in the planet that I'd put my kids through what I went through. The fact that I embrased Christianity helped me out HUGE as well.
It sucks that you're going through that right now, but the fact that you're contemplating your future is a good sign, it means you're not blind and you realize this path is wrong. I hope you dig deep and get courage to stop.
thanos222222 11 months ago
@thanos222222 Thanks man I appreciate it more then I can convey through text. I am currently in the process of detoxing from morphine which is another narcotic I was abusing 10 days off today! Im still going through withdrawals and it really fucking sucks......but its getting better every day and I am looking forward to feeling human again. I have already made myself a promise that after I have been off the opiates for 6 months I will start the process of quitting the benzodiazpines.
fallenwwn 11 months ago
@fallenwwn
Good luck, hope you realize you're strong enough to stay focused and motivated.
thanos222222 11 months ago
@thanos222222 Tomorrow will be day 21 of no opiates!!! I feel like a human again ITS SO FUCKING WONDERFUL!!!! I am finally feeling emotion again and even to feel sad is beautiful.....Thank you again for you kind words!
fallenwwn 11 months ago
@thanos222222 30 days off painkillers today
fallenwwn 10 months ago
this video made me cry. sounds like my story
waiting4rain 11 months ago
I was very happy to see that someone else felt comfortable enough to post a similar video. I tried copying a link to his video, but an error message came up.
His video title is the same as my video. Can't wait to see more videos!
thanos222222 11 months ago
i understand the feeling... i understand it SO BAD.........
i know how it feels like to go to someone's home and see them... NORMAL and SOBER
I wanna change the world for the best too dude... we can do it
at least I'm mentally stable thank god :')
thank you and thank youtube for giving us the ability to make videos like this
smikesmike05 11 months ago
@smikesmike05
What then seemed to be an injustice, now seems to have been a blessing.
Thanks for your comment.
thanos222222 11 months ago
omg, you made me cry for teh first time in 5 years... I just cant freakin believe how much i see myself in you... thx man, not i can get the courage to open up and tell this to someone else
smikesmike05 11 months ago
I have tears after watching this video.I'm 21 and both of my parents have had problems with alcoholism. My dad has been sober for six months. His story was very similar to your father's. I used to call him Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. My mother didn't really start drinking till i was an adolescent. I was the one she lashed out towards.(my parents are divorced/i'm the eldest sibling) My mother and I are close, the distance has helped her hide her addiction. Its so hard loving someone so unpredictable
bhailer08 1 year ago
@bhailer08
Thanks for your response. It's so strange how we love them unconditionally. Although they scarred us, obviously it wasn't their intent to hurt us, and this is why we love them. Sorry to hear that you experiened a similar story, and I hope that your future will be much better. :)
thanos222222 1 year ago
I'm going to post a video response to this video. I do not attend alanon meetings because I don't feel that the structure of those meetings is right for me. I need to speak what's on my mind regarding this issue. My mom is an alcoholic as well and started when she got divorced back in 1993-4. She still drinks today. It's really impacted my life in a lot of negative ways, and a few positive. Thanks for posting this though. I can't find much on adult children of alcoholics on Youtube.
MusicalOxygen 1 year ago
@MusicalOxygen
look forward to your video response!
thanos222222 1 year ago
Why do you feel it was a positive experience? Do you think that you use work as a coping mechanism to an extreme compared to "normal" people? How do you find balance in your life? What other ways do you relieve stress from everyday life?
daniellelindenthaler 1 year ago
@daniellelindenthaler
This negative experience has allowed me to feel more, to appreciate life more, my emotions are heightened and more dynamic, and the list goes on... Normal people are lucky not to have experienced this growing up, but everything is relative, what gives is the passion, creativity, and hunger to help the world. I don't have much stress to be honest with you. It hurts to recall those memories obviously, but not evaluating the positives that resulted is silly.
thanos222222 1 year ago
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RFshapeshifter 1 year ago
@RFshapeshifter
Thanks for your comment. No, I have never gone to a psychologist, because I don't feel there is anything to benefit. Getting suggestions and advice from someone who hasn't walked in your shoes is pointless as far as I'm concerned. Exchanging stories with others who experienced that 'world' (even via youtube) has much more value in teaching us how to cope with our personality that was developed from that upbringing. As my video suggests, I feel lucky that I experienced that
thanos222222 1 year ago