Assertiveness - Tips for being assertive & saying 'No'

[aaronbcj]

Assertiveness is done consciously .. as soon as you hear the first request, deep inside you quickly evaluate what is more important then speak out your first answer.. from there on, the request will get more persuasive (your manager underwent persuasive skill program) and you counter it (with what you learnt fromassertive skill program). Sympathy is a very good persausive skill, so be aware of it ...

[99sra]

Ok, and let's say the manager says even with a friendly smile: "I won't take no for an answer, you're helping me tonight" and turns his back and leaves????? And what if he answers "Well do you say that a party is more importand than your work?" What will you do? Cause exposing your life plans like that, gives him the 'right' to put it on discussion. Please answer.

[awakemer]

the and here feels really awkward!

[slippyg]

powerful



[johnyates11]

My friends, this is scenario is completely unrealistc.

The managers specially bosses do not have time, when they hear the first word "NO" and the reason is a "PARTY", they just do not waist their time contradicting whatsoever!!! They let them go to the party and from there the relationship change.... until the girl is transfered or relocated into another department, like the unemployment list of HR dept. That´s the fact and not emotion.

[Dan4USCTroy]

I just love to hear british women speak..I could never say NO to british women to anything..lol

[bethboynton]

Thanks for the YouTube.

I think this is a great demo for practicing saying "No" and I tweeted it. Lots of nurses have trouble with this and work in cultures that exploit the difficulty.  I do think there should be room for negotiating alternatives & in this case the 'student' might offer to come in on Saturday afternoon i.e. collaborative approach.

Beth Boynton, RN, MS Author, "Confident Voices: The Nurses' Guide to Improving Communication & Creating Positive Workplaces".

[luarpe]

i just hope she did not get fired after saying "no" to her boss

[37474748]

Well you can just tell the manager with that short of notice it ain't ganna happen. If he insists then you ask what's the price? Then it's his ball. If you don't dig it. Just say na ain't ganna happen sorry dude.

[falleneccentrix]

just tell your manager at the start of the day that today will be the day that you can not stay late. It will allow your manager to have more time to ask someone else.

[olimarcapt]

the blond is so beautiful. :)

[Demoras]

@olimarcapt Indeed she is!

[mjmeredith]

What a shocking misinterpetation of Assertiveness! [= "I'm OK, you're OK"]. Responses here come from the mindset "I'm OK, sod you!" - "cold and hard" - a self-defensive response which does do not foster a co-operative, low-stress, mutually-considerate relationship for the future. If the boss becomes persistent, bullying, manipulative or demanding, then we would indeed have to shift from an initial considerate Assertiveness to the hostile form of "Self-centredness" [insensitive rejection] here.

[mjmeredith]

We can say "No" assertively without being insensitive [as shown here] to the feelings of either party e.g. if we sincerely feel some regret we can include that, and if we sincerely feel empathetic to the pressure that they are under we could include that. "Assertiveness" is not a desperate last-base self-defence measure [we have "withdrawal", "hostility" or "aggression" behaviours for those situations]. Assertiveness is about building low-stress, mutually-beneficial relationships.

[bellasmommy06]

I have dealt with a similar situation with my boss, and now I know how to handle this. I didn't realize how unassertive i was.

[333handsomesons]

awesome video!! it was very helpful thanks.

[bnb4evr86]

using 'and' a very good idea! tried it myself and worked well! thank you : ]

[carlosarios]

There is an amazing book for assertiveness "How to say no and feel no guilty" by Manuel J Smith.

[Calebkoss]

You need to love yourself. Take care of your needs. Or negotiate. I'll do it if you pay me a $2000 dollar bonus. I have plans. you don't even have to say exactly what is going on in your life. It is none of their business. I have an issue that i have to deal with at home. Something has come up and I won't be able to do it. I can't do it now, but if you give me more time can take care of it tomorrow. You're going to have to take care of it yourself this time.

[cyphi1]

I would get rid of the "and" by just creating a new statement...I don't think it needs to be any connection between the two opposing ideas.

Maybe I'm a little slow on tactfulness, but Is an apology not suitable in these scenarios?

Seems like it flows better if you add in some sort of empathy. "I realize that you want me to stay and I'm sorry.  I have an important party to attend."

[philiprussell1987]

Cringe, I bailed after 90 seconds. Seem scripted to me

[antichristo]

NO, I didi it , Yeah !!!!

[jadam87]

awkward, and not very good upward communication. best thing would be to say very politely, no i'm not able to i need to be home this evening on time. you don't wanna lie, what you think your gonna have a party to go to every night? lol not bad at all though

[looker768]

The last two minutes seem really hard....sometimes bosses can be vindictive when refused........but nevertheless we all deserve respect no matter where we work. People often point out bullying in schools as a problem. Unfortunately bullying is just as serious at work.

[cyphi1]

@looker768 school is just a training ground for the workforce.

[fhiosat0]

@looker768. I and three other colleagues were victims of bullying in the workplace - it was really unpleasant, all 3 of us separately asked if we could have our lunch at different times to the bully - we all had to take breaks together separate from the rest of the staff and it was really stressful. The boss didn't want the hassle of facing up to it and it would be our word against the bully and go on our work record. In the end it only resolved when the bully picked on the boss! Sad but true.

[looker768]

@fhiosat0 That's why I think these assertiveness shit is bull! Any adult of sound mind knows what's right and wrong. Sometimes you just have to face the damn bully. Sometimes confrontation is necessary. Sometimes people need to be kicked from behind on Facebook or a fake sex ad in Craiglist as a taste of their own medicine hahaha. But hey at least you weren't alone in your experience fhiosat0

[leightonhs]

@looker768 Too right.

[hades1234567]

@looker768 i crashed my car cos i was over worked and coudnt say no. i phoned in and they still asked me to come in! its only cos i coudnt find anyone to give me a lift in that i had to brck the bad news to them that im not able to do overtime. now i have to spend all my wages on a another car so i took all that shit from them for nothing. now im sad tht i didnt die in the accident

[looker768]

@hades1234567 Let karma....chances are these people at work of yours were already born ugly...

[hades1234567]

@looker768 yh funny u should say that because they seriously are

[brucinda01]

This sounds wierd and false. It is dependant on a certain senario/ script.

[laurenandmia]

This video is good, but the way they say 'and' is completely inappropriate. 'And' does not work that way. It just doesn't sound like someone is really talking. But the broken record thing is effective.

[billyk2373]

Don't think so - "and" is a conjunction, and in many cases  is preferable to "but" for stating your position without contradicting the other person or seeming to contradict yourself. a great video on assertiveness.

[FoxZo83]

I will definitely use this tip.