Dane Cook Joke 2

[AnarchyIsPower]

"There is only one captain

Captain Dildo

And do you know what we say to him?

Not today"

[LDC25xGoody]

7:48, best part of the video... hahahahaha

[etta2212]

i hate da prefews lol

[zuffyable]

not today

[QuantumTap]

the one thing i love about comedians above all else,

they alway mange to continue a joke after 10 seconds of solid audience laughter

[DHScherocha]

I was linked to this after watching a bunch of Louis CK vids. The transition was like going from a eating a delicious cake to a fetid pile of zebra shit. This guy is lame, his humour is awkwardly contrived and if you found this funny it's because you're fucking stupid.

[DexterFishbourne]

@DHScherocha Thank You...someone else who thinks Dane's comedy is dog shit. Louis CK is awesome, talented and genuinely funny...Dane is a very clever marketer...so clever that he has sold himself as a comedian without even being funny. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy...he's just not funny. Really, really, not funny.

[madworldfan123]

@DexterFishbourne FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!!! if u dont like him y did u look at this bitch?!

[DexterFishbourne]

@madworldfan123 to see why he is so popular. I've heard a lot about Dane Cook and wanted to see some of his work. The only funny thing about Dane is his fans.

[madworldfan123]

@DexterFishbourne FUCK uuuuuu!!!!1!

[retards29]

39 people have no sense of humor what so ever! funniest man eve:D

[tyresch]

wow so many haters. lets see you do it better if you know comedy

[EPICsliceOFcake]

@tyresch I could do better in my sleep.

[tyresch]

@EPICsliceOFcake really? thats because your dreaming haha

[EPICsliceOFcake]

@tyresch With a joke like that, I can tell you're a Dane Cook fan.

[tyresch]

@EPICsliceOFcake sorry i just dont like your humor

[MetalAttack1986]

@MetalThrashingManiac finally someone else agrees with me on how much this stupid coksucker sucks! Screw Dane Cook and screw his dumb jokes!!! I even hear this guy rips off jokes from another funnier comedian named Louis CK. Check him out too! He's 1000 times funnier than Dane C0ck!

[andrehendrik]

couldn't make beyond the 5 minute mark . . . not a spark of wit

[davgabe]

He sucks period

[jhutchinson00]

9:28 ......thats what she said :D

[MaddAboutTati]

SHHHHHH. F**k your motha, f**k your motha!!

[someguy0000001]

Not funny. Not at all.

[Djmerald]

I just came!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just the cheese!

[bigbuth411]

ya man this video skipped cuz Dane did 2 movie trailers! 

[iLaughi]

hahahahhahaaa DANE COOK your freaking GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[FreeSubsPloxLol]

"where's the van?!?!? it was supposed to freaking be here!" i pmsl there

[323554824]

Oh look! this goes up, look at this! its a cup holder or you can blow me if the movies bad lmao

[p3nisch33se]

"uh.. NO i would like to make 9 trips back and fourth like im a choo-choo train!"

[UDWiTzCosmic]

he means cum on floor

[SmellyAmpitz]

@UDWiTzCosmic No shit sherlock

[plutosarrow]

does dane cook mean "i just came" as he just cumed on the floor. or he just came to the movie so he hanst even cumed yet?

[ForceRecon198]

F*** YOUR MOTHER

[joeczech11]

SHUSH-OLA!!! take the damn icee. lmao great shit

[zazzoa]

WHERE'S THE VAN!?! THE VAN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!!

[DiZazzo97]

THE FUNNIEST GUY EVER THUMBS UP IF U AGREE

[Faiz6589]

@DiZazzo97 Russell peter is better!

[MetalAttack1986]

@DiZazzo97 I say thumbs down! Louis CK is SO MUCH FUNNIER!!!!

[bojanks15]

@DiZazzo97 lol no

[EPICsliceOFcake]

@DiZazzo97 Disliked and marked as spam.

[TheAlexBasso]

Why has this man not been killed yet?!

[xoxoNewRomanticxoxo]

some of this was stolen blatantly from eddie izzard

[Green7Fox]

I <3 Dane Cook!

[bornacriminal]

SHALALASHHH

[CookieT28]

fuck yo motha!!!

[NonaBear10]

I love the previews!!!

[NonaBear10]

@Beachboy1513 first of all thats not funny secound of all why would she slit my throat because I didnt post something on youtube? no one believes this crap...so fucking stupid

[TerryAteTheMuffins]

hey...im thinking i want some treats xD

[laShelbey510]

"No JUST THA CHEESE"

[vanfenrych]

Never seen him on SPEED before ;) Sooo blasted.

[MollyMelissaDugan]

This guy wont sit.....HAAHHAHAAH

[AquaVictus]

@ beach boy: SHUT THE HELL UP BUTT FUCKER!

[turbochargedbitch]

its a cup holder or you can blow me if the movies bad hahahahaha:)

[fatpandas01]

haha dane cook is funny i want his new dvd isoclice something

[reyx7]

a diaper of goodies LMFAO

[jordinstar]

ha i do that all th time i hate those fucking cup holders you an never find the fucking hole its like damn where is it!?

[27671234]

this guy wont sit, i have a cock eye and all i can see is ur and ur Flimsy Box XD

[27671234]

Woot i am the 335,672nd Veiwer!!!! haha

[dh222able]

6:47 to 7:00 is funny

[iXamXenough]

lmao that was great dane cook is a silly bitch.

[mizzgrotesquelove13]

"i just came"

LMFAO!!!!

[OhMyWord08]

6:48 LOL

[freedomfighter2578]

Woot im the 333,250th veiwer!!!

[biggiesstars123]

LMFAO

[Mattwhizerd]

"YOU!" :booph: "ME" :booph: "US"

[freedomfighter2578]

i no right those people are jackarses i mean its obviously fake an obviously dumb

[NonaBear10]

@freedomfighter2578 yeah I know people are so retarded sometimes

[NonaBear10]

@dawg92746 I know its really annoying

[chrispy199]

@Beachboy1513 GO FUCK YOURSELF AND STOP LEAVING GAY ASS COMMENTS OR ELSE ILL COME IN YOUR ROOM AND SLIT YOUR THROAT!

[residentevil2445]

hey beachboy1513 NOT REAL gat a life

[DISkorn]

Dude Stfu that never happened

[NonaBear10]

@NSwannabeEngineer yeah sure she will :( thats so stupid no one believes this stuff and if they do they are retarded

[NSwannabeEngineer]

@NonaBear10 I know it's stupid. I was just bored and wanted to piss people off.

[NonaBear10]

@NSwannabeEngineer oh then I guess it worked because they said it was spam.....I hate when people send chain emails like that and u have to pull like 15 people to email out of ur ass

[soccerkarer]

the preview reminded me of Pablo Francisco! Dane should have had him do it, he does some impersonations better, but Dance Cook is better in general.

[718ufo]

i just came

lmfao

[MadnessOfMankind]

What movie is the "The van was supposed to be here!" from?

[bUtTeR3fLy]

its not from an actual movie, his just saying random lines for the sake of the joke. lol.

[vaco12]

It's from one of his other jokes, the every man wants a monkey one.

[NonaBear10]

@vaco12 me too!!! Im a girl but I want one

[nathalieeex3]

its true i love previews lmfao

i love dane cook!

[Joebobway2]

BARF!!! He completely contradicted himself. He said when you review the movie "you mean it!" Then he immatates a person just saying his point calmly. WTF!! His last joke made no sense. "I just came." How does that relate at ALL?? He clearly says "I just spilled my drink", then implied the mess was man seed. You can't imply that something is something else if you already said what that something WAS!!! O.K. I'm done with my rant.

[VolumeSK]

he said "i just came" in the beginning...

because somone was complaining the floors were so sticky...

then he said "i just came" in the end because he spilled hid drink, and that made the floor sticky, and the person behind him kinda got him back by saying he just came...

so yeahhh

[PervAccount]

@Joebobway2 dude just enjoy it

[kackarot123]

lol i love him but when he does the girl voice he freaks me out and pisses me off

[deeewd]

that's why in civilized countries we leave our seats walking face-side to the people...

[TrexTony117]

hey dumbfuck you took out the cameron diaz part. yes i said it.

[Miyuuta]

Just the cheese.

[brandonngo96]

LOL fuck yo motha!

[44vnoxw]

SHUSH! Shululululush! Sushola!!!!!!

[Supdog01]

hes alright, but ive seen much better stand up acts.

[Ros1elovemuff1n]

i love him, but i swear hes gay

[PunkAssedKid]

Watch some his acts are about sex, it'll change your opinion fats my friend lol

[nhl367]

7:41 Awesome

[LuffsEmmettCullen]

The I just came Joke

[soarath]

its when ur in the theater n the floors r sticky u turn around n say i just same like u just shot cum on the floor -.- lol

[zdugout12]

i got to experience the i just came moment!!!!!!

[LuffsEmmettCullen]

I don't get that...

[zdugout12]

what dont you get?

[crapper4321]

diaper of goodies

[RockinPrincess33]

blasty blast

hahaha

[LemonPirate101]

you know the nachos? just the cheese lol

[deidaraunpro]

lol"SHULALALALALALASHHHH!"

[TANKOVERLORD]

lol >8(

[8yeah8]

I just came.

[15minoflame]

HELL YA BENNIGANS !

[camdevo1]

um...well good for you

[ZomgDaPimp]

not top day dildo LOL

[Codedemon23]

"its a cup holder or u can blow me if the movies bad" HAHA

[XArcANG3LX]

CAPT. DILDO

[Cubivore10]

Wow...he was right about the previews, I do that too some times.

[Tsuaga]

SHA LA LA LA LA SHHH! X]

[electricgwitar]

what did he mean by he just came??o_O

[afterlifesfury]

your not very old are you?

[Dwoodward93]

lol i dont get the non-perverted part of the joke... all i can think of is the perverted part.... like what does it mean besides he cummed?

[awesomepho1]

Lol, don't worry about it :P

[izmefoo]

haha

[BlumenStrasse01]

"look at this! its a cup holder... or you can blow me when the movies bad!"

[xXPenguin44xX]

Fuck yo mathaa. XD

[afterlifesfury]

i use that one a lot.

[churro250]

not 2 day captain dildo

[wiskytangofoxtrot360]

TAKE THE FUCKING ICEE....

[cartmanrules23]

I know dane cook

[utubelova98]

ahahahaha i luv dane cook!!!! like a choo choo train!!! hahah hes so seriuos!!! omgggg come to texas!!

[xTheKillersVictim]

AHAHAHA!

"Shalalalalalushh!"

[vegas2ftw]

i dont get the joke about" i just came "

what does he mean?

[abajeeba]

came is the past tense form of cum, which is a slang term for ejaculation

as you may or may not know, semen is sticky

so when the "guy behind him" says the floors are sticky, dane cooks jokes that he just came, making the floors sticky in the process

however, it is also possible that this is simply a shock joke, only funny because of its unneccesarily vilgar language

either way, this video is awesome XD

[travdog121]

who are u? like nurse know it all!

[lexfury]

No he is a "educated" person trying to explain what "came" meant... *facepalm*

[jackofblades456]

dude he could have been young and not known about that shit yetbut now i geuss you made him learn a new word if hes young

[SubliminalBrain]

yeah i had to explain this to my cousin.....it was awkward....so i said 'in 6 years i'll show you this video then you'll laugh..'

[jackofblades456]

sad thing is... im 12 and i know this stuff

[SubliminalBrain]

so..in my school they SATRTED

[SubliminalBrain]

SORRY...in my school they STARTED

[izmefoo]

im 12 to. and i know what hes talking about...it is kinda sad that i was listenin 2 this and knew what he was talkin bout and no one had 2 explain it

[lexfury]

Ummm...Most 12 tear olds these days know this shit.

[semsemgrl]

he meana he just cummed........lol

[RockFaerieFan1]

Haha, not today Captain Dildo!

[lostboy1995]

i love dane cook i watched like everything of his

[BethanyK8]

shut it purple spider webs

[PurpleSpiderwebs]

Only stupid girls and american girls do that lol

[tachiiANDjeesi]

just the cheese :) gahhahhaha

[xOxBFFCxOx]

Ahaha his preview impression is amazing!!

[2asMommY]

so flippin funny!! :P

[naruto94j]

" not today not today" love him

[lisax852]

HAHAHAHA holy crap!! His tailers were amazing! LMAO.

[Dapooflinga]

lol... this happened to me the other day with my gf. You want anything. No.

10mins later. Wanna go get me some popcorn?

[alecaugust32]

i just got here

[TrizerFlame]

That so happend to me! Never again will I drop my cup!

[1hardcorehottie]

haha wow..nice lol thats funny

[bigbeatlesfreak]

dude i love his impression of a gurl!!!

"ew the floors sticky..thereso sticky.."i just came...BLASTY BLAST!

[imoshalot]

"popcorn and sodie pop" lmao =] i love dane cook =]

[yankees4779]

lol blasty blast

[UrXFace95]

this is hilarious!!

haha....my little brother just yelled "captain dildo" LMFAO..he doesn't know what it means..

[doodlebug1137]

:] bah-FUCKING-ha.

[Tege430]

My bro actually tried the 'I just came" joke and almost kiked outta the movies but Dane Cook is right....I was effing hilarious

:):):)

[SheriseK]

this part was HILARIOUS :)

[s3bby21]

that joke with the i just came thing

annoys the shit outta me. some fucker kills it all the time.

and dude his niece goes to my school

weird o.0

[xxxxRageandlovexxxx]

i dont get it when he said i just came!

is it cuz of my ignorance in sex related things??

[Zane11Royal]

Prolly... lol when he says "I just came".. Means he just (spermed)on the floor.. sperm is sticky...

[XsessiveRollplayer]

indeed u r an idiot

[Zane11Royal]

LMAO!!! the dildo part made me roll!!! LOL!

[emmafortomorrow]

haha im 13, and it all makes sense to me.

i love dane cook !! [:

[FaRtBoMb42]

at 9:13 AND SO ON WAS SO FUNNY.

[seth2345mj]

yea cause its so truee  lolol