The Onion: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

[thewolfthatsinside]

THATS FUCKING ANIMAL CURTLY!

[jbgandhi2]

Hmm. Maybe they should make a knife with 5 blades!

[69likker69]

Proper funny .

[GStudio666]

See, I wasnt sure if that was harmful or not, now I know and knowing is half the battle

[blasticuffs]

LoL so many idiots here. As to the realism: it says something about the popular news stations for CNN, FOX, MSNBC, etc. It doesn't take much to make people believe "the facts." Do your due diligence please.

[Zergleman]

How could this be real? I mean, what kind of news station name is Onion? So not professional.

[jericho51166]

Hey guys the ONN is a comedy news site that specializes in satire. Nothing they say actually happens.

[regularasselo]

@jericho51166 nobody here is retarded

[MsCali6]

u kock sukking mothers fukkrs...u dare hurt GODS creatures ...if i saw u on th street,,i will rather stab ur children in the MOTHER FUKKIN NECK,,U 2 bit mother fukkrs//////............i HATE YOU

[shadehealer]

@MsCali6 U MAD BRO?

[kentacheese1]

That sounds like a fun job.... yeah......

[hackking002]

LOL

[zacdee316]

I love how realistic this looks. I should burn a few episodes and trick some dumb bitches at school with them.

[cruffatinliveth]

hahahaha

[cancerslugg]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[godsword4u1]

Your bluffin...

[spktruth200]

this shit is too funny...gotta wonder about those monkeys though.

[TheHigherVoltage]

The more I stab a monkey, the more red stuff leaks out. That's all that happens.

[itsdarkgreen]

20 monkies watched this

[BridgettCullen23]

this is stupid

[paytonmag]

@ohsnapitshitler no duh It's a fake news broadcast. They had their own movie

[kakaphotos]

the control group was merely punched... LOL

[MichaelHuman]

how is this legal? I feel so bad for those monkeys :(

[originalsupergrover]

@MichaelHuman You are a moron good sir, also better check out uncyclopedia while you re at it

[X0KiNGPiN]

Dude lmfao

[mumuchu99]

This is so funny

[sweet96635]

Chihuahuahuahua uauaua ocoloate blue blue blue blue bleu blue blue muhahhaa chihuahua humminah hummninah humminah humminah CHIHUAHUA CHIHUAHUA CHIHUAHUA CHIHUAHUA

[KWalsh554]

No, this is totally real. How else would they test knives? Guns too. All bullets are monkey tested before being put on the market.

[OHSNAPITSHITLER]

fake

[jugglinggenius5]

NO SPOONING THE BACON!

[MrLittletomdj]

A new study suggests that more than 1 in 10 Americans have really hard time with satire. Another study suggests they may simply be retarded.

[bwood21390]

If you took this seriously, you're an idiot.

[crazytalented9710]

thats mean

[Imhotterthenyou11]

The onion is making fun of "pork barrel politics." Can you morons please go broaden your knowledge base before proving why your inferior genes do not belong here?

[UHeardMe1stTime]

LOL @ anyone who doesn't realize this is a joke.

[RougeBurstAngel]

lol omg istarted to die laughing when they talked about the control group

[sylvur]

ROFL!! I love how the actors manage to keep such a straight and serious face while saying their lines. Onion News is pure comedic gold! LOL

[tellmeachronicle]

@sylvur I'd LOVE if they made a sketch with they laughing at a completely serious news, or, I don't know "damn, that's just too much for me, i'mm outta here"

[irvrod]

wow lol

[tonykeywest08]

sick bastards.

[FingerBoardingT3ch]

@tonykeywest08 IT's from Onion News dude, it's fake.

[shadowwolf278]

im one of the monkeys how do you think i feel MONKEY POWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! join us on face book that means you obama

[coeloptera]

"There was a control group that was not stabbed. This group was merely punched."

Okay THAT is where I lost it. That is textbook perfect comedy. Just when the audience is settling into the "world" of the joke, they get blindsided by more absurdity. The actress's awesome, clinical delivery made it even better!

[srk4044]

@coeloptera

Same here! There's no way I could deliver that line without cracking up...

[yondy12]

wtf ....

[TheDarkkid499]

wow that isnt real and if it is then thats sick and they will all be burning in hell when they die!

[Jvallent]

The idiotic comments from inept people are almost as good as this hilarious video.

[bucketoftruth100]

also.... great video

[bucketoftruth100]

read the other comments before you comments about the other comments! no one thinks this is real! who are you preaching to? shut the fuck up!

[p0sta1]

I'm one of the scientists that conducted these tests on the monkeys. I'm angry The Onion is making such a mockery of our important work. We need to warn other monkeys that this is still going on!

[donmid]

its a fucking satire news show called the onion you idiots haha

[KevinchrisH]

WTF this aint real is it ? Oo

[number1hockeygrl]

not funny.

[stludachris]

"The catholic church denounces spooning" haha

[drmenton]

LOL. The control group were not stabbed, they were only punched! Pissed my pants!

[SBFidel]

Too funny!!!

[simtur88]

I'm a biomedical student, so I can see the scientific merrit of such a study :P

I think next they should investigate gun shots on baby seals! (physiologically identical to humans)

[Tyannalyn]

LOL,

[StevenCojocaru]

how many monkeys do you need to deduce the fact that stabbing isn't really healthy? -? -Hmmm, even a monkey could give the answer...oh, wait, it did.

[JaGed123]

thats horrible

[lachlanSB]

its not for real

[FluffyBunniesOnFire]

This is a huge step forward for science!

[redLama]

Hilarious lol :):):)

But omg.....Onion News = mad TV of the news world so get a grip ppl it's NOT REAL!!!!!

[mbenson2790]

eat that peta!

[blacklotus808]

0:44

HA HA HA....

[ghostboarder777]

The tickers @ the bottom are the best part!! Giraffe mauling FTW lmaoplanes roflcopter

[AlexBarlow666]

man people are stupid, try searching the onion news before you broadcast your stupidity on the internet.

[MusicSoundsCool]

lol what the fuck its so real but so bull shit at the same time :D

[rodyshusband]

This "study" was probably funded by our tax dollar$!!! LOL

[flamedued]

this is fucking hilarious! ppl are dumb and think this is real. WELL IT'S NOT! gah! it's fake and get a brain ppl!!!!

[RougeJonin]

GOD whats with all you idiots thinking this is real? ITS A SATIRE completely made up its not actually gonna happen nor will it ever happen so quit your bitching and animal rights speaches until u see somethin thats REAL

[nonfictions]

vivisection for the lose.

[cottonwhiskersuk]

This may be fake, but it's a satirical take of something all too real...:-(

[FluffyBunniesOnFire]

I hope the stimulus package puts more funding into this research. It would greatly benefit health care in the future.

[noelhanni]

why does the human race always need to do studys. we should all stand up and fight this. Monkeys have the right to life just like you and me :(

[ztls6i]

We need to do studies on animals in order to find treatments for oursleves. What's wrong with that?

[flamedued]

just go die, this is a joke. just go fucking drop off a bridge if you are do god damn stupid to know it's a joke.

[ztls6i]

I know it's a joke. I was replying to someone who posted a comment on this video asking why we do studies on animals. This person was speaking in more general terms, as was I. We were not talking about this video, which is obviously satirical. I am hoping that you are only a child with comments like "just go die". What's very scary is the number of people on here who feel the need to constantly remind others that "The onion news network" is a joke. It's very obvious.

[flamedued]

oh sorry man.

[asdfsasdlk]

this is fake all of u idiot ppl !

the onion is a comedian group they have a fake newsroom

STUPID PPL

[JOEYMOEY97]

this is fucking stupid getting stabed hurts you well no FUCKING DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[g0or0o]

omfg why would they do that?!..

[Enfirnity]

LOL!!! XD

[sborder66]

haha, bludgeoning and boiling,,,

[aislinnforrest]

More physical than psychological xD

[KINGSHITSU]

even when we punched the control 200-300 times.......i laughed so hard i was tearing

[itsreallynotacat]

Oh wow, that's fucking hilarious.

[ImmitatorForYou]

...I know I'll get down rated by saying this is very..I N S A NE? It has no humor to me..

[dekoldrick]

Lol. They should do getting hit by a parked car causes physical injuries next. :P

[apostel13]

PAAAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

[scarygirl58]

WTF?! ARE THER INSANE?!

[polo32994]

obviously its not real..

[scarygirl58]

I know that...

[straikasx]

lol

[mattddriscoll]

This is the most horrible thing I have ever seen. Those scientists should try getting stabbed and see how they like it.

[robohobo1982]

Dude, it's not real. It's from Onion News - a parody news station.

Wasn't it just a tad obvious ... ?

[RADIOACTIVEBUNY]

@robohobo1982 Nowadays? No, it's not obvious.

[Weirdo10o4]

Please remove yourself from the gene pool.

[BonhommeHero]

lol. The stupidity of man. Amazing eh?

[ImTalkinBoutPractice]

Wow... this is shocking.

[mackeaveli]

there is some stupid people here and apparently some pissed off or dead monkeys

[pardingo]

i dont think you understand what the onion news network is...

[justineg]

You're an idiot... you know that right? This is a joke news network. lol Moron.

[underfoolish]

u fucking idiot

[odstwar]

Gave any of you fuckers heard of The Onion? God fucking sakes!

[awesomelyannie]

omg...so mean!! plz tell me this is fake!!!

[insuranceplan]

Holy shit.

[crashinator1]

naw they actually take monkeys into labs and start stabbing away.they also take in pandas to test the theory that gunshots to the head make you die

[aidin67]

BITCH...I love you.

[vespaman101]

dude this IS FAKE...chillout. they are acting.

[Ieatlikeubreathe]

lol i know but im being sarcastic the best thing about the onion is well when people thinks its real lol

[souperman84]

lol, you're a fuck bag.

[MidgardEagle]

This is why I'm unsure if democracy really is such a good thing. If people can't even critically analyze MOCK news...

[Ieatlikeubreathe]

i know i was being sarcastic... i think the best part of the onion is when people think it is real hahaha...

[laxers101]

Yeah exactly

[lendial]

KLOLOL

[BADG3RLOV3]

ahahahahahha

[djtrixen]

hrmmm... what about deep frying in a vat of boiling oil? I wonder if that would be harmful... I think we need more research.

[WarpeaceWar6]

wow. In the eye sockets. even though it's fake i's really tortoous. I shure could eat some mokey right now

[cortezawwris]

Does this video and the images of monkeys beings stabbed make anyone else's hunger? I sure go go for some ground up monkey with onions. There is a market near my home that sells fresh monkey. I think i will go give it a try.

[guitarman1313]

jesus christ, what the hell is wrong with you guys??! READ MY LIPS THIS IS A FAKE NEWSCAST! THERE IS NO ACTUAL ANIMAL CRUELTY GOING ON! gimme a break you guys, I wish there was someone out there who could actually take a joke...

[megamarsvin]

No way dude, I read this site where they showed the results from this study, it's totally real

And besides if we don't study stab wounds in monkeys how are we going to learn what sharp objects can hurt humans?

[stuttaz8]

please tell me MEGAMARSVIN is jokin..PLEASE!!

[vixaroth]

He never jokes

[flobbadobb3000]

omg poor monkeys..

those basterds stabbed them

oh the humanity...

lol

[hobbsshouldpvp]

;plol

[tobomy]

this is fake...but if it was not, those monkeys had it coming, they ate that one chicks face

[More4MeLess4U]

Lets get something straight.. This is the onion. They are a fake newscast... They do fake newspapers for comedy. THIS IS FAKE.

[ranwnye]

I'm no troll then. These doctors are evil. PETA should know about this.

[bamboolaball]

this video is obviously fake. and if you really think it's real, you may not be a troll, but you're definitely as dumb as one.

[robskim101]

ur a dumass commenting on a fake video and saying its fake fucking prick

[chihiro0]

Yea, I'm telling my mommy!

lol :P

[PyroNinja7]

If it was real, what is PETA gonna do? Put out more commercials with nude women in them to get us to pay attention?

[MetaKittie]

That'd be nice, thats about all they're good for.

[ranwnye]

this is terrible. this is cruel to the monkeys.

[Blazre21]

I don't know if this is someone trolling or not, but The Onion is a FAKE news corporation. everything reported by it is fallacy so no monkeys were stabbed. If your not a troll then (cue musical star rainbow) the more you know.

[ranwnye]

I don't know what the hell "trolling" is, I'm just trying to put a stop to animal cruelty.

[xExitReality]

Troll:

One who posts a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup or message board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument.

[Emaib123]

In the stomach, the neck, or even the eye socket

[kokobaboko]

lol "merely punched".

[burnhippiesforfuel]

"wishes the tragedy would have taken a less talented player"

[NeutraiL]

LMFAO that was hilarious!

[satansaysdie]

ROFLMAO the catholic church officially denounces spooning. LOL OMFG

[cf80to01]

IMO this is the SINGLE funniest thing on youtube!!

[bumblesbounce54321]

the ticker on the bottom is the funniest part.

[Wade422yamaha]

haha i know right took the words right ouy of my mouth

[ModernMinuteMan]

Lol denounces spooning probably because it causes lustful thoughts hahaha

[dfugly1]

well i heard due recession , they dont have the compensation budget they used to.Plus they also lost discount deal on coke a cola and mars bars. Just another corperate cutting back on fringe benifits i spose .lol

[manhattanwombat]

what is spooing?

[grilledoreo]

What is spooning? I'll tell you when you're older

[manhattanwombat]

no tell me now

[Wade422yamaha]

haha bro your joking right...you dont know what spooning is??

[manhattanwombat]

Spooning or choreic hand is flexion and dorsal arching of the wrists and hyperextension of the fingers when the hands are extended sideways palms down.

[Wade422yamaha]

thats a different spooning...were talking about sexual spooning here bro

[manhattanwombat]

* Spooning may also refer to the use of ceramic spoons in the form of traditional Chinese medicine known as Gua Sha.

[Wade422yamaha]

ok ok dude just ask your mom what spooning is...no ask your dad or brother if u got one

[capitalcomunist]

spooning is also the act of handleing a ball in croquet

[sheerblonde823]

this really isn't even that funny

[blackprincess82]

it does kind off slip away a bit aye.. But its light which is good.

[pseudonerdy]

"This group was merely punched." LOL.

[ShadowNinja5408]

Lets just hope no one gets any ideas from this

[AirForcedude5]

LOL

[wtfisthisshyt]

if adults were actually this retarded, we would all be dead

[SlfTh3Chl3f]

OMG!The effects of stabing are more physical than psychological ! I never expected that !

[footballpads1]

if the humor is over your head then please.. shut the fuck up

[IYAMNI]

Classic satire. So on target I feel guilty laughing.

[themadhasher]

secroBR thank god someone who understands this humor posted a comment.

[SecroBR]

it's meant to show the uselessness of the majority of studies scientists do. To prove stuff that is obvious!!!

[sjp0902]

yeah. that's definitely illegal. this The Onion. was a miss.

[katinthemeadows]

I would like to see a study on what kinds of looks would come over jack-ass scientist's faces if you stabbed them in the head 20 times. Let's do it.

[theweirdmonkeything]

HAHAHAH

[sebringdnf]

Please buy my book about Anteaters.

[sXekid777]

wow, PETA is going to have a field day with this.