How to have sex

[mariahrose210]

Is this satire, or just an idiot?

[shortyoverlord]

um, homosexuality isn't sex. It's a sexual orientation.

"How does the sperm change? Into a human baby? No one really knows"

...I know

Women aren't cattle. They can be as picky as they want.Of course they're not gonna work while they're on gestation but who says all women are gonna be pregnant at anytime of their lives?

um...you never said anything about the part of when the woman gets an orgasm.

[paraplegicgiraffe]

@shortyoverlord It's satire silly.

[futureboycolin]

You sir, need to masturbate more.

[futureboycolin]

"Ermmm...yes, I've read all the books, and know the technicalities, but uhh...you just, move your hips, I guess? And by the way, no one really knows how babby is formed."

[futureboycolin]

Ha yeah, because marrying a woman is exactly like buying her.

[Fichovz]

You,sir,are fucked up.

[Grunwalski]

This guy creeps me out. Is he real or is this a joke?

[rockson93]

I'm not a woman, not gay either, but I feel so insulted by this guy.

[Draginvry2]

"You just kind of move your hips, I guess."

LOL, this is the best sex guide, ever!

[DementedDogStudios3]

This guy is fucking hilarious

[EWilsonLife]

This sounds like the most boring way to have sex ever. If any man ever said to me "Woman, I will now put my penis in your vagina. It won't hurt." I'd be like, get the fuck out of here you creep ass! This is awful haha.

[chriswww]

I'd love to see this guy have a debate with Infidelamsterdam

[MrxChow]

But if my penis is in her vagina where am i supposed to put my fist? D:

[redmirror78]

@MrxChow in between her titties or in her throat.

[rockermac5]

marriage actually means. You cannot ever have sex again.

[LadyTaraJo]

He claims that nobody knows how sperm turns into a baby. Thumbs up if you think this guy failed high school biology!

[xPeacexLovexHarmonyx]

LOL "if we cant have sex with other men and we cant have sex with children, How CAN we have sex?" That got me xD that was hilariousss

[xafez]

he's right! god does visit my balls everyday delivering fresh sperm. just like the milk man!

[Frankiejjjz]

I like to see virgins talk about sex.. Good job Mr Obvious...

[coops2403]

Someone missed basic biology class...

[liam3122]

6:25 I did not know "God" enjoyed seeing bare penises

[liam3122]

notice how he compares marrying a woman to buying something 

[coops2403]

@liam3122 i thought that's how it worked nowadays?

[liam3122]

@coops2403 possibly 

[sillysocks88]

notice how this guy aint married ..........

[andrewmorison074]

This is a joke, right?

[ddduuurrrppp]

me: women i would like to have sex with u now (says this in the middle of the grocrey store) store owner says: hey that hore is a buck fifty 

[Phesath]

Buy the woman first! Then eat her sir!

[meltyourheadaches326]

@Jesusophile are you shitting me right now? do not tell women not to be picky. women should pick someone who's right for them. and they should marry when theyre ready to do so. and yes, if you go up to a young woman &start talking about marriage and children, of course she's going to get freaked out. she's not being picky, she's being cautious. you act like women only exist to mass produce children. that is such an out-dated, sexist belief. this is NOT the message God is trying to send.

[metalhottie44]

dude a woman can have a career if she wants, she can do whatever a man can do so you shut your big fat mouth before i kick your balls so hard shperm as you say it will come out of your mouth.

PS. women are not just baby machines ok, so it apparent your a virgin and unless you change your view of women you better just get a good damn blow-up doll.

dumass!!!!

[foxalain]

i'm Gay , can i have sex with you ?! i can marry u first , will adopt baby and will start family

[Princess90th]

Are you virgin ? Because sex is totally different than you say. Sex includes always love and care. You make it sound like woman is only baby maker or machine.

[CaptainGreen2008]

The only thing funnier than watching Jesusophile's vids are the responses here.

[drftube]

"You just move your hips - I GUESS" (this guessing thing is pretty telling)

[zXDaishiXz]

I'm not gonna get married... My Dad always told me "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

[Taapertajaankka]

WHY DOES GOD WANT A BABY? IS HE A PEDOPHILE?

[sharpluc]

woman, i would like to have sex with you now. fair enough

[artistenoire]

No one really knows how the sperm turns into a human baby.

[rosscol601]

"marrying is like buying the woman"

"you can have sex with the woman whenever you want"

"The important part is getting your penis in there"

"What are you waiting for woman?! a career?! dont have a career you're going to be pregnant"

lmao funny shit man.

[ryuukatamura]

You're not supposed to flush a condom anyway. They clog things and bad things will happen forever. IT'S GOD'S PUNISHMENT FOR WASTING BABY JUICE.

[nicco905]

do i have to marry a girl to youst have sex?

[TheColourfulSplodge]

And you're still single?

Fuck knows why.

[andreadorbert]

His accent makes these videos. Hilarious.

[alexandervlad]

This guy really must be a satyrist. No other explanation. Now thumbs this up for me so people who want to take his speech for real can see this and give the guy a break

[Radley521]

I think that every single biology has an explanation of sexual reproduction...is this dude actually this intellectuality stunted?

Woman are "picky"? Ever thought that it was you?

[HBanana55]

such a way with words... its amazing if this guy is still single!!

[HARDCOERXRAY2]

blue balls 

[MintehFreshYah]

Hey how about the guys get pregnant? owo Oh and btw it sounds like you need a good fapping session.

[GamerGod351]

IM SHOWIN THIS TO MY KIDS o.o nah im kidding u confuse me XD

[missfun3]

you do realise it is healthy to cum daily for a men :3

and mainly peopel dont really have sex like the way you say it

you might want to try it sometimes =D

[missfun3]

you do realise it is healthy to cum daily for a men :3

and mainly peopel dont really have sex like the way you say it

you might wanne try it sometimes =D

[patriatich]

why are you so funny

[Sammyjon123]

4:00 Riiiiight, NOBODY knows. Definitely. You're not just uneducated in that field :-/ That couldn't POSSIBLY be it.

[Sammyjon123]

@Sammyjon123 Btw, you're one of the most sexist people I've ever seen. Just saying.

[elinaeverbloom]

"God wants to see your bare penis."

What a perv...

[shrikechan]

I would love to do an animation of this very useful guide for how to have God-approved, sin-free, emotionless, Victorian sex. I think It would be a very educational tool. Not only would it show the right way to have sex but also how to make babies without enjoying it too much. It would teach young people the importance of marrying for the purpose of having children and that it is not important in a marriage to try new things or make love or like each other.

lol

[TheSUorangeman]

Watching this video is like listening to a 4th grader trying to explain what his Sunday school teacher told him about sex.

[st0rmboyz]

so it all boils down to you being a virgin?

[EliseAcoustic]

And then the marrige goes to shit. ._.

so marriage is all about sex now? what happened to good ol' fashioned love... and what if she has a headache?

bwahahaha fail!

[strombear]

3:00... do your thing... move your hips... SO like boogie nights then... or staying alive?

[strombear]

comments as i watch... 1:10... buy an apple... do hookers count?

[jamiegoddard4]

How the fuck is this your business?

[kraftyknight]

Thaks for the video. I was puting my sperm in the microwave. I'll look for a women now.

[marduck121]

hey what about tats? i have tats and i belive in God and what about drinking? cuz i do, dude you dont know what your talking about read the fucking bible! your the reason ppl dont believe in God! Sure there are rules to follow but what your saying about women is fucking bullshit. I think your just lonely, so get a life and move on!

[mikeelman]

@marduck121

Dude get you a life and know that this dude is joking, did you realy think this man was serious about it ?? Lmao

[wikkedSeth]

"Woman, I am aroused." A trenchcoat would work too and it'd be a bit more dramatic.

[spokandyland]

I didn't know women were apples & that men could buy them to have sex with them.

[Samonuh]

A volcano?

[cuteyzeebee]

wow... you really need to go back to studying biology... then you will know how sperm turns into a baby... there is something called an egg as well you know. It is obvious you have nothing better to do with your time than make judgemental, homophobic and exceedingly sexist videos on youtube. Frankly after listening to this complete rubbish for 2 minutes I would be surprised if you had any friends at all. I am guessing you are pretty much a loner, no girlfriend with maybe an Oedipus complex?

[MadonnaSchizoid]

HUMANS ARE NOT ANIMALS... DUDE YOU MAKE ME SICK.

[ismi80]

god likes bare penis?

[abggelber]

I'm pretty sure people DO KNOW how babies are made

[abggelber]

I'm pretty sure people DO KNOW how babies are made

[lifesgood42]

youre stupid if youre saying women have no other purpose than to make children. were just as smart and needed in the world as men are. we can be just as useful and its not appreciated that youre degrading us and saying we dont have any purpse than to be at home. fuck you.

[campanichi]

Tapas el enchufe por si te dan tentaciones de ensayar el coito metiendo el minipene por ahi? En tu caso, no eres un milagro de Dios, eres un tostón aburrido para los oídos.

[ludovicus777]

I'm getting tired of this son of a bithc saying stupid things, one after the another.

Come on, let's ignore him. He only wants to get attention, noone can be as stupid as this.

GET A LIFE

[tirekerist]

@ludovicus777 It's satire

[LibraInsanity]

lmao the womb? in the vagina sperm dies >:/ the female fights it off unless strong sperm can get up past the cervix, there are chemicals that destroy the sperm cells.

[abtrotation]

Who would leave sperm in a microwave for 9 months?

[Jarlaksle]

Homeschooled much?

[GoondocksCastle]

you've had sex?

[IAmTheCthulhu]

Babies sound kind of like tape worms. lol

[DaniKiller]

"if we cant have anal sex with other man and sex with little children,WHAT CAN WE DO?"

epic quote

[patriatich]

@DaniKiller And the ask me, jesusophile, if we can't have sex with other men and sex with children, what can we have?

lmfao

[SuperMarioXX]

I can't stop laughing.

[GreenEyedCheshire]

Your a good looking guy. Why are you doing this?

[Sylalei]

Are you fucking kidding me?

Are you saying that you have to marry a woman just to USE her?

Seriously.

Go rot in a hole.

I'm Christian myself, and you are just being retarded.

[IAmTheCthulhu]

@Sylalei I think you're even more retarded for thinking hes serious. :D

[IamMaximilianKohler]

@Sylalei he's making fun of people like you.... "to use her" wow.

[geekofsteal]

"Jesus would love you to use this guide" Actually, he's dead. He has no opinion on the matter, and if he was still alive, he would call you retarded, but still love you. All the while being annoyed at your stupidity.

[ChoHenshin]

Are you saying its ok to fuck an apple?

[MorganLaVey]

I take it back - if you are taking the piss then I love you. Lets have lots of blasphemous sex.

[MorganLaVey]

It really annoys me that he's hot for a small minded fucktard

[heebajubanabad]

6.28 "god likes to see the bare penis" lol

[klesskapet1994]

Man, cut your hair. Long hair is a sin according to the bible, so that doesn't really make you saved by jesus does it?

[deathfuckinghaze]

Really, that's how you have sex? I didn't know that. Jesusophile you are such a great teacher!

[MultiLover3000]

cant i try before i buy

[HystericCouture]

What's that over his right shoulder? The hole in the wall he fucks till his dick bleeds?

HAWT! I want the blood in my mouth. So much blood. I just want bloody penis bits all over my face.

[GoldarisCool]

If God didn't want me to waste my sperm, why does he keep refilling my balls?

[EddyARB]

So you empty it into a woman.

[bandgeekboy1]

@GoldarisCool lmao!!! good point buddy (:

[chriswww]

@GoldarisCool so you can impregnate as many babis as possible

[Shiftingdead]

OHAY

Why don't you do a little research on your topic.

[STOPtheSTIGMAnow]

well this guy obviously has never been laid...

[GuitarHero9467]

0:43 ! "find a women" as if a women is easily available in market ! funny tho

[takemeiamthedrug]

or a minute after :D

[anya88892]

hahaha i bet he masturbated a minute ago before he did the video

[jasonfinn09]

i bet your a virgin you fuckin pussy

[shutterhappy85]

your favorite number Jesusophile!

[shutterhappy85]

aaaand

[shutterhappy85]

few more

[shutterhappy85]

two more almost there

[shutterhappy85]

one more comment

[PowerOfToast]

I hope these are satirical because if they aren't this guy is messed up.

[owl975]

I'm starting to think these are satires.

[ninjamatic5000]

the vagina is full of aids

[Buikstra]

Thats why the world is overpopulated.

[bbarrett910]

omfg you are out there buddy do you ever get laid with that shit? Woman ur arousing me! lmao

[fbeaussier]

This guy is so funny! guys, wake up, he's kidding around, making fun of people who think like that

[Kazyole]

And here I was thinking that I could just put my sperm in a toaster for 9 months and it would make a baby...

I should probably buy a new toaster...

[kraftyknight]

@Kazyole No! You need a microwave! : )

[Kazyole]

So if you can't have premarital sex for the same reason that you can't steal an apple, that makes marriage equivalent to buying a woman does it not?

So marriage is basically just sex slavery?

I've learned so much for you oh wise one...

[ll8520ll]

youre a faggot.

[ignoranttwat]

@ll8520ll you're a faggot.

[ll8520ll]

no you're the faggot. boom.

[ignoranttwat]

@ll8520ll

No, YOU are the faggot.

[TLSlayer]

yeah,i like how they see child birth as miraculous,it would be if every baby survived and healthy with no defects.science could help that but they dont like that.

[harmonyslily]

wow this is very useful

[1990Juls]

Sheep, man, of forgot the sheep...

"I will now put my penis into your vagina"

Charming! Please, marry me...

[geebhatia]

rofl at the sperm in the microwave thing

[Moryxia]

Woman, I am aroused.

[deathfuckinghaze]

Great, I'm now educated on how to have sex!

[slantedwasp]

he is a very successful troll. just look at all these people getting butthurt in the comments.

[slantedwasp]

this is hilarious

[itrytoteachyou]

is this satire? i know his other videos are satire and under "comedy"

but this vid is under "education", so is this vid serious?

[1990Juls]

Does it look like it?

[Eddyutub]

He's either a genius or a very very stupid man

Either or either HAHA at him.

[scorpionx141919]

this gut is freaking hilarious and you people who think he is serious are just retards take a fucking joke

[101rino]

thats right good on ya this is what should happen XD

[ymaify]

this has to be a joke

[1MadVirus1]

Ya think?... -.-''

[ciege622]

it's such a shame G** wasted good looks on you cause once you open your mouth I just want to beat you with a large metal pipe

[zzzzzzzoe7]

u r SO FUCKING STUPID. the ovaries and the sperms mix, its not just the sperm. and u r so fucking sexist. burn in hell

[TLSlayer]

youre the one whos stupid for posting this fuckin comment.

[ponkadolz]

fucked up fags should worship this retard

[H4Z4RD5]

Oh the joys of reading the flaming messages of the silly commenters. Their satire detection isn't working too good. LEARN TO LOL PEOPLE!

To me this is comedy at it's finest, on the edge of whole seriousness. Jesusophile is awesome. I wish i could press the 5th star more than once :(

[supdude550]

lol this is a joke rite? i laughed so hard watching this

[ryguyrocker]

im lost? u wanna have kids but u dont know you have stds, you get tested and someone has a naturally born std and again u wanna have kids, well how do you do it if either one has an std and you dont want to adopt?

[Jonnythecowboy666]

This guy has to be either retarded or the greatest satirist of all time and I'm starting to think it might be the second one

[Pitumisio]

If you have to think about the second one then it's not sarcasm. What a creep.

[Jonnythecowboy666]

If you watch all his videos you will start to see that it's satire. His newer videos are listed as comedy

[Niyaru]

what i need to put my sperm in a wound to work? All this time I thought the microwave method worked!

[nothinggrinner]

@Niyaru Yeah, fuck Jesus in his stigmata.

Wound.

[lukefishproductions]

LOL so funny

but a very true fact, great video :)

[FractalHelix777]

hahahahahahahahaha...jesosophi­le, u and i could make beautiful babies together!

[darthmocap]

...only if he owns you through merrage

[haddahoe]

sry dude but there is no god:(

[XxWITExX]

you should be a preacher, no joke, start your own ministry

[darthmocap]

oh god no

[GnastyLag]

The grocery store man sounds mean..

[JessieDommy08]

lol. Good Lord I love this video. But I dont wanna marry a chick. Boys are funner. :)

[GnastyLag]

Do what you want and be proud!

[madison1234566]

i love how you're comparing women to food now. you're gross

[psilosilly]

sperm in a microwave for nine months...lol.

[CalvinSomething]

How it turns from white muck into a baby, nobody knows.

[xryanmox]

FINALLY someone to tell me how to have sex!

All I have to do is buy a woman and tell her I will have sex with her and she will oblige reluctantly (as any wholesome woman would)

Being a woman, she obviously doesn't deserve respect, or even a name!

[anthrax8207]

Woman, I would now like to have sex with you.

[uncle67mario]

"...but don't be so picky"

....lol!

[Inkme2]

This is guy more obsessed with homosexual sex than any homosexual I know.

[Intellinet915]

God likes to see the bare penis. I lol'd