McCain Declines Secret Service

[Yakiller69]

John Chretien (Canadian Prime Minister) once strangled someone in the crowd for rushing him. It turned out later he was a supporter of Chretien.

[Yakiller69]

Does anyone else notice the phone ringing at the beginning of each episode?

[thecapone45]

Love the clip art! lol, 

[m1c000l]

i'm not American or really interested in American politics but i found the war for the whitehouse ones to be some of the funniest i wonder what they'll be like in 2012

[iloveihop07]

you could tell the reporter had an extremely hard time not laughing lol

[HEN000y]

samsung074's comment a few months back is funny because he is now in prison.

[m1c000l]

Clifford banes for president

[linkinparkpaper]

haha wtf

[ragnarthesemigreen]

Who else wants to do Andrea Bennett?

[urmommaisfattt]

Putting a cigarette out on his tongue xd

[Revolution2pointO]

If only Mccain would have been more open about this. I would have voted for him. If only to see him defeat his enemies with sharpened sticks and wire.

[eelnomtih]

I like Andrea Bennett. The way she mitigates her head movement while her mouthing words is hot because it's facetious yet subtle.

[Kiera7Norece]

Out of wire and.. sharpened sticks. lolol

[Yookiwooki]

sounds like andrew jackson...

[WatchmenDrManhattan]

I believe that

[Awgez24]

Bad Acting xP

[Snnx27]

i love how on his plans sketches, its says the "Vietcong, Middle East and Asians are not familiar with windows, hence we can use pit traps"

Oh, the smallest detail :) makes my day

[spartan662501]

Damnit!!!! Just think what the world would have been if he had got in..

[WalterN23]

Press 9 ROFL

[WalterN23]

Press 9 ITS HILARIUOS!!!

[KalamitiMusic]

Damn they should have voted Mccain!

[MegaCabbageman]

This is how Teddy got elected.

[macgeek2004]

@groam6666

That was the founding fathers' intent. They made The President, a civilian, the commander-in-chief in order to check the power of the military. I'm sure Wikipedia could give you a good explaination of how this check works.

[macgeek2004]

@miretchin

I think you're thinking of FDR, not Teddy! Lol!

[TimThomason]

@macgeek2004 No, FDR was born relatively okay but later suffered debilitating paralysis that crippled him in his early adult years.

Teddy was born highly asthmatic, had severe sleeping problems, and later was diagnosed with a heart disorder. It was after all this that he decided to ignore his doctors and began living "like a cowboy."

[groam6666]

Only in America can you be commander in chief of the strongest military the world has ever seen and never served a day in your life...

[Orceles]

@groam6666 Because as we all know throughout history, that rank is given to those with education, power, and promise - not raw experience. Unless you believe cafeteria ladies who worked for 50 years should deserve to be head cook for the nation.

[groam6666]

@Orceles Why not, we already have "seargent of the army," who is basically one of the most experienced in their profession. Let's put it like this, suppose I have a law degree of 4 years, does that qualify me for president or a canditate of the supreme court?

Experience does count for a lot, just like in the real world, in which the most qualified candidates get the job.

[Killerjosh89]

@groam6666 Experience is only as good as the person who has it. Just because someone has experience doesn't mean they've done a good job or will do a good job- mccain's been in office forever yet look at our country....is that experience you're talking about?...

[groam6666]

@Killerjosh89 True, but who are we comparing him to? That's the real question isn't it. The point is, I would prefer someone with military experience to be commander in chief. I'm not saying that should be the only requirement, or that the Constitution is perfect, but why elect someone as commander in chief, when they have no military experience? It makes no sense.

[Killerjosh89]

@groam6666 anybody serving the military is part of the greatest social movement today- fighting the jihadists that threaten our country and the world....however when it comes to the presidency, I think it should go both way. Whether in the military or not- you're there for all americans, and not all actions can be looked at from a military perspective, just like military and law enforcement- sometimes its good soliders become officers but the mentality must change (one allows collateral damage)

[miretchin]

Teddy? Born a criple, dying a strong man. Johnny? Born a strong man, dying a criple.

[m1c000l]

i d vote for him

[anythingnew]

Teddy Roosevelt was the closest to what the video described.

[rerundadog]

Lol if john was really like this and i could vote... he got my vote

[iZoomable]

I really shouldn't watch The Onion while I'm drinking pepsi.. now I have to wash my computer monitor.

[John3285]

McCain sounds like Rambo, only without the PTSD

[morales1318]

I though this was true for the un she said the word "balls".

[TheRoyalAquamaster]

I don't think this measure is very effective- we'll spend millions on cleaning up the shells and dead bodies everywhere.

[slayman123]

I can see McCain saying that.

[omagisela2009]

McCain FTW

[cosmicironman]

McCain ..... awfully close to a certain character who jumped off a building ????

[MRdaBakkle]

The day i get caught in the jungle is the day i saw my balls off.  McCain is awesome no two ways around it.

[CapitalFProductions]

I think even Obama would've voted for McCain if he really did that

[scorael]

If only he really said those things. I bet he would've been elected lol

[Zokunei]

McCain would've totally won!

[FunkyFrank10]

If I saw any canidate put a cigarette out on his own tounge, I would be strongly persauded to vote for him.

[piratebri]

This chick looks like a dude in drag.

[InKa4484]

@piratebri A really hot dude.

[JamX3K]

ROFL, it would be awesome if John McCain has actually been stuff like that during his campaign.

[citizenlizard]

I voted for McCain, I was only worried about Palin

[urmommaisfattt]

@citizenlizard Ya cuz It's like if something happens to McCain we got Palin for president. :(

[TheLeviathanZero]

If McCain was this badass he would be the Chuck Norris politics.

[urmommaisfattt]

@TheLeviathanZero ya

[Didymosrules]

Secret Service better protect Osama. lol.

[eatmytool1]

@Didymosrules ........*cough, cough*...... o_O

[Didymosrules]

@eatmytool1 I mean OSAMA BIN LADEN. I hate having to repost stuff. I know you assumed I was somehow referring to obama **BUT** It was actually Osama bin laden.

[solidysnake1]

get the government's hand out of our secret service(government, oh wait..)!

[Guyu]

00:00

[CodeDarkBlue]

xD i love onion

[smoovegriz]

why do I feel like this is real

[bobodia1000]

Is it just me or is her hair like really dark...

[SicSolution]

LMFAO xD

[screus69]

Hilarious!!!

[napischu]

1:19 <--- Proof that old people smell funny

[theknez6]

John "Rambo" McCain XD

[Inediblehulk]

Atta boy, Johnny!

[StillersFan33]

i fucking love the Onion.

[MiDude2isawesome]

But remember, McCain also has a softer side, and can often be seen singing to his vegetable friends in an abandoned parking garage.

[ThePoopcornMachine]

Man, THIS is why McCain should have won!

[eurasianchica]

I wish this were real, I would totally vote for that candidate.

[ChrisZimny]

"White House calls beheading video shot with high-tech hd camera a sign of progress in Iraq."

Watch the taglines, they're hilarious.

[airrunwesker]

now I wish I had voted for him!

[evilsceptic]

I couldn't breath by the end

[iEngoyPie]

Archer McCain Lol

[123luigiron]

that some funny shit man

[Dezzerack]

Ahhh... 'Back in NAM'

[TheDarklord0211]

lol theonion is the funniest fuckin news show there is XD

[djbigron]

The news reporter looks like Gene Simmons

[killyourtvselfnofear]

i never knew God was all i needed, until God was all i had left

[homebuiltindoorplane]

mccain what a joke. But hes a maverick! Hahahah!

[backwoodsninja]

Haha.  If only we could have a candidate like that.

[SIXCHA]

dude, ive seen some one chop there balls off with a hatchet..... sickest thing ever. and i dont mean that in the good way

[TuesdayMorningInSept]

McCain is great.

[monononom]

McCain - Misha; McCain - Kim Jong Il

youtube.com/watch?v=rCSVysqCxq­M

[sniffy45]

McCain is a goofball

[blythewoodbaseball]

i may hate ads, but those red stripe liquor commercials are pretty fun to watch so im happy :)

[jbra755]

McCain definitely should have gone with this strategy.

[Trekker1801]

It may be fake, but it touches a nerve that would do any candidate good. He would have won huge if this were true. I would have paid real money to see the tracking instead of the debates. Too funny.

[Nickings07]

McCain needs to put in the SAS to see if he can keep those big balls of his.

[SupportAlexJones]

please the elections are pre picked.. Obama won beforehand.. Obama is not from our country his name is Barry Sotoro if dont believe me look up... Michelle Obama slips up saying Obama is from Kenya do it and you'll thank me.. Obama is a LIAR those politicians are not your friends..

[skeilak]

@SupportAlexJones : Crazy conspiracy nut!

Drink some more of the Cool-Aid, Mister!

Obama's real name is FrooG'a Ninb`Ta, a grand Blec`noid, from the planet Shoofraxx. He was send here as the vanguard of the Shoofraxian invasion force!

Look at his face! You can see it's a mask! They didn't even get the ears right!

Change, he said? Wait until your daughter is dating some Blec`noid hermaphrodite... There's your change, America!

[SupportAlexJones]

@skeilak LOL! i'm not a crazy nut okay i can be.. but besides the matter is that OBama is a liar and is robbing us blind do your research why wont he share his birth certificate hmm? and why is the government keeping it top secret?? hmm owned

[skeilak]

@SupportAlexJones : Dude, I have no idea what goes on in the heads of you FOX fed, probably racist, TeaBagger, Birther types.

Haven't you "Birthers" been absolutely discredited, ten times over? How crazy are you, really? I mean I've seen Obama's birth announcement in the local Hawaiian newspaper. Did they plant that, all those many years ago?

Come on. Stop being so silly.

And as to being "a liar and is robbing us blind", isn't that the very definition of the Bush Administration?

[keir193]

@SupportAlexJones dude, none of that is true.

[GameRecorderZ]

@SupportAlexJones Because that's personal stuff, and he is trying to save our asses. Did you hear about the bill where companies could invest all they wanted into candidates? He stood up and said " i disagree " that takes balls dude, and if that bill is/was passed, we'd all be screwed.

[silviasr20det]

@SupportAlexJones Are you retarded?

[sunny0010girl]

HAHAHAHA "The day I get out-tracked in the jungle is the day I saw off my own balls." XD

[adekunle1990]

oooooooooooooomgggggggggg sooo funney

[dannyW900]

wow this is a stupid network

[bobbyg640]

This is my favorite onion vid ever

[coadster7]

their already gone!

[VictorLepanto]

This is an obvious fake. Anyone in the Republican Party knows that McCain sawed off his balls for the Washington press corps years ago.

If the guy who runs Obama's TOTUS should happen to read this, make sure Obama knows that it is pronounced core (like in an apple) & corpse (like his presidency).

[steve0crzy]

So obviously fake, that it requires a comment to say so?

Like saying "breathing can keep you alive"

I hope you don't have children

[VictorLepanto]

@steve0crzy: So obviously a joke @ Stoopid McCain's expense, that it requires a comment?

I feel morally obliged to advise you, please keep breathing (in & out) regularly.

I am sure you & your blow up girlfriend will never have children.

[steve0crzy]

I don't get why you are so angry...

[VictorLepanto]

@steve0crzy: If I had a set of car keys in my hand I could jangle them in front of you & keep you fascinated for hours. I am amused. I am ridiculing you 'cuz you are too dim to grasp that I was making fun of McCain for being a tool for the liberal Dems.

[steve0crzy]

Oh.. I apologize I couldn't see past that elementary way of thinking... bipartisan faggot

[VictorLepanto]

@steve0crzy: It would seem to me that, by definition, "faggots" are not bipartisan.

But, I think it is good that you are willing to be honest w/ yourself about your profound limitations. Maybe, one day, if you work really hard, you might overcome your mental limits & get beyond your elementary level.

[Dave3oh]

if this were real then he wouldn't make it through 1 day at the white house without getting shot

[iNicoTECH]

do people still fall for the onion? its fake people jeeze lol..

[alysluv]

@iNicoTECH people are fucking retarded. just ask VictorLepanto.

[ProbablyDrunkStudios]

@iNicoTECH Actually most of Onion's news are kinda realistic no matter how u look at them :D

[Sandor218]

fuck mossad free palestine

[flyingbelsey]

The skyhawk bit was awesome.

[bbphnix]

this is the funniest onion tv material i've seen so far

[thegirl44]

This and the one "US supreme court declares death penalty "totally Badass"".

The drawings in both are lol.

[Ckavakan]

haha i didnt even notice the 4' 12" thing lmao

[empeax]

whats the thing with the 4' 12" I didn't get it

[mark89]

fuck, thats badass XDDD

[bbphnix]

translation please

[Ozzy0sbourne]

looooooooooooooooooooooooooooo­oool

[imanerd36]

It's funny because for a good part of the election he really did decline secret service protection.

[blightsmite]

DAMNIT MAN! That got me

[redqueen777]

lmfao this is just way way to funny.

[yesmaybeperhaps]

1:12

4' 12'' LOL!!!!

[AkpostedUp]

I laughed so hard that I started crying. Ohhh shit hahahaha.

[ricstewart]

Please tell me you're not registered to vote. That would be dangerous. If so, I'd be willing to wager that you voted for Obama.

[contractki11er]

lol holes with bamboo spikes outside the white house XD

[adrienspawn]

Goddamn. He shoulda run against Clinton.

[wasup23tube]

Fuck mccain is such a badass, i wish he woulda won

[imanerd36]

If McCain would have really done all of this, he would have won by a landslide.

[DemonlordofRazgriz]

@imanerd36

I would have voted for him.

[Anton77bln]

It is a satire, morons

[Paulwhoisvegan]

Obama & Mccain dropped naked in the woods?

[KillZAlotMor]

McCain is awesome

[rynoboy007]

McCain is a badass mofo

[localoba81]

Hey, would that go for Sarah Palin too? Yeaaaaa!

[bubbyeater]

Naked in the forest with only a hunting knife? LET'S GET IT ON!

[Xyrhoshii]

I love reading those little tid-bits in the bottom, you never know what will pop up.

[LordSirpiko]

i saw one in an onion vid it said 'man loses courages battle with train'

lol randomness

[S1L4sLucas]

well, i almost won...

[Gypsy1914]

who does he think he is, Chuck Norris?

[certifiedjagga]

The drawings are very well done.

[Laretheman]

Wow, a mildly-negative comment about McCain and instantly it gets 7 thumbs down.

[metalmaniac53]

did anyone else replay the " saw off my own balls" part over and over again? i laughed for about 10 minutes

[TR3NTLOR3NZ]

i had to replay that a few times...halarious

[Hypedhopes19]

They dont actually

[MrPat1978]

LMAO, nice one TheOnion !

[Hypedhopes19]

He's a hero for sure, i dont think the people who disagree with that should have the right to vote.

I mean, staying in a dawm prisoner camp in vietnam to support ure buddy's.

Doesnt mean u have to agree with his ideas ofcc, but i think pretty low of does that dont respect it

[jamesstone123]

still a bigger berk than obama... although that has to account for something...

and yeah... all america would need is a tougher guy as the leader. yayyy more fucking war. yay for you.

[01oddjob01]

lmfbo !! who ever thought you septic-tanks would have a sense of humour !!

[sumthinswrongwithyou]

uhh...no shit...

[aaronmonto]

ITS FAEK MAN