Childhood Suicide - Mother's Account. Part 2

[firemarshall007]

The best thing to be is a dumb beer drinking slob at a frat house with lots of friends.

[MrLetsgotrojans]

my parents found my shooting note, and i ran out the fucking house! slept over my girlfriend's house, didn't come back to 3 a.m.

[bclagnese]

there idiots... he was making friends... so they put him in another school... yeah... his parents are the ones with the mental illness...

[blastcell]

sounds like he had Aspergers. Esp. if you listen the part 1. What I know of these special people, gestalt therapy or talk therapy is probably not the best way to go. Maybe just let them have their "loner" hobbies and respect their way of being. We need to learn to tolerate different people.

[kellygarrrett]

Why do you have to call the police to search your backyard for your suicidal child?? Why wait for a year as you watch your child regress in therapy??

[mindlessponderer]

if you found a note from your son like that, than you would be in so much shock, sure some might go running out to find him, some might not be able to move, they called the police.

[Voyeur53]

When my husband and I relaxed with our son and accepted him as he was, things got remarkably better. We don't go to therapists anymore.

[Voyeur53]

I don't want to be critical. We love our children and want what's best for them ....but with my own child, I found that the more "help" (therapy) we found for him, the worse he became. I think running around looking for someone to "help" our kids just gives them a sense that there is something "wrong" with them. It makes them feel more unaccepted and unloved.

[AZNGoSu]

I think that sometimes these things come at random times. Suicide normally happens after awhile of the person talking about suicide but this was out of the blue. really tragic.

[luke555auusa]

I think alot of these therapists just want more and more money for there patients and don't really improve children's life and the souicide can always happen.

[crystalisfierce]

I think his getting worse after seeing a therapist 3 times a week (that's a LOT) is proof that it pressured him.. He didn't want to play games... that's proof that he was beyond that. He didn't want to be treated childish/underdeveloped. The action on the parent's part makes the kid feel insecure, and a depressive, suicidal kid who just began high school, who knew about suicide early especially does not need the extra attention. It seems like he wanted the attention to go away.

[abram730]

I would argue that the drugs and therapy that ended him. I think he started to explain himself and was attacked and looked at as if something was wrong with being a good person. If he was so special why drug him and act like something was wrong with him? often the way people use language can be detrimental and fatal.

Being a good person and seeing how horrible most people are is a hard life.

[berniewhildebrandt]

Why is a proper diagnosis IMPORTANT? The answer is that it leads to proper care. I hope to reply with lengthier answer, in the form off a (cramped) list of advantages as it applies to Aspergers. There are disadvantages to such a diagnosis, but they are typically outweighed. Also, expect the diagnosis to not come directly, and when it emerges it may not be correct or complete; it will be an iterative process. Again, FIGURE OUT WHO IS ON YOUR SIDE. A diagnosis is means to focused care.

[berniewhildebrandt]

DIAGNOSIS(Aspergers):

Mitigates neg. compensat'g, eg self-blame

Removes worries about other diagnoses; feeling stupid/defective/insane

Gives recognition to real difficulties cop'g with stuff others enjoy/find easy

Positively changes other's expectations/acceptance

Yields compliments, not criticism, re: social competence

Acknowledges confusion/exhaustion in social situations

Results in better self-understand'g, self-advocacy, decisions re:careers/friends

Gives identity with a valued culture

[berniewhildebrandt]

The Mother said the lessons are we need a triage system, a diagnosis... "The quest to find help" started in 95; the system has improved, but will never be perfect. Don't just rely on the system. FIGURE OUT WHO IS ON YOUR SIDE.

In the end they "felt like we were battling it on our own" -- only after investing all their faith. She concluded by saying "even if we found someone to help they don't think they could have succeeded." Despite her prescription for a better system, their faith was gone.

[berniewhildebrandt]

If the prominent Dr suspected an imbalance, then why would he send them to a therapist who did not give medication?

An imbalance suggests a primary psychiatric disorder, not a secondary one that was caused by PDD -- there was no attempt to explore any comorbidity. Why not?

PDD is not an imbalance, so no medication. You are different. Gestalt assumes normal. Not only were the symptoms not treated with medication, pursuing the goal of normal would cause even more self-blame. Who is to blame?

[berniewhildebrandt]

Doctors engaged in "patient shopping" & parents engaged in "doctor shopping". In utopia there is no shopping, just perfect matches. The BEST piece of advice we ever got from a professional advocate was to FIGURE OUT WHO IS ON YOUR SIDE. I didn't know what that meant, but we applied it, and it worked.

I think this is what it means. If you have complete faith in the system, how will you know you are losing the battle? If you have lost your faith, how can you win the war fighting alone?

[berniewhildebrandt]

Hans Asperger [1944]: "While the schizophrenic patient seems to show progressive loss of contact, the children we are discussing lack contact from the start", 1991, p.39.

It appears that the practitioner who told the parents this might develop into schizophrenia (so wait and see) was either unaware of the early history & primary school history, or aware but had heavily discounted this information.

[happynurse63]

I get the feeling this was a very sensitive child who had emotional issues. He had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

I may have missed this, but was he diagnosed with ASD?

[atwhite57]

From the description, he was clearly on the spectrum, but had a lot more going on as well. Tragic.

[berniewhildebrandt]

When I listened to this the first time several weeks ago I sobbed. Your impression that he was "clearly on the spectrum" was mine as well even though PDD, autism, or Aspergers were never mentioned.

[sticksbass]

i think i heard cho was on anti depressants or prozac. besides before they began "medicating" kids these tragidies werent nearly so common if at all.

[atwhite57]

Antidepressants in children have been pretty extensively studies. They increase the rate of suicidal thinking a small amount (although may decrease suicide in the long run). But no one has reported an increase in violence in these studies. Risperadone has been shown to decrease aggression in autisic children.

[sticksbass]

i really believe phyciactric medications are very dangerious. all those kids who committed mass murder in there schools were on phyc. meds. and ive heard drug experts talk about how they can push people over the edge.

[atwhite57]

I don't think Cho, Virginia Tech, was on any medication. Maybe they keep people from going over the edge.

[airkah]

Simply tragic.

[atwhite57]

Agreed. I can't fathom it.

[SexySug3742]

Personally, I think the parents should have been the ones to teach the child how to do things that we all can do, my parents did it to me...