thank you so much for sharing this video. I am 7wks post op and this was very informative. I subscribed to your videos because you are so honest and real. I love watching them. You look beautiful.
I couldn't even teach my daughter how to ride her bike because I couldn't get up & down the stairs with it & I certainly couldn't run behind her until she got her balance. I decided that his decision was the best for both of us & I moved on by being happy with the new me!
I went throught the same experience some years ago with my weight loss. My boyfriend of 3 years left me (while I was @ work, no less) to be with a larger woman that he met on the internet. He said that I was no longer the woman that he fell in love with, because he was attracted to the larger me - the 300+ lbs me. I realized that regardless how HE felt, it was becoming a problem for ME. My knees were deteriorating & I could barely breathe some days.
the one about the guy not wanting to be the girl cause she was too skinny??? thats the biggest shit i ever heard. guys want to have girls look like models and yet wen they do they are like,'' no ur too skinny...'' anyone got a knife? someone's losing a penis....lol!
I showed my mom this video and she told me to take what you said to heart. She said that Im going to be the one to change because my husband is very heavy. Im so glad you posted this video. I didnt realize that EVERY aspect of my life may change. Wow.
My husband and I are both chubby chasers. Thank you for posting this. I just had a discussion about this with my husband. He said it wouldnt be an issue with him at all. He said he's excited for me and will be on his own non surgical journey with me. Im blessed I guess. I'll be praying for you and your husband.
Your a beautiful woman! Sometimes we have to do things for ourselves that our loved ones just don't understand. I'm a month out & have noticed a change in my wifes attitude, distant. We've been together since High School (20 yrs) & I was always over 235pds. So it happens to both genders. Thank you for sharing & the advise! Smile ; )
@Hoffa3381 Thx for commenting. I can go on talking about so many things when it comes to wls and relationships. Im hopoing that it works out for you both. There are many changes. :-)
If he's just a boyfriend and he doesn't "like" her anymore -- then dump him and move on. There are plenty of people out there who will love the new her. And you too!!!
Hi Mel, This is Melissa. I am really glad you spoke about this. Its been a big concern for me. My husband ( for a fact ) loves big women. I have my first consult for lapband on Sept 1. I spoke to my hubby about my concerns of him being no longer attracted to me. He said it wont be an issue. I want to believe him but we know eachother since we were 16 ( I'm 31 now) and although I wasnt obese when we met I was always at the very least fat. I have 150 to lose! That might make a difference, I worry!
You look so much better thinner! (not that looks should really matter at the end of the day because it's what's on the inside that counts.) IMHO, it's not necessarily just the weight loss that partners object to, it's also the new lifestyle and new found confidence of the slimmer that they object to because they are so used to their woman at home and doting on them due to lack of confidence going out and socialising that it becomes a real shock when their women builds a new life outside the home
Wow she was out of line for saying she see another man in your life. I'm a seer too, we all some seers and I see u being happy with your life now, u smile with your eyes like tyra banks say we all should and u have overcome a lot of pain and anguish and I see u being happy. So continue to be happy and continue being my inspiration. Love ya mami.
Michelle here, first you look wonderful. Melanie your journey was and is bigger than some people could ever imagine. I commend you for saving your marriage, but a fluffy ass with melon size tatas won't keep you around long enough to see your handsome son grow up and be a man on his own. Don't get me wrong! Its nice to have these assets, but your health and presences in this world out way it. Melanie don't give up on you. Keep blossoming like that beautiful Red Rose!!!!
Glad that you posted this because I am 20 pounds from goal and have been slacking because of comments from my husband and others (some of them are jealous) but you have inspired me to go for goal because weight loss is personal
mel.. you are beautiful. I am 5 months post-op and I have only lost a cup size. but, my husband and I are having issues along that road. glad to know I am not alone.
@ElizaYah Trust me, there is no other man in my life in all honesty. I have no time to be fooling around. I go straight home after I come out of work to my family. Never cheated or paid attention to other men throughout my journey.
I think if once you lose the weight you also lose your boobs and butt, it's because you never really had big boobs and a big but to begin with. Meaning, PRIOR to being overweight. Everything gets bigger when you gain, but once you lose it, it goes back to what it was before gaining. That's how it is with me and others I know anyway.
@october11th I dont agree. I come from a family that has huge assets (boobs & ass). Some of them are as skinny as I am now and they have huge boobs. I just believe that during all the excercise and the weight loss, you will tend to lose it no matter what.
@skymoon1982 Thanks for your response. I guess it varies from person to person. Also maybe once you have the surgery and the rapid weight loss causes the loss of those assets too. You look great girl, thanks for the videos!
I am glad you put this video out. I heared that this happends. I'm glad you guys are trying to work things out., but dont stay together just for the kids. My parents did that and we seen them fight all the time its not worth it. (from a childs view)
Now, what do you do when they get to excited about your weight loss and start getting overprotective. My husband gets mad if I go out looking pretty, cause other guys stare at me. He likes the weight loss more then I do.
Thanks for posting mel. I do wonder if the same thing will happen to me and my husband. My husband is also into thicker women. He has always said that he doesn't find skinny girls as attractive as thick girls. I am hoping that nothing changes in the future. As of right now he is very supportive and encouraging of my 40 lbs weightloss so far and I'm hoping that it doesn't change. I'm trying to make him eat and excercise with me. Hopefully if he's skinny too he won't have such a problem with me.
Hey Mel, I know we have touched on this subject before and I hope that things still go well for you. You know what the common denominator is? ....Spouses. It always seems that they create what they fear the most...us leaving them. They are so worried about it and yet they seem to make the situation worse with the attitude. If we do leave them it's not because we don't love them anymore it's because of who THEY have become. Talking about it really helps, Thanx Mel.
I'm so happy you seeked out marriage counceling and everything is better. I can only imagine how painful and hurtful to hear those words from your husband, It can really be a hit to your self esteem especially when this is supposed to be the best time of your life. Stay strong my friend, u r beautiful inside and out!! Thanks for keeping it real :)
damn. i dont know, im not in a relationship, but i've been heavy my whole life so its scary to think that the people you love like your family will start looking at you in a different way. i dont know all i know is me being heavy/unhealthy is not making me happy. but it must be incredibly difficult for you and your husband and what yall been going through, ugh! all i can say is continue to be strong
Pt 2. So I am not sure how to take her non reaction. We have other issues as well but this just kind of is a huge let down for me. I was hoping this would spice things up between us and it has not. I feel better about myself, feel more attractive and definately more sexy, haha. I just wish it had that affect on her. It is definately an issue with us. I am glad you brought this up. It is a HUGE topic that gets left out far too often.
Great video Mel, thanks. It is definately a factor in your relationship when you lose this much weight. In mine I am becoming more confident in myself, more women are noticing me and paying more attention to me which is what I was hoping for from my wife, but that has not been the case. My wife really has not changed her view of me much. Kind of a let down for me because I was hoping she was going to be more attracted to me after all the loss, but it just isn't playing out like that.
I'm soo glad to see that you guys were able to work things out. Mel, you've been true to yourself throughout this whole process, you never lost sight of your dream for a healthy, fit body. Thanks for showing us that you don't have to sacrifice your relationship in order to enjoy your new life:-) It may be difficult for both parties to adjust, but it can be done:-) God bless both of you!
Interesting topic, Melanie. I am scheduled to have my lap band in one month, and my sister who is also overweight has ALREADY begun treating me differently....there is ALREADY a disconnect between us. Part of that, ofcourse, is because we have struggled with being overweight TOGETHER for most of our lives. I imagine that things will be very different if I end up changing physically.
Not for nothing, but honey your just fucking gorgeous! WERK!
Thank you sky for that video! I have the feeling that I may go through a similar situation after my surgery, so I really needed that......................Thank you for putting it out there.
Thank you for this vlog. I am going through this now. My partner became very unsupportive and distant as I reached goal. Not sure what will happen but I have decided that I have to love me for me no matter what....
Great video!!! I'm kind of having a different problem. The more weight I lose the more it seems my wife becomes insecure about herself. She has never accused me of anything but she jokes that I'm going to run off with a girl that exercises. It seems as I become more confident my wife seems to become less. I tell her constantly that I love her and that she's beautiful but she trys to put herself down when I tell her.It's a tough battle but we are coming more to grips with everything. Thanks Mel!
Your so brave my chica thank you for sharing these feelings with us I know you did not have to but your kind heart tells it all !!..............love and hugs......love rosemary
If you feel good about you, and you've gone through all this to become a healthier happier person, he should be happy to see you doing so well for yourself. He has to know that being overweight is unhealthy, so then why would he be disapointed with a healthy lifestyle change? To me that just sounds selfish, think of if the roles were reversed? He would expect you to be supportive and happy with his change, as he should be with yours... my opinion..
I gained 30lbs because my husband said that my ass was too small so i stopped eating healthy and started over eating. Myself image was destroyed. But, now I am going to go back to my normal weight 155 and i do not care if he does not like it because what i have learned is that your husband is suppose to love you for who you are and not put you down because you have changed. I am separated from mine because of this. Thank you so much for posting this!
This is a major problem for so many people. I feel blessed that it has never been an issue for us -- 22 years married and still going. But it is a very real thing that needs to be discussed preop and postop because our perception of ourselves changes, as does our partners' perception of us. And, if we are with a "large" partner, it may make them feel self-conscious about themselves when we lose weight, as well.
This hits home with me....On several levels. 1st of I'm Puerto Rican and prior to surgery I was big but very curvy. Now I'm not. I know my husband is more attracted to me now but I think it's because I feel more attractive but I have sensed some resentment because for the first time in our relationship I am putting me first, so that's a huge change. I think for most men that is going to be the hardest part for them. To include my husband in my new lifestyle we started doing P90x together.
My husband like thick woman with big asses.. Needless to say I lost all my ass when I lost my weight. That's my husband only complaint about me losing weight is my butt is gone. But ultimately I think it all comes down to how you feel about yourself. Your the only person that has to live in your skin and your spouse is suppose to love you no matter what.
@SexySavy2009 I agree with you 100% and your words could not be more precise. Its all about "how you feel about yourself. We are the one that has to live in our own skin and our spouse is suppose to love us no matter what" Very well said. TY
Melanie, It never stops to amaze me how strong you are. You with a brave face have tacked horrid things, and now you share what emotional pain you had. It's people like you that inspire others, you inspire me. I now know an idea of what might happen to me. Thank you so much...
I wish my husband had told me along time ago if he liked me plumper! he never did-- it really might have helped me like myself more! but he never did- because I don't think he understood himself! Losing all this weight- I thought I would look sexier-- or feel sexier-- and I can say that is not true. I feel prettier, more atheletic, more "normal" more passable in the world we live in-- more energetic etc--- but not sexier... I am beginning to feel some it come back--
@cabernetqueen Oh Sally, who are you kidding?? You are one sexy lady. Hope you see that in yourself one day. I understand however, we are sometimes our own worst enemy when we look in front of a mirror.
That's one of my concerns too. My hubby also finds thicker women more attractive and when he met me, I certainly was! But my weight is affecting my health in a lot of ways so he sees that staying this size is not the best thing for me, so he's very supportive in me getting WLS soon. But, I do wonder how he'll be once I do lose the excess weight...hmmmm...
Thank you for posting this video. I have not had my surgery yet but, it's something I have thought about and will be discussing it with my husband before hand...
part2 But when we need the kiss, hug, and TO BE TOLD that we are appreciated, a look that says we are still desired, we get nothing. were last on the wieght loss totum pole.A man's needs are just as valid and i would say more fragile then a woman's When a spouse does what they want regardless of the other spouses feelings, and claim non-support, Don't be superized with the consequences. Just one man's humble opinion.
@johnr316 You bring up a very good point John. I never looked at it that way. TY so much for that comment. I have said in one of my past videos that I was so committed to WL that I literally ignored my family for 7 months because I was so involved into losing all of my weight and exercise. It would be work & then off to exercise, then shower, then sleep. So you are right. We get too wrapped up into losing this weight that we might lose focus of our family. Thanks for brining it up.
part 1 I'm glad your both working on your marriage. I'll pray for you. Now from a man's point of view, Women think we don't support you in wieght, but we do. The spouse spend's 24 hrs a day being consumed with the loss, working, excercising, video's e-mails, counting calories, spending 10's of thousands on WL products and procedures. Who's cleaning, taking care of the children, shopping, working to support the family, etc.?
The opposite is happening to me. My boyfriend is more and more attracted to me and I am less attracted to him. I think the fact that I'm trying to eat better and lose this weight, and he's still eating like crazy and gaining weight, that it just turns me off completely. I feel bad but I can't make the feelings come back. At this point we're sleeping separately and haven't been intimate since March because I have no desire. I don't know what will happen next, but this is no way to live. Love ya!
The opposite is happening to me. My boyfriend is more and more attracted to me and I am less attracted to him. I think the fact that I'm trying to eat better and lose this weight, and he's still eating like crazy and gaining weight, that it just turns me off completely. I feel bad but I can't make the feelings come back. At this point we're sleeping separately and haven't been intimate since March because I have no desire. I don't know what will happen next, but this is no way to live. Love ya!
@melitriotcan The thing is Darcy you are gaining confidence and that makes you believe ( as you should ) you deserver more. When you choose a partner from a place of weakness you get a weak partner generally speaking.
I understand, my boyfriend is Mexican but I'm Canadian. My beauty standards are very different from his. I was big when I met him but not as big as when I got my wls. I'm happy with what I look now but I don't feel that I am in the size standards of South Texas (lots of Mexicans!). I think my boyfriend would like me with more meat but that size is what I wanted all my life. My relationship is good and I want to prioritize myself first. At least I have boobs now,it helps!
I agree with you that some men are attractive to bigger women and have a huge problem if the woman is bigger when they meet and then loose weight. I know that its hard to process but we have to realize than in life when we make changes that our partners may or may not adjust to the changes and that sometimes the changes are deal breakers in the relationship. Is good to know that you and your husband are working on your relaltionship and I pray that your marriage continutes to get stronger
@BLIQUEMIST26 I hate those words. Why are they always so negative. Mines never personally said that directly to me, but I always felt it in my heart that that is somewhat what he meant to say.
Thanks Mel, you are always so real with us! I know what you mean about relationship changes...I worry because my husband gets very insecure when I lose weight...but really, I need to do this for me, and hopefully he can deal with it and we can make it good!
@AntoniaTakeTwo Your right Antonia.. I guess its any type of weight loss.
I really do hope that your thoughts on when its "good, it gets better" is right. Something positive has to come out of losing all this weight. We need our partners to be as supportive as possible. It only hurts to see someone u care so deeply about say something so negative about something u worked so hard for.
OMG I CAN RELATE MY BOYFIREND KEEPS SAYING THAT I WILL LEAVE ME IF I LOSE TO MUCH WEIGHT THAT I SHOULD STAY BIG BECUASE HE ONLY LIKES BIG GIRLS I AM CONFLICTED BUT I HAVE CAME TO A DECISION THAT I DONT WANT TO BE BIG AND UNHEALTHY I WANT TO BE HEALTHY AND SLIMMER !!!! YOU KNO
@yumyum1217 I always say "DO YOU" know matter what anyone thinks. We only have 1 life to live and if you choose to be content losing this weight, then go for it. I know it meant the world to me to be skinny, and I did not anyone get in my way. I ignored all negative comments and moved fwd. That is what everyone should do. We are choosing a life to be a healthier person.
i think that my husband is the same way...all of his ex-girlfriends were big....when i met him i was 127 pounds and i thought he liked me that size...but when i got preggo and gained weight, he loved it....now that i am still fat he loves it, and wonders why i want to lose weight...i dont understand....but i guess i will just have to do what is best for me....thanks for sharing!
@marleyford01 Some men just naturally like thicker woman. I learned that from my hubby. They like girls to have some meat on them. hahaha. I remember one time that my hubby said lets have another kid while I was trying to lose the weight, and Iooked at him and wanted to kill him. I felt like he was trying to sabotage me. LOL
As people change so do their relationships with the self and others. Some relationships get stronger and others fall apart. You right that some people are attracted to "bigger" people. You have to do what is right for yourself. Thanks for sharing.
thank you so much for sharing this video. I am 7wks post op and this was very informative. I subscribed to your videos because you are so honest and real. I love watching them. You look beautiful.
valzdagal 3 months ago
I couldn't even teach my daughter how to ride her bike because I couldn't get up & down the stairs with it & I certainly couldn't run behind her until she got her balance. I decided that his decision was the best for both of us & I moved on by being happy with the new me!
MiChiLove 1 year ago
I went throught the same experience some years ago with my weight loss. My boyfriend of 3 years left me (while I was @ work, no less) to be with a larger woman that he met on the internet. He said that I was no longer the woman that he fell in love with, because he was attracted to the larger me - the 300+ lbs me. I realized that regardless how HE felt, it was becoming a problem for ME. My knees were deteriorating & I could barely breathe some days.
MiChiLove 1 year ago
the one about the guy not wanting to be the girl cause she was too skinny??? thats the biggest shit i ever heard. guys want to have girls look like models and yet wen they do they are like,'' no ur too skinny...'' anyone got a knife? someone's losing a penis....lol!
copnite12342 1 year ago
I showed my mom this video and she told me to take what you said to heart. She said that Im going to be the one to change because my husband is very heavy. Im so glad you posted this video. I didnt realize that EVERY aspect of my life may change. Wow.
NuMe4ya 1 year ago
My husband and I are both chubby chasers. Thank you for posting this. I just had a discussion about this with my husband. He said it wouldnt be an issue with him at all. He said he's excited for me and will be on his own non surgical journey with me. Im blessed I guess. I'll be praying for you and your husband.
NuMe4ya 1 year ago
@NuMe4ya Im glad that your hubby is being very supportive about your decision. You are blessed.
skymoon1982 1 year ago
Your a beautiful woman! Sometimes we have to do things for ourselves that our loved ones just don't understand. I'm a month out & have noticed a change in my wifes attitude, distant. We've been together since High School (20 yrs) & I was always over 235pds. So it happens to both genders. Thank you for sharing & the advise! Smile ; )
Hoffa3381 1 year ago
@Hoffa3381 Thx for commenting. I can go on talking about so many things when it comes to wls and relationships. Im hopoing that it works out for you both. There are many changes. :-)
skymoon1982 1 year ago
This topic! Is Great!! mel as always you nailed the topic. Im sure many of us are hush hush about it.
MsChargerFan 1 year ago
Wow - Great Vid. Skymoon. I will be praying for you guys to work out.
x8rdee3 1 year ago
If he's just a boyfriend and he doesn't "like" her anymore -- then dump him and move on. There are plenty of people out there who will love the new her. And you too!!!
marolkisan 1 year ago
Hi Mel, This is Melissa. I am really glad you spoke about this. Its been a big concern for me. My husband ( for a fact ) loves big women. I have my first consult for lapband on Sept 1. I spoke to my hubby about my concerns of him being no longer attracted to me. He said it wont be an issue. I want to believe him but we know eachother since we were 16 ( I'm 31 now) and although I wasnt obese when we met I was always at the very least fat. I have 150 to lose! That might make a difference, I worry!
malijahdc3 1 year ago
You look so much better thinner! (not that looks should really matter at the end of the day because it's what's on the inside that counts.) IMHO, it's not necessarily just the weight loss that partners object to, it's also the new lifestyle and new found confidence of the slimmer that they object to because they are so used to their woman at home and doting on them due to lack of confidence going out and socialising that it becomes a real shock when their women builds a new life outside the home
Minniemousejan2010 1 year ago
Wow she was out of line for saying she see another man in your life. I'm a seer too, we all some seers and I see u being happy with your life now, u smile with your eyes like tyra banks say we all should and u have overcome a lot of pain and anguish and I see u being happy. So continue to be happy and continue being my inspiration. Love ya mami.
mssmiley85 1 year ago
Michelle here, first you look wonderful. Melanie your journey was and is bigger than some people could ever imagine. I commend you for saving your marriage, but a fluffy ass with melon size tatas won't keep you around long enough to see your handsome son grow up and be a man on his own. Don't get me wrong! Its nice to have these assets, but your health and presences in this world out way it. Melanie don't give up on you. Keep blossoming like that beautiful Red Rose!!!!
Mrsshortd 1 year ago
Glad that you posted this because I am 20 pounds from goal and have been slacking because of comments from my husband and others (some of them are jealous) but you have inspired me to go for goal because weight loss is personal
Ireonl 1 year ago
mel.. you are beautiful. I am 5 months post-op and I have only lost a cup size. but, my husband and I are having issues along that road. glad to know I am not alone.
HalloweenieLins 1 year ago
As a seer, I sense another man in your life. You will be happy in the end.
ElizaYah 1 year ago
@ElizaYah Trust me, there is no other man in my life in all honesty. I have no time to be fooling around. I go straight home after I come out of work to my family. Never cheated or paid attention to other men throughout my journey.
skymoon1982 1 year ago
I think if once you lose the weight you also lose your boobs and butt, it's because you never really had big boobs and a big but to begin with. Meaning, PRIOR to being overweight. Everything gets bigger when you gain, but once you lose it, it goes back to what it was before gaining. That's how it is with me and others I know anyway.
october11th 1 year ago
@october11th I dont agree. I come from a family that has huge assets (boobs & ass). Some of them are as skinny as I am now and they have huge boobs. I just believe that during all the excercise and the weight loss, you will tend to lose it no matter what.
skymoon1982 1 year ago
@skymoon1982 Thanks for your response. I guess it varies from person to person. Also maybe once you have the surgery and the rapid weight loss causes the loss of those assets too. You look great girl, thanks for the videos!
october11th 1 year ago
I am glad you put this video out. I heared that this happends. I'm glad you guys are trying to work things out., but dont stay together just for the kids. My parents did that and we seen them fight all the time its not worth it. (from a childs view)
Now, what do you do when they get to excited about your weight loss and start getting overprotective. My husband gets mad if I go out looking pretty, cause other guys stare at me. He likes the weight loss more then I do.
crewlla 1 year ago
Thanks for posting mel. I do wonder if the same thing will happen to me and my husband. My husband is also into thicker women. He has always said that he doesn't find skinny girls as attractive as thick girls. I am hoping that nothing changes in the future. As of right now he is very supportive and encouraging of my 40 lbs weightloss so far and I'm hoping that it doesn't change. I'm trying to make him eat and excercise with me. Hopefully if he's skinny too he won't have such a problem with me.
thebandedbran 1 year ago
This was a great video and I am so glad that you two are working it out.
Southerngirl0828 1 year ago
I think you are healthy and you are naturally a beautiful woman.
It's unhealthy for someone to want you to be at an unhealthy weight to satisfy their own wants.
allustrial 1 year ago
Hey Mel, I know we have touched on this subject before and I hope that things still go well for you. You know what the common denominator is? ....Spouses. It always seems that they create what they fear the most...us leaving them. They are so worried about it and yet they seem to make the situation worse with the attitude. If we do leave them it's not because we don't love them anymore it's because of who THEY have become. Talking about it really helps, Thanx Mel.
~ Shari
BandedShari2010 1 year ago
very true...
MissJanieHere 1 year ago
I'm so happy you seeked out marriage counceling and everything is better. I can only imagine how painful and hurtful to hear those words from your husband, It can really be a hit to your self esteem especially when this is supposed to be the best time of your life. Stay strong my friend, u r beautiful inside and out!! Thanks for keeping it real :)
vkhele 1 year ago
damn. i dont know, im not in a relationship, but i've been heavy my whole life so its scary to think that the people you love like your family will start looking at you in a different way. i dont know all i know is me being heavy/unhealthy is not making me happy. but it must be incredibly difficult for you and your husband and what yall been going through, ugh! all i can say is continue to be strong
MZJI99LY2U 1 year ago
Thx for the video... Your a strong person!!!!
TheScaleliedJ 1 year ago
Pt 2. So I am not sure how to take her non reaction. We have other issues as well but this just kind of is a huge let down for me. I was hoping this would spice things up between us and it has not. I feel better about myself, feel more attractive and definately more sexy, haha. I just wish it had that affect on her. It is definately an issue with us. I am glad you brought this up. It is a HUGE topic that gets left out far too often.
baldfamilyman39 1 year ago
Great video Mel, thanks. It is definately a factor in your relationship when you lose this much weight. In mine I am becoming more confident in myself, more women are noticing me and paying more attention to me which is what I was hoping for from my wife, but that has not been the case. My wife really has not changed her view of me much. Kind of a let down for me because I was hoping she was going to be more attracted to me after all the loss, but it just isn't playing out like that.
baldfamilyman39 1 year ago
I'm soo glad to see that you guys were able to work things out. Mel, you've been true to yourself throughout this whole process, you never lost sight of your dream for a healthy, fit body. Thanks for showing us that you don't have to sacrifice your relationship in order to enjoy your new life:-) It may be difficult for both parties to adjust, but it can be done:-) God bless both of you!
sky8725 1 year ago
Interesting topic, Melanie. I am scheduled to have my lap band in one month, and my sister who is also overweight has ALREADY begun treating me differently....there is ALREADY a disconnect between us. Part of that, ofcourse, is because we have struggled with being overweight TOGETHER for most of our lives. I imagine that things will be very different if I end up changing physically.
Not for nothing, but honey your just fucking gorgeous! WERK!
cluelessintellect 1 year ago
Thank you sky for that video! I have the feeling that I may go through a similar situation after my surgery, so I really needed that......................Thank you for putting it out there.
ebony703 1 year ago
Thank you for this vlog. I am going through this now. My partner became very unsupportive and distant as I reached goal. Not sure what will happen but I have decided that I have to love me for me no matter what....
tabboo9 1 year ago
its also a form of control. if you loose weight your partner cant keep control of you , they get jealous
munkygurl69 1 year ago
Melanie...Thank you so much for being so candid. I really appreciate hearing the way things really are. jan
MissJJinVA 1 year ago
Great video!!! I'm kind of having a different problem. The more weight I lose the more it seems my wife becomes insecure about herself. She has never accused me of anything but she jokes that I'm going to run off with a girl that exercises. It seems as I become more confident my wife seems to become less. I tell her constantly that I love her and that she's beautiful but she trys to put herself down when I tell her.It's a tough battle but we are coming more to grips with everything. Thanks Mel!
thegerm1 1 year ago
Your so brave my chica thank you for sharing these feelings with us I know you did not have to but your kind heart tells it all !!..............love and hugs......love rosemary
gastricRose 1 year ago
If you feel good about you, and you've gone through all this to become a healthier happier person, he should be happy to see you doing so well for yourself. He has to know that being overweight is unhealthy, so then why would he be disapointed with a healthy lifestyle change? To me that just sounds selfish, think of if the roles were reversed? He would expect you to be supportive and happy with his change, as he should be with yours... my opinion..
KrisTeeAnn22 1 year ago
I gained 30lbs because my husband said that my ass was too small so i stopped eating healthy and started over eating. Myself image was destroyed. But, now I am going to go back to my normal weight 155 and i do not care if he does not like it because what i have learned is that your husband is suppose to love you for who you are and not put you down because you have changed. I am separated from mine because of this. Thank you so much for posting this!
iamgirly83 1 year ago
Loved the video!
mityah83 1 year ago
This is a major problem for so many people. I feel blessed that it has never been an issue for us -- 22 years married and still going. But it is a very real thing that needs to be discussed preop and postop because our perception of ourselves changes, as does our partners' perception of us. And, if we are with a "large" partner, it may make them feel self-conscious about themselves when we lose weight, as well.
Dena
LiLtinee 1 year ago
This hits home with me....On several levels. 1st of I'm Puerto Rican and prior to surgery I was big but very curvy. Now I'm not. I know my husband is more attracted to me now but I think it's because I feel more attractive but I have sensed some resentment because for the first time in our relationship I am putting me first, so that's a huge change. I think for most men that is going to be the hardest part for them. To include my husband in my new lifestyle we started doing P90x together.
BoricuaRNNY 1 year ago
My husband like thick woman with big asses.. Needless to say I lost all my ass when I lost my weight. That's my husband only complaint about me losing weight is my butt is gone. But ultimately I think it all comes down to how you feel about yourself. Your the only person that has to live in your skin and your spouse is suppose to love you no matter what.
SexySavy2009 1 year ago
@SexySavy2009 I agree with you 100% and your words could not be more precise. Its all about "how you feel about yourself. We are the one that has to live in our own skin and our spouse is suppose to love us no matter what" Very well said. TY
skymoon1982 1 year ago
Melanie, It never stops to amaze me how strong you are. You with a brave face have tacked horrid things, and now you share what emotional pain you had. It's people like you that inspire others, you inspire me. I now know an idea of what might happen to me. Thank you so much...
GirlReanimated 1 year ago
@GirlReanimated Aww such a sweet comment. TY so much. Im so happy that I can inspire someone like u.
skymoon1982 1 year ago
Isn't it amazing, people's personal pref? Because, you were beautiful then, but you are beautiful now...
kelshaleanne 1 year ago
I wish my husband had told me along time ago if he liked me plumper! he never did-- it really might have helped me like myself more! but he never did- because I don't think he understood himself! Losing all this weight- I thought I would look sexier-- or feel sexier-- and I can say that is not true. I feel prettier, more atheletic, more "normal" more passable in the world we live in-- more energetic etc--- but not sexier... I am beginning to feel some it come back--
cabernetqueen 1 year ago
@cabernetqueen Oh Sally, who are you kidding?? You are one sexy lady. Hope you see that in yourself one day. I understand however, we are sometimes our own worst enemy when we look in front of a mirror.
skymoon1982 1 year ago
That's one of my concerns too. My hubby also finds thicker women more attractive and when he met me, I certainly was! But my weight is affecting my health in a lot of ways so he sees that staying this size is not the best thing for me, so he's very supportive in me getting WLS soon. But, I do wonder how he'll be once I do lose the excess weight...hmmmm...
supaflyflip 1 year ago
Thank you for posting this video. I have not had my surgery yet but, it's something I have thought about and will be discussing it with my husband before hand...
msclarita64 1 year ago
@msclarita64 Its definitely something to think about about. Congrats on your surgery and welcome to the losers bench!!
skymoon1982 1 year ago
@msclarita64 it might go the other way. some men like the cubby some get so excited seing the skinny.
crewlla 1 year ago
part2 But when we need the kiss, hug, and TO BE TOLD that we are appreciated, a look that says we are still desired, we get nothing. were last on the wieght loss totum pole.A man's needs are just as valid and i would say more fragile then a woman's When a spouse does what they want regardless of the other spouses feelings, and claim non-support, Don't be superized with the consequences. Just one man's humble opinion.
johnr316 1 year ago 2
@johnr316 You bring up a very good point John. I never looked at it that way. TY so much for that comment. I have said in one of my past videos that I was so committed to WL that I literally ignored my family for 7 months because I was so involved into losing all of my weight and exercise. It would be work & then off to exercise, then shower, then sleep. So you are right. We get too wrapped up into losing this weight that we might lose focus of our family. Thanks for brining it up.
skymoon1982 1 year ago
part 1 I'm glad your both working on your marriage. I'll pray for you. Now from a man's point of view, Women think we don't support you in wieght, but we do. The spouse spend's 24 hrs a day being consumed with the loss, working, excercising, video's e-mails, counting calories, spending 10's of thousands on WL products and procedures. Who's cleaning, taking care of the children, shopping, working to support the family, etc.?
johnr316 1 year ago
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The opposite is happening to me. My boyfriend is more and more attracted to me and I am less attracted to him. I think the fact that I'm trying to eat better and lose this weight, and he's still eating like crazy and gaining weight, that it just turns me off completely. I feel bad but I can't make the feelings come back. At this point we're sleeping separately and haven't been intimate since March because I have no desire. I don't know what will happen next, but this is no way to live. Love ya!
MsDulceLeche 1 year ago
The opposite is happening to me. My boyfriend is more and more attracted to me and I am less attracted to him. I think the fact that I'm trying to eat better and lose this weight, and he's still eating like crazy and gaining weight, that it just turns me off completely. I feel bad but I can't make the feelings come back. At this point we're sleeping separately and haven't been intimate since March because I have no desire. I don't know what will happen next, but this is no way to live. Love ya!
MsDulceLeche 1 year ago
@MsDulceLeche Hay chica, I personal messaged u on this topic.
skymoon1982 1 year ago
@skymoon1982 I have this exact same problem....
melitriotcan 1 year ago
@melitriotcan The thing is Darcy you are gaining confidence and that makes you believe ( as you should ) you deserver more. When you choose a partner from a place of weakness you get a weak partner generally speaking.
AntoniaTakeTwo 1 year ago
I understand, my boyfriend is Mexican but I'm Canadian. My beauty standards are very different from his. I was big when I met him but not as big as when I got my wls. I'm happy with what I look now but I don't feel that I am in the size standards of South Texas (lots of Mexicans!). I think my boyfriend would like me with more meat but that size is what I wanted all my life. My relationship is good and I want to prioritize myself first. At least I have boobs now,it helps!
mayacalypsa 1 year ago
I agree with you that some men are attractive to bigger women and have a huge problem if the woman is bigger when they meet and then loose weight. I know that its hard to process but we have to realize than in life when we make changes that our partners may or may not adjust to the changes and that sometimes the changes are deal breakers in the relationship. Is good to know that you and your husband are working on your relaltionship and I pray that your marriage continutes to get stronger
trublackbeauty1 1 year ago
MY MAN HAS HAD WLS BEFORE I MET HIM.NOW THAT IM GETTING IT HE SAYS HE HOPES I DONT LEAVE HIM.
BLIQUEMIST26 1 year ago
@BLIQUEMIST26 I hate those words. Why are they always so negative. Mines never personally said that directly to me, but I always felt it in my heart that that is somewhat what he meant to say.
skymoon1982 1 year ago
Thanks Mel, you are always so real with us! I know what you mean about relationship changes...I worry because my husband gets very insecure when I lose weight...but really, I need to do this for me, and hopefully he can deal with it and we can make it good!
bandednanny 1 year ago
This is really about weight loss of any kind and how it effects relationships.
If you have a bad relationship it will make it worse if it is good it gets better!
AntoniaTakeTwo 1 year ago
@AntoniaTakeTwo Your right Antonia.. I guess its any type of weight loss.
I really do hope that your thoughts on when its "good, it gets better" is right. Something positive has to come out of losing all this weight. We need our partners to be as supportive as possible. It only hurts to see someone u care so deeply about say something so negative about something u worked so hard for.
skymoon1982 1 year ago
OMG I CAN RELATE MY BOYFIREND KEEPS SAYING THAT I WILL LEAVE ME IF I LOSE TO MUCH WEIGHT THAT I SHOULD STAY BIG BECUASE HE ONLY LIKES BIG GIRLS I AM CONFLICTED BUT I HAVE CAME TO A DECISION THAT I DONT WANT TO BE BIG AND UNHEALTHY I WANT TO BE HEALTHY AND SLIMMER !!!! YOU KNO
yumyum1217 1 year ago
@yumyum1217 I always say "DO YOU" know matter what anyone thinks. We only have 1 life to live and if you choose to be content losing this weight, then go for it. I know it meant the world to me to be skinny, and I did not anyone get in my way. I ignored all negative comments and moved fwd. That is what everyone should do. We are choosing a life to be a healthier person.
skymoon1982 1 year ago
i think that my husband is the same way...all of his ex-girlfriends were big....when i met him i was 127 pounds and i thought he liked me that size...but when i got preggo and gained weight, he loved it....now that i am still fat he loves it, and wonders why i want to lose weight...i dont understand....but i guess i will just have to do what is best for me....thanks for sharing!
marleyford01 1 year ago
@marleyford01 Some men just naturally like thicker woman. I learned that from my hubby. They like girls to have some meat on them. hahaha. I remember one time that my hubby said lets have another kid while I was trying to lose the weight, and Iooked at him and wanted to kill him. I felt like he was trying to sabotage me. LOL
skymoon1982 1 year ago
As people change so do their relationships with the self and others. Some relationships get stronger and others fall apart. You right that some people are attracted to "bigger" people. You have to do what is right for yourself. Thanks for sharing.
susan1289 1 year ago