@SwobyJ Believe me I've been working on it... sometimes it just slips out of me though.. kind of like a child who lets slip foul language in front of their parents, if you know what I mean... but there is the old saying that "what someone doesn't know can't hurt them", and I usually use that saying pretty literally...
misunderstandings and often commitment of the ,victimized' person. If the feeling of ,love', the narcissist feels towards the person at the beginning of the story, is at a heavenlike stage, it gets kinda tough to deal with the destructive judgements on the other hand (which might be concealed for a while).
Although this chaotic and exhausting lifestyle might not be fully intended by the person, one must not forget that the personality is seriously damaged and they're mainly jackasses.
2nd: Especially what you would call a ,perfect love' is very strong at the beginning of the relationship. But it mainly remains a feeling, spontaneous like everything in the narcissist's personality. As they think, different than many humans, dissociatively (or it takes longer to think associative), they ,see' the imperfections of other beings more than their strenghts. If they have bpd they also feel some of the feelings of their opposite stronger than they might actually be. All that leads to
I don't want to encourage anyone to keep up destructive relationships, but in my experience at least the second type of narcissist (with bpd) does feel something like love, missing sadly and other ,humanly' feelings: it's rather that objectising, affronting and denying need is much more easy to them than actually risking being refused.
They're always wearing a mask.
But under the mask in fact there's chaos (oftenly), there's black and white thinking, selfish weird thoughts, boredom, fantasy.
I'm a narcissist myself, and this is very well described. It's like being a predator, constantly hunting for what you call "narcissistic supply" from those deemed "worthy", as if they are good enough to have the honour of being exploited.
Mother and sister both narcissists so didn't notice anyting odd in my relationship with a narcissist. Mother died 14 years ago she did try to redeem herself, she had the narc tendencies but I don't think was pathological. My sister on the other hand is truly evil and controls every aspect of her daughters life, my neice knowing no other kind of mother, thinks its normal. I finally got out of my relationship after 13 years, but 20 years later have been unable to trust enough to form another.
@mystery8881 It's sad that people don't comment informational on your question, I'm coping with the same thing! And I really want to get rid of it, because it really rages my brain sometimes. But my question remains... Am I able to get rid of it.? Have you found out anything yet? Greetings.
@mystery8881 If you believe you are a narcissist, you're most likely not as much of a narcissist as 'true' narcissists. Because you possibly have some introspection.
@cybermone how egotistical,what could we ever give let alone truly, and there is a right way and wrong way to do things. people do things they deem o.k. which wouldnt compromise them but does so for others. the narcissist is the one who wants to be God and deludes themselves into thinking so, even giving godship to others for his own godship, manipulating toying with everyone deemed god and otherwise. theres a difference between a biased cultural view of God and an unbiased impartial view of him
I am in the process of divorcing a narcissist. He recently got fired from a position and that day I knew the wrath was brewing and he was going to orchestrate his theater to tell people I was not supportive, "I made this about me", etc. He was projecting onto me all of the things he was loathing in himself a common cycle for him. It was the kill shot for him to be fired that they didn't recognize how wonderful he was and my anxiety was at an all time high as I was just waiting for his wrath.
I've had contact with many people with NPD (and was in a 4 year relationship with one), though my personal belief is that they don't actually love themselves, rather their negative behaviour is a direct reflection of the hatred they feel toward themselves.
@velocifero86 i agree, this coward does not love himself, he lost weight but he is insecure deep down..deep down he knows it too, he knows that those 2 girls that he cares about would have never given himm the time of day before
@drexxar100 Yes, people may have narcissistic traits without actually being a true narcissist. For example, to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Of Mental Disorders states that someone must have 5 or more out of 9 'traits' attributed to narcissism.The Manual also has other criteria which need to be met to establish whether or not the person has a personality disorder.
I believe I have NPD, I have watched a few of these videos, what chance is there for me? I want to be human so much but there are so many obstacles in my life to doing so. I have heard even after years of cbt a lot of the traits remain. What can I do? I've tried to find God but there are too many obstacles within me.
@jafka633 just keep trying man and be real with yourself, re-parent yourself and constantly stay on it and keep mental note of what draws your impulse and be honest with yourself as to why
Why is it whenever anyone discusses a narcissist, they are always referred to as a "he" or a "boyfriend" or "father"... Are women not narcissistic? because MANY seem to be
Hmm interesting... I'm sure you have your reasoning, but I feel I'm a narcissist not because I like attention because I actually hate too much attention (I would consider that conceitedness) but because I don't really believe other people have souls... anyways that's what I consider narcissism. Maybe I'm just making an ignorant comment.
I am a narcissist myself and everything this man is saying in these videos is absolutely 100% true. Steer clear of us. Good moral caring people deserve better. We can't really love you the way you love us. A narcissist might be able to connect the idea of love but not truly the emotion that is love, it's only to fool you and ourselves. Try to imagine not being able to empathize with ANYONE but yourself. Hard right?
Seriously though is it? Because its not hard for any of us.
Dr. Vaknin I can't thank you enough for sharing these videos. 1 yr ago my husband, best friend, and whole world suddenly and w/out warning commanded me to leave our home. In one day I went from being a fairytale wife to being ERASED. Understanding NPD has smoothed the raging river of wanting to literally die, to a calmer, manageable, normal grief. Healing will be next! Thank you, Dr. V.
@broombush He's not a doctor. He is intelligent, yes, and his information is more or less correct, but he is a psychopath. I would be careful to thank a psychopath for getting rid of or understanding another one.
@MyVoicenotSilenced You're right. He is both a Narcissist and a Psychopath, however, it is leaning more on the Narcissist spectrum...so to speak.
There is also a difference between a Sociopath and a Psychopath in that: while both are affected by environmental and genetically factors, a Sociopath leans on the environmental more than the genetically, and the Psychopath leans on the genetics more than the environmental.
How does one get away from a raging narcissist? Since he needs to be in control, if I leave him, he comes after me. My only hope of escape is if I can find a way to make him want to leave me, and I don't see that happening.
@anniequilts You can't get away from them without legal help normally. My ex. is still harnessing me extensively be placing me in harms way through "gas lighting". Call for help if you are living or married to one. It is the only way to protect yourself. There is a community source that allows abused people get away from these monsters. they will place you in protective housing and help your legal guidance in protecting yourself.
@krstcmjns Negative thinking is counter-productive. Necessary in some cases, but most definitely, not all! I believe that Psychopaths and Narcissist have to see things in a slightly different light. If the leader had let those people live, he would have got more in return, instead he let his negative 'EMOTIONS' and lack of 'EMPATHY' rule over him. Sometimes this makes them think unscientific, but not all of them are like that, and Dr Vaknin is a scientific one, so there is hope, maybe????
So negative emotions like 'contempt' is a counter-productive emotion and is damaging...I believe that is something that we all have to fight, not live with. Unfortunately I live in the real world and know, form what I see and hear, that people are mostly illogical and unscientific. They act out on negative emotions when in fact they should do nothing! Negative emotions are traps, they drain the soul...so to speak. This is the Narcissist greatest weakness, and only a handful ever try insight!
@krstcmjns I believe that Narcissist should see people as a supply source in a humane way! For instance, there was a leader in Asian, and am not giving any names! He killed 100,000s of people, mass genocide!!! I don't understand this.....if he was smart as the Egyptians he could have had 100,000 half decent slaves and this is the more scientific way to reason things. The white collar psychopath rules over the aggressive antisocial psychopath every time!
.....which is why I respect people like Dr Vaknin, he rules with his head not with antisocial means. Often a psychopathic narcissist, who rules with antisocial means, is exceptional easy to manipulate...you just subtly attack the ego and they'll make a mistake! They'll act out on frustration even if it can cause them problems later. Sometimes feeling empathy, in the right setting, can be to your advantage in that you understand them!
@MyVoicenotSilenced I don't think that every psychopath is a homicidal fool! Take a look at Dr Vaknin, he can manipulate but doesn't need to to get his own way but that doesn't mean that he is going to end up destroying his narcissistic supply. That be like me getting a hammer and smashing this Mac to pieces, just because I have no empathy for it!!! Of course if it irritates me enough it could happen, but being mature I understand the drawbacks. It would be foolish to do it for no reason.
@mystery:
I disagree, some narcissists know they are and they are very proud of it
souldownthearth 1 week ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@SwobyJ Believe me I've been working on it... sometimes it just slips out of me though.. kind of like a child who lets slip foul language in front of their parents, if you know what I mean... but there is the old saying that "what someone doesn't know can't hurt them", and I usually use that saying pretty literally...
warsilver99 1 week ago
Are these observations based on introspection?
LeComfortEagle 1 week ago
This seems a description of a selfish, spoiled person.
chess1302 1 week ago
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chess1302 1 week ago
Fantastic Videos you are an expert!!!
YaelYael29 2 weeks ago
Comment removed
SherryLaneify 2 weeks ago
Comment removed
SherryLaneify 2 weeks ago
misunderstandings and often commitment of the ,victimized' person. If the feeling of ,love', the narcissist feels towards the person at the beginning of the story, is at a heavenlike stage, it gets kinda tough to deal with the destructive judgements on the other hand (which might be concealed for a while).
Although this chaotic and exhausting lifestyle might not be fully intended by the person, one must not forget that the personality is seriously damaged and they're mainly jackasses.
SherryLaneify 2 weeks ago
2nd: Especially what you would call a ,perfect love' is very strong at the beginning of the relationship. But it mainly remains a feeling, spontaneous like everything in the narcissist's personality. As they think, different than many humans, dissociatively (or it takes longer to think associative), they ,see' the imperfections of other beings more than their strenghts. If they have bpd they also feel some of the feelings of their opposite stronger than they might actually be. All that leads to
SherryLaneify 2 weeks ago
I don't want to encourage anyone to keep up destructive relationships, but in my experience at least the second type of narcissist (with bpd) does feel something like love, missing sadly and other ,humanly' feelings: it's rather that objectising, affronting and denying need is much more easy to them than actually risking being refused.
They're always wearing a mask.
But under the mask in fact there's chaos (oftenly), there's black and white thinking, selfish weird thoughts, boredom, fantasy.
SherryLaneify 2 weeks ago
I'm a narcissist myself, and this is very well described. It's like being a predator, constantly hunting for what you call "narcissistic supply" from those deemed "worthy", as if they are good enough to have the honour of being exploited.
warsilver99 3 weeks ago
@warsilver99 Try to work on this please. Chronically breaking hearts is no way to live.
SwobyJ 1 week ago
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warsilver99 1 week ago
Mother and sister both narcissists so didn't notice anyting odd in my relationship with a narcissist. Mother died 14 years ago she did try to redeem herself, she had the narc tendencies but I don't think was pathological. My sister on the other hand is truly evil and controls every aspect of her daughters life, my neice knowing no other kind of mother, thinks its normal. I finally got out of my relationship after 13 years, but 20 years later have been unable to trust enough to form another.
lochgellygirl 1 month ago
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95688kage 1 month ago
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GrumpSkull 1 month ago
I strongly believe I'm a narcissist, now what do I do?
mystery8881 1 month ago
@mystery8881 Go away!
GrumpSkull 1 month ago
@mystery8881 grow up :)
CuteTeef 1 month ago
@mystery8881 eat a lot of cake
gearofduty2012 1 month ago
@mystery8881 It's sad that people don't comment informational on your question, I'm coping with the same thing! And I really want to get rid of it, because it really rages my brain sometimes. But my question remains... Am I able to get rid of it.? Have you found out anything yet? Greetings.
Nyoni4life 3 weeks ago
@mystery8881 Learn form your mistakes and try your hardest to be humble. Admiting it is the first step.
Drahgoon 3 weeks ago
@mystery8881 If you believe you are a narcissist, you're most likely not as much of a narcissist as 'true' narcissists. Because you possibly have some introspection.
SwobyJ 1 week ago
@SwobyJ yeah.. I think so too. But I do recognize some of the traits in me.
mystery8881 1 week ago
wow...frightening
TheDropbop 2 months ago
basically they don't love, evil people NEVER CHANGE and if they do, it's too late or until they have a lightbulb moment..or never actually
lovemyselfforever86 2 months ago
I must be the father of all narcissists, then.
DaTerroriZt 2 months ago
sounds like yahweh
cybermone 3 months ago
@cybermone how egotistical,what could we ever give let alone truly, and there is a right way and wrong way to do things. people do things they deem o.k. which wouldnt compromise them but does so for others. the narcissist is the one who wants to be God and deludes themselves into thinking so, even giving godship to others for his own godship, manipulating toying with everyone deemed god and otherwise. theres a difference between a biased cultural view of God and an unbiased impartial view of him
my4thone 2 months ago
I am in the process of divorcing a narcissist. He recently got fired from a position and that day I knew the wrath was brewing and he was going to orchestrate his theater to tell people I was not supportive, "I made this about me", etc. He was projecting onto me all of the things he was loathing in himself a common cycle for him. It was the kill shot for him to be fired that they didn't recognize how wonderful he was and my anxiety was at an all time high as I was just waiting for his wrath.
mayberryangel 3 months ago
I've had contact with many people with NPD (and was in a 4 year relationship with one), though my personal belief is that they don't actually love themselves, rather their negative behaviour is a direct reflection of the hatred they feel toward themselves.
velocifero86 3 months ago
@velocifero86 i agree, this coward does not love himself, he lost weight but he is insecure deep down..deep down he knows it too, he knows that those 2 girls that he cares about would have never given himm the time of day before
lovemyselfforever86 2 months ago
I'm married to a narcissist.
rainnken2000 3 months ago
That's messed up. I f*ckin' know people like that. Mmm, my two sisters.
xXPurpleLoliTranceXx 4 months ago
@drexxar100 Yes, people may have narcissistic traits without actually being a true narcissist. For example, to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Of Mental Disorders states that someone must have 5 or more out of 9 'traits' attributed to narcissism.The Manual also has other criteria which need to be met to establish whether or not the person has a personality disorder.
gingermarmaduke 5 months ago
would you say pimps have this disorder?
msnatedog83 5 months ago
@msnatedog83 lol, if someones psychopathic they also have narcissism
my4thone 2 months ago
I believe I have NPD, I have watched a few of these videos, what chance is there for me? I want to be human so much but there are so many obstacles in my life to doing so. I have heard even after years of cbt a lot of the traits remain. What can I do? I've tried to find God but there are too many obstacles within me.
jafka633 6 months ago
@jafka633 just keep trying man and be real with yourself, re-parent yourself and constantly stay on it and keep mental note of what draws your impulse and be honest with yourself as to why
my4thone 2 months ago
Gosh, that's pathetic ... i know someone who's like this!
Heron001ful 6 months ago
I wish I knew this before
star83 9 months ago
@NuJoiseyMAN A minority of narcissists are women. See my videos on this topic.
samvaknin 9 months ago 4
@samvaknin I will
videodesignerz 7 months ago
@samvaknin yeah ur right they are...
acidsnake8 7 months ago
3 people are narcissist
acidsnake8 7 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@samvaknin I do not believe this is true.
MoJo7Crow 7 months ago
Why is it whenever anyone discusses a narcissist, they are always referred to as a "he" or a "boyfriend" or "father"... Are women not narcissistic? because MANY seem to be
NuJoiseyMAN 9 months ago
@NuJoiseyMAN Yes, there are also female narcissists.
TheCarlScharnberg 8 months ago 3
This videos are a divine gift to humanity. The most intelligent voice on narcissism in existence.
galacticious 10 months ago 2
Hmm interesting... I'm sure you have your reasoning, but I feel I'm a narcissist not because I like attention because I actually hate too much attention (I would consider that conceitedness) but because I don't really believe other people have souls... anyways that's what I consider narcissism. Maybe I'm just making an ignorant comment.
chinmister27 10 months ago
Dr. V.
Is it better for a "cardboard" figure in the "narcissist's theater" to slowly cut off his supply or go cold turkey without explanation?
mlisamh 10 months ago 3
I am a narcissist myself and everything this man is saying in these videos is absolutely 100% true. Steer clear of us. Good moral caring people deserve better. We can't really love you the way you love us. A narcissist might be able to connect the idea of love but not truly the emotion that is love, it's only to fool you and ourselves. Try to imagine not being able to empathize with ANYONE but yourself. Hard right?
Seriously though is it? Because its not hard for any of us.
tonydarling123 10 months ago 4
throughout all these videos all i do is nod..amazing knowledge! of course its because he IS a narcissist unfortunately!
patriciacarrasco 11 months ago
dr.Vaknin, these videos are EXCELLENT !
deepmind50 1 year ago 26
Dr. Vaknin I can't thank you enough for sharing these videos. 1 yr ago my husband, best friend, and whole world suddenly and w/out warning commanded me to leave our home. In one day I went from being a fairytale wife to being ERASED. Understanding NPD has smoothed the raging river of wanting to literally die, to a calmer, manageable, normal grief. Healing will be next! Thank you, Dr. V.
broombush 1 year ago 16
@broombush He's not a doctor. He is intelligent, yes, and his information is more or less correct, but he is a psychopath. I would be careful to thank a psychopath for getting rid of or understanding another one.
TheCarlScharnberg 8 months ago
me too, I finally understand !
snugglishous 2 weeks ago
Thank you Mr.Vaknin for your insight and passion on this very complex subject.
frankg3rd 1 year ago 3
@MyVoicenotSilenced You're right. He is both a Narcissist and a Psychopath, however, it is leaning more on the Narcissist spectrum...so to speak.
There is also a difference between a Sociopath and a Psychopath in that: while both are affected by environmental and genetically factors, a Sociopath leans on the environmental more than the genetically, and the Psychopath leans on the genetics more than the environmental.
I, however, am neither :) I'm just hard-headed!
IJUSTSUBSCRIBENOW 1 year ago
How does one get away from a raging narcissist? Since he needs to be in control, if I leave him, he comes after me. My only hope of escape is if I can find a way to make him want to leave me, and I don't see that happening.
anniequilts 1 year ago
@anniequilts You can't get away from them without legal help normally. My ex. is still harnessing me extensively be placing me in harms way through "gas lighting". Call for help if you are living or married to one. It is the only way to protect yourself. There is a community source that allows abused people get away from these monsters. they will place you in protective housing and help your legal guidance in protecting yourself.
MACSMovies 1 year ago 2
@krstcmjns Negative thinking is counter-productive. Necessary in some cases, but most definitely, not all! I believe that Psychopaths and Narcissist have to see things in a slightly different light. If the leader had let those people live, he would have got more in return, instead he let his negative 'EMOTIONS' and lack of 'EMPATHY' rule over him. Sometimes this makes them think unscientific, but not all of them are like that, and Dr Vaknin is a scientific one, so there is hope, maybe????
IJUSTSUBSCRIBENOW 1 year ago
So negative emotions like 'contempt' is a counter-productive emotion and is damaging...I believe that is something that we all have to fight, not live with. Unfortunately I live in the real world and know, form what I see and hear, that people are mostly illogical and unscientific. They act out on negative emotions when in fact they should do nothing! Negative emotions are traps, they drain the soul...so to speak. This is the Narcissist greatest weakness, and only a handful ever try insight!
IJUSTSUBSCRIBENOW 1 year ago
@krstcmjns I believe that Narcissist should see people as a supply source in a humane way! For instance, there was a leader in Asian, and am not giving any names! He killed 100,000s of people, mass genocide!!! I don't understand this.....if he was smart as the Egyptians he could have had 100,000 half decent slaves and this is the more scientific way to reason things. The white collar psychopath rules over the aggressive antisocial psychopath every time!
IJUSTSUBSCRIBENOW 1 year ago
.....which is why I respect people like Dr Vaknin, he rules with his head not with antisocial means. Often a psychopathic narcissist, who rules with antisocial means, is exceptional easy to manipulate...you just subtly attack the ego and they'll make a mistake! They'll act out on frustration even if it can cause them problems later. Sometimes feeling empathy, in the right setting, can be to your advantage in that you understand them!
IJUSTSUBSCRIBENOW 1 year ago
@MyVoicenotSilenced I don't think that every psychopath is a homicidal fool! Take a look at Dr Vaknin, he can manipulate but doesn't need to to get his own way but that doesn't mean that he is going to end up destroying his narcissistic supply. That be like me getting a hammer and smashing this Mac to pieces, just because I have no empathy for it!!! Of course if it irritates me enough it could happen, but being mature I understand the drawbacks. It would be foolish to do it for no reason.
IJUSTSUBSCRIBENOW 1 year ago
ALWAYS AMAZING!
audreymichellepoet 1 year ago
@audreymichellepoet Thank you ;)
IJUSTSUBSCRIBENOW 1 year ago