Unbelievably Messed-Up Bible Stories - Cain and Abel

[belladonna4577]

"dino, stop licking me! oh wait, that kind of feels good..."

LMFAO

[GirlforGod99]

hahaha

"I don't remember making you deaf."

[hardc0r3gam3r]

So god... can I have a hot wife too XD!? (jk)

[KageTori12]

I can't tell if this is for or against...

[tyler183]

Lol this just proves how hogwash religion really is....X)

[ThePhantom135]

God: Guys, don't fight over me!

Wish he said that during the Crusades. Oops.

[MRTEL7777]

oh geez. I'm starting to think there is no meaning to life. LOL

[mclovinakapascal]

HA! The news is same now as it was back during cain and abel :)

[Willylovejesus]

ok if cain and abei were the other two on earth besides adam and eve, who were they working for?

[SpadeFrom90]

I'm christian and I find this funny because it's just stupid, it's definitely NOT to be taken seriously. For example, 2 Peter 3:8 says that for God, 1000 years = 1 day. So, if Adam lived 930 years, he died on that "day" (of a 1000 year period).

Still, I didn't rage or found it outrageous, it's funny if you take things LITERALLY by the letter.

[ferose2]

@SpadeFrom90 yeah this or the bible should not be taken seriously

[Ebvardh]

@SpadeFrom90 Actually, if you take the bible by the letter, it's pretty fucked up.

And when in the bible does it say not to take it by the letter?

[ferose2]

You want me to put my what is your where?!

[TechnoDevotee]

Oh my word, I have never laughed so hard, religion is the funniest shit ever.

[SomedaysDreamersBC]

the drum solo thingy is my ringtone now....

[rulerpharaoh]

who the studied who made that video make from god and our father adam a jock

[vectorion1]

the only reason i watched this from start to finish was because I was reduced to a catatonic state due to it's stupid humor. plus I was really high.

[SweetCocoa69]

Who did cain take as his wife lol

[skylerrb]

You guys, these stories are funny and i find it funny and i'm christian myself. But seriously do't take this stuff seriously and start talking about the bible. there is really no need for that.

[MrPaulryan76]

You should do one on Lazarus and the rich man.

[MrPaulryan76]

A crap load of people born alright? LOL

[gsxrdoc92]

Tend thy sheep now bitch!! lolz

[WJGvidz]

If only the god in these videos were real, he's fucking awesome! "This killing has shown me that you're not such a pussy after all. Here. Have a wife." Fucking lol

[KCKwarsick]

No, no, no, you've got it all wrong. This was all just a metaphor, and Cain didn't actually have to have sex with Eve to populate the Earth.

[shagoosty]

@KCKwarsick What is it a metaphor for?

[KCKwarsick]

@shagoosty Oh, I was joking and doing what most Christians do with every ridiculous story in the Bible.

[shagoosty]

@KCKwarsick Oh okay good. i thought I was going to have to get in another long winded discussion of what a metaphor is.

[finalfantasy8911]

3:28

"Sacrificed sheep!? We have a winner, NING NING NING NING NING NING NING NING NING!"

[wcresponder]

yep thats about the way it happened ask any christian.

[ddduuurrrppp]

what i have learned from cac and warhammer is people named cain (khaine etc....) arnt to be fucked with

[hedgehog1965uk]

Sorry to be pedantic, but that was clearly a baboon that Adam pointed to at 2:22 and they are monkeys, not apes. And, of course, we didn't evolve from apes...we ARE apes.

[dynamicdragon13]

@hedgehog1965uk Not exactly. We're hominids, cousins of apes

[Aizacc84]

Cain got a nice reward for killing his bro

[mrhadaray]

Cain and Abel actually had a sister..

[brandonjamres]

so...where'd that wife come from?

[Beandude202]

I see Christians scoff at the myths of other religions - Greek mythology, etc. But they never turn around and realize how ridiculous and overtly man-made their own stories are.

[goldenthroat86]

SHWEET!

[Randomdot1]

"Oh..... wow....fruit...." Haha

[IIIKrazzyIII]

Only a complete and total idiot would believe the Adam and Eve story.

[blitzwaffe]

Something tells me that Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and Twilight will be religions thousands of years from now. Just imagine, Dumbledore and Potter will be seen as gods and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named will be considered as the devil or something.

[Pedrofrombrazil]

@blitzwaffe I was thinking excatly the same crap.

[EGMAG]

8==  ~o ~o ~o

[DrErkencho]

WTF! a mormon add just before the video..??? Ahhh those mormons, they surely know how to do some great marketing.

[saxmanchiro]

Where did Cain and Enoch get their wives from? Oh wait, they magically appeared but Adam and Eve had to conceive and bear their young. Seems a bit unfair.

[masta865]

@saxmanchiro ? actually I believe they married their sisters aka the kids of Adam and Eve. Which yes is incest but how else would the human population increase?

[saxmanchiro]

@masta865 A & E had more than two kids? I love the second attempt at populating the earth with Noah and his family doing the incest thing. Talk about genetic bottlenecks. This shit is so laughable. How can anyone with more than two functioning neurons think this stuff is true?

[mimikawaii7386]

This god is awesome, if he were real I'd def convert to whatever religion it would be part of XD

[shitheadude]

i saw this comment on a website : what if people in a thousand years find the lord of the rings and think it actually happened? , there is a probability that this was how the bible was thought to be sacred

[princesstracy34]

nation wake up!, stop! fighting with one other and take time to understand each other!

this is why? we killing each other we are all going threw a misunderstanding we are all in danger

they hate us all stop blame god!

[from212]

I will be watching this on xmas eve instead of the Christian crap that's usually on t.v. around this time of the year.

[Lisspratt]

I like Taco Man's vids so much better than the messed up bible stories <3 taco man's groan of frustration xD 

[TheDeathwhish]

Cain is a girl, Cain is a girl, Cain is a girl. ROFL!!!

[300n7save222]

And Enoch was born Irad, and Irad Begat M... M ... Mehu Jail... And Mehujail begat Methu Sile.. Sail,And Methu Sile..Sail Begat L....LAMA.....A Crap Load Of people Where Born

LMFAO I <3 That Scene

[politicoochie09]

@300n7save222 Yeah, you would think that a book that was supposed to be such a revealing guide to all mankind would have left out the endless boring genealogical records of people that no one knows anything about.

[hukle88]

@politicoochie09 One point (and not the only) of the genealogical records is to show that these were real people and not some (either) transcendent or fictional people. A basic tenet of the Torah is that there is loads of meaning beneath every word. Even the "boring" genealogies serve a purpose.

[politicoochie09]

@hukle88 Yes, I realize how the Torah is supposed to work, however, there isn't "loads of meaning." Not really. It's just a genealogical record no different than the one you have showing when your grandpa came to America. It isn't special, and these were not special people, no more special than anyone else on earth. And that is my point.

[wsiethinker]

Lol bigger boobs

[Nhyf]

I like your video, but if you're ever going to do a remake, then please show when Cain married his own sister and when they had to be "fruitful and multiply". Also make a scene that shows Adam when he died 930 years old.

[casimodoproductions]

is this sateric or do you really believe?

[CMO999]

@casimodoproductions Sateric? Nah, he is a trew beleever. SHud be obveos.

[Liuhuayue]

No wonder Cain killed Abel...

[theGrabix]

You totally messed up that "chronicle"-part at the end :P

[iilogic]

@navi1007 hey there's one thing that never really made sense to me, we all have to come out of something (including god himself), so... Who the hell created god anyways?

[kaminohanshin]

@iilogic

Supposedly, according to the 'Cosmological Argument', God is the uncaused cause for the universe, otherwise we would have infinite regression. Of course, it doesn't explain why the universe itself can't be the uncaused cause...nor does it prove that the Biblical God exists, only that 'A' deity exists.

[wiggie666]

I noticed kain was darker skin and abel was white hmmmm i smell racist animator lol.

[JustKickinItUP]

y is the earth oval?

[Godlovesallpeople]

@JustKickinItUP - I thinks it's because in biblical times people thought the earth was flat ... so the animator is making a reference to a flat earth.

[DonJay777]

as a Christian Apologist, I still found this video humorous- especially the "cain is a girl part" hahaha

[RioDuno]

so basically we are from Cains side?,..and if only God was this fun 

[TheRatsmith]

You know it just occurred to me. If Cain had simply offered his Brother up as a Sacrifice to god he probably would have won God's favor.

[MartoftheWall]

WTF IS WITH PEOPLE FIGHTING OVER FRIGGIN RELIGION ON YOUTUBE WE ALL BELIEVE DIFFERENT STUFF AND NO ONE IS CORRECT AND GOD CAN'T EVEN PRONOUNCE THE NAME OF THE PEOPLE!!!!!

[pavlex2]

this is sooo wrong

[kadirddemir]

MY GRANDFATHER DIED WHEN HE WAS 60 YEARS OLD , HE WAS PRAYING A LOT WHEN HE DIED HE WAS SNORING IN HIS COFFIN

AFTER I SEE THIS STIUATION , I WONT BELIVE YOURS STUPIDS VIDEOS AND STUPIDS COMMENTS BECAUSE I BELIVE WHAT I SEE I DONT BELIVE WHAT I HEAR I AFRAID FROM GOD SO MUCH AND I BELIVE HIM BECAUSE I SAW TURTH YOU DONT NEED TO BELIVE ME I HAVE NO RIGHT TO FORCE YOU BUT I NOT AM LYING trust me you will lose nothing by praying for god

[politicoochie09]

@kadirddemir "Snoring in his coffin"? That's hilarious! I'd wish I could have seen that. And, by the way, I'm glad you found "TURTH" whoever that is. Would that be like "Turth Vader"?

[kadirddemir]

@politicoochie09 hey man actually i dont need to tell all of you this event , but i dont care if you go hell or haven = i am just saying what i see and you dont need to belive me i am not lying - i know nobody belives such a event but it is true and i saw with my eyes it means i am beliving if i didnt see him like that i wouldnt belive god . thats all man take care bye

[politicoochie09]

@kadirddemir I want everyone to know what you sent me in a personal message: "i will pray god and i will want from him to punish you with ilnesses ) i hope you can not stand up from your bed anymore till you die." This is a direct word-for-word quote from kadirddemir. See? This is how sick religious people are. This is how much hate they have for anyone that disagrees with them. No better than Hitler, Stalin or Mao. And they wonder why we reject them! 

[barrow29]

@politicoochie09 stalin what did he do

[politicoochie09]

@barrow29 Comparing atheists to psychopaths is untenable. It does not matter what culture a psychopath is born in, they will still use whatever tools, ideas, and philosophies that are available within that culture to control others. Psychopaths are incapable of empathy and are found in all cultures. Stalin was one, Hitler was one, Pol Pot was one, Napoleon was one, and so was Jerry Falwell. This has NOTHING to do with religion. 1 in 25 people are psychopaths. Try a more sane comparison.

[barrow29]

@politicoochie09 i did not compare atheists to psychopaths

[politicoochie09]

@barrow29 Yes, you did. You said, "What about Stalin?" Stalin was a psychopath. Did you not know that? And because the Communist Party banned religion within the Soviet Union, theists like to say, "See? Atheists are bad, just like Stalin!" But, again, a psychopath (which includes every dictator that ever lived) will use whatever is available to control others. Stalin used Atheism/Communism, Hitler used Catholicism/Nazism, Jerry Falwell used TV/Christianity. Get it now?

[Shonem]

@kadirddemir

You lose brain cells.

:D

[HelloKittyZombiexx]

I thought he banged his sister or someshitxD innsest!

[kadirddemir]

what if it is true , what will you say your god for this video sorry god i didnt meant it ? if it is true where will you go ? who will help you just think about it

[politicoochie09]

@kadirddemir You're an idiot. I'm sure the maker of this video figured out long ago that snakes can't talk and trees don't give you "knowledge." Did you watch the whole video? Explain how all those generations of people were made when the only women were Eve and the suddenly, newly-made woman Cain was given after he killed Abel. It would make for a LOT of incest, would it not?

[kadirddemir]

@politicoochie09 NO man i am not idiot LET ME EXPLAIN YOU WHO IS idiot if u will NOT understand me again , you're officially retarded :)

god created this world .Dont you see how beutiful and balanced everything ,

in Quran it says we protected you with 7 layer LETS THINk about how people find out that 7 atmosphere layer in this ceuntry ? while looking sky ?? ablsultly no by going space but quran told us it thousands of years before

THERE LOTS OF EXPAMLE LIKE THIS IN THIS QURAN

[politicoochie09]

@kadirddemir Your "Quran" is just as idiotic as the Christian Bible. You see a flower and you say, "God did it" without ANY proof whatsoever of a God of any kind. And don't try to discuss this subject until AFTER you have had another "English as a Second Language Class" because no one can understand your pathetic attempt at writing.

[navi1007]

@politicoochie09 its called faith moron

[politicoochie09]

@navi1007 I'm not sure what "faith moron" is, but faith is belief without evidence.  A ridiculous notion considering you require evidence in everything else in your life. I know when you cross the street you look both ways.

[navi1007]

@politicoochie09 ok well let me put it better it is called f a i t h you m o r o n

[politicoochie09]

@navi1007 Thank you for calling me a moron (twice!). That qualifies your for hell (Matthew 5:22). I was hoping I could have a YouTube friend there, so I guess you're it. Keep it up. What else would you like to call me? But, hey, if you'd rather do something stupid like actually discuss theology, I guess we could do that too. Again, f a i t h is ALSO belief without evidence, still a ridiculous notion, considering you require evidence in everything else in your life.

[navi1007]

@politicoochie09 look ramdom guy i just met im not trying to call you a moron but come on how else do you explain were we came from?

[politicoochie09]

@navi1007 Sorry navimoron, but it's not my job to tell you where we all came from. It's not any atheist's job to do that. Why don't you read a different book BESIDES the Bible and maybe you'd learn something. Try a book that's less than a few hundred years old for starters. Eventually, you may figure out that no one really knows where we came from, but we can rest assured that it probably wasn't magically created by your God (based on the evidence that he/it/they appear clinically insane.)

[navi1007]

@politicoochie09 it amuses me that you and the rest of the world say the same things oh yea and sorry for calling you a moron

[skullreaper1997]

@navi1007 ah the science vs gods agruement. How I love this one. I don't believe in god because I know that we were all shitted out of a black hole into alter den..... This what some idiots will say. Me, I don't believe in god cause I find it hard to find truth from a book, same with science for it's coming from present times. I just find it that hard to believe stuff like this (read the Bible and many science books) And they all point at what we believe is true. Dino's came first, dumb though.

[TheThisIsSparta300]

@politicoochie09 you are so right

[jingeshan24]

@politicoochie09 you should choose your words correctly.

science knows where people came from. they developed from earlier humanoid species about 100k years ago.

what scientists don't know yet is how exactly life appeared on earth. however, with that being said - we are not clueless. we have a couple of theories explaining how life could form on earth, we just don't know which of the possibilities was true for our planet.

[CrashArtSkillz]

@politicoochie09 this is all blasphemy why do yah have to make adam a sodomite sounds like a faggot!also this story makes perfect since you atheist just dont comprehend it niether do christians

[politicoochie09]

@CrashArtSkillz Why don't you enlighten all of us as to what it REALLY means. We are all waiting for your genius-like deductions regarding this wonderful story.

[kadirddemir]

IF YOU THINK that everything happened suddently why dont you create a little creature ? or why everything has a pair ? how come we created ? if you put a bottle on a street will it be change in 2000 years absolutly no do you think you are coming from monkey then why you are not half monkey half human ? how come you can speak ? how come we can feel ?if god created this amazing world if he created snake how he cant give a speaking ability to a sneak? GO AND READ QURAN TO LEARN SOMETHING idiot

[politicoochie09]

@kadirddemir After Christianity dies from it's abject stupidity, let me assure you that the atheists in this country will not let your twisted belief in "Allah" (PISS Be Upon Him) flourish in it's place. Stupidity is stupidity no matter what form it takes. Take your falsehoods somewhere else.

[O8WRx]

How did they reproduce really?

[NeptunePolyphemus]

@tesfailenie Its called satire, and everyone is allowed to do it.

[obiwanobiwan13]

Adam--The First Atheist!

Well, what did you expect, God, being such a fruit-hog...not to mention your ripping out his rib to make Even instead of just using dirt like you did for Adam...oh, and lest we forget:

CAIN IS A GIRL, CAIN IS A GIIIRRLLL!

(See kids, name-calling is no big deal it's right there in the Bible!) :p

[whatdoibeliveandwhy]

tend your sheep now bitch!!!!

[BlueSugarMaple]

Just throwing this out there . . . wasn't Abel beaten to death by a jaw of an ass by Cain instead of an axe?

[radelgratereaux]

Excellent... you should do the entire bible

[jesustheangryatheist]

@MrJesuslovesmeXD no I don't

[waycooltoo]

This is high quality work, bro. This should be on national TV... oh wait...

[givemeblowjob69]

HAHAH EBOLAWORLD KEEP THEM COMING THIS IS SO FUNNY!

[greiteneis]

Adam just looks so glisteningly fabulous in his Feldspar Manmobile. Gawd and those BICEPS!!!!!!!

[chesster423]

Dumdy dumdy dumdy dummm!

[Xel963]

I love seeing Adam saying "There is no god" it's so funny!

[TheHeidelbergKid]

@ReligionisUseless If there's one thing you learn from the Bible, God loves a BBQ.

[iSsNiPeZ]

love it how god joined in on cain is a girl

[Haevenn]

LMAO

God: Plus I can see him right there with an ax stuck in his head.

[silvio0melo]

congratulations for this funny video.

[cris750]

"999" = Kill your brother by starving him to death(Tax on food&gas) and sending his hard earned money(Income tax) to the Gov! Therefore,serving the hidden "666" Man. Is there a German Nazi connection? connection to social Eugenics? The Nazi state machine served the interest of the corporate entity by expanding its role. "Hermain" Cain for president! If you believe,magically,in bolstering the corporate entity as a person and enlarging the role of the state!

[sangheilijedi]

Love it

[deci5e]

well from a human point of view this is fucking hilarious

and even as a believing person, like i am, you have to admit that

some bible stories aren't logic

and the last thing i wanna say is:

KAIN IS A GIIIIRL KAIN IS A GIIIIRL

[PerishedPyramid]

And besides... you can see God outside our window!

"Dumdy dumdy dumdy dummm!"

[Aiko0]

lol I love the begot part.

[tesfailenie]

This is not funny, it is actually very disrespectful and uncalled for

Christianity is a religion of peace and love, despite what man has done

make a bad name for it.

May God have mercy on us all especially me a sinner

[cimsonangell]

@tesfailenie haha you and christianity are both full of shit.

[Perkyguy]

After a loooooong time caine became a vampire, and started the "Vampire: The Masquerade" franchise, and his name would later become an inspiration for the co-protagonist of the Legacy of Kain series.

[SapphireSeptember1]

5:33 - 5:48 is the funniest part

[chrisbrynne]

oh more funny stuff

[OptimusGrime357]

the awkward moment when your teacher puts this on in R.E and laughed until the axe in head part

[doubleHenry]

My RE teacher showed me this from a link and almost died when she actually saw the content!

[ebolaworld]

@doubleHenry HAHA yeah? Had she not watched it or what? :P

[doubleHenry]

@ebolaworld Dunno but her reaction was pretty fast!

[ebolaworld]

@doubleHenry I'm surprised she got past the Dino licking Adam part. :P

[kainedamo]

@SuperGamersHQ Where did your religious class get that piece of information from?

[Dhbyrne7]

Yabadabadoo!

[mutant705]

when they were going to show their gifts i thought they would try to shoot god XD

[alinepinheros20]

funnnnnnnnnnnnnny

[Omochao0]

Why did they make/invent clothes?

[salvadorborja]

i didnt know cigars were in the time of god

[fudgedogbannana]

@SuperGamersHQ Abraham was 187 when he died does that mean he really was only 15 1/2 ? when did we go from month to years? ttteeehh wrong, before the flood the word was different, the ancients did live to be hundreds of years old... of course I wasn't there and I am only 4.

[Teranex]

And then Mehu, mehu, mhuama, some sandnigger name was born :D

[boumar19721972]

@ebolaworld Sounds like a pagan ritual sacrificing animal and offering food! LOL!

[davidshortt88]

Gay ok I get it.

[LaLongeCarbine]

God joining in on the "Cain is a girl" chant was awesome!

[ArbrusMN]

I thought that you're an atheist Sam but after seeing that Adam is made fun of for being atheist I'm not sure about it anymore...sooo what are you?

[RhodenOutdoors]

So.. who did Enoch do it with??

[ArbrusMN]

@RhodenOutdoors Good point...well there are only 3 possibilities a sister his mother or his grand-mother

YUM -_-''

[CountCrackELA]

man i feel bad for god......Why would he put up with us? i mean look at the evil in today's world....just saying ....we are sorry god :P

[Marlon4699]

I'm ateist, for real man and this is fucking funneh

[porghog]

@SuperGamersHQ wow talk about religious gymnastics lol

[ebolaworld]

@SuperGamersHQ lol oh sure back in them days years was months and hats were shoes. Sure why not?

[thescorpionking2020]

@ebolaworld well adam and eve never existed,so dd their children cain and abel this is nothing but a creation mytn

[TheTrollUnderABridge]

@ebolaworld And back in the day god was not real...oh..that never changed

[SuperRanga12345]

why does adam sound gay?? haha brilliant XD

[Dimension3500]

Well I'm christian and I find this incredibly funny!

[jacobpaprotskiy]

hey Sam just interested: what are your thoughts on god(s)?

[Hellbringer845]

people are taking this too seriously, its a cartoon, get over it.

[C0PYRIGHTS]

man u jus made my day awesome animated series :)

[MsAmz99]

Im a christian and this friking hilarious

[ebolaworld]

@SuperGamersHQ Uh...not according to the King James Bible.

[MrPOKIRBY]

not gold

[MrPOKIRBY]

i mean "GOD" can see the future

[MrPOKIRBY]

(major sarcasm) oh my gosh, gold can see the future... who knew? XP

[sylta09]

i downloaded the bible on my iPhone a long time ago, and the first testament is full of win and lols

[UltraPatrik]

"No you silly goose" ?!? WTF 

[kd5eet]

But what about the mark of Cain? Bob Jones University use to teach it was black skin.