If Religions Were Real - "She Bears"

[loz1023]

ENACT MY SHINY-HEADED VENGEANCE!!!!!

[UmberLamp]

I'll convert if god will smite my enemies with bears. Collateral damage is encouraged.

[GStricke]

Did I hear the Wilhelm scream in there? lol

[slnedreg]

this was the most epi ......

NO! THE PERSON / PEOPLE WHO MADE THIS FUCKING FUCKING SHITING VIDEO I HATE AND CURSE. THAY ARE GONA PAY!!!! OR REPENT!!

[deathtotheism]

SO FUCKING AWESOME!

[aphramet]

Just one tiny point. In the Bible, it calls them "youths." Since you were a man at 13 in the OT, that meant that these were prepubescent kids. It would have been more accurate if they'd been seven or nine or whatever than a couple of dudes in their twenties.

That's right, the Bible says God killed some grade-school kids for making fun of his soothsayer.

[Tamizushi]

@aphramet While this is true, I think a video depicting children being brutally murdered would be judged inappropriate by Youtube. Christians should take that as an other clue of just how incredibly wrong their book is.

[teews666]

This video is so awesome! :D

[PacalB]

And there's religion for you ...

Utter bullshit made up to frighten and control the minds of the bronze age peoples. The sad bit for humanity is, we still have delusional numpties still following this junk and believing in it!

[473271]

I laughed until I cried. Some of the funniest shit I've EVER seen in my life.

[JMcH]

Um... Elisha lived for 50-60 years after this event, which means he was not some old fart at the time as you wrongly portray. So if you got that simple fact wrong, why should we believe you about anything else?

[mrkimkihoon]

@JMcH watever.. who gives a damn abt shitty bible

[JMcH]

@mrkimkihoon - Obviously the people behind this video do. You came here to watch it, so you must, too.

[mrkimkihoon]

@JMcH oh and ur jewish-born jesus looks like a caucassian to me, jews have blonde hair, beard and blue eyes? haha hes a jewish. u know why hes potrayed as caucassian? well everybody 'knows' caucassians were supperior. if the whole damn earth got that simple fact wrong, should we believe them in anything else? jesus evolved to a caucassian haha cool story bro

[JMcH]

@mrkimkihoon - When have I ever said Jesus was Caucasian? Looks like someone's burning a straw man.

[mrkimkihoon]

@JMcH i nvr said u said jesus was caucasian booo ~

kk enjoy making arc and collect as many species as u can. and dun fgt the incest part after that. populate the world ok? since many ppl are sinful. obviously i dun watch it cos i care abt the bible, its for the fun of it... duhh ohh then bible itself is already hilarious without ppl doing this kind of thing.hmm i forgot...

[JMcH]

@mrkimkihoon - Get back to me when you're coherent, m'kay?

[mrkimkihoon]

@JMcH yea yea get some logic before sounding like a fool

[mrkimkihoon]

@JMcH obviously the one who failed to apply logic is u.. what an irony...

go to your cave primitive being

[mrkimkihoon]

@JMcH btw thanks to noah we cant rly define wat it means to be old in the bible since a 600yrs old man can build an arc and gather animals species on his own hmmm so wat has 20 - 60 yeears got to do with being young in the bible?

[Zemorse1988]

Curb Stomp For Jesus <- Couldn't stop laughing!

[ssawatdee]

hilarious I love this

[jas16899]

If you don't agree with this video then you are calling God a liar and are going to hell!!!!!!!!!

[hydrake]

Seven people don't believe in she-bears.

[Toml420]

This is probably the best thing i've ever seen!

[YourDarkAccomplice]

Good video, btw. I like when the guy says "I never called him bald!" lol cause it makes you see that, indeed, many of those children were INNOCENT! And the story was made up by someone who was seriously ego-tripping! xD

[ringofcum]

2:06 hahahaha lol

[Anadorn]

I just love how you guys fight over something serious in a comedy clip

[chickensaladness]

@Jimawamba are you a bald man? Are you a mad bald man, bro?

[Jimawamba]

@chickensaladness lol nah I have all my hair and I'm only a little bit mad :P

[chickensaladness]

@Jimawamba are you a bald man?

[Mrgyn]

Atttack! MY divine she-bears of retribution!

[ssawatdee]

nice job, I haven't laughed so hard in my life. @2:13 the bear does a hadukin from street fighter classic :D

[shirondarkdragon]

what is the name of the music when the bear appers?

[TheHelldragon]

The amazing part is that this is how an eight year boy will probably imagine the situation in real life.

[mavrickindigo]

"If religions were real"

but Christianity is real... >.>

[krimunk]

go on up you bald......dick

[tottenham1983]

Also baldness was related to leprosy so this was a very harsh insult for the day. It was also related to some mental illness. Lastly he didn't go crazy on them. He most likely simply handed them over to God and left. No dramatic yelling or anything. Hope that helps someone and any questions ill be happy to answer.

[IneptTroopr]

@tottenham1983 Pretty pathetic that he had to call in God at all because some little kids were making fun of him...

Anyways, you are right about one thing; male pattern baldness was pretty rare prior to modern times, and has only become relatively common with changes towards a more sedentary lifestyle in the past century or two in the West (and less in much of the rest of the world).

[tottenham1983]

Haha love the vid but.... Elisha was a peaceful man going to Bethel to bless, not to curse. And as for the supposed children, they were not so young. The Hebrew word used for them translates to "lads" which is used in the bible to describe soldiers, servants, and also Isaac who was 28 at the time he was called a "lad". So we know these were younger men and not children. They were most likely under satanic influence as well. This is how satan attempted to ruin what the disciples were doing.

[tokiwartooth95]

@tottenham1983 These were not just young men, the original translation states that these were Young boys, children. There is no excuse for killing anybody with bears, God could have simply just moved them away, or scared them off with the bears, but he mauled them.

[tottenham1983]

@tokiwartooth95 The KJV does have it as little children but if you translate back to the original hebrew text it is young men. As I said before the same word is used to describe Isaac when he was around 28 years old. As for the attack I agree it sounds harsh but these people, who were likely under some sort of satanic influence, were in the way of a person who God had chosen to carry out his work. If scared away could they not have carried on further up the road? They were made a harsh example.

[tokiwartooth95]

@tottenham1983 Perhaps God could have just made the world a nice place to live? We are talking about a being who can do anything he wants. He could have just made it so that the boys were never under any influence, and how can you say they were under the influence of satan? it is never even hinted at. and they said "go up, bald head" meaning "get out" they didn't want to attack him, they just wanted him to leave.

[tottenham1983]

@tokiwartooth95 He did make a perfect world for us to live in, the problem is we fell into temptation and denied him. We have free will and God will not take that away. He doesn't want us as his puppets he wants us to decide to love him. This was an attack "bald head" in that day would be a serious insult. Why else would they be that opposed to a prophet entering the town if not against God?

[tokiwartooth95]

@tottenham1983 But with free will comes, serial killers, Rapists etc... could God not have just made these things not possible? what it the choice of rape victims to be raped?

[tottenham1983]

@tokiwartooth95 It's a hard thing to come to terms with i agree but it all comes back to us as sinners. We have free will and God will not intervene good or evil until he returns. Look at Job, his whole life was torn apart. Family died, famine, everything but in the end his faith grew and he was greatly blessed for the rest of his life. As a Christian I understand I live in an evil world where people can do crappy stuff. But I know God loves me and when I die pain will no longer exist.

[Jimawamba]

@tokiwartooth95 Hey dude, i spotted this comment and thought I'd just meantion that if we did evertyhing God wanted us to do, without the choice free will gifts us with, we would be automatons simply living out lives entirely dependant on a puppet god's interference and dictation of where we must go and what we must do. God gives us free will to be individual and some people abuse that, that's not God's fault. It is the person who does wrong who should be convicted, not the parent. ^_^

[Jimawamba]

@tottenham1983 I just wanted to mention that you say the young men were under Satan's influence, later on you also mention Job as having suffered greatly, no less than by Satan's hand, however, who send Satan out to do these things to Job and therego who also sent Satan out to make these young guys curse Elijah? It is no doubtthe same guy who hardened Pharoah's heart........you guessed it, it was God. You cannot then say that God doesn't intervene, because, as a living God, he very clearly does.

[ssawatdee]

@Jimawamba there is no way you can justify god sending bears to brutally murder children simply for making fun of a bald man

[Jimawamba]

@ssawatdee you wanna bet? How about God gave every one of those young men their lives, not only that he expected them to use their lives for something more than insulting their prophet and breaking Mosaic Law. So God has every right to take those lives back after they deliberately disobeyed him. This isn't just some guy we're talking about, it's God. No time spent trying to figure out why this is justified will give you an answer, it just is, so come to peace with it dude.

[ssawatdee]

@Jimawamba so you are saying that people deserve to be brutally murdered for making fun of someone, these were children who were killed, you are one twisted psychotic individual if you think this is moral

[Jimawamba]

@ssawatdee firstly you can't say you know me well enough just from these advocative comments to call me twisted or psychotic. Secondly these young men (not children when you accurately translate) defied Mosaic Law, a crime punishable by death, it's black and white, crime and prescribed sentence. Apologies too by the way, i didn't realise i was talking to the world's cheif moral advisor, whatever you say goes boss, it must be immoral if you tell me it is.

[tokiwartooth95]

@Jimawamba Are you serious? You seem to think this is okay because of a set of old rules? a lot of shit was acceptable a long time ago, a long time ago people had slaves, and It was lawful to have slaves, does that make it okay?

If god had any set of morals he wouldn't have killed these kids.

And yes they are "KIDS" as the original translation states they are.

Even if they were "Young men" This is not acceptable.

God is a douche-Nozzle.

[Jimawamba]

@tokiwartooth95 Okay okay I give! This passage makes very little sense when read as it is, it's clearly just a message within a short and frankly odd narrative. I doubt very much that this ACTUALLY happened. Elijah had just left his partner Elisha and it could well be that Elisha's authority as a prophet was being challenged, as we see in 2 Kings 2:23. So to assert his authority he makes out that God is on his side and he shouldn't be messed with, by using a story like this one. Propaganda much?

[Jimawamba]

@tokiwartooth95 also, and sorry to drag on, i tink one thing you must allow for is context and te idea that God is not timeless but grows in understanding alongside people. The idea of 42 'kids' being killed for jeering at a prophet was totally acceptable THEN but does not mean that God would necessarily act the same way NOW. Our moral values CANNOT and MUST NOT be imposed on other cultures and other times, what I'm saying is back then and in some places now it is okay, so come to peace with it.

[tokiwartooth95]

@Jimawamba Well, the fact is that God is supposed to be all knowing and all powerful, He isn't Zeus or Odin, or one of those gods who interacted with people to know things, God knows everything. And it what place is this okay? From my understandings some things can NEVER BE OKAY. Raping babies, murdering millions of innocent people, Invented Small Pox.

Some things just aren't acceptable, and should not be treated differently in any context whatsoever.

[YourDarkAccomplice]

@Jimawamba - Hey, pretend the bible was written by a bunch of pagans, and then you'll begin to see all the hypocrisy, flaws, filth, egoism, stupidity, sheer idiocy, misogyny, prejudice, etc

I notice that Christians will find the tiniest flaw to pick on anything non-Christian, but they are blind to their own exact replica of the act that's sometimes worse. And I'm just talking about Christians and OTHER theists who have similar beliefs -- yet YOU dismiss theirs as "false." Bah! Ridiculous. lol

[Mrgyn]

@Jimawamba

My god... you ARE an idiot.

[JedahX21]

@Jimawamba lmao I just want to laugh at you guy. I can't believe people with functioning brains believe in this nonsense lol.

[theshadow013]

LOL Class 3 Smiting. Win. Total Win.

[SausageJavelins]

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[librexpresion]

am I the only one who has think on BENNY HILL???

[geezerbill]

I've actually run into Christians who, after pointing out this classic verse to them, claimed I was "taking it out of context". Riiiight. Apparently there's some "good" context where sending 2 bears to attack 42 children for saying "Yo, move it, baldy!", is justified, and I'm just somehow missing it when I read the entire chapter.

[theshadow013]

@geezerbill God was a real asshole back in the day. He murdered more people in the bible then the humans in the bible ever did.

[librexpresion]

Very nice. Is there another more????

[charlyjul]

Wilhelm at 2:16

[Leg0z]

this is an orientalism and makes perfect sense if you understand the figures of speech and customs of the time and place in the bible this occurs... But I guess that would take time and effort. It's easy to mock something you have no understanding of.

[kylekressman]

@Leg0z its still retarded

[Sarkos]

@Leg0z It's easy to claim understanding of something you have no understanding of. Why don't you explain it?

[karenegross]

@Leg0z Hey, so I know you posted this comment awhile ago, but I really would be interested in understanding the context of this passage. Would you be able to explain it briefly? Thanks!

[vealicle1]

@Leg0z it makes total sense when you consider it is based on archaic superstitious traditions and irrationality.

[stopbeingcowards]

its all just astrological metaphors 

[Apoc2K]

God is a total dick throughout the whole Bible.

You dare call someone bald? Bears will kill you and 41 bystanders.

You are the only sinless family in a city full of sinners, your home is burned to the ground and your wife gets turned into salt.

You're just a fig tree standing there when some unshaven hobo comes by and curses you for not bearing fruit.

You're a bush, you spontaneously catch fire.

You're a firstborn in Egypt. Oh you're so dead.

[AtalayaC]

@Apoc2K Don't forget: Not bearing fruit OUT OF SEASON as well.

[Apoc2K]

@AtalayaC J.C. had serious entitlement issues.

[brooksjedi]

HADOOOOKEN!

[DrEnzyme]

\m/

[qeviguvi]

Disproportionate response!

[Paranormallink]

I'm all for open-interpretation of the Bible, but the page on gotquestions seemed to pull everything out of nowhere.

Let's say that the page's description is accurate. Then whoever wrote the story really sucks at writing and left out some seriously important key points.

Someone needs to teach God and Elijah to turn the other cheek. And I don't mean by having some bears break a few necks. ;-]

[missywa2004]

God I miss Black20.

[sidran32]

Might want to take a look if you really want to understand what this is all about in a more educated manner, just google "go on up you bald-head" and click on gotquestions.

The video was funny. :P

[jjplace123]

Yay for GOD! My kids went playing one day and never came back... they were killed by bears of god!

[TomorrowWasGolden]

Ka-me-ha-me-HAAAAA!!!!

[nakallo]

@TomorrowWasGolden it say hadouken, but it look more like a kamehameha.

[staceybobacey21]

OMG i was CRYING. HAHAHAHA SO GOOD!!!!

[TheVampirella]

Class 3 smiting and curb stomp for Jesus... LMAO!

[LYBAce]

How is this "through the eyes of a child"?

[GodlessRose]

That is hilarious!

[hatefuljohn]

"Shoryuken" *and* a Wilhelm Scream? Bears FTW!

[lamaddussa]

nothing's scarier than a religious fanatic...

read the bible, & you find out that elijah was a mass murderer...

[dinkehboi]

holy fuck, bears can breathe fire?

[chriswhunt]

Fuck, that was funny as hell - I laughed until I peed, then peed until I laughed. :-P

[bikemessenger7]

I am so glad I only think it and dont say it!

[CheeseMoe13]

So awesome. The bible is so obviously made up.

[Camron932]

@CheeseMoe13 Yeah it totally is...fail.

[XanSimpson]

@CheeseMoe13 I curse you in the name of the loving Lord! Now you can't go outside or the shebears will get you.

[int3rl0per]

@CheeseMoe13 Not made up per se... A collection of old legends, philosophy, thoughts on society and moral parables under one cover.

People just can't seem to take it for what it is. :)

[Katalyzt]

@CheeseMoe13

obviously :O)

[JoeyFUCKING69]

dude!!! what the fuck was that song!!! im gonna watch this AGAIN!!!

[pnut7805]

Dude, if Synagogue was this awesome, I'd go, like, every day!

[LowStackTom]

Nice one!

[generalberkay]

ahahahaha that cracked me :D

[dynamaito]

so awesome, more please

[RantingTrent]

This video = Win

[Derek51386]

Hahah "I declare it ONNN!"

Why doesn't this channel have more views?!

[moleman3000]

Hey it`s father pete the hungry priest!

[GrindcoreDeadBaby]

OHMAN! This one is awesome!