How to Pick up Girls

[jnosfarato]

Guy pulls out his junk and says "look, no puss"!

[ianrsigel]

Favorite 'pick-up' line...

'Nice Shoes...Wanna Fuck?'

Doesn't always work but get's right to the point.

(Actually, it never works)

[dougsproblem]

@ianrsigel it works just have to know the right girl to use it on and if it does work its better to just turn around and walk away.

[ianrsigel]

@dougsproblem

That's a relief. I was starting to get paranoid. I'm 4 feet tall, weigh 200 pounds.  I have a large oozing hump on my back. Rotting teeth and terminal flatulance. I was statrting to think there was something wrong with me.

[veerleke]

@ianrsigel oh! u sound exactly like my type! but i bet you have heard that a milion times before <\\3

[ianrsigel]

@veerleke Great, Just my luck...you're probably a guy! }-)

[veerleke]

@ianrsigel nooooo. I am an actual woman. Who is much into rotting teeth. And sarcasm.

[ianrsigel]

@dougsproblem I do know the right type...just haven't been able to locate any comatose women.

[veerleke]

@ianrsigel Try your local intensive care department. Good luck!

[oN1GHTMAREo]

how to pick up girls: grab them around the waist and lift your arms up

[kahutec]

Me: Hi how are you doing today?

Big Brother: Baby are you a salad? Because I need somewhere to put my white stuff.

[gangster8181]

nice tits wanna fuck

[BlueberryRobotPro]

If I was an enzyme, I’d be helicase so I could unzip your genes.

[Chiefsplayr17]

Their building? I thought they lived in the internet

[MultiSasukeX]

A guy is sitting in a bar, he waves his finger at the bartender girl. She comes over, and he says, "If I could make you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with all ten?"

[crookdspine]

hey baby are u bi.... cause i like ur friend too

[predatorsc1992]

2:42 Jimmy Kimmel :D

[davidsdiego]

Haha, hilarious!

[Hoshimaru57]

My friends say I'm part lion, how ya like to make me purr?

Did you know I'm part plant? Watch this.

Nah....lets see.

How about we go back to my place and I show you the exponential growth of my natural log?

If I were an electron and you were a quantum potential, would you let me penetrate your classically forbidden regions?

[poopdogsays]

@Hoshimaru57 Have you ever seen a naked woman? Internet, siblings and magazines don't count...

With pick-up lines like that, you must be a real stud. Geek.

[Hoshimaru57]

@poopdogsays As a matter of fact, I have a hell of a reputation for being a stud AND a geek.

A geek I am, and a stud I am not.

BUT!

I saw a naked woman tonight. Not on the internet, I have no siblings, and what kind of guy still read magazines in this day and age? I get laid more in a weekend than guys like you do in a month.

And if all else fails: At least I'm not Captain Chuck.

[Hoshimaru57]

@Hoshimaru57 but let me put it in better terms so those around you know how to deal with this situation:

"Cool Story Bro"

[lonelysoul152]

Lol u guys r hilarious keep it up

[soundrone]

got that chronic ...hahhaha nice

[PeterBech]

If i asked you if you wanted to have sex with me, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?

[Hoshimaru57]

@PeterBech Ohh...good logic bomb there.

If no: then it mean she would

If yes: it means she still would.

[TashaDenny]

Hey How Heavy Is A Polar Bear?

I Don't Know??

Enough To Break The Ice! Hi I'm ... [insert name]

[MsSevenstation]

the 80`s clips were so funny. ............

[dargici]

It's a good thing I brought my library card because I am totally checking you out!

[luka99medak]

The word of the day is legs...

Let's go to my room and spread the word! :)

[flergum]

I have money

[SomeDude631]

You can call me Oskar Schindler, cause I'm putting you on my list.

[EBOWARRIOR]

do you wanna fuck? well fuck off............my teenage years where very lonely.

[reynnor]

Have you ever seen a dragon being born, well I have, and it's beautiful...like you.

[0lCerebratel0]

Haha

You know underneath our clothes right now we're both naked...

[HipHopEmperorSalute]

Did you just fart well you just blew me away. mmm smells good!

[raisis2k34]

What the hell?? Are those failed love connection submission videos? lol

[frigasmiga]

1:44

[m0nkeybehavior]

hey babie were you born on the N16 (road) cause thats wer most accendents happen!!!

[TheBrokenCards]

Baby im going to treat you like my homework, I will slam you in my desk and do you all night long.

[UnitedKingdomify]

Woah, she had great legs. That's all I remember... now that the vid is finished.

Great legs... great legs.

[stigoblogg]

That fart joke is old, overused, and terrible.

[TheMattwolf]

Hello. I'm incredibly wealthy.

[WatchYaze]

guy: did you know that 93% of all women masturbate in the shower?

girl: no

guy: and the other 7 sing

girl: oh

guy: do you know what they sing?

girl: no

guy: you must be one of them that masturbates then.

[shappy585858]

Girl your like a traffic ticket you got fine written all over you!

[cedebukvar]

Baby are you a hooker? Cuz I wanna fuck you... Works every time!

[knockaboutboy]

Wanna go halfs on a baby?

[JokerKardz6685]

best pick up line I have ever heard "Nice shoes, wanna fuck?"

[GoldenPuffel]

Are you a pokemon cuz I wanna pee-katch-u

[zerothefallen1]

@GoldenPuffel It's peek-at-chu dumb ass.

[Evilfairy188]

Pick up line:

I'm not trying to impress you but.... I'm Batman.

[necroturky]

Do you like chocolate? Cos I have half a bar. Or.

Have you ever had an Aussie kiss? No, well its like a French kiss but down under.

[sebasbash]

haaaaaaaaave you met Ted?

[Pokebob1]

lol

[hickfilly6]

You have three holes and two hands, cover the two you don't want me in.

[FlAmEbLaDeClOuD]

lol

[kerboy90006]

did you get your body at McDonalds

cuz im lovin it

xD

[killer97000]

Are you a pokemon? cuz i all waz wanna peek at you! (pikachu)

[DillyDallyDay]

Can I have a picture of you? Why you ask? So i can show Santa i want for Christmas

[vinkeveen2]

If i said you had a beutifull body would you hold it against me?

[XXj3kXX]

did anyone notice this vid has 777 likes NICE job

[SlicedBirdProduction]

I use X to pick up my weapons does it work the same with you?

[devilwithin1988]

3:20 PEDO

[Porschelover199]

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a knife now get in the bed! (works every time)

[JohAsp97]

It'S BRETTtheIPHONE!! :O 3:40

[sailorbychoice1]

When I was in the navy I had a friend who was he most successful pick-up artist I have ever seen. He claimed that picking up girls is all a numbers game. When we pulled into port we would find "the hot club in town" he would order a drink and make a complete circuit of all the women in the club. He would say "I am looking to have a few drinks, do some dancing, and get layed later, are you interested?" In a club with over 50 women he would get one to say "Sure, sounds like fun!"

[sarca571ca]

Nice shoes, wanna fuck?

[cokiesQ8]

bom chicka wah wah

[TheDucttapeJedi]

Keep em comin Captain, miss your videos ^^

[136wii]

thats a nice outfit it would look nice crumpled up at the side of my bed in the morning. XD

[wasserstein]

I was wondering if you would like to discuss the implications of the genitive case, when it appears in the accusative case

[4funiplaydrums]

Wanna come back to my place and do some math? Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and multiply!

[8bitPikachu]

I PUT THE STD IN STUD ALLS I NEED IS U

[BlockBoi650]

I have money...

[madamfru]

Do you like dinosaurs?

[redneckgunowner2]

omg miget!!!!!!!!!!!

[kevinmichaelwilliams]

My #1 all time never fail: "my wife/girlfriend doesn't get me like you do ..." especially good w/girlfriends of my girlfriend!  Thanks 4 the laffs guys!

[24wolverine]

Are you from ireland cause my penis is dublin

[24wolverine]

Did you wash your pants in windex? Because I can see myself in them

[xjosedutanx09]

@24wolverine LMFAO

[doctor5PH]

wuz up love u look great



[absofuckinglotly]

I would fuck her dog to be in her family

[CabalaCicero]

wheres jordan carver?

[cmcc212]

Are you at all into one-night stands? Because i'm not, unless it's withsomeone I really care about. And I really care about you. I don't want to say the L-word yet, but let's just say, yeah, I could do it with you.

[wiredforstereo]

(To a tall girl) "I'm gonna take you down like a lion taking down a giraffe."

[MasterofBeast]

"GET IN THE VAN!!!"

[milohhc]

I wish you were my shin so I could bang you on my coffee table.

[kanzy1]

@milohhc rofl brilliant 

[moemoney012]

Girl... if you were print on a piece of paper... you'd be called FINE print

[wickediron75]

Hey baby...is that a bush in your pocket or are you happy that you want me to eat it !

[momentaila]

-"My magical wrist watch says you're not wearing any panties

-I'm wearing panties!

- Damn thing, i guess it's 15 mn fast"

[CountryKatie926]

I lost my number, can I have yours?

[kburchil]

I hope you're thirsty because I brought a six-pack {lift up shirt}

[Meatheaded]

Are you pants made from mirrors?

Because I can see myself in them!

[buggyiscool]

wait wait wait...walking around the BUILDING...ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS WHOLE TIME YOURE NOT ACTUALLY FLOATING IN CYBERSPACE IN SOME CHEESY 3D MODEL OF A SPACE SHIP!!!!????

[BIGPHATMEXICAN]

have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears (pulls out pockets) do you want to?

[foamy23]

Best pickup line:

Hey baby you look pretty tonight.

Wanna fuck later?

[foamy23]

I'll play with your lightsaber anytime, Zoron. <3

[alfred87cron]

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I suck at segues

Speaking of sucking, i got $50 and a van, your in?

[mrhenk007]

Hi i'm 50% bi-sexual

[mrhenk007]

whatchoo talkin bout lewis?

[mrhenk007]

does this smell like chloroform?

[CrazynessIsGenetic]

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I can't rhyme

Let me see your tits!

[Xaviertastic]

nerds in the 80s!

[iamantony1]

"Wanna have sex?"

Works every time.

[EnZaiTHuse]

HAHAHA "Wutchu talkin bout willis?" :D

[luka99medak]

If I flip a coin, what are the chances of me getting head?

[PhantomBugler]

"I'd like to get in your pants..."

"That's okay, I already have one asshole in there."

ZING!

[OblivionZealot]

*cry*

[speakerfist]

Her website... Not porn. Sigh. Still good tho.

[zboczeniecPL]

"Special thanks to Karen Pellant (who played the hot girl):"

Are you serious? How come she didn't find this offensive? :D

SHE IS HOT! She doesn't have to act like one :D

[8587john]

hay baby that dress would look nice crumpled up at the foot of my bed in the morning

[JacksCouch]

Hey *Licks finger and wipes it on their shirt* Lets take you to my place and get you out of those wet clothes ;)

[alfred87cron]

hey girl, i got a whole dictionary tattooed on my dick...

you want me to put some words in youre mouth

[thuzan117]

my brother likes this one "nice shoes, let's fuck"

[a28964]

"can u make my software to a hardware "

[HappyChar88]

"Get in the van." <--- best pickup line. 

[eightftdan1]

If a girl would ask me a question, such as, "Should I cut my hair short or not?"

You should reply with, "It doesn't matter. It will look perfect either way!"

[thekoldarius]

LOL that was awesome

[Zenobios]

"Sup fool" works everytime.

[thearthurshow]

i shit in my pants can i get into yours?

[NicolasP200]

''What'chu talkin' 'bout Willis?'' xD xD

[HotMailer93]

Hey babe. Would you like to come to my place and check out my stamp-collection?

[Dopeykilla]

Here's a Charizard, now bend over so i can fuck you in the ass.

[KiloLaku]

hey baby lets go get a pizza and head over to my place for some lovin?

Then the chick usually says no, and you reply:

What, you don't like pizza?

[darkteddybear22]

How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice.

[andrewkleous]

i have a d*ck you have a vagina...what are we waiting for??

[TECstarNR2]

If you were a pirate, would your parrot be on this *puts hand on one of the shoulders* or on this shoulder *puts arm around girl with hand touching other shoulder*

Garanteed this one does the job

[clenhart17]

Your name ain't Myrtle, but I sure can make you moan.

[IFawkkChickens]

check out mmy video plx lmfao

[kalli199]

i have her link in MY bottoms. yeaaah man

[luka99medak]

If I asked you to sleep with me, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

Works 100% times! You should try that.

[jecklejuggalo]

best pick up Nice shoes lets f*ck

[morzYla]

Fuck me if I'm wrong but isn't your name Sheherzadha?

and another one:

BOY: Did it hurt?

GIRL: What?

BOY: When you fell of the skies?

GIRL: Awwwwwwwwwwww... <3 :*

BOY: Cause your face is so fucked up!

[stickyfinger24]

hey babe....you know what I want

[luka99medak]

If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?

[bamsefarx]

Me: hey, wanne go get a pizza and then have sex?

Girl: WHAT!?

Me: what? you don't like pizza?

[T3p3lstr33ltj3]

Capt Chuck since you like my last one: Help! My dick is being chased by the FBI, help me hide it, quick !

[PureNasher]

I'm a great cook and after I makes us a great meal. I'm going sex with... I'm... DON'T YOU RUN!

[midakskyblast]

-run up to a girl and throw ice at the floor- I just broke the ice, now lets go back to your place :P

[mangamaniac2464]

mine*

[mangamaniac2464]

whats a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mind

[DeadLegendTod]

baby wanna lose that boyfriend of yours and take a ride with a real man?

[DeadLegendTod]

the one that barney performed on how i met your mother of the falling angel.

the way he did it and performed it was fantastic and brilliant

[axe41031]

Is that a mirror in your pocket?

Because I can see myself in your pants!

[TripleM000]

@axe41031 mafia 2 ftw

[SpiderNitz]

Nice pants.... Wanna fuck?

[cosmin5678]

who uses pick up lines anymore?

[tankimus]

She's hot

[Koroush51]

It'll be alot easier if you just say yes. *Unzips*

[TheCrazedvideos]

I know what your thinking. And that's not a banana in my pants. It's a banana with Whoop cream.

[MRInordinary]

Where is the girl with big boobs?

[SSGTJAB]

Sweetheart you can think of my face as a scale.............Because I'll guess you waight and eat the differance.

[NesttySantta]

LOL , this was really funny, the end was awesome!!

[Titant2]

If i pick up girls.... I have to give them money. :(

[jdman14]

You so hot that Id rip your fart and hold it like a bong hit.

[Kevinofrepublic]

So Chuck, wanna fun?

[rhoNcypher]

Dust this smell like shit I found it on the groud

[TheRayven760]

Nice shoes, wanna fuck?

[FunkyChicken000]

damn, you're hot, i could fry an egg on u

[magggie1]

Are you a parking ticket? Cause u got "fine" written all over u.

[pikupz]

Hey girl, where your parents retarded because you suuuuuuuuuuuure are special.

[dragonflychainsaw]

what is your horoscope ?

[ManuelPandolfo]

can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

[Wiprud33]

Are you from Tennessee? Because I want to make out with your face :)

[towardstheshadows]

@Wiprud33 dont steal from jenna marbles

[magggie1]

@Wiprud33 fail! Its....ur the only ten I see