I adore your creativity and art, you just described a wonderful person. I'm not taking any pills, I really fear them somehow and want to make it on my own... kind of I don't to be changed by anyone but my own power.
Thank you for posting this. It was like looking into a mirror..but i've been hiding, form everything and everyone. evade, avoid, ignore. I'm so tired. All the logic and rational thinking is trumped by emotion and my self-destructive habits. Knowing is not enough. I wish I had more encouraging words.
..it becomes easier, for me, to rely on being the way people know me to be, even when im struggling. to me, it is obvious, that i am not myself, even though i am 'myself' (to them).
sometimes, i do my own head in-i think too much. im able to rationalize things to the point where it becomes acceptable, or understandable. and it gets hard to break out of that. intellectually--i can be smart; emotionally--um, im not so smart. i can relate to doing things that don't match what i want.xo
I was thinking about this today. My thought was basically that (from what I've seen and experienced) those who feel deeply are usually most capable of intelligence--"smartness". But also most capable of huge problems because of their deep emotions & mind together, which can contradict one another esp when surroundings aren't in tune with what they are feeling & therefore can't relate to what they are thinking. If that makes any sort of sense.
yes, that sounds pretty much it really. i think that knowing that i can be smart--or intellectual--only has the potential to make an even bigger mess for me, especially when i automatically start trying to think about how to solve, rationalize or sort through the contradictions you're talking about. when i can't though, that's when i start feeling really frustrated with myself. xo (sorry if that was confusing :)
(sorry i tried to post this as a reply to your reply, and it showed up on top here,. so now it looks like my comment is coming from no where. ha :) xo
I know what you mean about doing things which are not consistent with goals. It's hard to keep it all together. I wouldn't have guessed you were getting stoned though. That really concerns me. I guess the real question is "what do you want to do with your life and what would it take to get there?" What really matters to you at this point?
The "getting stoned" has been very un-intentional, really. It is what happens from taking meds/diet pills at the same time, consequently--was addicted to diet pills before being put on meds, makes it a bit difficult.
Oh you mean "getting high." I thought you meant you were smoking pot. That seemed out of character for you. I'm glad I misunderstood. I hope you don't hurt yourself with medical issues. I've found, sooner or later, the body wears out. I've found I can't handle stress the way I once could. Time marches on.
I don't know you very well, but what I see here is somebody so beautiful, such sadness in her eyes. I see such prmise, and I see hope, and I see this connection with the beautiful things around you. You deserve to be well. You deserve to heal. YOU are special xoxo
Jules, thank you for always being so honest. I read a book over the holiday season called, "Eating in the Light of the Moon..." and I highly suggest it:) I put a couple of quotes up on my channel, I am extending an invitation for you to "visit" and read them:)I see how incredibly passionate and thoughtful you are...I think it is beautiful...ahh I sooo relate and I just want you to know that I am "here" - anytime and always!
I adore your creativity and art, you just described a wonderful person. I'm not taking any pills, I really fear them somehow and want to make it on my own... kind of I don't to be changed by anyone but my own power.
I hope you'll get better soon,
HUGS
favea 3 years ago
I really hope that one day soonyou realize how BEAUTIFUL u really are! Best Wishes to you! Send a comment back
xnisha18x 3 years ago
Thank you for posting this. It was like looking into a mirror..but i've been hiding, form everything and everyone. evade, avoid, ignore. I'm so tired. All the logic and rational thinking is trumped by emotion and my self-destructive habits. Knowing is not enough. I wish I had more encouraging words.
peevishpear 3 years ago
"im not myself, i am, but im not"
..it becomes easier, for me, to rely on being the way people know me to be, even when im struggling. to me, it is obvious, that i am not myself, even though i am 'myself' (to them).
rowalyrow 3 years ago
sometimes, i do my own head in-i think too much. im able to rationalize things to the point where it becomes acceptable, or understandable. and it gets hard to break out of that. intellectually--i can be smart; emotionally--um, im not so smart. i can relate to doing things that don't match what i want.xo
rowalyrow 3 years ago
I was thinking about this today. My thought was basically that (from what I've seen and experienced) those who feel deeply are usually most capable of intelligence--"smartness". But also most capable of huge problems because of their deep emotions & mind together, which can contradict one another esp when surroundings aren't in tune with what they are feeling & therefore can't relate to what they are thinking. If that makes any sort of sense.
myartisfashion 3 years ago
yes, that sounds pretty much it really. i think that knowing that i can be smart--or intellectual--only has the potential to make an even bigger mess for me, especially when i automatically start trying to think about how to solve, rationalize or sort through the contradictions you're talking about. when i can't though, that's when i start feeling really frustrated with myself. xo (sorry if that was confusing :)
rowalyrow 3 years ago
(sorry i tried to post this as a reply to your reply, and it showed up on top here,. so now it looks like my comment is coming from no where. ha :) xo
rowalyrow 3 years ago
I know what you mean about doing things which are not consistent with goals. It's hard to keep it all together. I wouldn't have guessed you were getting stoned though. That really concerns me. I guess the real question is "what do you want to do with your life and what would it take to get there?" What really matters to you at this point?
Zarbod 3 years ago
The "getting stoned" has been very un-intentional, really. It is what happens from taking meds/diet pills at the same time, consequently--was addicted to diet pills before being put on meds, makes it a bit difficult.
myartisfashion 3 years ago
Oh you mean "getting high." I thought you meant you were smoking pot. That seemed out of character for you. I'm glad I misunderstood. I hope you don't hurt yourself with medical issues. I've found, sooner or later, the body wears out. I've found I can't handle stress the way I once could. Time marches on.
Zarbod 3 years ago
how tall r u and how much do u weight? and try not to push people away..u'll end up living alone
kav0r 3 years ago
about 5'3" and 120 (healthy and muscular) No 'problems' of mine consist due to numbers anymore so I think that info is un-needed.
myartisfashion 3 years ago
I don't know you very well, but what I see here is somebody so beautiful, such sadness in her eyes. I see such prmise, and I see hope, and I see this connection with the beautiful things around you. You deserve to be well. You deserve to heal. YOU are special xoxo
Sia118 3 years ago 2
Jules, thank you for always being so honest. I read a book over the holiday season called, "Eating in the Light of the Moon..." and I highly suggest it:) I put a couple of quotes up on my channel, I am extending an invitation for you to "visit" and read them:)I see how incredibly passionate and thoughtful you are...I think it is beautiful...ahh I sooo relate and I just want you to know that I am "here" - anytime and always!
dolphin087 3 years ago
Their will always be those bright moments in life :). Hopefully the bright outweighs the downtimes. Be whomever you want to be not what is needed.
killercan7 3 years ago
love to you <3
Emmieluvin12345 3 years ago
i love you, you know? push as hard as you can, i'll still be here.
closeyoureyes2 3 years ago