Christian Video on Pleasuring God w/Your Mouth

[ross817]

I love how the best Bible verse they could find about swearing was the one about "taking the lord's name in vain."

[Enlightenedopinion92]

This sounds like a video catholic priests would show kids to keep them quite.

[Enlightenedopinion92]

@Enlightenedopinion92 quiet

[verted45]

They left the priest's favorite ones out.

[Jakster840]

Wtf? Why are there even "curse words" anyways? There just words! Why would a god create words and then not allow people to use them? He seems to have a track record of doing this. Genesis is a good example.

[Bananakingatauerbach]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa

OH SHIT HAHAHAAH

[kleb100]

Hey lady, here is an idea on what you could do with your mouth. Give me a fucking blow job. How about that?

[maekern]

Is this real pr a parody? I can't tell.

[SkullVodka]

I know it is so easy making fun of christ tards, but holy shit. Sometimes they deserve it.

[bismarket]

I know another "True" story, see there was this talkin' snake in a big ol' garden......Did someone mention some "COMMANDMENTS",? what WAS number 9 again?.....Damn pesky comments on YouTube!

[ideologger]

I only talk dirty to God... User!

[rayechayelle1]

oh i know something good he could do with his mouth... ;) hahaha

[bluenightfox]

I am sorry, but I am lost for words........

[SaturdayGalaxy]

GOD DAMN IT! DENY THE HOLY GHOST!

[metaphid]

"God" isn't the pretend guy-in-the-sky's name, by the way. So you goddamned cursin' Christians are in the clear on that one, anyway.

[Glasofruix]

That looks like brainwashing to me...

[whatifitneversnows]

Ive just become a Christian. Thank you for showing me the light oh Holy Turtle.

[AchronTimeless]

well, I tried.. you can't get through this video without laughing. I mean, there I was, mouth agape in horror at what I was seeing.. and still I laughed. Ahhh, if only they weren't serious with this crap...

[Angelalynx999]

Yay for child abuse!...

[ZombiePhysics]

Get on your knees and pleasure god with your mouth...

Sound okay to me.

[SingingDivaPrincess]

Wow...I don't understand why everyone has to be so horrible. I hate teaching kids nowadays, kids who are like 6 and 7 years old who swear like sailors. What are we teaching here? What's so wrong about teaching kids that profanity is wrong? Heaven forbid we try to teach something GOOD in the world. No, everything has to have a double meaning in the world (ie, kissing someone).

Alright. I threw my opinion out there...go ahead - COME AT ME. And yes, using the Lord's name in vain does bother me.

[Angelalynx999]

@SingingDivaPrincess : "God" is not a name, it's a description. Not to mention that it's an imaginary being who doesn't care about anything that anyone does because it's imaginary. You should try to care about things that are REAL instead of things that you've just made up.

[SingingDivaPrincess]

@Angelalynx999

You're entitled to your opinion, but I'm also entitled to mine. I believe that there is a Heavenly Father, a Jesus Christ and a Holy Ghost and all 3 of them guide us. To me, their names are sacred and in a world where a lot is given a flippant air, I ask that people I associate with to try and remember that I want to keep it sacred. I don't believe we're all here by happenstance. Nothing is coincidence. There is more to our lives, before and after and that's what gets me through.

[Angelalynx999]

@SingingDivaPrincess : Hey, if blind faith in fairy tales and wishful thinking are needed to get you through the only life that you know you're going to have, then so be it. Me, I have a strong mental fortitude and as such I do not require such childish things like imaginary friends and fantasy lands to get me through the day. But I don't expect you to understand. The weak minded simply cannot fathom what it's like to be strong willed. Still, you have my pity. :)

[SingingDivaPrincess]

@Angelalynx999 That's a pretty lame assumption. You don't know me at all and have no basis on which to assume I have a weak mind, but if that's how you like to judge others, that's fine. Everyone has their agency. I like to see the world through the eyes of a child, still understanding that yes, horrors will be there and we must stand up to them and face them head on. Every day, I try to balance being a realist and optimist. But that's what it comes down to = BALANCE. But I think we're done.

[Angelalynx999]

@SingingDivaPrincess : Yes, you are done. For there cannot be a rational discussion with the irrational and believing in a magic sky daddy is the height of irrationality. It's no assumption that you have a weak mind, it's a fact based on what you wrote. You NEED to believe to get by and so you do. However, I don't need to believe in fairy tales to get by so I'm far more into the real world than you are and as such, stronger willed. Again, I don't expect you to understand. ;)

[Angelalynx999]

@SingingDivaPrincess : Oh, wait, you're a Mormon. Yeah, there is DEFINITELY no conversing rationally with you. Now you REALLY have my pity for I cannot imagine what it's like for you being that crazy. So sad.

[assbitchfucky]

Yeah this isn't suggestive at all.

[kalars88]

Ug, too easy...

[NeedsEvidence]

Embarrassing...

[ovejocke]

so god doesn't want people to take his name in vain, so why do religious people care if I curse? But use the phrase "oh my god" all the time?

[blues999]

Michael seemed like a bad ass at first.

[iruparatso]

Somewhere, some time, a pedophile is totally whacking it to this song.

[AtheistCitizen]

on her knees, yeah. Sounds like time for praise.

[bopp9]

To please god you can please the the priests: /watch?v=iNzaRHP_qRw&feature=f­vst

[livethoughts]

Those damn city kids...

[tzkelley]

To think I used to have a crush on the Little Mermaid... :(

[wankerpanther]

Why does the Turtle have stoner eyes?

[academicjock]

I'm so glad I'm an atheist. Knowing and understanding ... not believing ... about god is such a relief. I know that I'm responsible for my self and when I do something wrong I am responsible and no matter how many 'hail marys' I say, it does not change that I was doing wrong ... AND, when I do right, I'll take credit for that. No Tebow'ing for me!

[endergt]

OMG I feel sick.

[DackIsBack]

Suck your pastors cock!!

[Leadman1989]

A video about pleasing god with your mouth on a channel called onkneesforjesus. Delightful. :D

[FFXFREAK572]

@Leadman1989 Oh thank you. You just made my day.

[TheLobstar666]

I've never said "YWHW damnit".

[NeroBaelside13]

Oh my fucking god, why does this horrendous shit exist?

[mainguysimon]

she said its a true story ... thou shall not lie?

[nealithh]

Keep it up onknees.

[TheZachh]

1:35 Puckering up to fuck someone? \o/

[sonoki82]

In hell, that song and dance routine plays on a giant flatscreen TV on an endless loop.

[Jakedastudly]

Jesus is eh cool guy, he raises from the dead and doesnt afraid of anything

[MasterAdam100]

SUCKING COCKS! SUCKING THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF COCKS!

[Anghellik9]

[Insert obvious joke about sucking cocks here]

[xGimpyx]

Does anybody who says cursing is bad even know WHY you're not supposed to curse?

Dumbest. Taboo. Ever.

[tenatopps]

IS THAT THE WOMAN WHO DOES THE VOICE OF ARIEL ?!?!?!?! My childhood is over.

[BetterOffDamned]

The title is brilliant.

[Mokenofrs]

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. . .oh jesus i fucked up. . .shit. . .FUCKING CHRIST. . .Jesus i cant stop. . .oh one more thing, BLOWJOB

[justthisstupid]

“He told Michael to go to his room and think of some good things he could do with him mouth instead of talking dirty all the time.” And the entire song that followed... Just, wtf. XD

[Annu1tco3pt1s]

Oh what in dick sucking mother of Jesus fucking Christ is this god damn thing? Makes me want to nail a Jew to two crossed planks, and invade middle east!

[Etudianteindigne]

And of course big city = wrong.

[Etudianteindigne]

Why do all these "Christian" actresses have to be so stereotyped and pink? I wonder why... Maybe using the Bible is just an excuse for keeping their conservative ways... It's just an hypothesis... Damn it stop using the Bible for your earthly purposes!

[Rushlimpballs]

@Etudianteindigne

When most Christians talk about "biblical values," they're really talking about Victorian and Puritan sexual morality. If they really believed in biblical marriage they'd support any man being able to buy a woman from her father and keep her as his property. It's like that saying, "The bible is like a software licensing agreement; no one reads it.  They just scroll down to the end and click, 'I agree.'"

[Etudianteindigne]

@Rushlimpballs Indeed, they find puritan morality and use the Bible to justify their traditionnal worldviews even though Jesus was all agaisnt litteral interpretation of the Law... The quotation at the end of the message says it all: thank you very much for sharing! I googled it and can't find the author, though. Well at least he or she knows that these words will always be remembered!

[JDFatalist]

What's this show called?

[Ozma3000]

This is surprisingly high quality for a Christian kid show.

[Polum824545201]

i find it hard to believe this was based on a true story...

[Rushlimpballs]

Pleasing God with your mouth? Wait. Didn't Bryan Fischer claim that would give you cancer?

[LegendaryAsshole]

All these kids are being taken advantage of.

[stephenwalls1]

The Catholic Church's mantra.

[stravelius]

I STILL LOVE THE LITTLE MERMAID! D:

[iliketurtles3333]

"Puckering up to kiss someone "

As long as its not someone of the same sex , of course....

[SeththeWicked]

"God damn this is some goooood shit. Let's make a kid's show with fuck...I dunno how about a talking turtle...."

[AmyInChains161]

Haha, oh wow.

[AtheistToothFairy]

No wonder brainwashed Xtian kids eventually rebel with such passion

[Parabol0086]

So this must be where it all starts for Christians complaining about "being offended" from things that are said. Naughty teacher...

Also, thank you Jesus for helping Djokovich win a game of tennis. Fuck the little starving children, Novak needs more money.

[NicolSD]

I can think of a thing or two she could do with her mouth that would please me.

[flywithmeamerica]

fuck this shit

[aMulliganStew]

I lost a few precious, and increasingly rare, IQ points from watching this. SOMEONE WILL PAY!!!

[gothatfunk]

this was gold.

[ONESPECIES]

@gothatfunk A bit nighmarish for Gold, but hey....

[sinbysin666]

God sent his only turtle, to spread the word.

[beautifulblackatheis]

@sinbysin666 LMAOOOOOOO 

[justjulie37]

Major facepalm

[MacNutz2]

the funny thing being that taking their god's name in vain is probably their favourite sin, given that their religion has become nothing but business and politics. But these days they like to pretend that say God damn, or Jesus fucking Christ is taking the lord's name in vain rather than using god for your political and financial purposes.

Lucky them, god ain't real. The believers would fill hell long before the atheists got there, if it were real.

[729pete]

Dat title...

[Knr911]

@729pete Indeed LOL

[Abena20]

I still have this on VHS from when I was a kid

[eggjoe122]

werd

[jsee12953]

Now get on your knees and prepare to receive god's glory kids!

[sakar181]

0:18 "I remember a true story about a boy..."

I thought one of the big ten was to not lie.

[masticina]

@sakar181

But you see when you lie for christ it is allowed.

Seriously lying for christ is okay! Because you do it for Christ! That makes everything okay! For instance I am drowning this puppies FOR CHRIST.. see it is all okay!

[brongarago]

OH NO A WORD!!!!

[ChoofMonster]

You can also use your mouth to smoke bongs and eat pussy; cursing a non-existent deity is nowhere near as much fun.

[DackIsBack]

blowjobs.

[Cyanidekoolaid616]

blow cock

[dangerouslytalented]

I could think of ONE thing that I could do with my mouth...

Cunnilingus.

[undisputedgreatest]

Fuck shit piss cunt motherfucker cock cunt twat cocksucker pussy bastard bitch ginger bollocks balls dick tits fuckface C.H.U.D. Ass god-damn-it asshold dickbag dumbass son-of-a-bitch dumb-bastard shitface blowjob shitfuck wankjob unclefucker rimjob shit-for-brains dildo snatch jizz kooch cum-guzzler nutsack fanny handjob minge muff lardass munging filching ejaculating dickbeaters bumblefuck ass-clown ass-wipe ass-munch Barbara Streisand!

[1993TRS1]

LOL! You always find the greatest videos

[undisputedgreatest]

Taking god's name in vain made the list...but not rape, genocide, or slavery.

[UltraVert]

@undisputedgreatest

I believe those things are considered favorable in the biblical texts.

[undisputedgreatest]

@UltraVert Not just favorable...but commanded.

[KOICrowz]

@undisputedgreatest Why would those make the list when God so readily endorses them?

[Etudianteindigne]

@undisputedgreatest Slavery was in fact, because if you interpret in the context - and don't even ask these so-called Christians to do that because they close their eyes - God freed His people - the Hebrews - from slavery. So the 10 "commandements" are in fact 10 "teachings" about how to freed from individual and social slavery. But interpreting it narrowly such as "don't say bad word" is not only useless but missing the point of considering one's relation with God.

[undisputedgreatest]

@Etudianteindigne The moment you start talking about "context," you have all but conceded that the bible is trash and needs justification. The bible does much more than just merely forget to forbid slavery; it outright endorses it. And, on that same story; how about god "Killing the firstborn Egyptian children?" Flat-out evil.

But, I am with you completely on "bad word" stuff. "Not taking the Lord's name in vain" clearly means don't be frivolous with your prayers.

[Etudianteindigne]

@undisputedgreatest I agree that the Bible endorses slavery, in the Old and New Testaments. At the time, opposing slavery was like oppositing using cars or washing of oneself in the sense that slavery was "normal". I was just talking specifically about the Ten Commandements and the link with the Hebrew's freedom from slavery. This shows how context does plays a role. If you think that a book that needs to be taken in its context is trash, that means you have to throw all the books of history!

[undisputedgreatest]

@Etudianteindigne Ah, well, I can easily explain what I mean further. If you are going to take a book as divine; the unalterable word of a supreme all-knowing, all-powerful being...then no; context does not alter the cruelty or nature.

But otherwise, if you take as a book written by people; oh hell yeah the context matters. It is important to keep in mind that it was written by people.

[Leadman1989]

@undisputedgreatest

That's only the top ten. There's a bigger list that tells you how to treat your slaves, rape victims have to marry their rapist, and hell god encourages and perpetrated genocide why would he ban it? Lol

[ultramaster123]

Our mouths were made to give God praise! Fuck eating, drinking, and breathing!

[jsee12953]

I can't believe she left out the best thing of all you can use your mouth for!

[Etudianteindigne]

@jsee12953 God DID create the mouth for us to do those fun things :)

[soundscapenyc]

christianity: the ultimate buzzkill.

[edpeterson1]

Goddammit.... sorry I just couldn't resist.

[BonBon3589]

I'm sure there's at least 1 more good thing she can do with her mouth... HUEHUEHEUHEUHUE

[pwfabulous]

Michael seems pretty chill. I'd totally hang out with Michael.

[nealithh]

Jesus fucking Christ! God this in dumb!

[fruitikay]

HOLY SHIT I REMEMBER THIS SHIT...I used to watch this all the time when I was little. Guidepost Junction is the name of the fucking show. WOW I totally forgot about this.

[sheri226]

When she said "I know a true story" I knew she wasn't about to talk about the bible :-)