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From: Benstinis
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  • Yep Dane. You are funny. But have never studied Biology and you are believing in too many fairy tales for a grown man... God is the Santa Claus for big boys...

  • Do you Atheist not see how hypocritical you's are? the majority of you and I say majority because I know there are a minority of terrific people who are atheist, but the majority make fun out of religion all the time, but when someone makes fun of atheists that's it, it's shit and disgusting?

  • @Jeremiah20126

    because religion is stupid and impedes the scientific progress of the human race.

  • man i love this guy, i'd suck his dick if i had the chance!

  • try watch this : jim jefferies- religion joke

  • thumbs up if you googled "snarky" XD

  • "Grind him down into paper and once he's paper u print the bible on him" haha i laughed so hard

  • Don't they use onion paper for Bibles?

  • 1. snarky 10748 up, 1733 down

    buy snarky mugs, tshirts and magnets

    A word that should be googled to find the definition as per direction from Dane Cook. It means short tempered or irritable.

    "He was being very snarky with me. Yeah, snarky. Its a word, google it." -Dane Cook

  • When an atheist sneezes as a Christian I tell them Evolutionary bless you.

  • windextor has a really fucked up laugh.

  • co za asy!

  • oh man, this is lame and not funny....

    "when you die nothing happens" was the best line.

  • @weetwatmeneet you have a stick up your ass

    ok

    just thought you should know

    you say its lame

    then you quote a line and say

    thats the best ONE

    yeah realy hipicritical there

  • @libbyandtai Rather having a stick up my ass than being not so smart; The quoted line was the "best", but not even that good.... It's really not as good as "no, the parrot is not dead, he's sleaping".

    Yeah, I'm a real Hippycritic there.... Cheers.

  • I'm a stone-cold atheist. But if I said "God Bless you" to someone and they responded "I'm an atheist", I'd respond, "I don't give a shit, because I don't really think a sneeze requires a blessing from God; it was customary. So go fuck yourself you pompous ass."

  • "Fuck Bees"  ..still makes me laugh every time.

    but this newer superstar shit is crap.

  • man Cooks gotten weak over the years. really.

  • My girlfriend showed me Dane Cook, and now i just love him, he is so funny!!!!!

  • I am an athiest but I dont have time for those dickheads who try to push atheism onto others. But then halfway through, isn't that what Dane starts doing in his act? He literally starts making fun of the idea of re-incarnation as if that idea is less plausable than heaven. They're both pretty fucking inplausable! But you know what? if that's what people believe then respect that. This whole section kinda pissed me off... Actually fyi, atheists dont believe in reincarnation!

  • okay so im wiccan, my boyfriend is atheist. Now i have no problem with what ANYONE believes in and i love most of dane cooks work...till now. that was just bull shit on his behalf. You shouldn't throw stones at another's religion belief or way of life. For dane cook that was pretty low and disrespectful for himself and for the people he insulted. so i give this video no thumbs up. If you really care of someones feeling you shouldn't pull that kind of shit.

  • I don't get why the atheist likes to think that his body will do good after he dies. If peace of mind is what what he was after, he should have gone with theism.

    I prefer to worry about how I affect the world while I'm living, and how my influence on the world will change the course of the human race. Thinking about the benefits that my physical body will have on the world after I die is just stupid.

  • chuck noiris< dane cook

  • Bout time someone made fun of Athiests.

  • 52 people died, became trees, got choped down my a huge sweaty guy with a axe, got a chained wraped around them, were draged threw the mud and the muck, then got grond up, compressed into paper and had the bible printed on them

  • this is/was no jesus (cough supreme budda cough prophet Mohammad) atheists FTW!!

  • Offends you? Don't fuckin watch it retard

  • haha!!! Don't fuck with Dane Cook! The last joke was badass!

  • 52 people are atheists

  • this is way tooo funny

  • I'm an Atheist

  • "and once he is paper u put the bible on him." lol i love that part

  • I am windextor - I am here to clean your soul!

  • At sometiems he looks liek phil from the hangover

  • It's about time for a good new comedian. Cheech and Chong reruns are so old they won't even play anymore . HAHA.... Another Great Dane Comedy!

  • ahaha on urban dictionary the first definition is that quote =)

  • ahaha on urban dictionary the first dinition is that quote =)

  • There are now 50 more bibles in the world

  • I'm not the LORD. I can't do that.

  • LMFAO "once hes paper you can print THE BIBLE on him" lmfao laughing soo hard on tht one

  • Thumbs up if you tried the windex thing

  • @sonic123420 trust me... not fun...

  • the werewolf comment always gets me.

  • what did he say at 1:50 ?????

  • I'm going to be honest, I love a lot of Dane Cook's comedy. A lot of it makes me laugh. But in this joke he threw a big middle finger at any atheists that call themselves a fan of his.

  • @theblueo1 Let's not be overly sensitive. Seriously, people can't tell jokes anymore without "offending" someone. I'm sure he has a joke for everything. Laugh and move on.

  • i say god bless you cuz im not the lord i cant do tht XD ahaha

  • this is my favorite one of all time

  • 46 dislikes from atheists.

  • Jesus Christ IS God that saves you for eternity with him in Heaven :)

  • what does happen when u put that shit half way O.o

  • @emoxanime1 Windextor will Clean your Soul. Thats what ill happen.

  • cocked and FUUUU!!!!!

  • im atheist and i wont laugh at you but .... you know you dont have to discriminated all atheist i admit that most atheist are arrogant but either way if you dont like your beliefs questioned then dont question other's beliefs i find it kinda reduculous about heaven and hell no offence because where exactly is this heaven and i don't beleaven the tree crap i'll just wait till i do find out

  • @wiam413 i can tell you what happens. you will burn in hell for all eternity. just a heads up

  • @wiam413 if there is no god than where did the first cell come from??????? Or the first molecule???

  • @dan39bucs yeah athiest here, first off, where did god come from, how come god never told his story to Jesus his only son who was born from an a sexually produced virgin named mary. Why did god flood the earth but tell a gypsie named Noah to save 2 of each animal that would die from the flood and make an arc ship thing. Why did moses have a magic staff and Jesus didn't? Why does any other religion even exist if you are so sure yours is right.

    the first cell came from intense heat and gasses

  • @MatrixMasta2009 so your basically telling me every time i rip ass i create a new cell???? Im pretty sure life cant just be created by heat.

  • @MatrixMasta2009 I do believe in science right down to the core, and I firmly believe nothing in the Bible actually is told correctly or is factual at all - but riddle me this - how did the universe begin? It's not an easy question - it didn't start with the Big Bang, maybe our part of time / universe - but how did time itself begin? I can understand where people come from with religion, because religion actually offers an answer to the question of - how did time begin? God would create time

  • @TheOvermaster Time is a theory of measurment that we abuse. Plus, the big bang happened so many years ago scientists are having huge problems even trying to begin looking at what happened. PLUS Jesus = magician.

  • @TheOvermaster there doesnt have to be a scientific answer for everything, some things don't seem real, but that doesnt mean they arn't

  • @ohnocurlycue Can you name an example?

  • @brent1089 why do u need an example?

  • @MatrixMasta2009 so you mean to tell me that every time i rip ass i create new life in my pants???

  • @wiam413 I HOPE THEY PRINT THE BIBLE ON U

    JK

    JK XD

    ahhhh, dane cook, you funny son of a gun

  • @wiam413

    We believe it is beyond this universe, a place we can never achieve. That's what we believe, and I liked what you said, and in my belief, I believe people like you will go to heaven, even though you don't believe in God.

  • @wiam413 Learn to spell dumb ass

  • @wiam413 "I admit most atheist are arrogant." I find it hard to believe that you are an atheist. I don't believe in a personal god because there is no evidence for one, that's all. If the story Dane tells is true the "atheist" is an ignorant moron. Atheism is a rejection of the claim that a god or gods exist, If you think you are going to be reincarnated as a tree you are not an atheist. That being said, I don't believe questioning beliefs is wrong, as long as it's done respectfully.

  • @brent1089 Some atheists just can't handle that they are flawed like everyone else.

  • @wiam413 yea i don't know who believes in that tree thing... that seems pretty hardcore atheism if it can be called atheism at all

  • holy crapp!!! "grind him up and make paper out of him and once he's paper, print the bible on him" lmfaooo!!!

  • howdareallofyou *SPACE*

  • Didn't the Courts Rule that Atheism is a Religion? Just wondering.

  • @bathwhoreE why does it matter?

  • @JordanHF00 It shouldn't .

  • @bathwhoreE I know that's what I'm saying

  • @JordanHF00 athisum is a religion just like Catholic is my beliefs have as much meaning as you Christians

  • @wiam413

    Wrong. Atheism (you spelled it wrong) is the lack of believing in any sort of God. It is not a religion in any sense of the word.

  • @bathwhoreE if not believing in something was a religion, than you'd follow thousands of religions...

  • Yes.

  • @pugdude01 Didn't the Courts Decide that atheism is a religion? 

  • damn...he looks good in those pants ;D hahaha

  • i get annoyed when people perpetuate stereotypes about atheists...but i did think this was funny, at least at the end. though dane cook is not funny in general. regardless, he shouldn't have focused the joke around the courtesy of saying "god bless you". regardless of their religion people need to realize how otiose and fatuous this custom is. i'm going to start saying "jesus loves you" or something like that every time someone farts or burps in public.

  • @jabajabageo athiests, assholes!? nooo.. never... grow a backbone its a fucking joke. It's guys like you hat give us a bad name.

  • I think out of the whole routine this is the best most original part. Dane Cook's awesome. lol

  • @pugdude01 It is not a religion so stop spreading false information.

  • @pugdude01 that's just plain stupid!

  • fffffffuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!­!!!!!!

  • I'm the person who'd get a windex bottle and line it up halfway. I can tell you that now.

  • FAVOURITED!!

  • At the end he has en expression as if he had beat atheist thought... poor imbecile.

  • dam it i knew he couldnt be perfect, had to be a christian..

  • I AM WONDEXTOR! I WILL CLEAN YOUR SOUL!

  • I love how random he is <3 c:

  • 38 people suck

  • Atheism is not a religion. It's a LACK of belief in a god or higher power. Also, I used to think that this sketch was funny. Now I realize that it's just another person of faith playing into myths about atheists. There are obviously funny parts, but overall, it's disappointing. But hey, freedom of speech, man.

  • If you decide to believing in not to believe, its kind of a relegion :p

  • I saw a 2 minute edited version of this same thing and I thought it was too slapstick... Now that I know this is the whole video right here, I'm like, wow... Windex comedy? Damn its easy to laugh when you paid a wad of cash to watch this guy dance around pretending to be a windex ghost

  • "I AM WINDEXTOR HAHAHA...I WILL CLEAN YOUR SOUL!!!"

    ROFL LMAO

  • This fag ain't funny, he tries too hard

  • @splashlog01 aperintly alot of people disagree

  • @eperger

    I don't know what the fuck "aperintly" means......so I'll tell you to go suck your mothers dry cunt!!

  • @splashlog01 You try to hard to be a douche bag critic.

  • @lemmywhinks

    So I'm a critic of Douche Bags?

    Is that what you mean retard!!

    I don't mean this in a bad way but you should have been aborted

  • Print the bible on that bitch.

  • i say gazoontite.. ._. LOL.

  • dane U R FUCKING FUNNY AS HELL

  • i fucking love him<3

  • haha once hes paper u print the fuckin bible on him lol

  • I'm Atheist and I absolutely HATE those types of Atheists, they ruin our collective reputation even worse than the people who start trying to convert you, before having the first clue as to what your beliefs are, ruin their religions reputations.

    Btw that guy definitely deserves to be turned into a Bible.

  • i like how he went from talking about some random guy to a sneez to windex to diffrent sprays to a ghost

    hes still really funny though

  • ha ha this the funniest thing I've seen in my life check out hot rod movie review...with a twist

  • What I think happens when you die is all the things you do in life, you're creating a world for yourself for when you die, so you're creating your afterlife. And the afterlife is an endless dream. Either that or reincarnation.

  • "Howdareyou *space*" He needs to headbutt more.

  • Allow me to share my personal opinion. I happen to be an atheist, and I wasn't horribly offended by this. At the same time, I think a few of the things he was saying are VERY controversial, and would offend some people. If this video offended you, however, I just wish you would keep it to yourself. Don't comment, please. Dane Cook fans are just going to start a big fight over it.

    That having been said, Windextor is the funniest part of this bit. XD

  • u have to believe in god to not to believe in god. as for me im christian.

  • 36 sensitive Atheists missed the like button :)

  • @TheBluemist97 now its 52

  • It was a JOKE. He is a COMEDIAN. Stop taking this so seriously and having religious debates over it. Believe what you, you don't have to attack others for disagreeing.

  • this guy is hilarious 

  • This is fucking hilarious!!!!!!!!

  • 0:55 My favorite part! XD

  • Dane is a dumbass. Does he not understand natural processes? 7:03

  • all humans decompose in the ground and grow to be trees. not just atheists...dipshits

  • @SupFag1 yeah, your bodys do but your soul goes to heaven, unless you a tree athiest and you burn in hell and since athiests are wood it wont be very nice...

  • @tehalexsears wtf? there is no heaven. deal with it. soul is a concept created IN THE BRAIN. guess what happens when you die. your brain shuts off. so long sould

  • @SupFag1 i hope god give me a flat screen tv so i can see alls the people in hell that didn't belive me, and i'll be like... haha suckas!!! =P

  • @tehalexsears how can you comprehend what's happening if you're dead and your brain isn't on.

  • RATE 5 STARS FOR BIBLES MADE OF TREETHEISTS

  • hahahahha this is great. fuckin christians have to take everything serious tho

  • This so Funny!!

  • lol! if i say guzentit i feel like i'm honoring hitler! lol i was dying!

  • hmm i bet its hilarious if my stupid computer would load the video:)

  • GAZUNTAI *insert hand motion* XD LOL

  • a religion is a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects. now dont get me wrong, im a christian person, but just b/c its not God based doesnt mean that its not a religion.

  • how could he NOT laugh at his own jokes???

  • @ThePitofSidLord is atheism a religion? By definition it would be the belief of not believing... Right??

  • @TheJaredwoody no. it's not a religion

    it is simply the lack of beliefs

  • @TheJaredwoody It depends... Both on your definition of Atheism and on your definition of Religion. My good friends and Atheist and she does believe it's a religion. My other friends a Catholic and believes it's not so yeah...

  • he's really not funny

    and he's so stupid whenever someone speaks to him it must sound condescending

  • Honestly people,its a fuckin joke.stop arguing.

  • @SagelessRanger Random verses. Besides it's Constitutionally illegal for any branch of the government to show ANY favor to any religion; including the army. Technically the army should have Chaplains, you shouldn't you have to swear an oath to god to serve the government or say 'one nation' under god in schools. I have to say, for a country so righteous in making sure everyone else obeys the laws it doesn't seem to obey its own laws much at all

  • You guys have it all wrong. first its not constitutioanlly illegal for our government to show favor towards religon due to the fact this nation was built on the christian faith even the constitution was. second the war in iraq isnt a damn crusade just because they have bible verses on the scopes if Psalm 23 is on the scope its saying that no matter the evil i know i am protected. damn get some education

  • oh and to prove another point the contitutian gives the right of speech so dane cook can say whatever he feels he needs to say about athisium just like you can say whatever you want about christianity. when it comes down to it if your going to get all pissed because someone doesnt agree with your belives keep your mouth shut and keep walking no need to make things more then they need to be.

  • @NObamaWeStand "athisium " The fuck is that? I assume you mean Atheism? And I never said he couldn't; I just said he was condescendingly arrogant in doing so

    "keep walking no need to make things more then they need to be"

    You didn't keep walking, so, apparently, their is a need to make things more than they are. Try adhering to what you say you believe in, makes you seem less idiotic that way

  • oh and to prove another point the contitutian gives the right of speech so dane cook can say whatever he feels he needs to say about athisium just like you can say whatever you want about christianity. when it comes down to it if your going to get all pissed because someone doesnt agree with your belives keep your mouth shut and keep walking no need to make things more then they need to be.

  • @NObamaWeStand Part 1

    Free Exercise Clause of the First Amendment of the American Constitution states that "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof..."

    Article VI, section 3 also states "no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States"

    The separation of Church and State was taken heavily into account when the Constitution was written

  • @NObamaWeStand Part 2 "isnt a damn crusade just because they have bible verses on the scopes"

    I said in the eyes of the Iraqi it did. Also George Bush kept mentioning God in referral to the war doesn't look good in the eyes of everyone else

    "if Psalm 23 is on the scope its saying that no matter the evil i know i am protected"

    This is discrimination against every non-christian soldier

    "damn get some education"

    Only if your learn how to appropriately capitalize your responses

  • @SagelessRanger Trijicon supplies the standard scope for the main infantry rifles and placed bible verses at the end of their barcodes; they've been their for the entire Iragi war I do believe. I'd say that made the Iraqi War (yet another) a Crusade, at least in the eyes of the Iraqis

  • @SagelessRanger No, it isn't alright for them to do so; that being said they where probably hipster dicks; very few atheists actually look for confrontation. As far as everything goes; our dicks don't launch the crusades, write bible verses on rifle scopes and burn girls as witches/suppress their right for an education. As far as the two groups go Atheism looks rather like 'sainthood' by comparison

    And to Spell-Nazi me mister lower case 'i' and user of the word 'ppl' in my first response

  • @SagelessRanger Oh, so he makes fun of

    my beliefs and I'm not aloud to take offense? Not letting him roll all over me is pathetic?

    Wow. That's some good fucking logic there. Thumbs up

  • Be very diligent, your adversary, the devil, was created, and Yahweh,Sealed up the Sum in him and created him full of Wisdom and Beauty?

    He Sealed up the Sum?Search it out and you will learn something about the one who convinced 1/3 of the Angels of God to Rebel against Him.

    If he could do that to Angels who excel in wisdom and power how EASY is it for him to deceive one man?

    1 Cor 6:9 Know ye not that the UNrighteous SHALL NOT the THE KINGDOM OF GOD? If they do Inherit it, Yahweh LIES!

  • Anyone care?

    Anyone listening?

    Anything to do with the video?

    No?

    Didn't think so.

    Shut up and watch the god dam vid moron

  • Haha Dane rocks :)

  • canzintite = hitler

    funnnyyyy lolz 5 stars

  • Why are you people arguing about atheism and religions on a Dane Cook video. If your going to do that go to a different video.

    By the way Dane Cook= best white comedian

  • i cant stop laughing.

  • "Peace be with you."

    "And also with you."

    "Lift up your hearts."

    (Ring-ring-ring-ring-ring)

    :D

  • lol i did wat he said and it just sprayed nrmallyy XD

  • i grabbed windex oh nd now im gunna get a sniper scope 4 stream mode or as dane would say "laser"

  • i love you dane cook.

  • RATE 5 STARS FOR WINDEXTOR!!!

  • look at atheist being so pissed about the joke , u guys exactly like muslims , y would even get pissed when people make fun of atheism , atheism is not a religion

  • hey hey hey man. watch what u say. muslims are good people. i dont want a debate or anything but just dont talk bad about anyone except for athiest cus they dont believe in god.

  • @AbdelJaffar yea i agree

  • "Snarky"

    Google that shit.