Added: 4 years ago
From: joequality
Views: 142,770
Sort by time | Sort by thread (beta)

Link to this comment:

Share to:
see all

All Comments (332)

Sign In or Sign Up now to post a comment!
  • ALL YOU PEOPLE EAT DEZ NUTZ

  • "cause we've come to scissors, paper, rock you."

    That joke was so lame that it breached the frontiers of lameliness and reached perfection.

  • arguing on a tool video is totally untool

  • @RepugnantAsshole

    It's people like you that are repugnant assholes...nice try, but Maynard doesn't give a flappin fuck what your opinion means either.

  • Comment removed

  • this song is about salami pizza 

  • Listen to the song "IMAGINE" by John Lennon. A perfect Circle covered it as well.

    And listen to the lyrics and let it hit you.

    now all you people debating whether 'there is a god' or whether there isnt. Well no-one can prove you wrong because it's YOU that belives it. No-one else in the arguement, just you. So Who cares if the other person belives it, Doesn't bother me... IF they tell me i'm going to hell....So be it ?

    NO-ONE HAS A RIGHT TO TELL ANYONE ELSE WHO THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE IN

  • Just to be a dick.

    Prove god exists. You can't.

    Now prove he doesn't. You can't.

    You may be able to discern logically, but you as a human being, trapped in your brain, cannot know. That is actually some of the basis of this dudes songs.

    Now shut the fuck up, you morons.

  • @xerolalala you dont need proof that he doenst exist, you need to proove something exists ant not that something doesnt exist...

  • I hope he pointed to himself when he said "single" at the end there.

  • ... what a bad joke... i find it funny because its so bad. it just reminds me that the members of tool are human... which i forget at times.

  • @formusicplaylist1 duh! I think the joke is that the joke isnt funny

  • I like his voice but that was a bad joke.

  • haha youtube comments are funny.

  • Why is it? In every Tool video I see...people have to have this religious debate fix. It's fucking Tool for crying out nuts!!! Listen to the music, and quit pulling it into your own meaning and sharing it with others.

    (example of a Tool Fanatic)

    OH! In this video Parabola...he's talking about his existentialist experience as a nun, and the rocks swaying to and fro...SHUT THE FUCK UP! Maynard would choke you if you said that to him..a tight choke after masturbating with his right hand.

  • @EricSchwin22 while using maynards dick to poke out their third eye

  • @EricSchwin22 (Example of a Tool fanatic)

    Pretending to know what Maynard is all about. That is you, so fuck you.

    We don't need your opinion about the religious debaters. Reading peoples interpretations of Tool songs is one of the great pleasures in looking them up here on YouTube.

  • @EricSchwin22 Maynard probably beats it with his left hand...

  • @EricSchwin22 i was asphyxiating myself while jacking off to this video and thought it was a weird coincidence when i came to - to (toto) read your comment about choking and masturbation.

  • "..I wrote that"

    Hahaha xD

  • I like waffles

    This next song is called 10,000 Days

    So buy it, so I can afford waffles.

  • i did not know.

    PRS, LOL!!!!

  • Oh God, that was horrible in a great way.

  • In Spirituality you dont have to give up anything, not even your religion!

  • I hear people shouting LEARN TO SWIM. Learn to swim isn't a song. Its lyrics to Aenema.

  • actually its called either one.

  • @parasiticlittletick Actually the song is called Aenema only. I learned this song on guitar from guitar world when it came out and It was Aenema then too. not Aenema/learn to swim

  • i know its originally called aenima but another name for it is learn to swim given by people

  • @parasiticlittletick The song is not called aenima. Its called aenema. aenima is the album

  • its called a spelling error. trust me i know

  • @parasiticlittletick well you made more than a spelling error. They are two different words.

  • i know how both words are spelled its called an easy mistake. and all i was saying was that people call it learn to swim as well.

  • @parasiticlittletick doesn't make it right. People are ignorant. Do you believe what everybody tells you?

  • @parasiticlittletick its not called "learn to swim" whoever calls it that is retarded, and ppl wouldnt know what they are talking about. the song is called "aenema" there is not two names for the song, plain and simple.

  • @2001lateralus sigh. i know what the song is called.... i was saying that other people call it that because they think it is the name of the song because people here maynard say it a lot in the song so ignorant fans think that is the name

  • @parasiticlittletick i apologize then.

  • @parasiticlittletick i hate ignorent people except me

  • @jurkis1 wtf are talking about? i didnt believe anything anybody told me. i know what the song is called i just know that people call it learn to swim as well. i personally dont but i know people do. thats all im saying.

  • @parasiticlittletick Aenima is the album. Aenema is a song on that album. Wikipedia says so.

  • @jurkis1 omg idk if you're trolling or not but i know what the fucking song is called.

  • That... was the most hilarious joke I've ever heard in my entire life. Lol if anyone else said it, I'd be like, "Shut up, you retard." But Maynard is just so funny! Lol

  • Nice! Hey if you have a moment to check out our band's music (Living Syndication), I think you'd like it... It's kinda like APC or TOOL.

  • @livingsyndication yo i heard ur music before good stuff

  • i have that puscifer t-shirt

  • Hah. People are still cheering. I see what he did thar.

  • lolz he said that at the show in Fort Wayne Indiana

  • if anyone else said that i'd call em a moron, but its MAYNARD lol

  • 'Learn to swim!'

  • that was a shitty joke

  • Maynard does like to shoot stuff out to the crowd. in his younger days he would say some hateful and insane remarks

  • what did he said before "paper scissors rock you"??

  • Ok, can you guys stop the religious debate? It's stupid, it has nothing to do with this video...

    Anyway, Maynard's joke made me laugh so hard for some reason... xD

  • Me toooo!

  • You can be a spiritual person, but you don't have to be a religious person. Someone can believe in a higher power (spirit) but not believe in a certain religion which confines your views of that spirit.

  • @rsjokes This is very true. It's the same way my beliefs are.

  • @rsjokes u can also be spiritual yourself without bieng religious or believing in a higher power, btw does anyone know what that is called (someone who believes in god but not a religion, what is that)

  • @MrBadApple999 One example of one who believes in God, but not religion would be a deist, which is what many of the founding fathers of the U.S. Constitution were

  • @rsjokes yea i realised i was being lazy and probably couldve searched that but thanks man

  • @rsjokes You can also be a non-spiritual person.

    Please don't use the term "higher power"

    It's nonsensical. There are plenty of things that are "higher" in "power" than the self. None of which being anything considered close to a spirit.

    It is not selfless or humble to proclaim something "higher" in power than you. Especially when that thing can't be verified to exist.

  • @TatsujinSan get over yourself. how can you tell someone not to use the term "higher power"? hes talking about someone who COULD be spiritual. not someone like you:) btw sense when is extentialsim sensible anyway? i dont get how admiting something greater than you couldnt be humbling either. i mean.... thats bascially the definition or humbling. also, why does anything have to be verified for you? another man has to prove that something dosent exist in order for you to believe it?

  • @Prymer55 Get over myself?

    I'm not telling someone what to do. Notice I said "please". Indicating no expectation of compliance. Thus the purpose was merely to express my opinion of the term.

    "btw sense when is extentialism sensible anyway?"

    Existentialism contains a lot of different ideas. Name one and I'll tell you if I think it's sensible.

    Why admitting something greater than you isn't humbling...

    If you're being specific it's not a problem, but to say something is...

  • @Prymer55 ...better in general almost assumes a purpose to existence. Otherwise you can't really define how something is "better" and you're making a baseless assertion and thus not being humble.

    Being specific is different. "Johnny is better at basketball than Timmy" This can be humbling for Timmy but he shouldn't think Johnny is better overall because of his skill. It is irrelevant to any ultimate purpose of existence. As one has never been defined.

  • Comment removed

  • @TatsujinSan maybe that makes sense to me actually. thnx for the food for thought, maybe after i roll another one up ill have my head wrapped around it lol. take care

  • @TatsujinSan you havent meditated or been on dmt or really been listening to tools work

  • @Huzar1683 I have experienced the "transcendental". I just considered the experience from a place of true humility. A humility that doesn't allow the subjective beauty and order of existence to inform an affirmative belief in anything it doesn't truly substantiate.

    I'm VERY familiar with tool's work. Consider "Rosetta Stoned". The message of the song being that people's personal experiences that involve extraordinary claims aren't to be taken as truth.

  • @Huzar1683 ...(cont) Tell me sir, since you seem quite confident, what it is about ingesting a mind-altering substance that compromises your brains ability to adequately extrapolate its sensory input into a more familiar reality that leads you to believe that the experience couldn't have been produced by the processes of your brain and this chemical?

    Don't get me wrong, I love hallucinogens. They're fun as hell, but people tend to take the wrong message from the experience and instead of...

  • @Huzar1683 ...(cont2) realizing the frailty of certainty and basking in the mystery that is human consciousness they allow their minds to start filling in gaps of knowledge because deep down they want to be a part of something more special. But the mystery itself is special and whether it's supernatural or ultra-natural it's still an amazing universe.

  • @rsjokes you should be in California where spirituality is KING, confines are in your mind that obviously is still not strong enough to overlook useless words that you give power to and end up confined. This was a good joke and that is all it was but thanks for showing everyone who read your post that you like to be lazy with your mind..

  • @hip2dwise I know exactly where you are coming from, but I think you misunderstood my intentions in my comment. I wrote that comment two years ago as you can see yourself. I know and knew that this video was a joke- to be taken with a grain of salt. I was only taking a crack at the religious debate going on and pointing out the pointlessness of it all. Good day sir.

  • @rsjokes spirituality is for the weak, for the ones that see a mountain and go halfway and say, look how far i got' the rest of the climb is for the strong, those who take challenge on. i could care less about what you are or what you become or even if you choose to undertake the journey but you should look at your own walks of life and see how u lack conviction to fight...learn to swim is a call that challenges you to do that which you are uncomfortable with..religion is what it is

  • I've heard better from the mouth of "the Maynard"

  • Adam definitely just played the slide part to Judith, haha!! XD

  • What did he say? I couldnt understand him.  And how did this spark of religious hate start?! LOL XD

  • I have no idea how everyone got onto religion... but I think he said "we've come to paper scissors rock you." or something like that =)

  • Oooohhhh HAHA lol ok I get it now XD...that Maynard...

  • Hmmm, I don't get it.

  • XD maynard wtf

  • religion any anything spiritual and supernatural is a pile of bullshit.

  • "atheism as a type of religion"....so i believe in a supernatural power that i don't believe in...you started a paradox

  • the word religion means 'a set of ideals or beliefs.' If you believe that there /isn't/ a god, it is still technically a religion. I, personally, avoid religion in an /organized/ fashion with rules and such. There is a difference between religion in the basic sens and organized religion.

  • you left off part of the definition

    A religion is a system of human thought which usually includes a set of narratives, symbols, beliefs and practices that give meaning to the practitioner's experiences of life through reference to a higher power, deity or deities, or ultimate truth.

  • ho ho ho ho ho !!!! i come to watch a fucking tool video and get someone commenting on what religion is...

    no one cares pal.

  • religion is 4 dumb, ignorant, scared people... religion starts wars. FUCK RELIGION

  • ZEITGEIST: THE MOVIE

  • ...tell that to Maynard...

    And what religion do you now that tells people to go and kill other religions? Its the corrupt people that are violent.

  • Islam! Ya dumbfuck.

    DEATH TO THE INFIDELS!!!

  • What, what'd I say again?

  • "And what religion do you now that tells people to go and kill other religions?"

    I was being kinda facetious. But kinda not.

  • Islam is peaceful! But this extremist crazy messed up thing you see on your tv is rich idiots telling others that they MUST do these things to go to Islamic heaven! Have you ever been to a muslum Masque and heard what their holy book teaches? Then you shouldn't be talking.

  • Also, lets both stop this idiotic debate and go listen to more Tool.

  • lol chill. i was just trollin. the only problem i have with islam is the fact that its an organized religion :P

  • Okay, rant mode off. Sorry bout that.

  • no not really u loser i can tell u dnt know alot about anything

  • sorry but what are you referring to?

  • And a NUKE to you and your KIDS! BYE BYE

  • i love jesus.. on my own personal opinion..not trying to recruit.. just me saying that i still follow him...... o and since this is a TOOl vid... LOVE TOOL!!! HOPE YOU COME BACK SOON!!!!

  • i like your attitude. you are a nice person.

  • why thank you. That made me happy :)

  • I myself am a christian. But tool kicks ass

  • g-d = spiritual

    jesus = religion

    jesus is actually the lowest level of spiritual pleasure, as told by the kabbalistic sages..

  • i think it would be better if people were spiritual on their own terms. if people had their own beliefs and religion didnt exist. that just makes it like "hey you gotta come with us to know TRUE enlightenment." like its a club or something. it makes it so its not even about enlightenment anymore but more about recruiting members. fuck religion as a whole eventhough certain teachings of some religions i sorta agree with... like mormon fathers teaching their daughters how to please men sexually...

  • lol. "I agree, I agree, I ag... oh shit... curveball... ok I agree."

  • lol

  • Religion is just like everything else in this world. Its all about money. Remember when church used to be on sunday morning, then Sunday night too, then Wednesday, Its like 6 days a week now! Sunday is all that is necessary, but the figure more days=more money. Greedy fux

  • You're a fucking idiot. This isn't Tuesday Night college football we're talking about here. People have been going to Mass during the week since Day One. Besides, the money that's made from passing around the collection plate is peanuts. If you're going to make an argument against religion, make an intelligent one, and then I'll bother hearing it.

  • this just an interesting lil fact to throw out to everyone who's saying "fuck god" or whatever, Maynard was like that cause he doesn't like religious poeple, he does believe there is a god but he's not into the whole having to go to church or worship thing, which is cool you know everyone allowed to do what they want but honestly it doesn't matter what you say or believe cause when it comes right down to it just except it and leave it alone cause no one really cares if you like religion or not

  • the whole "I'm spiritual but not religious" thing is usually just a copout for people who are not willing to commit to something. It's like "Yeah, I believe in God but I don't believe that I should have to go to Mass on Sundays for one hour to honor Him." Sounds like saying "Yeah, I like working for Company X and I like the paychecks, but I don't believe in having to report every morning at 9:00am"

  • never anything about being spiritual, and people can be spiritual and yet not religious if they want. just because someone believes in god or budda, or whatever doesn't mean they'll share the same point of view that you or whoever it is thats going off on it, and you can sit there and think i don't know what the hell i'm talking about, but thats your problem at that point

  • I think a lot of people may believe that there is SOMETHING more to ourselves and everything around us, but it may not necessarily be connected to a Christian "God", or any god. People have their own ideas of what their identity means to them. There's no reason to be so judgemental.

  • Who writes don't respond? alonso0964 you are pathetic joke. As a matter of fact as are most of you. Wahh, waah my experience with religion sucked. Boo hoo, you are satalites, all of you, foating out in space and doing your own things, but the beauty of it is you don't have to beleve it. you are free to shed your religion as you so choose, Just quit bitching about it and do it allready.

  • George Bush invented religion at age 5

  • fuck gotta love MJK, he wrote that

  • maynard is just brilliant

  • All fucking religions suck!!! they're all corrupt and full of hypocrits...don't respond this message since i don't care what you think!!Love God fuck religion!!

  • the person makes the hypocrite, not what they practice

  • ur all dumb religion was made up to keep people from going crazy. its something to throw blame on things you cant understand. how did we get here? no one knows so lets just say god did it. my grand ma died how why did happen? god works im mysterious ways. when the real answer is shes old as fuck and she needed to finally die.

  • the thing is...? how do you know YOU'RE right. who's to say there ISN'T a higher power... like i seriously despise organized religion specifically because they are a bunch of hypocritical cults, but that doesn't mean there's no such thing as a god.

  • here we go with more religion crap

  • Is it worth so much energy to discuss religion?

  • Was this at Coachella just before 10,000 days was released?

  • Yes

  • yes, this was 4/30/06. i was there.

    10k days came out on, i think, may 2nd.

  • christianity hasnt killed anyone. people who perverted have. christianity is all about being the best person you can and loving everybody. jesus said the best 2 commandments were to love god and love ur neighbor and thats what christianity is all about. until the catholics.

  • fuck you go die.

  • what? catholicism perverted it. the pope doesn't talk to god-he's elected by cardinals. they steal from congregants and don't use the money to help the infirm like jesus said-they use it to bail out child molesters, so they don't have to go to prison. i'll shut up if you can explain why this stuff is okay.

  • your confusing catholicism with christianity. While the catholic church is in many ways currupt, Christianity is anyone who believes in christ.

  • no im not. catholicism is much more complex than christianity. christianity has 3 rules-love god with all your heart, love your neighbor as yourself and jesus died to save you from your sins. im not sure where the confusion came in though.early christianity worked out fine until somebody got the idea that Saint Peter, an ordinary man, who was a half-apostle, could talk to God. i know my religion thanks.

  • Gnostic Christianity perhaps, but the rest of Christianity is perverted in general, not just Catholicism. And I was raised Catholic. *blasts Little Earthquakes and Undertow*

    Oh yeah, and Maynard cracks me up.

  • not all of it. it's mostly divided into 3 sections:the two-faced liars, the more conservative crowd (which is quite popular stateside) and the unitarianesque who have no balls. I'd know-my family is catholic, jewish, lutheran and baptist,

  • Well, of course there are perfectly fine Catholic people and Lutheran people, etc. But inherently, many of Christianity's basic messages are preventive of spiritual growth. The idea of a savior being outside of yourself, instead of within. In my opinion, anyways.

  • thats okay for you to believe, but for a lot of people, we need a pre-determined set of spiritual rules to live our life. this contradicts humanistic psychology, but it seems to work out okay.

  • I know this is 2 months old but it's pretty important. I politely disagree with your assessment that Christianity inhibits spiritual growth. Central to the Christian faith is that once accepted, Christ and our Father's Spirit dwell within. I'm not asking you to reply, just reconsider. I know God and his son Jesus on a personal level and I am in no way a biblethumping conservative or a legalistic catholic. As crazy as it sounds that I personally know Him, I can't explain it and I hope you findHim

  • Thank you for responding intelligently in a sea of idiocy :)

  • "learn to swim!!!" XD

  • How did an argument about religion start on a video with Maynard playing rock, paper, sissors?

  • ok, I know now, I looked it up...

  • OK, I apologise, I know he has worked as an improv. comedian and is close friends with Bill Hicks, but I can't find anything about him actually doing stand up with him...If he did then I'm the wrong one, and I'm a douche. ^-^

  • ooh I forgot, Maynard is also in the wine business now...

  • actually he has...

  • yeah, he has.

  • he has, DOUCHE...

  • Dude, way to be ignorant. He met Bill Hicks when he was doing improv back in the day. It's on the WIKI.

  • Damn skippy he has

  • Whaha what a joker, he should do stand up

  • He used to do stand up with Bill Hicks.

  • I think religion was man made to set kind of a standerd for what people should be. But I don't believe that most of it is true. I mean how can we know? It IS ALL SECOND HAND INFORMATION. Was anyone of you around when jesus was alive? Has anyone ever spoken with god? I'm sure there may have been cases where some one claims to have spoken to god but I mean shit there have been cases where people have claimed to speak to fuckin rocks, trees cars dogs monkeys aliens all that shit.

  • he used to do comedy haha.

  • I've always seen Maynard (reflected in his music) as someone very spiritual but who doesn't need the religion. Spirituality and religion are very different things.

  • exactly!!

  • Yeah religion is just organized spirituality

  • he put this joke on a puscifer t shirt lol

  • O_O Waaaant

  • damn, that was suppost to be a reply to dynastypaint45

  • the show should have stopped after Massive Attack

  • Actually, Tool was originally scheduled as the headliner... but then Massive Attack was added to the bill, as was Daft Punk for the day before.

    I do agree though, as Massive Attack was headlining festivals in Europe.

  • arguements bout religion???omg!what are you 5 if you were baptised your holy if not your not

  • Haha good call Dylan...im an atheist but im not going to bash religion...some people need to have faith in something otherwise we would all be turd-flinging monkeys

  • You're all douche bags; everyone dies and NO ONE KNOWS FOR SURE WHAT HAPPENS PERIOD. It's called faith because we DON'T KNOW what is going on after we die...Agree to disagree and when you die you're question will be answered. I'm sick of religous debates...

  • it's patience . ASSHOLE.

  • thanx spellcheck!

    oh wait sorry, thanks...

  • atheism is for people of no paitiants and that are narrow minded and well they should just FRET FOR THERE LATTE! And I'll meet you in Arizona Bay.

  • Narrow minded? patience..? Maynard is atheist..

  • if youve heard him say that i doubt he realy is man, i mean when you do dmt you wise up most people do anyway, he also follows the quabala tree of life, look into that, you'll know what i mean. oh and SENORSALT! cock smoker! your an asshole!, no your an asshole , no your an asshole. just kill your self so you can come back to this hell and be used as - energy again, okay?.. ..

  • Maynard is agonistic.

  • There is no religion called "agonistic", that would be agnostic. Listen to Opiate, "Deaf and blind and dumb and born to follow", you think he is searching for a God to lead him? I doubt that. Anyways.. have fun with your agonistic religion.

  • listen to right in two , "Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven conscious of his fleeting time here"

  • sounds like you and Maynard have a different conception of what "heaven" is.

  • And let me guess,

    MaynardisJebus, you are atheist too because you're so independent mined and intelligent and plus, you should never question maynard.

    *Sigh*

  • its funny reading comments about atheism ...

    atheism is nothing without God.