George Carlin - Swearing On The Bible

[davidthmovies]

I don't get those christians. Don't they even read their own bible?

Jesus explicitely prohibited swearing on anything (Matthew 5:37). And they swear on the bible?

What made me believe that religious people know what the bible says?!?

[BrokenAeroVT]

It was supposed to instill xian guilt--u could lie, but if u were trying 2b a good xian, u'd know it & God' know it & u'd never have rest until u confessed & made it right. When it started, there were a lot more people who were succeptible 2 that kind of manipulation. Jesus fobade swearing on holy relics, so go figure that his leaders would contradict what he taught. I think now it's just another religious control freak thorn in the public's side to perpetuate the myth this is a xian country.

[billslover90]

lol religion is on china's black market due to 80% of the country being communist

[KnodoffFan]

SHIT ON THE BIBLE, there, I swore on it.

[ilovetogofast88]

Sometimes I wonder if the WHOLE BIBLE is made up!

[patrickthesaint]

"What the deal with..."

You can see who influence Jerry Seinfeld.

[JohnNiemsMusic]

George Carlin - STILL THE BEST EVER FOLKS!

[Galileosays]

Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur.

[elmamututu]

What about for someone who does not have arms? What would they do if they needed to swear on the bible? Can they step on the bible? Or do they get a free pass on swearing on the bible? Or maybe they have to put their penis or vagina on the bible? What do they do?

[lewisner]

@elmamututu As long they wore a hat on their penis.

[mihaimoldo]

*raises one hand* Hau!

[Hatinonthehaters]

@mihaimoldo LMFAO

[StainedShuriken333]

What if you are a fat atheist? Would you have to swear upon a cake?

[prophetofpeace2010]

lol. that's great! I'm just mad because it's so f***ing unconstitutional.

[Gimpasaur]

"They hand you a upside down backwards chinese grail bible with half the pages missing"

LOL!! Such a funny guy haha.

[MrUsername1987]

If I were to be held in an American court, I would probably swear to one of the following

Easter Bunny, Santa Clause, Zeus, Poseidon, Leprechauns, Harry Potter, Superman or etc..

[SinnFein4ever]

@MrUsername1987

Ah Ha HA ha ha ha ha HA!

XD

(doubles over, and starts turning red in the face)

EPIC!

[cottonwhiskersuk]

I'm due up in court in a couple of weeks on affray charges. Out of respect for George's memory (among other reasons) I will refuse to swear upon the Bible. :-)

[UnluckyGambler]

naw, u should deliberately put ur right hand on the bible and ur left hand in ur pocket. ;D

and say "i swear to Judas". i was just thinking about how i would swear on the bible if i ever get called into court. i think ill say something like that. or allah, or moses, or santa claus, or buddha, or shiva, or thor, etc...

[MrUsername1987]

If you were a Muslim, would you have to swear on the Bible anyway or would you get a copy of the Quran or a Torah if you were a Jew?

Im not American so I don't know

[fifzeppelin]

@MrUsername1987

Yes, you do get a copy of one of those books, depending on the court. But mostly yes

[SinnFein4ever]

@MrUsername1987

In the U.S. you're allowed to bring your own holy book with you to swear on, or simply ask the court if they have a copy of the Torah or the Quran that you can use instead (they ussually have those on hand at courtrooms).

It can be any holy book you want.

Athiests also allowed to take the oath without any religious book or religious refferences.

Personally, I think that I'd choose a Satanic bible, and swear by Lucifer.

[lewisner]

@SinnFein4ever Or the Flying Spaghetti Monster holy book? Or a book with holes in it?

[SinnFein4ever]

@lewisner

"Or the Flying Spaghetti Monster holy book?"

'Not a bad idea.

;)

[petelaw44]

@cottonwhiskersuk

How do you swear on "The Bible", in a court / legal system, that recognises only "man made laws" ? The entire concept, and practice, is totaly corrupt...!

Please excuse the late reply. Just saw your email. Have thought about same, but wonder if would have the courage to carry out my convictions. Hope all worked out well for you. 44...

[imperatorcaesar100]

I feel like going to a christian store, and ask if they have any chinese braile bibles with half the pages missing.

[msaoichan]

@imperatorcaesar100

Dude, do it!

[sarahewright9]

What if they give you a Satanic Bible?  Would that count? I wonder...

[TehAnkh]

"Swearing on the bible - you understand that shit?"

[buckshoty]

well, he has degraded you on two. Religion and mental capacity because your stupid enough to believe that bullshit.

[DustyDinkleman26]

@buckshoty fuck your shit, i can believe whatever i want

[qwertyzealot]

Awesome