Vampires don't sparkle... because they aren't real

[SpavVy1993]

I think what they ment is in the vampire "mythology" they do not sparkle they burn like a mother fucker when they reach the sunlight. I hate Twilight and I think Stephenie Meyer fucked up vampires and wherewolves.

[mandolinorchid]

I love you; this video is amazing, no-nonsense, and hilarious. I hate Twilight. A while ago I tried to read it because some friends recommended it...(long story short) I got 50 pages in and had such a burning hatred for Bella that I had to stop....it also didn't help that Stephanie Meyer can't write. So, thank you for clearing up this issue to all of the delusional Twihards out there. Vampires are fictional...that's why you only find them in books. :)

[GABYINCUBUSMcCARTNEY]

Well I think what we mean with "real vampire" makes reference to the traditional vampire mith it is kind of a way to say that Twilight vampires are a fucking offence to this mith I mean it´s not that we actually think they are real

I think the term "actual vampire" sounds better...Haha!

[Arikashmari]

...This video makes my brain feel a little better.

Thank you.

[hannabisiscool]

rofling at all the people who left comments saying vampires are real you just havent seen them. well guess what? santa hangs out in malls all day. and I've met harry potter i just don't remember because i had a memory charm put on me. but i know i did. cause he's real. the fact that we have no memory of it just prooves that its super real. also i can fly. i live solely on a diet of cactus fruit.

if she was gunna write such a gay book, she could have a least made the main character a catfish.

[e7242]

@hannabisiscool

Lmao.

[hipplz12312]

her vampires aren't real...istic

sparkles=noticeable

noticeable=unable to catch pray

no pray=starvation

starvation=death of particular race

[Jordanmode]

Looking over these comments, I'm noticing more and more that Twilight fans can't spell. Maybe they should read better books instead of browsing the teen girl's section of Borders. Was that mean? Sorry. Pop culture is over-saturated with vampires at the moment, and it is pretty silly to argue over what makes them "real." Even Stoker's Dracula broke a convention and had Dracula walking around during the day. It doesn't matter. What makes the books bad isn't the sparkling. It's the writing.

[zombieboy4566]

ok even some of the actors said twilight suck real vampires do have relationships but they dnt act gay and when i saw sparkle i got kind of scared because vampires was supposed 2 be creatures of the night and when i saw edward walk in moonlight on twilight i just put it down and said stephanie myer is a crackhead dyke peace of shit author lol

[4mmsc]

shut up the cullens are the best vampires but vampires are real they are they are they are so dtop cuz they r real!!!!!

[PretentiousNitwit]

Go home.

[hipplz12312]

@4mmsc really? I think you need some physiatric help

[IceMakesYouMelt]

.... Please, child, grammar.

Your poor spelling is melting my brain, and is causing me to not take you seriously. As if i ever would <.<

[nirvanalover1000]

Just because you haven't seen one dosent mean there not real. They are most definatly real of corse they don't sparkle but they do suck blood, can't go outside, and stay younge forever. Of corse this hardly happens to people but there are some cases were it dose acore. Look it up if you don't believe me they are real.

And don't hate on twilight that's just ment for entertainment and there are lots of people who like it.

[PretentiousNitwit]

Of course.

And I'm part night-elf.

Look it up if you don't believe me. It 'dose acore'.

:|

[killgravity]

haha. Brilliant.

[halojunkie4]

twilight = faker emo guys wearing dracula teeth

[gothichatechild]

now that was good but have you talk the vampire don ?? hes one sexy bitch man he thinks hes a vampire im ready to say yes to him and be like dude rock on :D

[JolokiaMan]

i completely agree with you my friend

these vampires have ruined the image of the older ones like bram strokers.Because twlight is some trend these teens tend to pull it even further and say they are vampires for maximum attention.complete bullshit. I believe that there is no hope in repairing the damage done to vampires in myth anymore

[qasl1234]

It is just a story/fantacy like Harry Potter, Bewitched. Just a story to read, movie to watch. Any one who believes this is real needs to get a life and yes, I am a Twilight fan.

[4mmsc]

im a twilight fann too<3333

[danzerstar53]

lmao this is amazing. YOU are amazing! my thoughts exactly. especially everything you said to people in all these comments. i commend you!

[blaghablagha]

lmfao. i can't believe there's so many hate comments thought...

[PretentiousNitwit]

people are very touchy about their vampires.

Vampires = serious business, apparently. xD

[m0nK3iiLuBs0r30s1]

just because u havnt seen one doesnt mean there real. and no they dont sparckle... but they happen to be real they suck blood look it up and see the facts and info before you post such a stupid video

[PretentiousNitwit]

Go home.

[Ricamros]

m0nK3iiLuBs0r30s1:

so, you believe in vampires then?

well, you know what. I believe in TROLLS, how's that.

[junkietomato]

Vampires don't exist? Oh no shit Sherlock.

[PretentiousNitwit]

AHHAHAHAHAHHAH.

GOOD ONE.

:|

[TTINUHPLOTR]

Twilight isn't the only series to over-glorify vampires. Anne Rice initiated the "pretty" side of them -- before her books, the idea of vampires being anything but monstrous was not mainstream. Vampires, traditionally, are foul creatures. So vamps that utilize sexual appeal for their feasts is a relatively new concept. Furthermore, "good, pacifist" vampires (that sparkle) are not unique to Twilight; Meyer popularized the idea, but God knows she wasn't being original about it. Check the library.

[PretentiousNitwit]

I am aware of Anne Rice.

The point of this video is more about how the "'real' vampires" argument is sort of the least of Twilight's problems.

[junkietomato]

No the problem with it is the fact that she totally raped the vampire lore.

[PretentiousNitwit]

Yes. You're right. Forget the misogny, backdoor-racism, poor character development/writing, and glorifying of an abusive relationship.

The REAL problem is the insult to vampires!

That should always be the FIRST thing you talk about when saying you hate Twilight. That her vampires aren't 'realistic.'

I'm not saying her vampires are GOOD. Far from it, but be serious. Sparkling vampires < the rest of Twilight's problems.

[junkietomato]

Those are actually boring subjects that I really don't care about. You're spewing so much moralfaggotry that it's making me nauseous. Leave that shit to soccer moms and those idiots who think violent video games are bad. Seriously.

In fact, the glorification of an abusive relationship is actually hilarious.

So yeah, I really only care about the fact that she fucked up what was once a brutal demon of the night in movies, literature and some games.

[PretentiousNitwit]

Aw, someone knows the word 'moralfag'! I don't give a shit about vampires. I'm assuming you're either a 4chan user or some loser who learned some 'laws of the internet' on encyclopedia dramatica who came here just to be a jackass. To someone who ALSO hates the book. I think you're pathetic, and need to get your priorities straight, and if you must troll, go troll people who aren't already on your side. I'm going to block you now, and you can take that as a win if you want. You sad little man.

[x23project]

well i don't believe in vampires, but, perhaps when people say that the sparkly vampires arn't real they might be refering to the blood sucking demons that are talked about for hundreds of years and not just the "vampire" that began as stories.

[DarkeRaven09]

...actually your arguement makes no sense since you're trying to inject way too much sense into this arguements over vampirism as non-real fictions. Anyway with all due respect you are not the "Reality Police", so bleah to the real arguement.

Fine though, if you insist then...

Stephanie Meyers vampires do not portray a traditional or classic interpretation of the vampire mythos and thus are not REALISTIC.

That and they're not cool like Joss Whedon's vampires who do not sparkle in sunlight

[PretentiousNitwit]

All right then.

[MythicalPrincess]

I'm a Twilight fan, yes but not obssive(sp?) compulsive(sp?) and I like this video half my friends are fans half arn't so when some start talking about it others are saying real vampires don't sparkle...vampires don't exisit anyway...in myths yes but there are numorus myths about shimmering vampires human blood-drinkers animal-drinkers...I completely agree with this video. Real Vampires don't exist.

[Darkri97]

thank you,vamps are not real if they were Alucard from ''Hellsing'' could kick Cullens ass..thats just me tho

[cannotfindaspare]

Hopefully, Meyer won't ever write a story about Ninjas.

[SatanWearingGlasses]

When I saw the asswipe kind of a movie, when Edward unbuttoned his shirt and sparkled I pissed my pants, my friend told me we should make bags out of him.

I can't believe people like vampires anymore.

Jesus Christ. If you have nothing to do just watch South Park like a normal human being.

Don't start trends like sparly vampires.

[Mawiely]

lol that sucks....I had thought about this before....but never expressed it :( now I can't because you did it first :P

[TSgirl95lol]

i love the end-if u were affended by anything in this video-odds are your crazy

[youknowhoohoo]

I believe thay aree.. My bro says that they are the Demons from hell going to take over the world by spreding the word about twilightt.. but i believe that they are reall.. Stephines (Sp??) way just makes better since

[Alliegator8u]

You're a cutie, honestly. And I'm enjoying all of your anti-twifan vids. I adore the fact that you say what you mean, and you're intelligent about it. (: Thanks for that.

(PS, your emoties? adorable.)

[PretentiousNitwit]

:3

Thank you very much! I'm glad you like my videos.

[gandrewlee2]

I absolutely loved this and was laughing like crazy when I saw your smileys at the bottom of the screen near the end haha. You had some good points in this video, and I will willingly admit that I'm one of those people that says "Twilight vampires aren't real." I was laughing because that's so me you were making fun of. Good one on ya, we need more people in this world that has a sense of humor.

[fmaneko217]

A better word for what meyerpires aren't to actual lore is 'canonical', as in it's not generally accepted as lore, not that vampires aren't real so it doesn't matter anyway. They shouldn't sparkle or have babies, they're the living dead...

[therandomness100]

you are kind of an idiot why the hell do you think that all people who read stephanie meyers books believe in vamlires? and what were you talking about when you said that the twilight books were horrible? i dont know what rock youre hiding under but twilight is a really popular book. do yourself a favor and read it sometime.

[PretentiousNitwit]

I have read the book, and it didn't do me any favors. Popular doesn't mean good. I do not think that ALL people who like the book think vampires are real. Some people do though, and those are the people I am poking fun at. I do not like the Twilight books, and that is my opinion. Your opinion is that they are good, and I disagree with you. Please learn to deal with that, because there are a lot of people in the that will disagree with you on things more important than Twilight.

[LibertineDeSade]

Reading Twilight does no favor for anyone. Just because something is popular doesn't mean it's a good work of art. Why don't you do yourself a favor and read some Mary Shelley, Sheridan le Fanu, Percy Shelley, Lord Byron, Anne Rice. There you'll find some good genuine Gothic literature. Stephanie Meyer comes no where near those greats and she only will in her wildest dreams. Catch a clue and don't be so ignorant. If you like Twilight fine but quit acting like it's the end all. It's not!

[Tprinces]

i think what saying "real vampire" just means a vampire based in pre-established mythology. like... a "real dragon" or something. in the sense, the word "real" is incredibly flexible. and considering that, since Meyer herself is so damn flexible with the genre, i think it's only fair for us to be flexible with our arguments against it: aka - real vampires.

that aside, this is fucking funny XD

[Gr33nkiwi]

I think there is just too much originality to Meyer's creatures, the only thing they have in common with vampires is that they drink blood. Meyer should have just called them something else.

[AbbyGabb101]

Vampires are not real, but I believe there is a skin disorder which may explain the myth. The nerd that I am, I read it in my Anatomy & Physiology book in a fit of boredom. I don't believe vampires exist, but I do enjoy taking a small trip into fantasy land once in awhile. It keeps me entertained :D However, meyerpires shame my fantasy vamps! Boo!

[therealclairec]

lololololololololol

so true.......

=D

[metaleya3]

personaly. I love every video you have done. And this one. I have also heard that we should give Stephanie Meyer the credit for making "Vegitarian" vampires. Dude. She wasn't the first to write about vampires that way. I think you should make that clear too. Because honestly. I don't think she should get all this credit when its like anyother love story. "Romeo and Juliet" or "West Side Story" or "Pride and Prejudice". and the "veggy" thing is annoying. :)

[PretentiousNitwit]

Why thank you! :D

And yeah, that is very true. She wasn't the first to come up with 'veggie vampires'... the 'Little Vampire' book had vampires that only drank the blood of cows. That's a very good point... of course, I'm not going to change the video now. (Lol, too lazy.) But hopefully people have the sense to read these comments. :)

[sexybookreviewer]

Actually there were "vegitarian" vampires already in book from early 2001, but the writer didn't call them that.

[mekiu]

just because you've never seen me doesn't mean i dont exist?

---------yes i'm crazy----------,but still

mekiu exist!

[PuffyAmiYumi]

I think when people say "OMG VAMPIRES DON'T SPARKLE!" is just purely because, in the myths and legends, they don't lol, they burn.

I'm also afronted by the fact that there are no fangs!

[hangfirers]

What? No fangs? Nobody ca be dumb enough to attempt to write about vampires without fangs... please tell me this is a joke.

[PuffyAmiYumi]

Unfortunately there are not, they just have normal teeth like ours. How stupid is that?!

[lilyofthedark]

I really like this^^

I personally am disgusted by Twilight fans. I have never picked up one of those books, and I never will. As soon as I heard that her vampires "sparkled" I was put off. Vampires aren't real, and frankly I wouldn't want them to be, but you do come to expect something when you hear the term. I always do picture Lestat, Louis and Claudia, as that's what I would expect(save maybe a bit paler, as there is no circulation).

I do really love your commentary though^^

[satanicwatermelon]

The vampire mythos is pre-established in literature. If you're writing a book about a mermaid, and you call it a siren, you *will* be laughed at.

The whole point of literature in the first place is to convey meaning. If you don't know the meanings of the words you use, than you are a fail!author. 'Vampire' isn't the only word Stephenie Meyer misused: vegetarian, verbose, chagrin, et cetera.

So in short, the *word* vampire exists, words have meanings, hence 'writing to convey meaning'. ^_^

[PretentiousNitwit]

Oh I agree, her vampires are ridiculous and quite worthy of being mocked... but they do still suck blood, so they are technically still vampires. If they didn't suck blood at all, then the 'not real vampires' argument is stronger.

But, since there are SO MANY other things wrong with Twilight (Anti feminism, bad writing, etc.) the vampire argument is at the bottom of the list, in my opinion anyways, and I see a lot of people bringing it up like it's the biggest problem.

[satanicwatermelon]

I usually use the 'vampire' aspects of the story to back up my 'the author didn't do her research' defense, along with historical inaccuracies (Rosalie's father being rich during the Great Depression because her father was a banker, however the banks failed), scientific inaccuracies (mythological species do not have to be explained scientifically, however when an author tries to justify her creations with science and it doesn't hold up, why bother?), and thesaurus abuse (chagrin!).

[satanicwatermelon]

Likely the reason it's brought up is because the utter ridiculousness of their abilities (the creations lack weaknesses required for realism, which is essential, even in fiction), poor explanations (the sparkling for instance was never adequately explained, and many of their 'super human' abilities seemed superfluous).

[satanicwatermelon]

All in all I usually use her interpretation of the vampire as one of several examples of her lack of research. The vampire mythos in particular is highly versatile and changes aren't abnormal from author to author, however it's the 'perfection' of these vampires that drive most vampire fans up the wall, the sparkling is simply the most obvious excuse to dislike them (again, not being adequately explained).

Beautiful, virtual indestructible, 'lovers of mankind' all go along with Mary Sueism.

[satanicwatermelon]

So, in my defense the 'meyerpires' as I've been known to refer to them as represent far more than just the 'reinvention' of the vampire.

[PretentiousNitwit]

I just got a little tired of 'OMG THOSE AREN'T REAL VAMPIRES. LESTAT COULD KICK EDWARDS ASS!!/1/1!!' comments that I see floating around deviantart/youtube.

But that's a good way to use it, as part of the "She didn't research anything" aspect, since SMeyer addmitted that she doesn't do things like 'research'. (Or 'edit', or 'take constructive critisism')

[TylerGB5739]

Another great video by PrententiousNitwit!

[ratluva16]

How do you do that sparkly thing to his face? lol :p

[Isaia]

That is hilarious. I loved the little DAmoticons bouncing along at the bottom of the screen. "Omg lez go c twilight" "lol k"

Sad part is that there are parts of the interbuts that have "Vampire" support groups and such on DA. And true, Vampires don't sparkle because they don't exist.

[PretentiousNitwit]

Lol, thank you.

And yeah, I've seen those. It makes me face palm a little bit.

[Isaia]

A lot of people wonder why Meyer didn't just make up a new mythological creature instead. She is genioussss for maeking dis new type of PG-13 safe hawt vampire omg lol rite? LOLNO

[PretentiousNitwit]

Oh yeah, she's s00per smrt. She should win the award for everything.

I agree though, she should have just made up something completely new, because her Vampires ARE complete bull... (And then maybe her crap wouldn't have caught on so fast! :D) but there are so many other things wrong with this stupid book that arguing about the realness of her vampires is moot.

[HellDevil75]

Actually I saw a vampire down at Burger King. I ordered some extra large fries, some chicken, and an medium-size chocolate milksake.

He was very polite until he ripped my nanny's head off with his uber-vampire powers. BO BAM!

Anyhow, yeah. I know for a fact vampires don't sparkle. I dated one in collage twelve years ago.

[PretentiousNitwit]

Well, at least you have proof.

[VampTramp123]

lol! If they're were real they wouldn't look like a Meyerpire....>.>

everyone knows that real vampires are on the Internet...>.>

XD